I just need some encouragement, reminders, ideas, inspiration
Emily S
A few months ago we moved away from a city where we were part of a large unschooling group and had lots of attachment parenting friends. There were lots of homeschoolers, cultural events, we could pretty much find something free or cheap to do any day of the week that we wanted to. Lots of things to do, places to go, and like-minded friends to visit.
Now we are living in a small town 80 miles away from any city. There are 2 homeschool groups here- one is a co-op with classes and a strict attendance policy, the other does field trips but charges more than we can afford. We're broke, there's not much free or cheap (or even expensive!) to do here. Most of the homeschoolers are doing charter school. I've met a few AP minded parents, but their kids are all younger than my oldest (she's 5). We found a friend for my daughter who is raised by her grandma who I have lots in common with and really like, but the grandma mentioned in passing that she spanks (though I never would have guessed from the interactions I've seen). We went to another potential friend's house and they had up "house rules" like "eat what you're given or nothing at all" and "obey mom and dad the first time."
Anyway, I'm just sad that we left such a wonderful place and good friends, frustrated that there isn't more to do, and it's left me being lazy and lacking inspiration in doing things with my kids. They've been happy though. We have a yard for the first time that they love. They're playing great together (5 year old and almost 3 year old) and do that most of the day. But I feel like we are lacking that spark and inspiration and learning all the time that we had before. I need to get it back. Ideas?
Emily
Now we are living in a small town 80 miles away from any city. There are 2 homeschool groups here- one is a co-op with classes and a strict attendance policy, the other does field trips but charges more than we can afford. We're broke, there's not much free or cheap (or even expensive!) to do here. Most of the homeschoolers are doing charter school. I've met a few AP minded parents, but their kids are all younger than my oldest (she's 5). We found a friend for my daughter who is raised by her grandma who I have lots in common with and really like, but the grandma mentioned in passing that she spanks (though I never would have guessed from the interactions I've seen). We went to another potential friend's house and they had up "house rules" like "eat what you're given or nothing at all" and "obey mom and dad the first time."
Anyway, I'm just sad that we left such a wonderful place and good friends, frustrated that there isn't more to do, and it's left me being lazy and lacking inspiration in doing things with my kids. They've been happy though. We have a yard for the first time that they love. They're playing great together (5 year old and almost 3 year old) and do that most of the day. But I feel like we are lacking that spark and inspiration and learning all the time that we had before. I need to get it back. Ideas?
Emily
Sandra Dodd
-=- it's left me being lazy and lacking inspiration in doing things with my kids. They've been happy though. We have a yard for the first time that they love. They're playing great together (5 year old and almost 3 year old) and do that most of the day. But I feel like we are lacking that spark and inspiration and learning all the time that we had before. I need to get it back. Ideas?-=-
Lots.
But wait until they're bored first. If they're playing happily in a new back yard, let that run its course.
http://sandradodd.com/youngchildren has a ton of ideas
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Lots.
But wait until they're bored first. If they're playing happily in a new back yard, let that run its course.
http://sandradodd.com/youngchildren has a ton of ideas
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
m_aduhene
Hi,
My post links to this but we haven't moved. I just feel "stuck" at the moment. I am happy with the way things are with younger two children 7 and (3 days off) 5 year old. I feel inside that talking and just doing and playing are fine for them. However with my 10 year old daughter I seem to have a block. We still chat, read books, watch tv and movies together but she seems to watch a lot of tv (stuff like icarly, true jackson etc) and is very into fashion and the celebrity world. My question has been triggered because we visited a friend yesterday and her son was challenging my husband to a quiz (he's 10) and his questions where very "intellectual" for a 10 year old. I just panicked because I thought my dd's knowledge will be seen as empty knowledge. She does NOT want to go to museums or watch tv programmes like discovery channel. She has no interest for now in instruments or art or any of the things that are seen as "intellectual pursuits". She is happy with how her life is and is a very happy and confident girl. Should this be my only goal though? Happy and confident? What about the "gaps"? How do I be with my 10 year old?
