How do you know if you aren't the right person to homeschool?
shirarocklin
The background: Temima is 5 years old now. At 4 she was school-age for optional junior kindergarten. Compulsory school age is grade 1 here, I think. I've had two years on this list, reading and writing, learning and practicing. I think its been great, I've learned so much, and this list has definitely helped to guide us from attachment parenting to something more (unschooling as a form of parenting).
This past 'school-year,' I began what I thought of as our experiemental unschooling year (unschooling as something more than just parenting practices, although its hard to really tell any difference in reality). We had a nice year, laid back, lots of outings to friends, homeschool group, library. We got a TV set up a few months back, with some shows the two kids like (younger is 2.5 years old). I was thinking up and bringing out projects to explore, artsy, baking, experiments, games, etc... strewing. Not as much as I thought I should, but enough that I felt I was doing well. At the end of May, as it warmed up and we moved more in the park/playground/swimming groove, I said to myself - "This year was a success, I consider the 'school' year over now, so lets all relax more." What I meant was not that we should stop learning... but that I decided that I wouldn't put as much effort into planning activites, arts, experiments, etc at home. We still go to most of our weekly outings (library, park, homeschool group, etc). Biking, swimming, errands, etc. I'm just not looking for art projects and volcanos to build and such so actively.
Its been two months of that. Some things have changed which may be spurring me to doubt my suitability for homeschooling. Sibling rivalry has taken on a new flavor - with our 2.5 year old son actively engaging in it now. I was expecting that, I suppose, but its still a difficult transition. Instead of my usual level of attention to their interactions, which I've become used to, I have to either pay much closer attention, or mediate difficult situations that I didn't catch developing. Along with that, they have been spending more time watching TV, which doesn't bother me, except that it makes me think that I haven't been strewing their home lives with more options and they are just watching because they have nothing else to do. They don't generally play unless I get down and initiate it with some toys - I'm not sure why. Sometimes they do play spontaneously, alone or together - which is beautiful to watch and participate in. But, aside from all the days we go out for fun, the majority of their time at home is watching TV.
I've started wondering if I would prefer to have kids in school (5 yo this or next year, other kids around that age too), the benefit being that the school fills their lives with lots to do each day. Yes, I know I don't agree with all they would do, or think is valuable to individual students, etc... but it would still be the benefit to me of not having to think up new and exciting activities to do every day (which sometimes is easy, but sometimes isn't). I've started psyching myself out about all the years ahead of us. Will they change? Will they play more? Explore art materials without direct participate by me? Sit and look at pictures in books, or read when they are ready, without me turning the pages? I guess obviously they will, when they are ready. Feels like they won't though. And when I worry about those things, and then think about career ideas that I dream about, school sounds appealing!
Along with those things, our 5 year old daughter has also become somewhat more difficult to be around - maybe its a stage of development. She seems to disagree, or not listen to us when something is very important, about her safety or her brothers. Sometimes there isn't time to hear her out in certain situations - and she has some speech difficulties which slow her down. Its fustrating for her and us. She gets into our personal space, or acts very rudely, like saying "Get away from here" with a very rude tone and facial expression to her father. That makes him want to stay where he is and demand polite behaviour, to which she flies into a rage, hitting him, throwing/messing things, and eventually running to her room and crying under her blanket angrily. I've worked with her on ways to calm herself (Sandra's breathing techniques, plus lots of other ideas) when all is calm, but she won't use them when she is upset. When its her brother that causes her to become violent/engraged, I've found it easiest to just pick her up and plop her on her bed, and go and visit to her and go through her feelings with her without talking about what she did wrong to her brother. She calms down faster if she can get through the rage, into her crying under blanket stage, faster. But I haven't been able to figure out the source of this: I've explored hunger, fatigue, boredom, etc. The only thing I think it could be is just that her brother has changed and is 'fighting back' when she tries to control him or their play, and she hasn't adapted to that yet. These issues could also be what is spurring me to think about school - almost like school would be a breath of fresh air.
How do parents know if they are not the right type to homeschool after all?
I usually try to keep my posts short and concise, but this turned into an essay. Thanks for reading, and any comments.
