Carol

My daughter is African American; I am not. She has the absolute curliest hair on the planet; mine is stick-straight--and about 1/4-1/2" long since I recently finished chemo. My daughter (age 11) hasn't wanted her hair messed with lately, other than the occasional comb. It is quickly becoming more and more tangled to the point where it's actually matted. She doesn't want me to take her anywhere to have someone work on it. I have tried various conditioners to soften and detangle it, without much luck. I don't want to tell her she *has to* let me do something with it because that goes against my parenting philosophy and I believe it will damage the trust she has in me. But I worry that her hair will soon reach the point where it will have to be cut down to almost nothing because it is so badly matted. Any ideas, thoughts, input?

Thanks,
Carol

Sandra Dodd

Is there another mom in your life who might interest your child in playing beauty parlor or something? Sometimes kids will go along with something for another adult, not the parent.

My only other ideas are cutting it short (maybe show her photos from the early 1970's of short Afros and see if that appeals to her), or hats/scarves/wigs.

It won't be forever.

Sandra

BRIAN POLIKOWSKY

would she be interested in videos about how to care and style her type of hair?
Youtube is chuck full of great videos. Just search for curly african american hair.
There are empowering and she can decide what to do or try.

Alex Polikowsky

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plaidpanties666

Something I did with Morgan was to braid ribbons into her hair. It looks a bit like "corn braids" but isn't nearly as heavy as all those beads, nor does it take as long. Best of all, even if you have to cut through mats to plait the hair, it still works and still looks nice. The first time I got Mo a new video game so she'd have something else to focus on for an hour while I did a whole bunch of braids, after that I could do one or two here and there.

All I did was cut lengths of ribbon twice as long as the chunk of hair to braid, double over the ribbon and braid the hair in as the third strand. Very elegant and you can add more ribbon at the top as it grows out - either the same or a different color for pizzazz.

Now she's wanting to let it grow out and I'm working on being okay with that - hair's probably the one area where I still have to bite my tongue.

---Meredith

BRIAN POLIKOWSKY

I have had my son bleach his hair almost white a 5 and Gigi had it all cut of and her hair sprayed pink for a while
but I do tell them that to go out in some places  it is better that we have our hair clean and de-matted.
For MD brushing is not a problem as  his hair is so straight and silky it never gets knotted. Up until  a few months ago he could could a month without washing and it looked still nice and shiny, lately his hair gets oily and looks dirty so we wash it much more often.
Gigi's hair has been getting knotted in the last couple years since it started growing longer. Her hair is super fine and gets tangled easy just like mine. She does want it to get long so we try to brush everyday with a soft brush before it gets matted.
Just the other day she went to Fleet Farm (  farm store) with her dad and her hair was messy but that was OK. Yesterday she wanted a bath and I used  tons on conditioner and gently de-tangled it. If we are going to see grandparents or on an outing with people I make sure her hair looks decent so she does not look neglected, same with my son.
If people sees  once in a while that my  kid's hair looks dirty and/or messy  it is not a big deal but if they are always dirty and messy then it could raise red flags.
Alex Polikowsky


 

  
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Jennifer Schuelein

The Carol's Daughter line of products are the BEST for African American hair!

--- In [email protected], BRIAN POLIKOWSKY <polykowholsteins@...> wrote:
>
> I have had my son bleach his hair almost white a 5 and Gigi had it all cut of and her hair sprayed pink for a while
> but I do tell them that to go out in some places  it is better that we have our hair clean and de-matted.
> For MD brushing is not a problem as  his hair is so straight and silky it never gets knotted. Up until  a few months ago he could could a month without washing and it looked still nice and shiny, lately his hair gets oily and looks dirty so we wash it much more often.
> Gigi's hair has been getting knotted in the last couple years since it started growing longer. Her hair is super fine and gets tangled easy just like mine. She does want it to get long so we try to brush everyday with a soft brush before it gets matted.
> Just the other day she went to Fleet Farm (  farm store) with her dad and her hair was messy but that was OK. Yesterday she wanted a bath and I used  tons on conditioner and gently de-tangled it. If we are going to see grandparents or on an outing with people I make sure her hair looks decent so she does not look neglected, same with my son.
> If people sees  once in a while that my  kid's hair looks dirty and/or messy  it is not a big deal but if they are always dirty and messy then it could raise red flags.
> Alex Polikowsky
>
>
>  
>
>   
> .
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>

Gwen Montoya

Megan has fabulous curls also. What has worked for us is (when it is longer)
is washing it, conditioning it very well, brushing it out and then braiding
it. Usually in one larger braid, but sometimes like pig tails. We did that
once a week and then repeat. She was usually ok with a once a week
shower/hair wash. She takes taewkondo and once a week she has to wear a
helmet...if her hair is too floofy the helmet won't fit - her hair MUST be
tied down in some way to get the helmet on.

