Too much choice?
catfish_friend
I am wondering if I may be creating a stressful situation for DD1 (almost 5 years old) to make her own education choices.
DD1's options for the fall:
- unschool with mom, dad is open to it, but not necessarily gung-ho so we have school options, below
- hybrid charter 2 days a week (commute with traffic could be 30-45mins each way), home/unschool other 3 days (is supposed to revolve around the theme they are exploring at school, so not really Unschooling on the off-site days, though the theme can be explored in any way)
- Waldorf-inspired charter 5 days a week nearby
Because DH and I are on opposite ends of the spectrum for our first choice -- I want to unschool, he likes the Waldorf charter -- we have decided to wait and see. The hybrid charter starts before the Waldorf charter and so there is an opportunity to attend the first day of each before deciding. We have spoken to DD1 about "trying out" her schools including Unschooling with mom.
I am wondering if this is too much potential stress for DD1 to have to see two different schools, kids, teachers, "first day of school" experiences, mental/emotional preparation for starting school (times 2), etc.
I already know she prefers doing her choice of activities over going to her summer camp (which is her preschool's camp).
Ceci
Sent from my iDon'tAlwaysHaveItOnPhone
DD1's options for the fall:
- unschool with mom, dad is open to it, but not necessarily gung-ho so we have school options, below
- hybrid charter 2 days a week (commute with traffic could be 30-45mins each way), home/unschool other 3 days (is supposed to revolve around the theme they are exploring at school, so not really Unschooling on the off-site days, though the theme can be explored in any way)
- Waldorf-inspired charter 5 days a week nearby
Because DH and I are on opposite ends of the spectrum for our first choice -- I want to unschool, he likes the Waldorf charter -- we have decided to wait and see. The hybrid charter starts before the Waldorf charter and so there is an opportunity to attend the first day of each before deciding. We have spoken to DD1 about "trying out" her schools including Unschooling with mom.
I am wondering if this is too much potential stress for DD1 to have to see two different schools, kids, teachers, "first day of school" experiences, mental/emotional preparation for starting school (times 2), etc.
I already know she prefers doing her choice of activities over going to her summer camp (which is her preschool's camp).
Ceci
Sent from my iDon'tAlwaysHaveItOnPhone
Carrie Jay Sayer
Dear Ceci,
If my husband was reluctant and/or afraid and/or uncertain about unschooling I would invite my husband to the Rethinking Everything Conference:
www.rethinkingeverything.net
You'll be surrounded by free, progressive, natural families, who can allay fears about Unschooling. There is also a big session in the form of a panel answering any and all questions about Unschooling and its benefits.
Love
Carrie
If my husband was reluctant and/or afraid and/or uncertain about unschooling I would invite my husband to the Rethinking Everything Conference:
www.rethinkingeverything.net
You'll be surrounded by free, progressive, natural families, who can allay fears about Unschooling. There is also a big session in the form of a panel answering any and all questions about Unschooling and its benefits.
Love
Carrie
On Jul 13, 2011, at 12:12 PM, catfish_friend <catfish_friend@...> wrote:
> I am wondering if I may be creating a stressful situation for DD1 (almost 5 years old) to make her own education choices.
>
> DD1's options for the fall:
> - unschool with mom, dad is open to it, but not necessarily gung-ho so we have school options, below
> - hybrid charter 2 days a week (commute with traffic could be 30-45mins each way), home/unschool other 3 days (is supposed to revolve around the theme they are exploring at school, so not really Unschooling on the off-site days, though the theme can be explored in any way)
> - Waldorf-inspired charter 5 days a week nearby
>
> Because DH and I are on opposite ends of the spectrum for our first choice -- I want to unschool, he likes the Waldorf charter -- we have decided to wait and see. The hybrid charter starts before the Waldorf charter and so there is an opportunity to attend the first day of each before deciding. We have spoken to DD1 about "trying out" her schools including Unschooling with mom.
>
> I am wondering if this is too much potential stress for DD1 to have to see two different schools, kids, teachers, "first day of school" experiences, mental/emotional preparation for starting school (times 2), etc.