I am a bit stuck.
blessings
michelle
My post links to this but we haven't moved. I just feel "stuck" at the moment. I am happy with the way things are with younger two children 7 and (3 days off) 5 year old. I feel inside that talking and just doing and playing are fine for them. However with my 10 year old daughter I seem to have a block. We still chat, read books, watch tv and movies together but she seems to watch a lot of tv (stuff like icarly, true jackson etc) and is very into fashion and the celebrity world. My question has been triggered because we visited a friend yesterday and her son was challenging my husband to a quiz (he's 10) and his questions where very "intellectual" for a 10 year old. I just panicked because I thought my dd's knowledge will be seen as empty knowledge. She does NOT want to go to museums or watch tv programmes like discovery channel. She has no interest for now in instruments or art or any of the things that are seen as "intellectual pursuits". She is happy with how her life is and is a very happy and confident girl. Should this be my only goal though? Happy and confident? What about the "gaps"? How do I be with my 10 year old?
I am a bit stuck.
blessings
michelle
Sandra Dodd
-=-She is happy with how her life is and is a very happy
and confident girl. Should this be my only goal though? Happy and confident?
What about the "gaps"? How do I be with my 10 year old?
I am a bit stuck.-=-
How happy and confident was the boy with the intellectual bent? Maybe just as happy as your daughter. Maybe not.
There is value in fashion and popular culture. That other boy's knowledge was more schoolish. Don't let "more schoolish" be your goal, though. Even in school, some people don't have "schoolish" interests. Only a small percentage of school kids are "studious" or "gifted" within that frame of thought.
Gaps in knowledge? Everyone has gaps, if the measurement is knowing everything. Nobody knows everything. But things that don't seem "academic" can still eventually lead to all other subjects.
Here are some entryways to everything, in Elvis, Gilligan's Island and WWII:
http://sandradodd.com/dot/elvis
http://sandradodd.com/t/gilligan
There was a mom who wrote and said "My kid doesn't care about anything in the world but WWII. He doesn't do anything but draw pictures of tanks and draw pictures of airplanes, and draw maps. He knows all about WWII. He doesn't know anything else. And so I, that was when AOL was new so that was years ago. And that was the first time anyone ever put one of those to me, like tell me how. You know "Prove it. Put up or shut up." And I said, "Ok." So I just started spinning a thing about WWII, you know about how much it tied in. If he knew how they got food to those people and how they were exchanging information, how .. you know... why were those guys there? what were their motivations for being there? he would have the same kinds of questions about every other thing. He would understand other wars and projects if he understood that. You know, you have to get food to people. They have to have a place to sleep. They have to have some clothes. They have to have some water. You know who thinks about that with the war? But he did. That kid did. That kid knew everything. He was just huge into the logistics about who was where and why and how. How can that not tie into everything, including music? ( http://sandradodd.com/video/sandra3 )
And another mention of it is here:
http://sandradodd.com/checklists
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
and confident girl. Should this be my only goal though? Happy and confident?
What about the "gaps"? How do I be with my 10 year old?
I am a bit stuck.-=-
How happy and confident was the boy with the intellectual bent? Maybe just as happy as your daughter. Maybe not.
There is value in fashion and popular culture. That other boy's knowledge was more schoolish. Don't let "more schoolish" be your goal, though. Even in school, some people don't have "schoolish" interests. Only a small percentage of school kids are "studious" or "gifted" within that frame of thought.
Gaps in knowledge? Everyone has gaps, if the measurement is knowing everything. Nobody knows everything. But things that don't seem "academic" can still eventually lead to all other subjects.
