Too much commitment for a 7-year-old? Please help!
Lisa
Hello!
I am new to the group but not new to unschooling. I would love any input on this topic to help me make the right decision.
My daughter is 7, has never been in school, and enjoys solitude and needs a lot of it to stay happy and balanced. She is, however, very interested in joining a local choir.
The choir is a pretty serious group that meets once per week throughout the school year. In addition, the group has several performances (maybe 7 or more) starting in December (three in December). There are additional rehearsals for some of the concerts as well. The concerts are on weekends and Friday nights, taking up our usual "family time".
She is very musically gifted, and both my husband and I are musical and understand the importance of having an outlet for this. While I think she will love to be in a choir, I am concerned that the commitment is too much for a child at such a young age.
How much is too much? Should I trust her desire and sign her up for the choir?
Lisa
I am new to the group but not new to unschooling. I would love any input on this topic to help me make the right decision.
My daughter is 7, has never been in school, and enjoys solitude and needs a lot of it to stay happy and balanced. She is, however, very interested in joining a local choir.
The choir is a pretty serious group that meets once per week throughout the school year. In addition, the group has several performances (maybe 7 or more) starting in December (three in December). There are additional rehearsals for some of the concerts as well. The concerts are on weekends and Friday nights, taking up our usual "family time".
She is very musically gifted, and both my husband and I are musical and understand the importance of having an outlet for this. While I think she will love to be in a choir, I am concerned that the commitment is too much for a child at such a young age.
How much is too much? Should I trust her desire and sign her up for the choir?
Lisa
jax_dunn
**How much is too much? Should I trust her desire and sign her up for the choir?**
I would! Especially since she usually enjoys solitude, I would trust that she wants this. Just play it week by week & make it clear to her that she can come to you if its getting too much.
Trust that you'll both know how to navigate it :)
Jax
I would! Especially since she usually enjoys solitude, I would trust that she wants this. Just play it week by week & make it clear to her that she can come to you if its getting too much.
Trust that you'll both know how to navigate it :)
Jax
Regan
On 01/08/2011, at 1:21 PM, Lisa wrote:
If, after getting to experience what being in that choir involves, she's no longer keen on participating, help her to leave gracefully. Maybe she could rejoin in a year or two, or maybe something else will pique her interest.
At the moment, she's keen on participating in this choir - how can you support her in that? I'm guessing that you've let her know as much as you can what is likely involved in being in that choir. She's excited about the idea, so help to make it a positive experience for her.
When my dd was 8, she was presented with the opportunity to do an exam (musical instrument). An exam wasn't the kind of experience I would have sought out for dd - but it appealed to dd, so she went ahead and thought it was fun/interesting, and continued to do several more. If I had imposed a less challenging, no exams lifestyle on her, her life would not have been enhanced. She did the exams without any pressure on her from me and she got the experiences that she was choosing at the time, with my support. She learned a lot from it all. I didn't need to worry about whether it was "too much" - she was letting me know as we went along what she wanted.
Debbie.
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>How much is too much depends on the particular child, but if she enjoys it, she may well look forward to each rehearsal/performance. A few times a week may delight her.
>
> I am new to the group but not new to unschooling. I would love any input on this topic to help me make the right decision.
>
> My daughter is 7, has never been in school, and enjoys solitude and needs a lot of it to stay happy and balanced. She is, however, very interested in joining a local choir.
>
> The choir is a pretty serious group that meets once per week throughout the school year. In addition, the group has several performances (maybe 7 or more) starting in December (three in December). There are additional rehearsals for some of the concerts as well. The concerts are on weekends and Friday nights, taking up our usual "family time".
>
> She is very musically gifted, and both my husband and I are musical and understand the importance of having an outlet for this. While I think she will love to be in a choir, I am concerned that the commitment is too much for a child at such a young age.
>
> How much is too much? Should I trust her desire and sign her up for the choir?
If, after getting to experience what being in that choir involves, she's no longer keen on participating, help her to leave gracefully. Maybe she could rejoin in a year or two, or maybe something else will pique her interest.
At the moment, she's keen on participating in this choir - how can you support her in that? I'm guessing that you've let her know as much as you can what is likely involved in being in that choir. She's excited about the idea, so help to make it a positive experience for her.