>
> I already know she prefers doing her choice of activities over going to her summer camp (which is her preschool's camp).
>
> Ceci
>
> Sent from my iDon'tAlwaysHaveItOnPhone
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Schuyler
When I was 6 my mom and dad decided to explore other schools, schools not
public. I went to a bunch of different schools to check them out. It wasn't
terribly stressful to me. I didn't get stressed easily, though. You seem like
maybe you don't approach the world from a particularly relaxed position. If your
daughter is the same it may be stressful to her. If she's not bothered, well,
then it won't really be that big a deal to her, and maybe she'll even enjoy the
differences. I quite liked the lunch at one place. The place that won out was a
John Holt inspired place, very experiential education.
Schuyler
________________________________
From: catfish_friend <catfish_friend@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Wednesday, 13 July, 2011 17:12:40
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] Too much choice?
I am wondering if I may be creating a stressful situation for DD1 (almost 5
years old) to make her own education choices.
DD1's options for the fall:
- unschool with mom, dad is open to it, but not necessarily gung-ho so we have
school options, below
- hybrid charter 2 days a week (commute with traffic could be 30-45mins each
way), home/unschool other 3 days (is supposed to revolve around the theme they
are exploring at school, so not really Unschooling on the off-site days, though
the theme can be explored in any way)
- Waldorf-inspired charter 5 days a week nearby
Because DH and I are on opposite ends of the spectrum for our first choice -- I
want to unschool, he likes the Waldorf charter -- we have decided to wait and
see. The hybrid charter starts before the Waldorf charter and so there is an
opportunity to attend the first day of each before deciding. We have spoken to
DD1 about "trying out" her schools including Unschooling with mom.
I am wondering if this is too much potential stress for DD1 to have to see two
different schools, kids, teachers, "first day of school" experiences,
mental/emotional preparation for starting school (times 2), etc.
I already know she prefers doing her choice of activities over going to her
summer camp (which is her preschool's camp).
Ceci
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
public. I went to a bunch of different schools to check them out. It wasn't
terribly stressful to me. I didn't get stressed easily, though. You seem like
maybe you don't approach the world from a particularly relaxed position. If your
daughter is the same it may be stressful to her. If she's not bothered, well,
then it won't really be that big a deal to her, and maybe she'll even enjoy the
differences. I quite liked the lunch at one place. The place that won out was a
John Holt inspired place, very experiential education.
Schuyler
________________________________
From: catfish_friend <catfish_friend@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Wednesday, 13 July, 2011 17:12:40
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] Too much choice?
I am wondering if I may be creating a stressful situation for DD1 (almost 5
years old) to make her own education choices.
DD1's options for the fall:
- unschool with mom, dad is open to it, but not necessarily gung-ho so we have
school options, below
- hybrid charter 2 days a week (commute with traffic could be 30-45mins each
way), home/unschool other 3 days (is supposed to revolve around the theme they
are exploring at school, so not really Unschooling on the off-site days, though
the theme can be explored in any way)
- Waldorf-inspired charter 5 days a week nearby
Because DH and I are on opposite ends of the spectrum for our first choice -- I
want to unschool, he likes the Waldorf charter -- we have decided to wait and
see. The hybrid charter starts before the Waldorf charter and so there is an
opportunity to attend the first day of each before deciding. We have spoken to
DD1 about "trying out" her schools including Unschooling with mom.
I am wondering if this is too much potential stress for DD1 to have to see two
different schools, kids, teachers, "first day of school" experiences,
mental/emotional preparation for starting school (times 2), etc.
I already know she prefers doing her choice of activities over going to her
summer camp (which is her preschool's camp).
Ceci
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
plaidpanties666
catfish_friend <catfish_friend@...> wrote:
Realistically, she can't make her own "educational choices" - she can visit schools and decide if she'd like to come back tomorrow, maybe think about going for a week at a time. But at 4 - or even 5 for that matter - she can't really conceptualize a Whole Year of school much less an education. So in that sense, its not her choice, it can't possibly be her choice other than on a day by day basis.
