Only Children
angelovfaith
Havnt come across anyone unschooling or homeschooling with only children yet...we are new this year, having last day of school be in June, so a family member expressed concern about companionship other than myself.
We've been attending local unschooling meetups since winter, plus joined/read every blog, or online group we could find, yet still have not seem to *found* anyone else. Maybe I'm not noticing or aware of it. My daughter's 7, and we are quite looking forward to embarking on this together, gladly shedding alot of peers who no longer shared the same interests as her. Our closest friends live an hour or more away, and even though she & i are involved in a number of activities, our area, is very "pro-school", so no one at the local dance studios, or scout troops even know anyone who homeschools. I believe the family member is concerned since she doesnt understand, and my daughter being the only child of an only child of an only child... i know its not that school is the answer to remedy her concern, but it just seems odd, she pointed out, that everyone in the books i read have large families.
while my gut tells me we are fine, & this is simply an oversight, i hope to seek out some experienced opinions, thank you kindly in advance.
LynneMarie
We've been attending local unschooling meetups since winter, plus joined/read every blog, or online group we could find, yet still have not seem to *found* anyone else. Maybe I'm not noticing or aware of it. My daughter's 7, and we are quite looking forward to embarking on this together, gladly shedding alot of peers who no longer shared the same interests as her. Our closest friends live an hour or more away, and even though she & i are involved in a number of activities, our area, is very "pro-school", so no one at the local dance studios, or scout troops even know anyone who homeschools. I believe the family member is concerned since she doesnt understand, and my daughter being the only child of an only child of an only child... i know its not that school is the answer to remedy her concern, but it just seems odd, she pointed out, that everyone in the books i read have large families.
while my gut tells me we are fine, & this is simply an oversight, i hope to seek out some experienced opinions, thank you kindly in advance.
LynneMarie
Joyce Fetteroll
On Aug 1, 2011, at 4:55 AM, angelovfaith wrote:
people who end up in life threatening situations and solve problems
with guns and swords.
I don't want to do either!
One of the great things about an only is it's way easier to meet their
needs! :-)
In an ideal imagined family, kids play with each other. In reality,
that might not be true. They may default to playing with each other
because that's who's available but their interests and personalities
don't necessarily match any better than two random kids thrown
together. And then it's not a matter of finding friends for one but
friends for two or three or more.
And what if one is a homebody and one a social butterfly?
When people picture what they don't have, they tend to idealize it.
What you'd end up with is comes with a whole new set of challenges and
won't necessarily solve the problem you hope it will.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> i know its not that school is the answer to remedy her concern, butI read about solving murders. I read about and watch adventurous
> it just seems odd, she pointed out, that everyone in the books i
> read have large families.
people who end up in life threatening situations and solve problems
with guns and swords.
I don't want to do either!
One of the great things about an only is it's way easier to meet their
needs! :-)
In an ideal imagined family, kids play with each other. In reality,
that might not be true. They may default to playing with each other
because that's who's available but their interests and personalities
don't necessarily match any better than two random kids thrown
together. And then it's not a matter of finding friends for one but
friends for two or three or more.
And what if one is a homebody and one a social butterfly?
When people picture what they don't have, they tend to idealize it.
What you'd end up with is comes with a whole new set of challenges and
won't necessarily solve the problem you hope it will.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Jenny Cyphers
***I believe the family member is concerned since she doesnt understand, and my daughter being the only child of an only child of an only child... i know its not that school is the answer to remedy her concern, but it just seems odd, she pointed out, that everyone in the books i read have large families. ***
My grandmother was an only child. She chose to have 3 children so that none of her kids would ever have to endure the loneliness of being an only child. She grew up in southern CA and went to school. Growing up in a hugely populated area and being in school did not solve her loneliness. She was, by her own account, very social and went to a lot of social activities, social dance competitions, beach parties, you name it, and it didn't change the fact that she went home and was again by herself. She had nice parents too, who cared and accommodated as much as possible. She spent a huge amount of time with lots of cousins.
The point is that kids who are only children are sometimes lonely, regardless of whether they go to school or not, or if they live in a large area with lots of social opportunities.
My kids are 7 yrs apart. My oldest felt alone for a long time. She eventually found friends and sometimes wishes she could be alone, but people like to hang out with her and are always around. None of that was about school. I think school would have changed her socially in a not very good way. I like the person she is. I like how she makes and keeps friends. She's very selective about who she has around her. I don't think she could have been selective in school. She would likely have befriended people that were simply there and available rather than people that were truly friends.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
My grandmother was an only child. She chose to have 3 children so that none of her kids would ever have to endure the loneliness of being an only child. She grew up in southern CA and went to school. Growing up in a hugely populated area and being in school did not solve her loneliness. She was, by her own account, very social and went to a lot of social activities, social dance competitions, beach parties, you name it, and it didn't change the fact that she went home and was again by herself. She had nice parents too, who cared and accommodated as much as possible. She spent a huge amount of time with lots of cousins.
The point is that kids who are only children are sometimes lonely, regardless of whether they go to school or not, or if they live in a large area with lots of social opportunities.
My kids are 7 yrs apart. My oldest felt alone for a long time. She eventually found friends and sometimes wishes she could be alone, but people like to hang out with her and are always around. None of that was about school. I think school would have changed her socially in a not very good way. I like the person she is. I like how she makes and keeps friends. She's very selective about who she has around her. I don't think she could have been selective in school. She would likely have befriended people that were simply there and available rather than people that were truly friends.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Ed Wendell
Our son is an only child and we've been unschooling since he was 8.5 years old - we pulled him out of school half way through third grade (USA)
He is 17 now. For the next week and a half he is spending time with Japanese exchange students. Each day they are going to do an activity - today they went bowling. He is choosing to do activities he would not normally do such as go to a professional baseball game just so he can be with a group of people he wants to be with.