If we washed her hair on Sunday, then by Wednesday or Thursday it might look
a little frizzy, so I'd moisturize the bits I could reach with out undoing
the braid. Or, if she was up for it, I'd undo & redo the braid without
brushing it out. It was a little matted, but it only needed to "work" for a
few more days.

Last spring she had about 6 inches chopped off and the stylish "thinned" it.
I'm not quite sure what that is, but it seems to remove the bulk of the hair
without compromising length. Megan says it is like having air conditioning
on your head. We just had it done again last month and she's thrilled with
it.

Her hair is about shoulder length now and there's no way to pull it back, so
she wears it down. After the 5th day or so, it starts to look not as nice.
We've tried scarves, but she doesn't love them.

I've bought the Carol's Daughter products in the past and I thought they
were fantastic (and smelled amazing).

I've shown Megan pictures of dreads and braids and other ways to style her
hair and she definitely doesn't want to go that route.

Between the ages of 3 & 6 we lived with my SIL and she was wonderful with
Megan's hair. SIL's trick was a cartoon movie and a box of lip gloss for
Megan to explore and sometimes a little bowl of M&M's. When Megan talks
about it now, she remembers hanging out with her auntie, but doesn't
remember ever having her hair done. (the movie and snack combo is one I
still use)

Gwen

On Mon, May 9, 2011 at 2:20 PM, Carol <mykaylabee@...> wrote:

>
>
> My daughter is African American; I am not. She has the absolute curliest
> hair on the planet; mine is stick-straight--and about 1/4-1/2" long since I
> recently finished chemo. My daughter (age 11) hasn't wanted her hair messed
> with lately, other than the occasional comb. It is quickly becoming more and
> more tangled to the point where it's actually matted. She doesn't want me to
> take her anywhere to have someone work on it. I have tried various
> conditioners to soften and detangle it, without much luck. I don't want to
> tell her she *has to* let me do something with it because that goes against
> my parenting philosophy and I believe it will damage the trust she has in
> me. But I worry that her hair will soon reach the point where it will have
> to be cut down to almost nothing because it is so badly matted. Any ideas,
> thoughts, input?
>
> Thanks,
> Carol
>
>
>


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

tahoebean

Hi Carol - why worry your self that it is matted? It is just hair, after all... I'm sure your daughter will still be an awesome child if she eventually chooses to shave it all off and start over (I've done that a few times, myself!)

There are also many nice, matted styles (dreadlocks) that she might be interested in cultivating, too -- I wish I had the kind of hair that dreaded nice! (mine is also stick straight, won't even hold a perm!) ;)

~Bean


--- In [email protected], Carol <mykaylabee@...> wrote:
>
> My daughter is African American; I am not. She has the absolute curliest hair on the planet; mine is stick-straight--and about 1/4-1/2" long since I recently finished chemo. My daughter (age 11) hasn't wanted her hair messed with lately, other than the occasional comb. It is quickly becoming more and more tangled to the point where it's actually matted. She doesn't want me to take her anywhere to have someone work on it. I have tried various conditioners to soften and detangle it, without much luck. I don't want to tell her she *has to* let me do something with it because that goes against my parenting philosophy and I believe it will damage the trust she has in me. But I worry that her hair will soon reach the point where it will have to be cut down to almost nothing because it is so badly matted. Any ideas, thoughts, input?
>
> Thanks,
> Carol
>

riasplace3

Is she willing to let you braid it? My daughter used to let me braid her hair about once a month....while it didn't take care of matting all the time it did help for the two weeks or so that it stayed braided.

From about 11-13 she let me comb it out about once a month. Finally at 13 she started taking an interest in combing it herself, and then we cut it short so it's easier to comb.

The best way I found to deal with the mats was to wait until she wanted me to do it, and put a movie in and I would work on it carefully while she watched, taking breaks if her head was tired. It sometimes took an hour or more, but any tangle can be worked out with patience. ;)

Ria
--- In [email protected], Carol <mykaylabee@...> wrote:
>
> My daughter is African American; I am not. She has the absolute curliest hair on the planet; mine is stick-straight--and about 1/4-1/2" long since I recently finished chemo. My daughter (age 11) hasn't wanted her hair messed with lately, other than the occasional comb. It is quickly becoming more and more tangled to the point where it's actually matted. She doesn't want me to take her anywhere to have someone work on it. I have tried various conditioners to soften and detangle it, without much luck. I don't want to tell her she *has to* let me do something with it because that goes against my parenting philosophy and I believe it will damage the trust she has in me. But I worry that her hair will soon reach the point where it will have to be cut down to almost nothing because it is so badly matted. Any ideas, thoughts, input?
>
> Thanks,
> Carol
>

lalow

My daughter is African American too. She has very very tight thick hair as well. Even if I comb it out every day it is very tangled and takes 20 minutes to get most of the tangles out (not all). We have thought about locs, but after discussing that she might have to cut her hair pretty much off when she tires of them she decided no.. But that might be an idea. I condition her hair with olive oil and comb it out with the oil in it. She likes to have hers braided so we keep it that way a lot. If I do them they last a week or so. If I hire someone they last 2 or so weeks. You might try a keratin conditioner.