Will either school give you the flexibility to make decisions on a day by day basis? The Waldorf school, in particular, might not - its something to ask! But some of those kinds of private programs insist that its disruptive for kids to come some days but not every day, even if the parents are willing to pay for the whole thing, regardless. Is your husband willing to let her make that kind of day-by-day decision about school? Or will he push for her to go, like it or not? If he's likely to push for her to go, once y'all have paid for the program, that's something to consider in your decision making.
---Merediht
>***********
> I am wondering if I may be creating a stressful situation for DD1 (almost 5 years old) to make her own education choices.
Realistically, she can't make her own "educational choices" - she can visit schools and decide if she'd like to come back tomorrow, maybe think about going for a week at a time. But at 4 - or even 5 for that matter - she can't really conceptualize a Whole Year of school much less an education. So in that sense, its not her choice, it can't possibly be her choice other than on a day by day basis.
Will either school give you the flexibility to make decisions on a day by day basis? The Waldorf school, in particular, might not - its something to ask! But some of those kinds of private programs insist that its disruptive for kids to come some days but not every day, even if the parents are willing to pay for the whole thing, regardless. Is your husband willing to let her make that kind of day-by-day decision about school? Or will he push for her to go, like it or not? If he's likely to push for her to go, once y'all have paid for the program, that's something to consider in your decision making.
---Merediht
alma
--- In [email protected], catfish_friend <catfish_friend@...> wrote:
My DH is Polish, and in Poland children don't start formal schooling til 6 or 7 anyway. This really helped him take the plunge into keeping DS out of school for a while. Once DS reached 7 it was clear unschooling was right for all the family.
All the best,
Alison
DS(8) and DS(6)
>Would it be possible to put the school options on hold for a year? Her reluctance at summer camp indicates (maybe) another year at home with mum will suit her best for now. During that year you and DH can both have more time to explore unschooling and iron out fears etc
> I am wondering if I may be creating a stressful situation for DD1 (almost 5 years old) to make her own education choices.
>
> DD1's options for the fall:
> - unschool with mom, dad is open to it, but not necessarily gung-ho so we have school options, below
> - hybrid charter 2 days a week (commute with traffic could be 30-45mins each way), home/unschool other 3 days (is supposed to revolve around the theme they are exploring at school, so not really Unschooling on the off-site days, though the theme can be explored in any way)
> - Waldorf-inspired charter 5 days a week nearby
>
> Because DH and I are on opposite ends of the spectrum for our first choice -- I want to unschool, he likes the Waldorf charter -- we have decided to wait and see. The hybrid charter starts before the Waldorf charter and so there is an opportunity to attend the first day of each before deciding. We have spoken to DD1 about "trying out" her schools including Unschooling with mom.
>
> I am wondering if this is too much potential stress for DD1 to have to see two different schools, kids, teachers, "first day of school" experiences, mental/emotional preparation for starting school (times 2), etc.
>
> I already know she prefers doing her choice of activities over going to her summer camp (which is her preschool's camp).
>
> Ceci
>
> Sent from my iDon'tAlwaysHaveItOnPhone
>
My DH is Polish, and in Poland children don't start formal schooling til 6 or 7 anyway. This really helped him take the plunge into keeping DS out of school for a while. Once DS reached 7 it was clear unschooling was right for all the family.
All the best,
Alison
DS(8) and DS(6)
Ed Wendell
As mentioned before, check the laws for school ages as this might be a good discussion point with your husband for waiting another year to make a decision.
For example in Missouri (USA) most children go to kindergarten when they are 5, but the law only says they must start school at age 7. Then there is the child's birth date compared to the birth date cut off for entrance. In Missouri you have to be 5 no later than the end of July to enter kindergarten - and in the Kansas City, MO school district (they just changed it this year and we have special rules for our district as well as St Louis) you have to be 5 no later than the end of September.
I say Kansas City did it to have an influx of money this year - if they bring in a few more kindergarteners this year they get more money from the state and federal government this year. It's not like the Children in St Louis and Kansas City are more ready at a younger age ?????