Shira
This past 'school-year,' I began what I thought of as our experiemental unschooling year (unschooling as something more than just parenting practices, although its hard to really tell any difference in reality). We had a nice year, laid back, lots of outings to friends, homeschool group, library. We got a TV set up a few months back, with some shows the two kids like (younger is 2.5 years old). I was thinking up and bringing out projects to explore, artsy, baking, experiments, games, etc... strewing. Not as much as I thought I should, but enough that I felt I was doing well. At the end of May, as it warmed up and we moved more in the park/playground/swimming groove, I said to myself - "This year was a success, I consider the 'school' year over now, so lets all relax more." What I meant was not that we should stop learning... but that I decided that I wouldn't put as much effort into planning activites, arts, experiments, etc at home. We still go to most of our weekly outings (library, park, homeschool group, etc). Biking, swimming, errands, etc. I'm just not looking for art projects and volcanos to build and such so actively.
Its been two months of that. Some things have changed which may be spurring me to doubt my suitability for homeschooling. Sibling rivalry has taken on a new flavor - with our 2.5 year old son actively engaging in it now. I was expecting that, I suppose, but its still a difficult transition. Instead of my usual level of attention to their interactions, which I've become used to, I have to either pay much closer attention, or mediate difficult situations that I didn't catch developing. Along with that, they have been spending more time watching TV, which doesn't bother me, except that it makes me think that I haven't been strewing their home lives with more options and they are just watching because they have nothing else to do. They don't generally play unless I get down and initiate it with some toys - I'm not sure why. Sometimes they do play spontaneously, alone or together - which is beautiful to watch and participate in. But, aside from all the days we go out for fun, the majority of their time at home is watching TV.
I've started wondering if I would prefer to have kids in school (5 yo this or next year, other kids around that age too), the benefit being that the school fills their lives with lots to do each day. Yes, I know I don't agree with all they would do, or think is valuable to individual students, etc... but it would still be the benefit to me of not having to think up new and exciting activities to do every day (which sometimes is easy, but sometimes isn't). I've started psyching myself out about all the years ahead of us. Will they change? Will they play more? Explore art materials without direct participate by me? Sit and look at pictures in books, or read when they are ready, without me turning the pages? I guess obviously they will, when they are ready. Feels like they won't though. And when I worry about those things, and then think about career ideas that I dream about, school sounds appealing!
Along with those things, our 5 year old daughter has also become somewhat more difficult to be around - maybe its a stage of development. She seems to disagree, or not listen to us when something is very important, about her safety or her brothers. Sometimes there isn't time to hear her out in certain situations - and she has some speech difficulties which slow her down. Its fustrating for her and us. She gets into our personal space, or acts very rudely, like saying "Get away from here" with a very rude tone and facial expression to her father. That makes him want to stay where he is and demand polite behaviour, to which she flies into a rage, hitting him, throwing/messing things, and eventually running to her room and crying under her blanket angrily. I've worked with her on ways to calm herself (Sandra's breathing techniques, plus lots of other ideas) when all is calm, but she won't use them when she is upset. When its her brother that causes her to become violent/engraged, I've found it easiest to just pick her up and plop her on her bed, and go and visit to her and go through her feelings with her without talking about what she did wrong to her brother. She calms down faster if she can get through the rage, into her crying under blanket stage, faster. But I haven't been able to figure out the source of this: I've explored hunger, fatigue, boredom, etc. The only thing I think it could be is just that her brother has changed and is 'fighting back' when she tries to control him or their play, and she hasn't adapted to that yet. These issues could also be what is spurring me to think about school - almost like school would be a breath of fresh air.
How do parents know if they are not the right type to homeschool after all?
I usually try to keep my posts short and concise, but this turned into an essay. Thanks for reading, and any comments.
Shira
Sandra Dodd
-=-How do parents know if they are not the right type to homeschool after all?-=-
The first gateway question is "Do you want to homeschool?"
I read all of your angsty outpouring, and I would say no, you don't want to.
If we were salesmen now it would be our move to sell our product, but if you don't want to do it, don't. If you try to do it against your will, it will be a drag. You will be a drag. And you'll lower the average of unschooling success. :-) You might make us look bad, which you hint that you feel you're doing already. You slacked off when the school year ended, so you weren't really DOING fulltime unschooling, you were looking at the calendar. Which is fine, during the first year for the parents, because it takes parents a long time to deschool. More than a year.
-=-I was expecting that, I suppose, but its still a difficult transition. Instead of my usual level of attention to their interactions, which I've become used to, I have to either pay much closer attention, or mediate difficult situations that I didn't catch developing.-=-
School won't save you from needing to pay attention to young children.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
The first gateway question is "Do you want to homeschool?"