When my dd was 8, she was presented with the opportunity to do an exam (musical instrument). An exam wasn't the kind of experience I would have sought out for dd - but it appealed to dd, so she went ahead and thought it was fun/interesting, and continued to do several more. If I had imposed a less challenging, no exams lifestyle on her, her life would not have been enhanced. She did the exams without any pressure on her from me and she got the experiences that she was choosing at the time, with my support. She learned a lot from it all. I didn't need to worry about whether it was "too much" - she was letting me know as we went along what she wanted.
Debbie.
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[email protected]
as the last poster said, "she was letting me know as we went along what she
wanted.", that's exactly how i see it, my daughter is 7, loves singing in
the choir every year. I look forward to it again, so does she. Each year
she gets braver to do more.
L. in PA
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wanted.", that's exactly how i see it, my daughter is 7, loves singing in
the choir every year. I look forward to it again, so does she. Each year
she gets braver to do more.
L. in PA
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Beverly
--- In [email protected], "Lisa" <lisa_landen@...> wrote:
>My daughter has been a competitive gymnast for two seasons now...she is 8 1/2. We talkied it over a great deal before she started on the team the first year...about how much work there would be 11 hours or more a week...3 hour practices at a time usually...and the travel, staying in hotels...VERY EARLY mornings and all...she loved it! There were a few times when she balked at going to practice, however that was usually when there was a chance to play with a friend longer, or some other activity. I reminded her that she had chosen the team, and she couldn't be willy-nilly about workouts. Once the state finals were over each year we "played hookey" from a few practices and decided whether she wanted to keep doing this or try something else. I think if you explain that if she is joining a group she needs to commit for the time of one season, or session, out of fairness to the group. I would let her her try it.
> Hello!
>
>
>
> My daughter is 7, has never been in school, and enjoys solitude and needs a lot of it to stay happy and balanced. She is, however, very interested in joining a local choir.
>> How much is too much? Should I trust her desire and sign her up for the choir?
>
> Lisa
>
Lisa
Thank you to all of you for your responses! They are just what I needed to hear.
I hadn't thought about the fact that we can quit if it ends up being a poor fit.
We will go for it and my hope is that she will be delighted.
I've been reminded of the importance of trusting my child!
Thanks, Lisa
I hadn't thought about the fact that we can quit if it ends up being a poor fit.
We will go for it and my hope is that she will be delighted.
I've been reminded of the importance of trusting my child!
Thanks, Lisa
Gwen Montoya
My daughter attends aekwondo classes 3x a week (so three hours total every
week and the week before she tests she takes extra classes). She's been
taking taekwondo for almost three years and will test for her black belt in
November.
Megan also needs lots of down time and there are months where she's
reluctant to go anywhere - except taekwondo & the cat shelter where we
volunteer. So that is actually four hours of commitment every week. If she
attended a school of some kind then school + four hours would be rough.
There are also some months when Megan does want to go to many activities
(park days, cool things I find to do locally) and fitting in our four hours
is more of a puzzle, but we make it work.
December is still several months away, so if she started the choir now and
it wasn't something she wanted to continue - would she be able to drop out
without affecting the rest of the choir?
Gwen
week and the week before she tests she takes extra classes). She's been
taking taekwondo for almost three years and will test for her black belt in
November.
Megan also needs lots of down time and there are months where she's
reluctant to go anywhere - except taekwondo & the cat shelter where we
volunteer. So that is actually four hours of commitment every week. If she
attended a school of some kind then school + four hours would be rough.
There are also some months when Megan does want to go to many activities
(park days, cool things I find to do locally) and fitting in our four hours
is more of a puzzle, but we make it work.
December is still several months away, so if she started the choir now and
it wasn't something she wanted to continue - would she be able to drop out
without affecting the rest of the choir?
Gwen
On Sun, Jul 31, 2011 at 8:21 PM, Lisa <lisa_landen@...> wrote:
> **
>
>
> Hello!
>
> I am new to the group but not new to unschooling. I would love any input on
> this topic to help me make the right decision.
>
> My daughter is 7, has never been in school, and enjoys solitude and needs a
> lot of it to stay happy and balanced. She is, however, very interested in
> joining a local choir.
>
> The choir is a pretty serious group that meets once per week throughout the
> school year. In addition, the group has several performances (maybe 7 or
> more) starting in December (three in December). There are additional
> rehearsals for some of the concerts as well. The concerts are on weekends
> and Friday nights, taking up our usual "family time".
>
> She is very musically gifted, and both my husband and I are musical and
> understand the importance of having an outlet for this. While I think she
> will love to be in a choir, I am concerned that the commitment is too much
> for a child at such a young age.