When I started school in Illinois back in 1967 we had no Kindergarten, we just started with first grade. You just had to be 6 by the end of December to start first grade. My husband went to kindergarten in Denver, Colorado. I really can tell no difference in our "education" ;)
I know some countries have later start ages and their children do really well. I think it is Finland? that does not start their children on reading until much later and they read better than other countries' children.
Do some research and some thinking. It sounds like you are stressed out about this HUGE decision and once you make the decision that it is a FOREVER decision. Think of it in terms of we are going to try this and if it does not work out we can always do something else. You might even find something else further along in time that seems like an even better option. She is little, many things will change over time.
Lisa W.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
For example in Missouri (USA) most children go to kindergarten when they are 5, but the law only says they must start school at age 7. Then there is the child's birth date compared to the birth date cut off for entrance. In Missouri you have to be 5 no later than the end of July to enter kindergarten - and in the Kansas City, MO school district (they just changed it this year and we have special rules for our district as well as St Louis) you have to be 5 no later than the end of September.
I say Kansas City did it to have an influx of money this year - if they bring in a few more kindergarteners this year they get more money from the state and federal government this year. It's not like the Children in St Louis and Kansas City are more ready at a younger age ?????
When I started school in Illinois back in 1967 we had no Kindergarten, we just started with first grade. You just had to be 6 by the end of December to start first grade. My husband went to kindergarten in Denver, Colorado. I really can tell no difference in our "education" ;)
I know some countries have later start ages and their children do really well. I think it is Finland? that does not start their children on reading until much later and they read better than other countries' children.
Do some research and some thinking. It sounds like you are stressed out about this HUGE decision and once you make the decision that it is a FOREVER decision. Think of it in terms of we are going to try this and if it does not work out we can always do something else. You might even find something else further along in time that seems like an even better option. She is little, many things will change over time.
Lisa W.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
cindy jusino
Seems like it's a little too much for to lay on a 5year olds shoulders, no offense meant I just mean if it's hard enough for the adults too decide what is best, how is a five year old supposed to? And sure the 5year old may like one school but there only going for one day, the first day at that, we all can remember the first day was more of a fun "blow-off" day where you get to know everyone, not really a get down to business work day, so it's not even like how the school year is going to be. Maybe some more adult discussion is needed to decide pro's and con's of all.
-
-- In [email protected], catfish_friend <catfish_friend@...> wrote:
-
-- In [email protected], catfish_friend <catfish_friend@...> wrote:
>
> I am wondering if I may be creating a stressful situation for DD1 (almost 5 years old) to make her own education choices.
>
> DD1's options for the fall:
> - unschool with mom, dad is open to it, but not necessarily gung-ho so we have school options, below
> - hybrid charter 2 days a week (commute with traffic could be 30-45mins each way), home/unschool other 3 days (is supposed to revolve around the theme they are exploring at school, so not really Unschooling on the off-site days, though the theme can be explored in any way)
> - Waldorf-inspired charter 5 days a week nearby
>
> Because DH and I are on opposite ends of the spectrum for our first choice -- I want to unschool, he likes the Waldorf charter -- we have decided to wait and see. The hybrid charter starts before the Waldorf charter and so there is an opportunity to attend the first day of each before deciding. We have spoken to DD1 about "trying out" her schools including Unschooling with mom.
>
> I am wondering if this is too much potential stress for DD1 to have to see two different schools, kids, teachers, "first day of school" experiences, mental/emotional preparation for starting school (times 2), etc.
>
> I already know she prefers doing her choice of activities over going to her summer camp (which is her preschool's camp).
>
> Ceci
>
> Sent from my iDon'tAlwaysHaveItOnPhone
>
Joyce Fetteroll
On Jul 15, 2011, at 12:37 AM, cindy jusino wrote:
process. Ask her what she likes and dislikes about each. Make a
chart :-) If she gets into it, ask her if she'd like to rate them with
multiple smiley faces for the best good things and multiple frowny
faces for the not so great things. It would also help you to see what
you could add to unschooling that would make it better than the other
options :-)
That's not something every child would like to do. But if she enjoys
it, it's basically the unconscious mental process most people kind of
fumble out for themselves.