I read all of your angsty outpouring, and I would say no, you don't want to.
If we were salesmen now it would be our move to sell our product, but if you don't want to do it, don't. If you try to do it against your will, it will be a drag. You will be a drag. And you'll lower the average of unschooling success. :-) You might make us look bad, which you hint that you feel you're doing already. You slacked off when the school year ended, so you weren't really DOING fulltime unschooling, you were looking at the calendar. Which is fine, during the first year for the parents, because it takes parents a long time to deschool. More than a year.
-=-I was expecting that, I suppose, but its still a difficult transition. Instead of my usual level of attention to their interactions, which I've become used to, I have to either pay much closer attention, or mediate difficult situations that I didn't catch developing.-=-
School won't save you from needing to pay attention to young children.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
BRIAN POLIKOWSKY
It sounds like you want people in this group to tell you what is the best option. It sounds that you are looking for permission
and for someone to tell you it is OK to put your kids in school or homeschool. No one can tell you if you should or should not put your child school.
Your question is a good one. SO what does it take to homeschool?
I would say that anyone that WANTS to HOMESCHOOL can. But unschooling ,well takes more than wanting it.
At the top of my hear I would say: A good usnchooling parent is:
interested
interesting
curious
engaging
loves to be with their kids
creative ( not necessarily artistically but think outside the box)
a good friend to their children
happy
content
loving
present
mindful
a partner
supportive
joyful
finds joy in seeing the kid's joy!
I have seen some things that will not help any unchooling and even homeschooling parents:
insecure as a parent
negativity
depression
drugs or alcohol problems
selfish parent
just to name few.
I have seen my sister homeschool/unschool for two years and it was not a disaster but it was not for her, and definitely not a success.
She sounded a lot like you right now.
She is really much happier with the kids in school so she has a few hours to go do her things without children.
She really did not "have what it takes" even when she can see how damaging schools can be.
In a way her kids are better off in school.
In the end it is all about priorities and choices.
If decorative projects are more important than something to do with your child than that is probably a sign.
I saw that a lot with my sister and her family.
You have to make your own choice and go for it not because someone tells you it is the best option but because that is what you want to do and is more important to you.
Alex Polikowsky
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
and for someone to tell you it is OK to put your kids in school or homeschool. No one can tell you if you should or should not put your child school.
Your question is a good one. SO what does it take to homeschool?
I would say that anyone that WANTS to HOMESCHOOL can. But unschooling ,well takes more than wanting it.
At the top of my hear I would say: A good usnchooling parent is:
interested
interesting
curious
engaging
loves to be with their kids
creative ( not necessarily artistically but think outside the box)
a good friend to their children
happy
content
loving
present
mindful
a partner
supportive
joyful
finds joy in seeing the kid's joy!
I have seen some things that will not help any unchooling and even homeschooling parents:
insecure as a parent
negativity
depression
drugs or alcohol problems
selfish parent
just to name few.
I have seen my sister homeschool/unschool for two years and it was not a disaster but it was not for her, and definitely not a success.
She sounded a lot like you right now.
She is really much happier with the kids in school so she has a few hours to go do her things without children.
She really did not "have what it takes" even when she can see how damaging schools can be.
In a way her kids are better off in school.
In the end it is all about priorities and choices.
If decorative projects are more important than something to do with your child than that is probably a sign.
I saw that a lot with my sister and her family.
You have to make your own choice and go for it not because someone tells you it is the best option but because that is what you want to do and is more important to you.
Alex Polikowsky
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
shirarocklin
--- The first gateway question is "Do you want to homeschool?"
I read all of your angsty outpouring, and I would say no, you don't want to.---
Well, does it fluctuate for other parents? From two January's ago until this past June, I would have said YES. For the past two months, some of the days, I feel I'm not so sure. My answer hasn't become categorically NO to that question, just some insecurity.
Do other parents who unschool little kids sometimes not feel like they'd like several days off? Or to go out to an appointment without kids? Sometimes I have a babysitter, but mostly its not possible, so we all go out together. Often its enjoyment for all. But its hard work. I love it. Sometime I've felt tired of it though.