Here are some entryways to everything, in Elvis, Gilligan's Island and WWII:
http://sandradodd.com/dot/elvis
http://sandradodd.com/t/gilligan
There was a mom who wrote and said "My kid doesn't care about anything in the world but WWII. He doesn't do anything but draw pictures of tanks and draw pictures of airplanes, and draw maps. He knows all about WWII. He doesn't know anything else. And so I, that was when AOL was new so that was years ago. And that was the first time anyone ever put one of those to me, like tell me how. You know "Prove it. Put up or shut up." And I said, "Ok." So I just started spinning a thing about WWII, you know about how much it tied in. If he knew how they got food to those people and how they were exchanging information, how .. you know... why were those guys there? what were their motivations for being there? he would have the same kinds of questions about every other thing. He would understand other wars and projects if he understood that. You know, you have to get food to people. They have to have a place to sleep. They have to have some clothes. They have to have some water. You know who thinks about that with the war? But he did. That kid did. That kid knew everything. He was just huge into the logistics about who was where and why and how. How can that not tie into everything, including music? ( http://sandradodd.com/video/sandra3 )
And another mention of it is here:
http://sandradodd.com/checklists
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Joyce Fetteroll
On May 15, 2011, at 5:56 AM, m_aduhene wrote:
tween shows appeal to tweens because they're tweens not because their
brains have atrophied ;-) The tween shows are like social dramas with
training wheels as the kids figure out how social interactions work.
If you feel disconnected, it's not because she's pulling away but
because you haven't kept up with her. Rather than wishing she'd be
different than she is, eg, more like the 10 yo boy, more like someone
who liked museums and crafts, accompany her as she explores what
fascinates her right now.
Unschooling is about helping who they are grow, not growing ideal
children. Unschooling doesn't turn a pomegranate seed into an oak
tree. It supports the pomegranate seed as it grows into a pomegranate
tree.
If she hasn't already, she'll start feeling that you have an image of
who you think she should be and that she's drifting further from your
ideal image of a daughter. It's the beginning of her feeling you don't
understand her. To stop the slide down that path, join her in
exploring celebrities and fashion.
Sandra has a whole page of ideas that were generated around fashion:
http://sandradodd.com/connections/design
It's the lens that fits how she's exploring the world right now.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> We still chat, read books, watch tv and movies together but sheVery typical for the tween (between little kid and teen) years. The
> seems to watch a lot of tv (stuff like icarly, true jackson etc) and
> is very into fashion and the celebrity world.
tween shows appeal to tweens because they're tweens not because their
brains have atrophied ;-) The tween shows are like social dramas with
training wheels as the kids figure out how social interactions work.
If you feel disconnected, it's not because she's pulling away but
because you haven't kept up with her. Rather than wishing she'd be
different than she is, eg, more like the 10 yo boy, more like someone
who liked museums and crafts, accompany her as she explores what
fascinates her right now.
Unschooling is about helping who they are grow, not growing ideal
children. Unschooling doesn't turn a pomegranate seed into an oak
tree. It supports the pomegranate seed as it grows into a pomegranate
tree.
If she hasn't already, she'll start feeling that you have an image of
who you think she should be and that she's drifting further from your
ideal image of a daughter. It's the beginning of her feeling you don't
understand her. To stop the slide down that path, join her in
exploring celebrities and fashion.
Sandra has a whole page of ideas that were generated around fashion:
http://sandradodd.com/connections/design
It's the lens that fits how she's exploring the world right now.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
plaidpanties666
"Emily S" <saturnfire16@...> wrote:
These are all good things! Younger children need time at home, time to "nest" more than they need to be out and about, in general. Enjoy the fact that they have this wonderful yard and can play all day long - that's a marvelous gift. If you're really jonesing for the city, plan some day trips or overnights with friends there - but not very many right now. Let your kids love their new life.
In the longer run, two things to think about - first, you're going to need to learn some new skills, since you can't always fall back on "lets go out and x" the way maybe you could before. Start collecting ideas and things to strew for later - look at yard sales and library sales, thrift shops, pawn shops, look online, too. Don't break the bank, just pick up things in your price range that look interesting "just in case" so you have a good collection of offerings as the kids get older and their needs and interests start to change.
The other thing - is there a halfway place you can live? Somewhere closer to the city but still have a yard? That's tomorrow's problem, though, if the kids are happy where they are. It's worth doing some research, but take your time. It also doesn't preclude the first thing - stock up on stuff as you can. Even cities can get dull and uninspiring.