As long as she has a choice and doesn't feel trapped by the choice, it
doesn't need to be turned into a big deal. Though how big of a deal it
feels to her will depend on her personality. Some kids get overwhelmed
by choices when they don't have strong feelings about something. So
*her* feelings, her reaction to choices, your ability to not pressure
her, is a better indicator of how stressful it will be to her than the
guesses of strangers ;-)
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> I am wondering if this is too much potential stress for DD1 to haveRather than seeing it as a big decision, break it down into the
> to see two different schools, kids, teachers, "first day of school"
> experiences, mental/emotional preparation for starting school (times
> 2), etc.
process. Ask her what she likes and dislikes about each. Make a
chart :-) If she gets into it, ask her if she'd like to rate them with
multiple smiley faces for the best good things and multiple frowny
faces for the not so great things. It would also help you to see what
you could add to unschooling that would make it better than the other
options :-)
That's not something every child would like to do. But if she enjoys
it, it's basically the unconscious mental process most people kind of
fumble out for themselves.
As long as she has a choice and doesn't feel trapped by the choice, it
doesn't need to be turned into a big deal. Though how big of a deal it
feels to her will depend on her personality. Some kids get overwhelmed
by choices when they don't have strong feelings about something. So
*her* feelings, her reaction to choices, your ability to not pressure
her, is a better indicator of how stressful it will be to her than the
guesses of strangers ;-)
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-Seems like it's a little too much for to lay on a 5year olds shoulders, no offense meant I just mean if it's hard enough for the adults too decide what is best, how is a five year old supposed to? And sure the 5year old may like one school but there only going for one day, the first day at that, we all can remember the first day was more of a fun "blow-off" day where you get to know everyone, not really a get down to business work day, so it's not even like how the school year is going to be. Maybe some more adult discussion is needed to decide pro's and con's of all.-=-
I agree.
And "trying" unschooling home with mom isn't even a possibility.
If she really wants to go to school, find a school you can live with and be supportive of her in that situation. Be cheery and charming and help her with clothes and lunch and nice school supplies.
If she chooses to stay home, make that interesting and rich and good.
Giving children choices, when they're little, should be about not forcing them to scrub toilets or eat spinach or go to bed in the dark alone crying. Not about expecting them to make livelong decisions. There's a good reason the age to sign a contract is way up in the mid to late teens (depending on the jurisdiction). Before that, a child can't make a longterm decision, and shouldn't be expected to. But decisions made about little things during the day is a way to practice for ever larger decisions so that by the time they are old enough to make larger decisions involving money and years of commitment, they will have some experience to help them decide.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I agree.
And "trying" unschooling home with mom isn't even a possibility.
If she really wants to go to school, find a school you can live with and be supportive of her in that situation. Be cheery and charming and help her with clothes and lunch and nice school supplies.
If she chooses to stay home, make that interesting and rich and good.
Giving children choices, when they're little, should be about not forcing them to scrub toilets or eat spinach or go to bed in the dark alone crying. Not about expecting them to make livelong decisions. There's a good reason the age to sign a contract is way up in the mid to late teens (depending on the jurisdiction). Before that, a child can't make a longterm decision, and shouldn't be expected to. But decisions made about little things during the day is a way to practice for ever larger decisions so that by the time they are old enough to make larger decisions involving money and years of commitment, they will have some experience to help them decide.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=- Some kids get overwhelmed
by choices when they don't have strong feelings about something. So
*her* feelings, her reaction to choices, your ability to not pressure
her, is a better indicator of how stressful it will be to her than the
guesses of strangers ;-)-=-
I've been feeling that way lately myself. Not the last part, but overwhelmed by choices.
If it's too overwhelming, maybe wait a year. That seemed a good plan.