You are calling it slacking off... I hadn't been thinking about it. Actually, a while back you wrote to another parent here that if they had been doing great at keeping lives active and busy and interesting and fun for whatever the equivelent days kids are in school for during the year, then that's very good. That no one could keep that up every day of the year. Or thats how I read it, or remember it. I'm not quoting. So when the warm weather started up, I saw that as a cue to concentrate a little less. I may have misunderstood what you meant though. Not much changed in reality, except less planning on my part of activities at home. More time at fun library events, outdoors, parks, splash pads, biking, etc have filled some of that in. I guess marking time by the 'school' and 'summer' months isn't very useful for homeschooling.
--- School won't save you from needing to pay attention to young children. ---
But it would sort of divide and conquer for part of the day. Seperating them for several hours. But thats not the solution. Learning to live together peacefully, either with or without school, is the solution, not avoidance.
Shira
I read all of your angsty outpouring, and I would say no, you don't want to.---
Well, does it fluctuate for other parents? From two January's ago until this past June, I would have said YES. For the past two months, some of the days, I feel I'm not so sure. My answer hasn't become categorically NO to that question, just some insecurity.
Do other parents who unschool little kids sometimes not feel like they'd like several days off? Or to go out to an appointment without kids? Sometimes I have a babysitter, but mostly its not possible, so we all go out together. Often its enjoyment for all. But its hard work. I love it. Sometime I've felt tired of it though.
You are calling it slacking off... I hadn't been thinking about it. Actually, a while back you wrote to another parent here that if they had been doing great at keeping lives active and busy and interesting and fun for whatever the equivelent days kids are in school for during the year, then that's very good. That no one could keep that up every day of the year. Or thats how I read it, or remember it. I'm not quoting. So when the warm weather started up, I saw that as a cue to concentrate a little less. I may have misunderstood what you meant though. Not much changed in reality, except less planning on my part of activities at home. More time at fun library events, outdoors, parks, splash pads, biking, etc have filled some of that in. I guess marking time by the 'school' and 'summer' months isn't very useful for homeschooling.
--- School won't save you from needing to pay attention to young children. ---
But it would sort of divide and conquer for part of the day. Seperating them for several hours. But thats not the solution. Learning to live together peacefully, either with or without school, is the solution, not avoidance.
Shira
shirarocklin
I'm not looking for permission, either way. I'm clarifying this for myself as I read and write here. I'm trying to understand whether doubts and less exciting times equals a parent who isn't a good candidate for homeschooling. Or maybe all homeschoolers have that sort of time once in a while? Should I let moments like that make me wonder if I'm doing a good job? Or just let those thoughts go and find something more and exciting and new to do?
I think I'm interested, interesting, curious, engaging. I love tobe with my kids... but there are some recent fustrations that I feel somewhat worn out from. I'm creative myself, but sometimes find it hard to translate specifically into kids crafts. I hear you that creative doesn't have to mean artsy. Thats something to think about, how to be more creative with them in other ways. I feel like we are good friends, although lately with some communication challenges due to developmental shifts that we all need to adjust to. All the other things you listed, most of the time, if I can judge those things about myself. And none of the bad stuff you listed.
What was it about your sister that made it 'not a success' but 'not a disaster'?
Shira
I think I'm interested, interesting, curious, engaging. I love tobe with my kids... but there are some recent fustrations that I feel somewhat worn out from. I'm creative myself, but sometimes find it hard to translate specifically into kids crafts. I hear you that creative doesn't have to mean artsy. Thats something to think about, how to be more creative with them in other ways. I feel like we are good friends, although lately with some communication challenges due to developmental shifts that we all need to adjust to. All the other things you listed, most of the time, if I can judge those things about myself. And none of the bad stuff you listed.
What was it about your sister that made it 'not a success' but 'not a disaster'?
Shira
Sandra Dodd
-=-Do other parents who unschool little kids sometimes not feel like they'd like several days off? Or to go out to an appointment without kids?-=-
What if they do?
What if they don't?
The question is whether you would rather put your daughter in school than have her home. THAT's what's important at your house, not what five or five hundred other parents might think about you and your child, or them and their child.
-=-For the past two months, some of the days, I feel I'm not so sure. My answer hasn't become categorically NO to that question, just some insecurity. -=-
You can't put her in and out of school by the day, though. If you can afford a mother's helper and if that would help, then get one.
-=---- School won't save you from needing to pay attention to young children. ---
-=-But it would sort of divide and conquer for part of the day. Seperating them for several hours. But thats not the solution. Learning to live together peacefully, either with or without school, is the solution, not avoidance. -=-
If it's not the solution, that's fine. It might be the solution.