--- In [email protected], Carol <mykaylabee@...> wrote:
>
> My daughter is African American; I am not. She has the absolute curliest hair on the planet; mine is stick-straight--and about 1/4-1/2" long since I recently finished chemo. My daughter (age 11) hasn't wanted her hair messed with lately, other than the occasional comb. It is quickly becoming more and more tangled to the point where it's actually matted. She doesn't want me to take her anywhere to have someone work on it. I have tried various conditioners to soften and detangle it, without much luck. I don't want to tell her she *has to* let me do something with it because that goes against my parenting philosophy and I believe it will damage the trust she has in me. But I worry that her hair will soon reach the point where it will have to be cut down to almost nothing because it is so badly matted. Any ideas, thoughts, input?
>
> Thanks,
> Carol
>

balloonatikmama

--- In [email protected], "riasplace3" <riasplace3@...> wrote:
> From about 11-13 she let me comb it out about once a month.
>
> The best way I found to deal with the mats was to wait until she wanted me to do it, and put a movie in and I would work on it carefully while she watched, taking breaks if her head was tired. It sometimes took an hour or more, but any tangle can be worked out with patience. ;)

This is pretty much our pattern. Effie has always been very sensitive and hates having anyone touch her hair, but also loves it long, a combo that is torture for me as observer! I have to do a lot of deep breathing as clothing is another one of her issues, so often her clothes are very well worn, shall we say, as well. Clean and tidy is not our MO! But this is my issue, though I will share it with her gently when we are going to be somewhere I think her appearance matters a lot.

Needless to say, by the time Effie asks me to untangle her hair it is often one huge tangle - HUGE. I have never cut it, I firmly believe just about any tangle will fall to perseverance and a lot of conditioner applied correctly.

Here's how we do it: She lies flat in the bath with water up to her ears and leans back to totally soak her head. While it is under and wet she and I both work to pull apart and loosen the worst tangles. Then she sits up and we squeeze it out. Then she lies back down and we repeat all that. Something about the 2nd moisten gets more water inside the tangles and allows the conditioner (next step) to get in better.

Then we get out and douse her tangle with cheap water soluble conditioner. And I mean douse. It should be visible throughout the hair.

Then we go to wherever she has set up her distraction (computer, movie, xbox, whatever) and I work with my fingers to gently pull apart the tangles - I pull each bit in all directions and just keep pulling round and round till something loosens. I don't use a brush until it is almost completely finished, it is all pulling with my fingers in every direction. When I am really stuck I will rip a tangle apart, taking care not to pull or hurt her scalp. I keep a spray bottle of water and extra conditioner handy to remoisten when needed.

Then we brush. Usually I have to stop and do more fingers as there is almost always some tiny tangle at the base of her neck or somewhere that I missed and is catching in the brush.

Then we go back to the bathroom and I put some shampoo on her scalp - I leave the conditioner in her hair, and don't put any shampoo anywhere except the hair right at her head - the conditioner on the ends keeps them from getting tangled again while we wash the upper bits. I gently scrub her head a bit. Then she gets back in the bath water (we heat it up a bit) and we swish out as much of the shampoo/conditioner as we can, being careful not to make more tangles.

Then we turn on the shower and rinse properly. Then I condition the ends of her hair (not usually her scalp, just the lower bits) and finger out any tangles, and we rinse again, and then gently dry, again taking care not to tangle it at all. She is very sensitive to odor, so isn't keen on leave-in conditioner, and sometimes leave-ins can make tangles worse because the hair is stickier from them.

It has taken us years to find a system that works well for us, for me to let go enough, for her to mature enough, for us to figure out the fastest least painful way to untangle, but now we rarely have issues about hair. She tells me when she is ready to do it. I ask her to wear a hat or hoodie or tie it back if I think we are going somewhere it will matter. She will often just brush the very top layer so it looks untangled on the surface if we are going somewhere and she is wanting it to look fancier. She has a nice selection of hats!

Hope some part of our experience helps someone.

~Gillian
and Craig of Effie (11) and Fergus (7)
Victoria BC Canada