In need of advice
celines s
Hi on June 1st. we experience a tornado in our area (Springfield MA), we've never seen a tornado before and wasn't expecting one either it happened so fast one second my husband was calling me to come to the door and see the clouds the next we are running ,I went to the living room to get my 8 y.o.daughter who was in the computer ,and my husband yelling at my 20 y.o. son who was sleeping in his room to get to the basement,well my daughter couldn't hear me and the shades started blowing very fast so I had to go grab her pull the headphones out of her head and pull her toward the basement ,all this happened in a matter of seconds,when we got out of the basement there were trees every where one huge one in our yard, but everyone was safe,now my daughter had develop this fear of wind and thunders,when she wakes up she goes straight to the window and close them and the shades too,it got to the point that she didn't wanted to have the a/c on because it blows a little wind ,but we can't afford in a 100 degrees to have the windows close and the a/c off also, she is always looking at the weather channel ,if she sees clouds getting dark she ask why, and doesn't matter what we tell her it doesn't work she is always in a panic,and the slightest wind send her running inside covering her ears,I really don't know what to do or tell her anymore.
Sandra Dodd
-=-the shades started blowing very fast so I had to go grab her pull the headphones out of her head -=-
Had to grab?
Pull the headphones OUT of her head?
Maybe your reaction caused her to be more fearful than if you had been a little more calm. It's late for that now, and tornados are scary, no doubt, but the description as it was sounds like you were angry at your daughter and the headphones and the computer. She didn't cause the tornado. Was she made to feel that she caused the problem or made the problem awful, just because she was on the computer?
Anyone who's afraid after a traumatic experience will likely gradually and eventually feel better. Holly was in a car accident that wasn't her fault, and it was a while before she wanted to drive again.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Had to grab?
Pull the headphones OUT of her head?
Maybe your reaction caused her to be more fearful than if you had been a little more calm. It's late for that now, and tornados are scary, no doubt, but the description as it was sounds like you were angry at your daughter and the headphones and the computer. She didn't cause the tornado. Was she made to feel that she caused the problem or made the problem awful, just because she was on the computer?
Anyone who's afraid after a traumatic experience will likely gradually and eventually feel better. Holly was in a car accident that wasn't her fault, and it was a while before she wanted to drive again.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Joyce Fetteroll
On Jul 21, 2011, at 9:22 PM, celines s wrote:
of big sympathetic hugs (or whatever she finds most comforting) and
empowerment. That's won't make her feelings go away. It will avoid
making the processing of it more difficult.
Don't try to fix her. She's not broken. She's doing what she needs to
do to internalize what happened and it could be about anything life
might throw at her. A fire. A car accident. A animal dying. When she's
having problems be sympathetic and soothing. Hug her. Be a big
comforting pillow she can snuggle into that won't try to talk her out
of her fears. Create a comforting nest around her rather than trying
to change her insides.
Help her to become knowledgeable about tornado response. If she'd
like, have her make the plans for the family of what everyone should
do if there's another tornado. Where are the safest parts of the
house? What should you keep stocked?
A big part of fears is feeling powerless. Knowledge can help her feel
she does have some control.
We use fans. (Though obviously they would create a much bigger breeze!)
Having a ridge vent in the roof installed was a *big* help in our
previous house. While it would get warm during the day, it cooled off
much faster at night. That's not just a response to her fears, but a
practical thing that could lower your A/C bill.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> now my daughter had develop this fear of wind and thundersThat's a common aftermath of being traumatized. What will help is lots
of big sympathetic hugs (or whatever she finds most comforting) and
empowerment. That's won't make her feelings go away. It will avoid
making the processing of it more difficult.
Don't try to fix her. She's not broken. She's doing what she needs to
do to internalize what happened and it could be about anything life
might throw at her. A fire. A car accident. A animal dying. When she's
having problems be sympathetic and soothing. Hug her. Be a big
comforting pillow she can snuggle into that won't try to talk her out
of her fears. Create a comforting nest around her rather than trying
to change her insides.
Help her to become knowledgeable about tornado response. If she'd
like, have her make the plans for the family of what everyone should
do if there's another tornado. Where are the safest parts of the
house? What should you keep stocked?
A big part of fears is feeling powerless. Knowledge can help her feel
she does have some control.
> but we can't afford in a 100 degrees to have the windows close andI've got some of my windows closed (to keep the heat out) and no A/C.
> the a/c off also
We use fans. (Though obviously they would create a much bigger breeze!)
Having a ridge vent in the roof installed was a *big* help in our
previous house. While it would get warm during the day, it cooled off
much faster at night. That's not just a response to her fears, but a
practical thing that could lower your A/C bill.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
plaidpanties666
"celines s" <sanchezcelines@...> wrote:
What are you saying to her? If you're saying "its okay, don't be scared" then stop saying that ;) its not helping. Something terrible and scary happened. It's okay to still be scared a couple months later. Have you talked about being scared? That might help if you haven't done it already. Joyce suggested making emergency plans - that's a good idea, too.