-=-Should I let moments like that make me wonder if I'm doing a good job? -=-
EVERY DAY you should wonder whether you're doing a good job.
And you should do what it takes for you not to wonder about that.
-=-Or just let those thoughts go and find something more and exciting and new to do?-=-
If you're having thoughts that will affect the choices you make, don't let those thoughts go. Use them to help you be a better mom. Maybe for you it will be better to put your child in school.
-=-What was it about your sister that made it 'not a success' but 'not a disaster'?-=-
That might not be something she wants to discuss on the list.
-=-I'm creative myself, but sometimes find it hard to translate specifically into kids crafts. -=-
Well then stop doing "kids crafts." It's quite schooly.
There are ideas here and a thousand other places on the internet:
http://sandradodd.com/youngchildren
http://sandradodd.com/checklists
http://sandradodd.com/strew/deblist
http://sandradodd.com/art
http://sandradodd.com/music
http://sandradodd.com/history
http://sandradodd.com/strewing
-=- I feel like we are good friends, although lately with some communication challenges due to developmental shifts that we all need to adjust to. -=-
Developmental shifts are not going to stop from now until the time you die. Learn to ride those waves and not to need to adjust. Don't become complacent and expect things to stay the same for a long time. They're alive, you're alive, life is alive.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
What if they do?
What if they don't?
The question is whether you would rather put your daughter in school than have her home. THAT's what's important at your house, not what five or five hundred other parents might think about you and your child, or them and their child.
-=-For the past two months, some of the days, I feel I'm not so sure. My answer hasn't become categorically NO to that question, just some insecurity. -=-
You can't put her in and out of school by the day, though. If you can afford a mother's helper and if that would help, then get one.
-=---- School won't save you from needing to pay attention to young children. ---
-=-But it would sort of divide and conquer for part of the day. Seperating them for several hours. But thats not the solution. Learning to live together peacefully, either with or without school, is the solution, not avoidance. -=-
If it's not the solution, that's fine. It might be the solution.
-=-Should I let moments like that make me wonder if I'm doing a good job? -=-
EVERY DAY you should wonder whether you're doing a good job.
And you should do what it takes for you not to wonder about that.
-=-Or just let those thoughts go and find something more and exciting and new to do?-=-
If you're having thoughts that will affect the choices you make, don't let those thoughts go. Use them to help you be a better mom. Maybe for you it will be better to put your child in school.
-=-What was it about your sister that made it 'not a success' but 'not a disaster'?-=-
That might not be something she wants to discuss on the list.
-=-I'm creative myself, but sometimes find it hard to translate specifically into kids crafts. -=-
Well then stop doing "kids crafts." It's quite schooly.
There are ideas here and a thousand other places on the internet:
http://sandradodd.com/youngchildren
http://sandradodd.com/checklists
http://sandradodd.com/strew/deblist
http://sandradodd.com/art
http://sandradodd.com/music
http://sandradodd.com/history
http://sandradodd.com/strewing
-=- I feel like we are good friends, although lately with some communication challenges due to developmental shifts that we all need to adjust to. -=-
Developmental shifts are not going to stop from now until the time you die. Learn to ride those waves and not to need to adjust. Don't become complacent and expect things to stay the same for a long time. They're alive, you're alive, life is alive.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
BRIAN POLIKOWSKY
Here:http://www.sandradodd.com/screwitup
http://sandradodd.com/pam/howto
http://sandradodd.com/lyle/list
Alex Polikowsky
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
http://sandradodd.com/pam/howto
http://sandradodd.com/lyle/list
Alex Polikowsky
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
shirarocklin
Thank you, Alex, for those links!
Sandra, everything you said is right.
---If you're having thoughts that will affect the choices you make, don't let those thoughts go. Use them to help you be a better mom. Maybe for you it will be better to put your child in school.----
When I first read one part, I thought you were telling me to put my kids in school, that it would be better for us. Then I realized, in context of the paragraph, you were saying that I shouldn't ignore thoughts that are hard to face, even if they might lead me to school. I'm putting this in (assuming I understood correctly) to illustrate how sometimes new members get offended by statements like that, not understanding the context properly.
--- EVERY DAY you should wonder whether you're doing a good job.
And you should do what it takes for you not to wonder about that. ---
Can you clarify this more?
I see I'm not done deschooling yet. I'm thinking in terms of fall/winter school months, arts & crafts, etc.