Our son does not have any relatives close by to interact with. His closest cousins live 16 hours away. He sees them every few years. There are no other children in our neighborhood either.
He socializes with the people he has things in common with - adults do that too!
We have always kept our eyes open for oportunities that he might choose to be involved with. The list would be really long if I listed everything he has done out of the house with other people over the years. The neat thing is he does well with any age group - always has.
He is kind and considerate and definitely not reclusive - though he is also happy at home.
I'd say it is very doable to have only one child and unschool -
Lisa W.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
He is 17 now. For the next week and a half he is spending time with Japanese exchange students. Each day they are going to do an activity - today they went bowling. He is choosing to do activities he would not normally do such as go to a professional baseball game just so he can be with a group of people he wants to be with.
Our son does not have any relatives close by to interact with. His closest cousins live 16 hours away. He sees them every few years. There are no other children in our neighborhood either.
He socializes with the people he has things in common with - adults do that too!
We have always kept our eyes open for oportunities that he might choose to be involved with. The list would be really long if I listed everything he has done out of the house with other people over the years. The neat thing is he does well with any age group - always has.
He is kind and considerate and definitely not reclusive - though he is also happy at home.
I'd say it is very doable to have only one child and unschool -
Lisa W.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
plaidpanties666
"angelovfaith" <AngelOvFaith@...> wrote:
Large families make for more anecdotes and increase the likelihood of having enough material to write a book ;) But there are certainly plenty of single-child families home and unschooling. In some ways, having just one child can make unschooling easier since you've just one set of kid-needs to juggle.
I suspect what's behind the worry is a lot of misconceptions about "socialization". Kids don't necessarily need bunches of other kids around to feel good and learn social skills.
---Meredith
>****************
> I believe the family member is concerned since she doesnt understand, and my daughter being the only child of an only child of an only child... i know its not that school is the answer to remedy her concern, but it just seems odd, she pointed out, that everyone in the books i read have large families.
Large families make for more anecdotes and increase the likelihood of having enough material to write a book ;) But there are certainly plenty of single-child families home and unschooling. In some ways, having just one child can make unschooling easier since you've just one set of kid-needs to juggle.
I suspect what's behind the worry is a lot of misconceptions about "socialization". Kids don't necessarily need bunches of other kids around to feel good and learn social skills.
---Meredith
Lisa
My son is 8 and an only child. We are unschooling - since he was kicked out of preschool :). We have friends over a lot. I would like to go do a lot of stuff and we used to, but now that he is into minecraft we rarely go anywhere. He just wants to stay home and play.
Lisa
Lisa
BrendaMarie
Just remember... Kids are constantly growing and changing. My daughter used to not want to do anything but play virtual world games. Now she doesn't want to do anything but science experiments LOL He'll want to go places and do things again, just give it some time.
Brenda Marie
TheChristianUnschool.com
Brenda Marie
TheChristianUnschool.com
--- In [email protected], "Lisa" <lisa@...> wrote:
>
> My son is 8 and an only child. We are unschooling - since he was kicked out of preschool :). We have friends over a lot. I would like to go do a lot of stuff and we used to, but now that he is into minecraft we rarely go anywhere. He just wants to stay home and play.
>
> Lisa
>
defitmom
I have been a member for a few months but this is my first time posting. I would like to say Hello and I too have an only (4 yr old daughter). This past May our family attended the Unschoolers Waterpark Gathering and attended an Unschooling an Only Child discussion. There were about 8 of us and I also met another family at the Conference with an only. It was great to meet like minded parents who are facing the same worries. During the discussion it was suggested to begin a yahoo group Unschoolingonlies. Feel free to join!
As far as your daughter noticing large families in books, my daughter had noticed she was the only child that did not have a sibling of most of my husband and my friends. I have recently made a huge effort to set up meet ups with other only children so my daughter could see, although rare, she is not the only one without a sibling.
I wish you well in your quest to finding local homeschooling/unschooling only children families, we are still looking.
Zakiya
As far as your daughter noticing large families in books, my daughter had noticed she was the only child that did not have a sibling of most of my husband and my friends. I have recently made a huge effort to set up meet ups with other only children so my daughter could see, although rare, she is not the only one without a sibling.
I wish you well in your quest to finding local homeschooling/unschooling only children families, we are still looking.
Zakiya
--- In [email protected], "angelovfaith" <AngelOvFaith@...> wrote:
>
> Havnt come across anyone unschooling or homeschooling with only children yet...we are new this year, having last day of school be in June, so a family member expressed concern about companionship other than myself.
> We've been attending local unschooling meetups since winter, plus joined/read every blog, or online group we could find, yet still have not seem to *found* anyone else. Maybe I'm not noticing or aware of it. My daughter's 7, and we are quite looking forward to embarking on this together, gladly shedding alot of peers who no longer shared the same interests as her. Our closest friends live an hour or more away, and even though she & i are involved in a number of activities, our area, is very "pro-school", so no one at the local dance studios, or scout troops even know anyone who homeschools. I believe the family member is concerned since she doesnt understand, and my daughter being the only child of an only child of an only child... i know its not that school is the answer to remedy her concern, but it just seems odd, she pointed out, that everyone in the books i read have large families.
>
> while my gut tells me we are fine, & this is simply an oversight, i hope to seek out some experienced opinions, thank you kindly in advance.
> LynneMarie
>