When Ray was 4, he was in an auto accident - not a bad one, but the truck rolled over into a local creek. For months he played games involving car crashes. Have you done any playing with wind at all? Gone kite flying or held paper air-planes over the a/c to watch the wind push them? That might interest her - or if it scares her all over again, its a chance to talk about it in a new way, say something you haven't said before.
>now my daughter had develop this fear of wind and thundersAnd you haven't? You're made of sterner stuff than I am - its been a decade since I lived in the tornado belt and I still can't sleep through a thunder storm and keep a nervous eye on the sky when it has a certain look to it.
What are you saying to her? If you're saying "its okay, don't be scared" then stop saying that ;) its not helping. Something terrible and scary happened. It's okay to still be scared a couple months later. Have you talked about being scared? That might help if you haven't done it already. Joyce suggested making emergency plans - that's a good idea, too.
When Ray was 4, he was in an auto accident - not a bad one, but the truck rolled over into a local creek. For months he played games involving car crashes. Have you done any playing with wind at all? Gone kite flying or held paper air-planes over the a/c to watch the wind push them? That might interest her - or if it scares her all over again, its a chance to talk about it in a new way, say something you haven't said before.
>>she is always looking at the weather channel
> Hi on June 1st. we experience a tornado in our area (Springfield MA), we've never seen a tornado before and wasn't expecting one either it happened so fast one second my husband was calling me to come to the door and see the clouds the next we are running ,I went to the living room to get my 8 y.o.daughter who was in the computer ,and my husband yelling at my 20 y.o. son who was sleeping in his room to get to the basement,well my daughter couldn't hear me and the shades started blowing very fast so I had to go grab her pull the headphones out of her head and pull her toward the basement ,all this happened in a matter of seconds,when we got out of the basement there were trees every where one huge one in our yard, but everyone was safe,now my daughter had develop this fear of wind and thunders,when she wakes up she goes straight to the window and close them and the shades too,it got to the point that she didn't wanted to have the a/c on because it blows a little wind ,but we can't afford in a 100 degrees to have the windows close and the a/c off also, she is always looking at the weather channel ,if she sees clouds getting dark she ask why, and doesn't matter what we tell her it doesn't work she is always in a panic,and the slightest wind send her running inside covering her ears,I really don't know what to do or tell her anymore.
>
plaidpanties666
Sorry for the truncated post!
It could help to get some books on clouds and how to "read" the weather from clouds and other signs. It could help to look at the big national maps on the weather channel and show her what a front looks like, what indicates rain or a super-cell. It might even help - in the sense of her understanding tornados better - to get some documentary movies about tornados and storms. It could be reassuring to watch "storm chasers" and see them Not get hit by one tornado after another, to give her a sense that they aren't everywhere all the time.
But its still okay for her to be scared, too.
---Meredith
> >>she is always looking at the weather channelIt might help to have the weather channel on when she gets up - have it on somewhere in the house all day. Or you could get a weather radio that makes a loud noise when there's bad weather coming.
It could help to get some books on clouds and how to "read" the weather from clouds and other signs. It could help to look at the big national maps on the weather channel and show her what a front looks like, what indicates rain or a super-cell. It might even help - in the sense of her understanding tornados better - to get some documentary movies about tornados and storms. It could be reassuring to watch "storm chasers" and see them Not get hit by one tornado after another, to give her a sense that they aren't everywhere all the time.
But its still okay for her to be scared, too.
---Meredith
BRIAN POLIKOWSKY
Get her a weather radio that gives info on weather and warnings if needed. She might feel safer if she knows what it coming!
Alex Polikowsky
________________________________
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Alex Polikowsky
________________________________
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La la
Sounds like a scary incident! I'm sorry you guys had to experience it.
It might be helpful for you to contact your local red cross. They
might have some groups of people that might be meeting to talk about
tornados, or their experiences, and your daughter might find it
healing to understand that her fears and feelings are normal reactions
to a strange event.
Good luck!
It might be helpful for you to contact your local red cross. They
might have some groups of people that might be meeting to talk about
tornados, or their experiences, and your daughter might find it
healing to understand that her fears and feelings are normal reactions
to a strange event.
Good luck!
chris ester
Wow, how scary for everyone! I don't want to sound like a public service
announcement.... BUT, one way to give all of you a sense of control is to
have an emergency plan, maybe even several for different types of
emergencies. There are lots of good suggestions on the homeland security
web site and they aren't too "here comes armegeddon" (if you get my
meaning). Learning about weather in general and dangerous weather in
specific AND the real risks--lots more people are hurt by cars than
tornadoes, may go a long way to quell fears. We learned about how to
recognize tornado warnings and sounds and I am in Maryland (hardly tornado
alley) when I was in school. You might also want to look at the history of
when tornadoes hit and where on the national weather service site and see
that very few tornadoes occur where you are.