Reading how Not to Unschool (one of the links from Alex), I was happy to see I don't think I fit there.
Maybe I haven't been reading enough lately. I've been reading less about unschooling, and just doing it more, but lost my way in the balance of reading, trying, waiting, watching. (I think I mixed that up, but can't remember exactly the quote).
Sandra, everything you said is right.
---If you're having thoughts that will affect the choices you make, don't let those thoughts go. Use them to help you be a better mom. Maybe for you it will be better to put your child in school.----
When I first read one part, I thought you were telling me to put my kids in school, that it would be better for us. Then I realized, in context of the paragraph, you were saying that I shouldn't ignore thoughts that are hard to face, even if they might lead me to school. I'm putting this in (assuming I understood correctly) to illustrate how sometimes new members get offended by statements like that, not understanding the context properly.
--- EVERY DAY you should wonder whether you're doing a good job.
And you should do what it takes for you not to wonder about that. ---
Can you clarify this more?
I see I'm not done deschooling yet. I'm thinking in terms of fall/winter school months, arts & crafts, etc.
Reading how Not to Unschool (one of the links from Alex), I was happy to see I don't think I fit there.
Maybe I haven't been reading enough lately. I've been reading less about unschooling, and just doing it more, but lost my way in the balance of reading, trying, waiting, watching. (I think I mixed that up, but can't remember exactly the quote).
Sandra Dodd
-=---- EVERY DAY you should wonder whether you're doing a good job.
And you should do what it takes for you not to wonder about that. ---
-=-Can you clarify this more?-=-
Honestly, I don't want to.
Could you read it, try it, wait a while and watch?
It seems you're wanting a massage and some persuasion to please, please unschool. I don't want to encourage ANYone to unschool who isn't absolutely and clearly sure she wants to do it. There is not benefit to anyone from doing that.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
And you should do what it takes for you not to wonder about that. ---
-=-Can you clarify this more?-=-
Honestly, I don't want to.
Could you read it, try it, wait a while and watch?
It seems you're wanting a massage and some persuasion to please, please unschool. I don't want to encourage ANYone to unschool who isn't absolutely and clearly sure she wants to do it. There is not benefit to anyone from doing that.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
dola dasgupta-banerji
>>>>>>>>>Developmental shifts are not going to stop from now until the timeyou die. Learn to ride those waves and not to need to adjust. Don't become
complacent and expect things to stay the same for a long time. They're
alive, you're alive, life is alive.<<<<<<<<
I really resonate with this one. The fallacy in thoughts is that once the
parent has 'fixed' the situation..it will stay so forever. What I have found
to be more interesting is that life is transient and each moment is new and
unlike the previous one? Shifts are happening through out the day actually..
And so true that shifts of all kinds are happening all the time...with the
kids, with me, with my partner, with my extended family and friends. Nothing
is ever fixed forever....
What is fixed is the certainty that the waves will keep rising and one has
to ride them as and when they arise....with calmness, creativity and a
loving heart. Life is organic not static...
Dola
On Tue, Jul 26, 2011 at 4:15 AM, Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
> **
>
>
> -=-Do other parents who unschool little kids sometimes not feel like they'd
> like several days off? Or to go out to an appointment without kids?-=-
>
> What if they do?
> What if they don't?
> The question is whether you would rather put your daughter in school than
> have her home. THAT's what's important at your house, not what five or five
> hundred other parents might think about you and your child, or them and
> their child.
>
> -=-For the past two months, some of the days, I feel I'm not so sure. My
> answer hasn't become categorically NO to that question, just some
> insecurity. -=-
>
> You can't put her in and out of school by the day, though. If you can
> afford a mother's helper and if that would help, then get one.
>
> -=---- School won't save you from needing to pay attention to young
> children. ---
>
> -=-But it would sort of divide and conquer for part of the day. Seperating
> them for several hours. But thats not the solution. Learning to live
> together peacefully, either with or without school, is the solution, not
> avoidance. -=-
>
> If it's not the solution, that's fine. It might be the solution.
>
> -=-Should I let moments like that make me wonder if I'm doing a good job?
> -=-
>
> EVERY DAY you should wonder whether you're doing a good job.
> And you should do what it takes for you not to wonder about that.
>
> -=-Or just let those thoughts go and find something more and exciting and
> new to do?-=-
>
> If you're having thoughts that will affect the choices you make, don't let
> those thoughts go. Use them to help you be a better mom. Maybe for you it
> will be better to put your child in school.