Or for some kids, taking a class satisfies their urge to go to school. A dance class, or art, or maybe a club to join. Some people live where more structured homeschooling families are having history clubs or science classes. That might be enough for a childwho wants to just see what it's like to be in a class.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
by choices when they don't have strong feelings about something. So
*her* feelings, her reaction to choices, your ability to not pressure
her, is a better indicator of how stressful it will be to her than the
guesses of strangers ;-)-=-
I've been feeling that way lately myself. Not the last part, but overwhelmed by choices.
If it's too overwhelming, maybe wait a year. That seemed a good plan.
Or for some kids, taking a class satisfies their urge to go to school. A dance class, or art, or maybe a club to join. Some people live where more structured homeschooling families are having history clubs or science classes. That might be enough for a childwho wants to just see what it's like to be in a class.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
catfish_friend
On Jul 15, 2011, at 3:23 AM, Joyce Fetteroll <jfetteroll@...> wrote:
Thank you to everyone who responded to my original post.
And, thanks to the generosity of listmembers as I have been learning so much here!
I wanted to give an update because maybe it will help someone else.
DD1 visited both public charter schools, played in the classrooms and met prospective teachers as well as students. It seemed that the Waldorf inspired charter would be her choice (and DH's) but a few things have since also been added to the mix:
1). DH started working full-time, and we agreed that the choice of education should be heavily influenced by what I felt would work best for me since I would be home with our 5 and 2.5 year old girls.
2). We moved to a place better suited for Unschooling, and are making it a better Unschooling nest.
3). We started deschooling, initially making the choice for DD1 to stay home with me instead of sending her to camp (mostly to help make the move happen more efficiently). One morning of tears and disappointment, but she then told me that she would rather be with me than go to either of the 2 camps she had been to.
4). DD1 told me I was her best friend.
5). Tonight was an ice cream social at the Waldorf-inspired charter and she chose to put on a Phillies hat (US sports team) and Hello Kitty gloves. When I explained that she was not allowed to wear those at the Waldorf-inspired school (we discussed this before, too) she protested and said, "It's not fair! I don't want to go there!". She explained to me that she was wearing the sports team hat because she missed her dad (his fave team). I suggested that we go anyway and I could go with her to speak with her teacher about the dress code. DD1 simply said that she didn't want to go there anymore.
I've spoken with DD1 about the things she liked about the Waldorf-inspired school and I will remind her again this weekend, explaining that to withdraw means that she won't be able to change her mind later this year (or perhaps in the future as it's a difficult lottery). Though I would like to unschool, I want to make sure she is making as informed a choice as possible.
As for all the suggestions given here to my OP, I decided to think about who DD1 is -- she is assertive and articulate. DH and I have tried our best to be responsive parents and I think that has supported her assertiveness. I would give her what I could to help her make a choice and if she seemed overwhelmed by it, I would simply make the best choice I could given what I had observed so far. Fortunately, she didn't need me to point out the differences between being with me and being at school.
I want to add that while DH was not necessarily convinced before about Unschooling, my gut feeling was pushing me towards it, thinking that DH would see the benefit. If I had waited to convince him based solely on philosophical, hypothetical discussions, I may have never been able to head down this road with his blessing. This is again, a choice I made based on my observations of who my DH is and our relationship. In neither situation am I suggesting others should make the same choices, but I mention them because it may trigger something for someone who is in a similar enough circumstance...
Our girls are happy and getting along the best I've ever seen them. Both are really helpful at times with things I am working on (chores, cooking) and we are having fun deschooling! And, tonight, explaining DD1's choice to DH, he was fine with it, while he was looking for the cables to hook up the DVD player so that DD2 could watch her movie while eating in the living room at 10pm.
This from my DH who was once strictly no TV, no eating anywhere but the dining room table and strict bedtimes.
In a brief discussion with DH tonight about being with the girls, he mentioned how unrewarding being the childcare giver was for him. I told him that I felt it was completely rewarding for me. I think the deschooling helps -- a lot :)
Thank you Unschoolers for helping my family so much!
Now, how long do I deschool?!!
Ceci
> As long as she has a choice and doesn't feel trapped by the choice, it--------------
> doesn't need to be turned into a big deal.