Playing out the incident, if she chooses, is one way to normalize an
incident and to allow her to process the feelings. I was a therapist back
in another life. Let her be the driver of the play. Certainly let her know
that talking about it and telling the story is okay, and the feelings are
okay.
You can learn about different kinds of wind--I would get a wind toy, and you
can use an electric fan or a/c, blow on it or take it outside and see if it
will move. Talk about how only natural wind comes from a tornado and that
they are very rare. Don't try to paint the truth better or worse, but the
facts are really not that bad since even with the increased activity that
they predict tornadoes are still very rare in your area. You might be able
to find stories about tornado alley and talk about how many people have
lived there for years through lots of tornadoes and have been able to tell
the tale because of careful planning and alertness. Learning about the
warning systems that are in your area would probably be good for everyone.
In the end, I am sure that she will be able to move on and have a normal
life, I would think that it could take a few months, maybe even 6, but
probably less.
Chris
On Fri, Jul 22, 2011 at 6:02 PM, plaidpanties666
<plaidpanties666@...>wrote:
announcement.... BUT, one way to give all of you a sense of control is to
have an emergency plan, maybe even several for different types of
emergencies. There are lots of good suggestions on the homeland security
web site and they aren't too "here comes armegeddon" (if you get my
meaning). Learning about weather in general and dangerous weather in
specific AND the real risks--lots more people are hurt by cars than
tornadoes, may go a long way to quell fears. We learned about how to
recognize tornado warnings and sounds and I am in Maryland (hardly tornado
alley) when I was in school. You might also want to look at the history of
when tornadoes hit and where on the national weather service site and see
that very few tornadoes occur where you are.
Playing out the incident, if she chooses, is one way to normalize an
incident and to allow her to process the feelings. I was a therapist back
in another life. Let her be the driver of the play. Certainly let her know
that talking about it and telling the story is okay, and the feelings are
okay.
You can learn about different kinds of wind--I would get a wind toy, and you
can use an electric fan or a/c, blow on it or take it outside and see if it
will move. Talk about how only natural wind comes from a tornado and that
they are very rare. Don't try to paint the truth better or worse, but the
facts are really not that bad since even with the increased activity that
they predict tornadoes are still very rare in your area. You might be able
to find stories about tornado alley and talk about how many people have
lived there for years through lots of tornadoes and have been able to tell
the tale because of careful planning and alertness. Learning about the
warning systems that are in your area would probably be good for everyone.
In the end, I am sure that she will be able to move on and have a normal
life, I would think that it could take a few months, maybe even 6, but
probably less.
Chris
On Fri, Jul 22, 2011 at 6:02 PM, plaidpanties666
<plaidpanties666@...>wrote:
> **[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
> "celines s" <sanchezcelines@...> wrote:
> >now my daughter had develop this fear of wind and thunders
>
> And you haven't? You're made of sterner stuff than I am - its been a decade
> since I lived in the tornado belt and I still can't sleep through a thunder
> storm and keep a nervous eye on the sky when it has a certain look to it.
>
> What are you saying to her? If you're saying "its okay, don't be scared"
> then stop saying that ;) its not helping. Something terrible and scary
> happened. It's okay to still be scared a couple months later. Have you
> talked about being scared? That might help if you haven't done it already.
> Joyce suggested making emergency plans - that's a good idea, too.
>
> When Ray was 4, he was in an auto accident - not a bad one, but the truck
> rolled over into a local creek. For months he played games involving car
> crashes. Have you done any playing with wind at all? Gone kite flying or
> held paper air-planes over the a/c to watch the wind push them? That might
> interest her - or if it scares her all over again, its a chance to talk
> about it in a new way, say something you haven't said before.
>
> >>she is always looking at the weather channel
>
> > Hi on June 1st. we experience a tornado in our area (Springfield MA),
> we've never seen a tornado before and wasn't expecting one either it
> happened so fast one second my husband was calling me to come to the door
> and see the clouds the next we are running ,I went to the living room to get
> my 8 y.o.daughter who was in the computer ,and my husband yelling at my 20
> y.o. son who was sleeping in his room to get to the basement,well my
> daughter couldn't hear me and the shades started blowing very fast so I had
> to go grab her pull the headphones out of her head and pull her toward the
> basement ,all this happened in a matter of seconds,when we got out of the
> basement there were trees every where one huge one in our yard, but everyone
> was safe,now my daughter had develop this fear of wind and thunders,when she
> wakes up she goes straight to the window and close them and the shades
> too,it got to the point that she didn't wanted to have the a/c on because it
> blows a little wind ,but we can't afford in a 100 degrees to have the
> windows close and the a/c off also, she is always looking at the weather
> channel ,if she sees clouds getting dark she ask why, and doesn't matter
> what we tell her it doesn't work she is always in a panic,and the slightest
> wind send her running inside covering her ears,I really don't know what to
> do or tell her anymore.
> >
>
>
>