>
> -=-What was it about your sister that made it 'not a success' but 'not a
> disaster'?-=-
>
> That might not be something she wants to discuss on the list.
>
> -=-I'm creative myself, but sometimes find it hard to translate
> specifically into kids crafts. -=-
>
> Well then stop doing "kids crafts." It's quite schooly.
>
> There are ideas here and a thousand other places on the internet:
>
> http://sandradodd.com/youngchildren
> http://sandradodd.com/checklists
> http://sandradodd.com/strew/deblist
> http://sandradodd.com/art
> http://sandradodd.com/music
> http://sandradodd.com/history
> http://sandradodd.com/strewing
>
> -=- I feel like we are good friends, although lately with some
> communication challenges due to developmental shifts that we all need to
> adjust to. -=-
>
> Developmental shifts are not going to stop from now until the time you die.
> Learn to ride those waves and not to need to adjust. Don't become complacent
> and expect things to stay the same for a long time. They're alive, you're
> alive, life is alive.
>
> Sandra
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Robin Bentley
>I think you might have an idealized "we're happy and engaged and doing
> I'm trying to understand whether doubts and less exciting times
> equals a parent who isn't a good candidate for homeschooling. Or
> maybe all homeschoolers have that sort of time once in a while?
> Should I let moments like that make me wonder if I'm doing a good
> job? Or just let those thoughts go and find something more and
> exciting and new to do?
something special all the time" unschooling family in mind. With 3
children (it is 3, right?) 5 and younger, it will often be about being
a good parent, period. For sure, unschooling approaches can help you
be a good and better parent. It seems to me that you've focused on the
"what we should do instead of school" aspect when your kids aren't
even (or barely are) school-age.
You have 3 little children. Kids take time, effort and attention. It
won't always be this way, with them at these various stages of need.
You don't have to be so busy that everyone's exhausted and upset.
Maybe your daughter is done for now with the activities and outings.
Maybe you could sit with your kids and watch some TV. Snuggle with
them. Snuggle with them one at a time when another one or two are
asleep. Read to them. Play on the floor with them. Hang out in the
yard with them.
There's so much more about learning to be a better mom than just doing
things that should have some kind of learning outcome.
Robin B.
Joyce Fetteroll
Do some people stop with nervousness at the end of the diving board?
Some do but eventually dive. Some don't and dive. Some never get past
the nervousness and don't dive. Some never even get on the dive.
The difference between the divers and non-divers isn't the nervousness
or lack of nervousness. It's the overwhelming desire for what they'll
get from diving.
You can't unschool until what you want from unschooling is bigger than
what's getting in your way of unschooling.
What do you want from unschooling? What is bigger than that that's
getting in your way?
Joyce
Some do but eventually dive. Some don't and dive. Some never get past
the nervousness and don't dive. Some never even get on the dive.
The difference between the divers and non-divers isn't the nervousness
or lack of nervousness. It's the overwhelming desire for what they'll
get from diving.
You can't unschool until what you want from unschooling is bigger than
what's getting in your way of unschooling.
What do you want from unschooling? What is bigger than that that's
getting in your way?
Joyce
LG
omgoodness......if I replace words with what I am failing to dive into for various reason,,,,OUCH. I needed this. As an adult, some passions I have have been put aside, for different fears. This gives me a whole new way to look at those. I hope it brings some freedom to my life! Thank you, Lisa
From: Joyce Fetteroll
Sent: Tuesday, July 26, 2011 9:44 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] Re: How do you know if you aren't the right person to homeschool?
Do some people stop with nervousness at the end of the diving board?
Some do but eventually dive. Some don't and dive. Some never get past
the nervousness and don't dive. Some never even get on the dive.
The difference between the divers and non-divers isn't the nervousness
or lack of nervousness. It's the overwhelming desire for what they'll
get from diving.
You can't unschool until what you want from unschooling is bigger than
what's getting in your way of unschooling.
What do you want from unschooling? What is bigger than that that's
getting in your way?
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
From: Joyce Fetteroll
Sent: Tuesday, July 26, 2011 9:44 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] Re: How do you know if you aren't the right person to homeschool?
Do some people stop with nervousness at the end of the diving board?
Some do but eventually dive. Some don't and dive. Some never get past
the nervousness and don't dive. Some never even get on the dive.