>
> How much is too much? Should I trust her desire and sign her up for the
> choir?
>
> Lisa
>
>
>
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Sandra Dodd
-=- The concerts are on weekends and Friday nights, taking up our usual "family time".-=-
Because she's not in school, then ALL your time can be family time. All your time SHOULD be family time.
-=-While I think she will love to be in a choir, I am concerned that the commitment is too much for a child at such a young age. -=-
Yes, the commitment is too much for her to understand or for her to be fully responsible for. But here's the deal: If she can decide each week whether to go, based on whether it seems more fun, whether it's alluring, whether she WANTS to go, then the next move is the choir director's. If the choir is kind of boring, or the music selections aren't things worth her getting up and out for, then she shouldn't go. It would be a bad idea for her to continue if she comes to dread it.
And you won't know that until she goes.
If you tell the director that she's young and you want her to try it but you aren't positive she'll make the whole year, but you'll help encourage her to do it, that seems to be an honest move on your part.
-=-How much is too much? -=-
You don't know what "too much" is until the moment comes that it's too much. It will differ person to person, season to season, and concert lineup to concert lineup. Too much Benjamin Britten comes very quickly for me. Too much Morley or Byrd... I don't know. It's never happened.
Should I trust her desire and sign her up for the choir?-=-
That's a really interesting question and I like it. I think you should sign her up for the choir because she has expressed an interest.
Should you "trust her desire"? What does that mean? You asked a cool question, but I wonder what you think that really means for the parent of a seven-year-old child.
If I say I want to eat a full meal including starters and dessert but I get full part way through, should someone have trusted my desire?
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Because she's not in school, then ALL your time can be family time. All your time SHOULD be family time.
-=-While I think she will love to be in a choir, I am concerned that the commitment is too much for a child at such a young age. -=-
Yes, the commitment is too much for her to understand or for her to be fully responsible for. But here's the deal: If she can decide each week whether to go, based on whether it seems more fun, whether it's alluring, whether she WANTS to go, then the next move is the choir director's. If the choir is kind of boring, or the music selections aren't things worth her getting up and out for, then she shouldn't go. It would be a bad idea for her to continue if she comes to dread it.
And you won't know that until she goes.
If you tell the director that she's young and you want her to try it but you aren't positive she'll make the whole year, but you'll help encourage her to do it, that seems to be an honest move on your part.
-=-How much is too much? -=-
You don't know what "too much" is until the moment comes that it's too much. It will differ person to person, season to season, and concert lineup to concert lineup. Too much Benjamin Britten comes very quickly for me. Too much Morley or Byrd... I don't know. It's never happened.
Should I trust her desire and sign her up for the choir?-=-
That's a really interesting question and I like it. I think you should sign her up for the choir because she has expressed an interest.
Should you "trust her desire"? What does that mean? You asked a cool question, but I wonder what you think that really means for the parent of a seven-year-old child.
If I say I want to eat a full meal including starters and dessert but I get full part way through, should someone have trusted my desire?
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-I think if you explain that if she is joining a group she needs to commit for the time of one season, or session, out of fairness to the group. I would let her her try it.-=-
For a teenager, I would definitely do that, but for a seven year old, I would not press her to sacrifice her feelings of safety and happiness, or her health, for "fairness" to a group. The presence of someone who doesn't want to be there at all could be more detrimental than the absence of that person, even apart from the parent's primary duty being to the child, not to the group.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
For a teenager, I would definitely do that, but for a seven year old, I would not press her to sacrifice her feelings of safety and happiness, or her health, for "fairness" to a group. The presence of someone who doesn't want to be there at all could be more detrimental than the absence of that person, even apart from the parent's primary duty being to the child, not to the group.
Sandra
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plaidpanties666
"Lisa" <lisa_landen@...> wrote:
If it's a "serious group" I'd take that to mean they expect a certain amount of commitment from established members. Do they have a trial period or would they give her one? That might help her decide if its something she really wants to commit to. If not a formal trial period, maybe she can go as a kind of observer for a few weeks and get a feel for things.
---Meredith
> My daughter is 7, has never been in school, and enjoys solitude and needs a lot of it to stay happy and balanced. She is, however, very interested in joining a local choir.**************
If it's a "serious group" I'd take that to mean they expect a certain amount of commitment from established members. Do they have a trial period or would they give her one? That might help her decide if its something she really wants to commit to. If not a formal trial period, maybe she can go as a kind of observer for a few weeks and get a feel for things.
---Meredith