It's also important that you think about what "learning" means. Kids playing in the yard are learning - in fact, play is The Way kids do the vast majority of their learning. If you've been scheduling this and that, being the spark and inspiration, you've been getting in the way of natural learning. They're Still learning all the time, but now they're learning what they want to learn, exploring what's real and imediate and right in front of them - and they're Happy about it! That's pretty important. Take some time to watch and join in their fun - this is learning at its finest!
---Meredith
>They've been happy though. We have a yard for the first time that they love. They're playing great together (5 year old and almost 3 year old) and do that most of the day.*****************
These are all good things! Younger children need time at home, time to "nest" more than they need to be out and about, in general. Enjoy the fact that they have this wonderful yard and can play all day long - that's a marvelous gift. If you're really jonesing for the city, plan some day trips or overnights with friends there - but not very many right now. Let your kids love their new life.
In the longer run, two things to think about - first, you're going to need to learn some new skills, since you can't always fall back on "lets go out and x" the way maybe you could before. Start collecting ideas and things to strew for later - look at yard sales and library sales, thrift shops, pawn shops, look online, too. Don't break the bank, just pick up things in your price range that look interesting "just in case" so you have a good collection of offerings as the kids get older and their needs and interests start to change.
The other thing - is there a halfway place you can live? Somewhere closer to the city but still have a yard? That's tomorrow's problem, though, if the kids are happy where they are. It's worth doing some research, but take your time. It also doesn't preclude the first thing - stock up on stuff as you can. Even cities can get dull and uninspiring.
>I feel like we are lacking that spark and inspiration and learning all the time that we had before.*****************
It's also important that you think about what "learning" means. Kids playing in the yard are learning - in fact, play is The Way kids do the vast majority of their learning. If you've been scheduling this and that, being the spark and inspiration, you've been getting in the way of natural learning. They're Still learning all the time, but now they're learning what they want to learn, exploring what's real and imediate and right in front of them - and they're Happy about it! That's pretty important. Take some time to watch and join in their fun - this is learning at its finest!
---Meredith
dezignarob
We found a friend for my daughter who is raised by her grandma who I have lots in common with and really like, but the grandma mentioned in passing that she spanks (though I never would have guessed from the interactions I've seen). We went to another potential friend's house and they had up "house rules" like "eat what you're given or nothing at all" and "obey mom and dad the first time." ====
Just a few thoughts, although they may apply to the future rather than now.
You won't always be close to your kids' friends' parents. It's great when it works out that you find friends too, but it isn't always what happens. I was always expected to play with and like my mother's friends' kids. It wasn't always comfortable for me.
Jayn finds even the strict rules at her friends' homes worth it for the sake of visiting her friends. They also make our house look really awesome. I wouldn't leave her with spankers though.
Be the cool mom with the cool house where other kids want to hang out - especially if you do the messy stuff like mud pies and gardening and arts & crafts.
Jayn always takes her own food bag to sleepovers or all day visits.
Availability can create a scheduling issue, but not all schooled neighborhood kids are awful.;)
Robyn L. Coburn
www.iggyjingles.blogspot.com
Just a few thoughts, although they may apply to the future rather than now.
You won't always be close to your kids' friends' parents. It's great when it works out that you find friends too, but it isn't always what happens. I was always expected to play with and like my mother's friends' kids. It wasn't always comfortable for me.
Jayn finds even the strict rules at her friends' homes worth it for the sake of visiting her friends. They also make our house look really awesome. I wouldn't leave her with spankers though.
Be the cool mom with the cool house where other kids want to hang out - especially if you do the messy stuff like mud pies and gardening and arts & crafts.
Jayn always takes her own food bag to sleepovers or all day visits.
Availability can create a scheduling issue, but not all schooled neighborhood kids are awful.;)
Robyn L. Coburn
www.iggyjingles.blogspot.com
catfish_friend
On May 15, 2011, at 2:56 AM, "m_aduhene" <m_aduhene@...> wrote:
The context of expectation might change your feelings.
If she worked in the entertainment industry (like I do), she'd be valued for what she knows!