The difference between the divers and non-divers isn't the nervousness
or lack of nervousness. It's the overwhelming desire for what they'll
get from diving.
You can't unschool until what you want from unschooling is bigger than
what's getting in your way of unschooling.
What do you want from unschooling? What is bigger than that that's
getting in your way?
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Jenny Cyphers
--- EVERY DAY you should wonder whether you're doing a good job.
And you should do what it takes for you not to wonder about that. ---
***Can you clarify this more?***
For me, this means that I shouldn't drop into complacency about what we are doing. We've been unschooling for about 12 yrs now, so I KNOW what we are doing is working. I don't wonder about that, but everyday I do wonder if I'm doing a good job. It keeps me on my toes, keeps me looking to do better all the time, keeps me questioning and thinking about what we are doing and if it is continuing to work.
Even so I've come to a point where I don't wonder if I'll get through and if I'm doing a good thing and if it's working, I do examine what I can do better and different.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
And you should do what it takes for you not to wonder about that. ---
***Can you clarify this more?***
For me, this means that I shouldn't drop into complacency about what we are doing. We've been unschooling for about 12 yrs now, so I KNOW what we are doing is working. I don't wonder about that, but everyday I do wonder if I'm doing a good job. It keeps me on my toes, keeps me looking to do better all the time, keeps me questioning and thinking about what we are doing and if it is continuing to work.
Even so I've come to a point where I don't wonder if I'll get through and if I'm doing a good thing and if it's working, I do examine what I can do better and different.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Jenny Cyphers
***There's so much more about learning to be a better mom than just doing
things that should have some kind of learning outcome.***
That's soooo true! A lot of new unschooling parents will often go overboard on activities. I've seen that happen a lot. It's better than doing nothing, but it can set a parent up to be exhausted and overwhelmed. The time with little kids are so small and fleeting. Relax and enjoy the simple moments where you play with soap bubbles in the kitchen or build a lego tower while watching a movie or listening to music. All of that is learning, but more than that, you'll be connecting and relaxed.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
things that should have some kind of learning outcome.***
That's soooo true! A lot of new unschooling parents will often go overboard on activities. I've seen that happen a lot. It's better than doing nothing, but it can set a parent up to be exhausted and overwhelmed. The time with little kids are so small and fleeting. Relax and enjoy the simple moments where you play with soap bubbles in the kitchen or build a lego tower while watching a movie or listening to music. All of that is learning, but more than that, you'll be connecting and relaxed.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Claire Darbaud
2011/7/25 shirarocklin <shirarocklin@...>
activities?
I am discovering that when my kids are either "difficult to be around", or
they are fighting each other, it's a sure sign that they need more
connection with me. Sometimes it feels like they're litteraly looking for
me, calling me to come down to earth, out of my world of fantasy or problems
in my heads, or my busy doing something on the computer and they feel lonely
even thought I am, physically, right there.
Maybe making sure you take some time to connect with them and spend some
time giving them your full attention several times a day could help?
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> **Could it be that you let the connection drop along with the "school year"
>
> Along with those things, our 5 year old daughter has also become somewhat
> more difficult to be around
>
activities?
I am discovering that when my kids are either "difficult to be around", or
they are fighting each other, it's a sure sign that they need more
connection with me. Sometimes it feels like they're litteraly looking for
me, calling me to come down to earth, out of my world of fantasy or problems
in my heads, or my busy doing something on the computer and they feel lonely
even thought I am, physically, right there.
Maybe making sure you take some time to connect with them and spend some
time giving them your full attention several times a day could help?
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
fauxbee
---School won't save you from needing to pay attention to young
children. ---
Each time I feel like throwing in the towel and sending them to school, I am reminded of this statement. Yes, I may have time to get a few more things done during the day, but at what expense. And there is always the required homework which would take as much time as using a boxed curriculum would use each day.
The amount of attention needed from me will not decrease just because they attend a school, it will just be that the attention will then have to occur between after-school and bedtime and week-ends.
Thanks for the reminder.
children. ---
Each time I feel like throwing in the towel and sending them to school, I am reminded of this statement. Yes, I may have time to get a few more things done during the day, but at what expense. And there is always the required homework which would take as much time as using a boxed curriculum would use each day.
The amount of attention needed from me will not decrease just because they attend a school, it will just be that the attention will then have to occur between after-school and bedtime and week-ends.
Thanks for the reminder.