Thank you to everyone who responded to my original post.
And, thanks to the generosity of listmembers as I have been learning so much here!
I wanted to give an update because maybe it will help someone else.
DD1 visited both public charter schools, played in the classrooms and met prospective teachers as well as students. It seemed that the Waldorf inspired charter would be her choice (and DH's) but a few things have since also been added to the mix:
1). DH started working full-time, and we agreed that the choice of education should be heavily influenced by what I felt would work best for me since I would be home with our 5 and 2.5 year old girls.
2). We moved to a place better suited for Unschooling, and are making it a better Unschooling nest.
3). We started deschooling, initially making the choice for DD1 to stay home with me instead of sending her to camp (mostly to help make the move happen more efficiently). One morning of tears and disappointment, but she then told me that she would rather be with me than go to either of the 2 camps she had been to.
4). DD1 told me I was her best friend.
5). Tonight was an ice cream social at the Waldorf-inspired charter and she chose to put on a Phillies hat (US sports team) and Hello Kitty gloves. When I explained that she was not allowed to wear those at the Waldorf-inspired school (we discussed this before, too) she protested and said, "It's not fair! I don't want to go there!". She explained to me that she was wearing the sports team hat because she missed her dad (his fave team). I suggested that we go anyway and I could go with her to speak with her teacher about the dress code. DD1 simply said that she didn't want to go there anymore.
I've spoken with DD1 about the things she liked about the Waldorf-inspired school and I will remind her again this weekend, explaining that to withdraw means that she won't be able to change her mind later this year (or perhaps in the future as it's a difficult lottery). Though I would like to unschool, I want to make sure she is making as informed a choice as possible.
As for all the suggestions given here to my OP, I decided to think about who DD1 is -- she is assertive and articulate. DH and I have tried our best to be responsive parents and I think that has supported her assertiveness. I would give her what I could to help her make a choice and if she seemed overwhelmed by it, I would simply make the best choice I could given what I had observed so far. Fortunately, she didn't need me to point out the differences between being with me and being at school.
I want to add that while DH was not necessarily convinced before about Unschooling, my gut feeling was pushing me towards it, thinking that DH would see the benefit. If I had waited to convince him based solely on philosophical, hypothetical discussions, I may have never been able to head down this road with his blessing. This is again, a choice I made based on my observations of who my DH is and our relationship. In neither situation am I suggesting others should make the same choices, but I mention them because it may trigger something for someone who is in a similar enough circumstance...
Our girls are happy and getting along the best I've ever seen them. Both are really helpful at times with things I am working on (chores, cooking) and we are having fun deschooling! And, tonight, explaining DD1's choice to DH, he was fine with it, while he was looking for the cables to hook up the DVD player so that DD2 could watch her movie while eating in the living room at 10pm.
This from my DH who was once strictly no TV, no eating anywhere but the dining room table and strict bedtimes.
In a brief discussion with DH tonight about being with the girls, he mentioned how unrewarding being the childcare giver was for him. I told him that I felt it was completely rewarding for me. I think the deschooling helps -- a lot :)
Thank you Unschoolers for helping my family so much!
Now, how long do I deschool?!!
Ceci
Sandra Dodd
-=-Now, how long do I deschool?!!-=-
Add up the years you were in school yourself, or taught school, or send your kids to school, or did school at home, and get the total. That's about how many months it should take you to recover.
http://sandradodd.com/deschooling
Meanwhile, do things that don't seem at all like school to you. Try to banish your schoolish thoughts. If you find yourself thinking of "semesters" or "units" or "grade levels," find new ways to see the seasons and the world and the things in it. Find new ways to see your child, without the overlay of school.
Holly mentioned having been in a conversation with some newish friends who have been buddies since midschool. One was telling a story of having fallen off his bicycle into cactus, when he was in third grade. Holly said she immediately translates that into her head to "when he was eight," and is surprised that when people who went to school talk about how old they were they have to calculate it each time, or really think about it. She just adds five to the school-year they've named. I reminded her that it didn't always work that way, but that wasn't her point. She was talking about how even though the bicycle and cactus had *nothing* to do with school or with third grade itself, that was the point of reference. He thought of himself as "a third grader."
