Sandra Dodd

I quoted Schuyler on Just Add Light this morning. Then I edited something slightly, without changing words. When I went to apply the same edits to the piece on the Parenting Peacefully page, I saw it from a different angle. So here I'm quoting a different cut from that passage.

__________________________
I can remember talking about it, thinking about it, it was like a switch I could feel turning. I went from calm and in control to *switch* furious in no time at all. And I couldn't figure out how to not turn the switch on, to make the switch a thoughtful process. When it flipped the other day I felt it go and I stepped away and I turned it off. Most days I stop long before the switch goes. The thoughtful process was recognizing the grumpiness earlier in the day. Feeling a shortness that isn't normally there and doing things to respond to that like going for a quick breath outside or having a chocolate milk or a chai latte or something else that just ups my energy budget a bit. Taking five minutes to close my eyes and be still helps, too. Whatever works for you to buffer yourself is good. Come up with lots of little things.With an almost-four-year-old, little things and little moments are what you are most likely going to get.

It helps a lot to try for better moments not days. Don't judge a day by one upset, judge it as a bad moment and move forward. A little bit better each moment. A little bit more aware.
_____________________________

This is what's at the blog:
http://justaddlightandstir.blogspot.com/2011/07/learning-to-make-peaceful-choices.html

The quote is here, one screen down, on the left, entitled "Switching Off the Fury."
http://sandradodd.com/parentingpeacefully

Sandra

Deb

I have a disease, Arachnoiditis, which keeps me in pretty severe pain most of the time unless I'm lying down flat. Well, of course that's impossible most of the time, so my switch is thrown a good deal of the time. I read the link in your post along with yours and the timing was good because it's a concept I'm just growing into.
If I've been on my feet or sitting up too long I can feel the tension in my face getting ready to snap at the next wrong comment or event. But recently I've learned that to avoid this, if I just swalllow my pride and tell my son or whoever what condition I happen to be in, and lithat I need to lie down for 20 or whatever, the switch is turned off and they do understand,even my youngest. And I don't feel near as ashamed as I figured. Do you think that's the same kind of thing that you meant?







--- In [email protected], Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
>
> I quoted Schuyler on Just Add Light this morning. Then I edited something slightly, without changing words. When I went to apply the same edits to the piece on the Parenting Peacefully page, I saw it from a different angle. So here I'm quoting a different cut from that passage.
>
> __________________________
> I can remember talking about it, thinking about it, it was like a switch I could feel turning. I went from calm and in control to *switch* furious in no time at all. And I couldn't figure out how to not turn the switch on, to make the switch a thoughtful process. When it flipped the other day I felt it go and I stepped away and I turned it off. Most days I stop long before the switch goes. The thoughtful process was recognizing the grumpiness earlier in the day. Feeling a shortness that isn't normally there and doing things to respond to that like going for a quick breath outside or having a chocolate milk or a chai latte or something else that just ups my energy budget a bit. Taking five minutes to close my eyes and be still helps, too. Whatever works for you to buffer yourself is good. Come up with lots of little things.With an almost-four-year-old, little things and little moments are what you are most likely going to get.
>
> It helps a lot to try for better moments not days. Don't judge a day by one upset, judge it as a bad moment and move forward. A little bit better each moment. A little bit more aware.
> _____________________________
>
> This is what's at the blog:
> http://justaddlightandstir.blogspot.com/2011/07/learning-to-make-peaceful-choices.html
>
> The quote is here, one screen down, on the left, entitled "Switching Off the Fury."
> http://sandradodd.com/parentingpeacefully
>
> Sandra
>

Schuyler

Yes, that's the kind of thing I often use for my own self. Recognising that the
limitation of patience is within me and it isn't that my patience is "being
tried" by someone else. Working to recognise my own limitations and figuring out
ways to accomodate those limitations goes a long way toward me being more kind,
more responsive, more who I want to be.


Schuyler




________________________________
From: Deb <vwb777@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Thursday, 7 July, 2011 2:09:33
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] Re: Choices in moments

I have a disease, Arachnoiditis, which keeps me in pretty severe pain most of
the time unless I'm lying down flat. Well, of course that's impossible most of
the time, so my switch is thrown a good deal of the time. I read the link in
your post along with yours and the timing was good because it's a concept I'm
just growing into.

If I've been on my feet or sitting up too long I can feel the
tension in my face getting ready to snap at the next wrong comment or event. But
recently I've learned that to avoid this, if I just swalllow my pride and tell
my son or whoever what condition I happen to be in, and lithat I need to lie
down for 20 or whatever, the switch is turned off and they do understand,even my
youngest. And I don't feel near as ashamed as I figured. Do you think that's the
same kind of thing that you meant?

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Deb

I think the other challenge for me is that being that my switch is somerimes turned on by another person, usually one of my children, is catching myself and trying to have an empathetic moment about what's going on with him, what mood is he in, is he tired, etc., before I let loose. Just taking a huge cleansing breath while closing my eyes can even make a difference.






--- In [email protected], Schuyler <s.waynforth@...> wrote:
>
> Yes, that's the kind of thing I often use for my own self. Recognising that the
> limitation of patience is within me and it isn't that my patience is "being
> tried" by someone else. Working to recognise my own limitations and figuring out
> ways to accomodate those limitations goes a long way toward me being more kind,
> more responsive, more who I want to be.
>
>
> Schuyler
>
>
>
>
> ________________________________
> From: Deb <vwb777@...>
> To: [email protected]
> Sent: Thursday, 7 July, 2011 2:09:33
> Subject: [AlwaysLearning] Re: Choices in moments
>
> I have a disease, Arachnoiditis, which keeps me in pretty severe pain most of
> the time unless I'm lying down flat. Well, of course that's impossible most of
> the time, so my switch is thrown a good deal of the time. I read the link in
> your post along with yours and the timing was good because it's a concept I'm
> just growing into.
>
> If I've been on my feet or sitting up too long I can feel the
> tension in my face getting ready to snap at the next wrong comment or event. But
> recently I've learned that to avoid this, if I just swalllow my pride and tell
> my son or whoever what condition I happen to be in, and lithat I need to lie
> down for 20 or whatever, the switch is turned off and they do understand,even my
> youngest. And I don't feel near as ashamed as I figured. Do you think that's the
> same kind of thing that you meant?
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>