Are you sure it's fashion and celebrity she is interested in? Is it a particular celebrity? Is it hair and make-up or the clothing? Is it a particular show? Is it the story/writing? A character she likes? Lucrative careers potentially await her that have little use for "intellectual" or Discovery Channel-type knowledge.
I remember being a little older than your daughter (11-12) and my mother noticing I had a particular sense of style. She bought me Vogue magazine whenever she thought about it and told me that I could become a fashion designer. Meanwhile, I was enrolled in a math/science/computer magnet and winning the school oratory competition. I was also placing nationally in math competitions but my interests were in the performing arts. She never encouraged or supported my acting for fear that i'd try to act for a living. Ironically, it was editing film that I was interested in, and the performing arts were the closest I could get to my interest. It took another 10-15 years for me to really uncover my passion for film editing!
How fortunate for you and your 10 year old that you get to explore her interests now! Maybe she's a fashion designer or a stylist or a hair designer. Maybe she's a make-up artist or a special effects prosthetics artist. Maybe she's a Nickelodeon producer or executive in charge of development. Maybe she's an entertainment reporter or publicist.
Maybe she's none of these and interested in becoming a teenager and wants to get some teenage looks for herself. I remember shopping for a new "look" around 11-12 because I was "growing up"! And, getting those outfits gave me confidence to go up to other kids I wanted to meet and introduce myself boldly...where I had been a shy girl prior to that.
If it turns out she is interested in the entertainment business, no one expects degrees (a degree can sometimes even work against you!) and a person can start on the bottom rung in an entry level position at any age that you can legally work! Entertainment is an industry that weathers economic downturns well, too, as people seek stories, comfort and escape during good times and bad. It's also an industry that values a current knowledge and passion for pop culture references and oftentimes older folks in the business appreciate the younger adults' knowledge of the newer and younger stars that often were teen or child stars. If her interests continue, she may find her Unschooling mom really helped her form a solid foundation for work in the entertainment industry.
Some things to think about.
Ceci
> I just panicked because I thought my dd's knowledge will be seen as empty knowledge.-----------------
The context of expectation might change your feelings.
If she worked in the entertainment industry (like I do), she'd be valued for what she knows!
Are you sure it's fashion and celebrity she is interested in? Is it a particular celebrity? Is it hair and make-up or the clothing? Is it a particular show? Is it the story/writing? A character she likes? Lucrative careers potentially await her that have little use for "intellectual" or Discovery Channel-type knowledge.
I remember being a little older than your daughter (11-12) and my mother noticing I had a particular sense of style. She bought me Vogue magazine whenever she thought about it and told me that I could become a fashion designer. Meanwhile, I was enrolled in a math/science/computer magnet and winning the school oratory competition. I was also placing nationally in math competitions but my interests were in the performing arts. She never encouraged or supported my acting for fear that i'd try to act for a living. Ironically, it was editing film that I was interested in, and the performing arts were the closest I could get to my interest. It took another 10-15 years for me to really uncover my passion for film editing!
How fortunate for you and your 10 year old that you get to explore her interests now! Maybe she's a fashion designer or a stylist or a hair designer. Maybe she's a make-up artist or a special effects prosthetics artist. Maybe she's a Nickelodeon producer or executive in charge of development. Maybe she's an entertainment reporter or publicist.
Maybe she's none of these and interested in becoming a teenager and wants to get some teenage looks for herself. I remember shopping for a new "look" around 11-12 because I was "growing up"! And, getting those outfits gave me confidence to go up to other kids I wanted to meet and introduce myself boldly...where I had been a shy girl prior to that.
If it turns out she is interested in the entertainment business, no one expects degrees (a degree can sometimes even work against you!) and a person can start on the bottom rung in an entry level position at any age that you can legally work! Entertainment is an industry that weathers economic downturns well, too, as people seek stories, comfort and escape during good times and bad. It's also an industry that values a current knowledge and passion for pop culture references and oftentimes older folks in the business appreciate the younger adults' knowledge of the newer and younger stars that often were teen or child stars. If her interests continue, she may find her Unschooling mom really helped her form a solid foundation for work in the entertainment industry.
Some things to think about.
Ceci