My own childhood looks like that, too. I was always "the right age" because I had a summer birthday and never failed a grade, but I still think of "when I was in fourth grade" more than I think of "when I was nine."
So try for your kids to be the sort who think of themselves in the day, in the moment, rather than themselves in relation to all the schoolkids in their own nation.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Add up the years you were in school yourself, or taught school, or send your kids to school, or did school at home, and get the total. That's about how many months it should take you to recover.
http://sandradodd.com/deschooling
Meanwhile, do things that don't seem at all like school to you. Try to banish your schoolish thoughts. If you find yourself thinking of "semesters" or "units" or "grade levels," find new ways to see the seasons and the world and the things in it. Find new ways to see your child, without the overlay of school.
Holly mentioned having been in a conversation with some newish friends who have been buddies since midschool. One was telling a story of having fallen off his bicycle into cactus, when he was in third grade. Holly said she immediately translates that into her head to "when he was eight," and is surprised that when people who went to school talk about how old they were they have to calculate it each time, or really think about it. She just adds five to the school-year they've named. I reminded her that it didn't always work that way, but that wasn't her point. She was talking about how even though the bicycle and cactus had *nothing* to do with school or with third grade itself, that was the point of reference. He thought of himself as "a third grader."
My own childhood looks like that, too. I was always "the right age" because I had a summer birthday and never failed a grade, but I still think of "when I was in fourth grade" more than I think of "when I was nine."
So try for your kids to be the sort who think of themselves in the day, in the moment, rather than themselves in relation to all the schoolkids in their own nation.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
teresa
When I tell stories from my childhood to my kids, I try to do the quick math in my head so that I don't keep referring to myself as a school-being but rather as a kid. But too many stories of mine have begun with, "When I was in high school..." or "When I was in first grade..."
I want to relate to him on a human level, but my language was setting up barriers to that.
I want to relate to him on a human level, but my language was setting up barriers to that.
--- In [email protected], Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
>
> -=-Now, how long do I deschool?!!-=-
>
> Add up the years you were in school yourself, or taught school, or send your kids to school, or did school at home, and get the total. That's about how many months it should take you to recover.
>
> http://sandradodd.com/deschooling
>
> Meanwhile, do things that don't seem at all like school to you. Try to banish your schoolish thoughts. If you find yourself thinking of "semesters" or "units" or "grade levels," find new ways to see the seasons and the world and the things in it. Find new ways to see your child, without the overlay of school.
>
> Holly mentioned having been in a conversation with some newish friends who have been buddies since midschool. One was telling a story of having fallen off his bicycle into cactus, when he was in third grade. Holly said she immediately translates that into her head to "when he was eight," and is surprised that when people who went to school talk about how old they were they have to calculate it each time, or really think about it. She just adds five to the school-year they've named. I reminded her that it didn't always work that way, but that wasn't her point. She was talking about how even though the bicycle and cactus had *nothing* to do with school or with third grade itself, that was the point of reference. He thought of himself as "a third grader."
>
> My own childhood looks like that, too. I was always "the right age" because I had a summer birthday and never failed a grade, but I still think of "when I was in fourth grade" more than I think of "when I was nine."
>
> So try for your kids to be the sort who think of themselves in the day, in the moment, rather than themselves in relation to all the schoolkids in their own nation.
>
> Sandra
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
plaidpanties666
catfish_friend <catfish_friend@...> wrote:
---Meredith
>> Now, how long do I deschool?!!Even after you're "done" deschooling, you'll find little bits of schoolish stuff coming up now and then. Something will trigger a memory of school, learning something there or having some experience and you'll find there's more deschooling to do. Ray's going to be 18 in a month (!) and I'm having moments of thinking "what about graduation?" He's already thrown himself a "graduation" party, at the end of the last school year, and lives more like a young man in his 20s than a "teenager" but the big 18 has me a little rattled, nonetheless.
---Meredith