handling his sensitivity
m_aduhene
hello,
i have a young man who is 7. he is my second child and the only boy with a 5 year and a 10 year old sister. he has always been sensitive...
baby excema, allergies to dairy when a baby, and now just eggs. mild hayfever. loud outbursts and protests. he is also very like me in that he is very intuitive and takes a while to trust people. he is kind and caring on most occasions. what i am finding tricky to handle and have done for a while is that he is not so kind and caring when my dd 10 has a friend or friends over or if i on the rare occasion have a friend over. (my son has one friend who he asks to play with whenever possible and this friend is welcome to come over. he goes to school but we fit him in as often as he is not at school. i have asked my son if he would like other friends over but he has usually said no). my dd however is outgoing and likes her friends over a lot and has a lot of friends. if they come over however my son annoys them and calls them names and basically does all he can to get in their space. i offer to do things with him and he will do them but if i have to see to something else eg. another child or an incident then he is off annoying my dd and her friend/s. if it's my friend who is over (and this is very rare for this reason) he demands my time by shouting out what he wants me to do, calling me names etc.
i understand he could be feeling jealous, insecure, annoyed and lots of negative emotions but how can i help him to manage these feelings better? i am afraid if i am honest i have not been doing very well at this and have been getting annoyed back at him for being the way he is when friends are over.
i have avoided having my friends over much in the past because of this but i cannot do this forever....can i? and is it fair for dd to not have her friends over.
when do i sit with him and have the discussion(s) that his behaviour is not great on these occasion? and what coping strategies can i give him for when these situations arise. i know we have to look to the needs of the child but when his needs are meaning the needs of the other child are being compromised how do you sort that out?
thankyou
blessings
michelle
i have a young man who is 7. he is my second child and the only boy with a 5 year and a 10 year old sister. he has always been sensitive...
baby excema, allergies to dairy when a baby, and now just eggs. mild hayfever. loud outbursts and protests. he is also very like me in that he is very intuitive and takes a while to trust people. he is kind and caring on most occasions. what i am finding tricky to handle and have done for a while is that he is not so kind and caring when my dd 10 has a friend or friends over or if i on the rare occasion have a friend over. (my son has one friend who he asks to play with whenever possible and this friend is welcome to come over. he goes to school but we fit him in as often as he is not at school. i have asked my son if he would like other friends over but he has usually said no). my dd however is outgoing and likes her friends over a lot and has a lot of friends. if they come over however my son annoys them and calls them names and basically does all he can to get in their space. i offer to do things with him and he will do them but if i have to see to something else eg. another child or an incident then he is off annoying my dd and her friend/s. if it's my friend who is over (and this is very rare for this reason) he demands my time by shouting out what he wants me to do, calling me names etc.
i understand he could be feeling jealous, insecure, annoyed and lots of negative emotions but how can i help him to manage these feelings better? i am afraid if i am honest i have not been doing very well at this and have been getting annoyed back at him for being the way he is when friends are over.
i have avoided having my friends over much in the past because of this but i cannot do this forever....can i? and is it fair for dd to not have her friends over.
when do i sit with him and have the discussion(s) that his behaviour is not great on these occasion? and what coping strategies can i give him for when these situations arise. i know we have to look to the needs of the child but when his needs are meaning the needs of the other child are being compromised how do you sort that out?
thankyou
blessings
michelle
Sandra Dodd
-=-i have avoided having my friends over much in the past because of this but i cannot do this forever....can i? -=-
Will he be seven years old forever?
-=- and is it fair for dd to not have her friends over.-=-
No, but it's not fair for you to leave him loose to bother them.
-=-when do i sit with him and have the discussion(s) that his behaviour is not great on these occasion? -=-
When he's ten.
If he were a year old, you would hold him. He's seven. Keep him busy elsewhere.
-=- i know we have to look to the needs of the child but when his needs are meaning the needs of the other child are being compromised how do you sort that out?-=-
By principles. By knowing how you want your home to be. Full of learning? Peaceful? Safe? Welcoming?
If you need to hire a mother's helper to keep your son away from your daughter while she has guests, maybe do that. Maybe you can do it yourself, but if you can't, find a way for him not even to be at the house, maybe, or to be very involved with another person.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Will he be seven years old forever?
-=- and is it fair for dd to not have her friends over.-=-
No, but it's not fair for you to leave him loose to bother them.
-=-when do i sit with him and have the discussion(s) that his behaviour is not great on these occasion? -=-
When he's ten.
If he were a year old, you would hold him. He's seven. Keep him busy elsewhere.
-=- i know we have to look to the needs of the child but when his needs are meaning the needs of the other child are being compromised how do you sort that out?-=-
By principles. By knowing how you want your home to be. Full of learning? Peaceful? Safe? Welcoming?
If you need to hire a mother's helper to keep your son away from your daughter while she has guests, maybe do that. Maybe you can do it yourself, but if you can't, find a way for him not even to be at the house, maybe, or to be very involved with another person.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
plaidpanties666
"m_aduhene" <m_aduhene@...> wrote:
You forgot "lonely" and "left out" - those are probably the most important and you don't "help him manage them" so much as look for ways to keep him from feeling left by the wayside. Invite a friend for him to play with at the same day, or set up a date for him to play elsewhere. Arrange playdates that are outtings where everyone can have a good time together. Arrange projects or activities for friends that let him participate, too. Rent a new movie or game to coincide with his sisters' play dates so he has something fun and new to keep him occupied.
---Meredith
>> i understand he could be feeling jealous, insecure, annoyed and lots of negative emotions but how can i help him to manage these feelings better?****************
You forgot "lonely" and "left out" - those are probably the most important and you don't "help him manage them" so much as look for ways to keep him from feeling left by the wayside. Invite a friend for him to play with at the same day, or set up a date for him to play elsewhere. Arrange playdates that are outtings where everyone can have a good time together. Arrange projects or activities for friends that let him participate, too. Rent a new movie or game to coincide with his sisters' play dates so he has something fun and new to keep him occupied.
---Meredith
Sandra Dodd
-=-Invite a friend for him to play with at the same day, or set up a date for him to play elsewhere. Arrange playdates that are outtings where everyone can have a good time together.-=-
Oooh! Or go somewhere he likes (miniature golf or a theme park or museum or something) and take the sibling and sibling-friend, who can pay attention to each other while you pay more attention to him!
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Oooh! Or go somewhere he likes (miniature golf or a theme park or museum or something) and take the sibling and sibling-friend, who can pay attention to each other while you pay more attention to him!
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]