"Permissive parenting"
Sandra Dodd
The comments are getting scattered, and I want to bring some to the same place. In the sleep thread, Joyce wrote a response:
good word to use for what unschoolers do since it muddies what's
really happening. Permissive suggests disengagement, detachment,
leaving kids to their own devices, letting them do whatever they want.
Unschooling is about greater engagement with kids than conventional
parenting. It's about connecting with kids to support who they are,
support their interests, help them explore the world.
Kids being allowed to enjoy wine with the family is not at all the
same as being permissive. The only quality they share is whether or
not the parents allow the kids to have alcohol. All the important
factors that build a healthy relationship with alcohol don't exist
under the "Permissive" label.
==========================
Before I saw that, I had written on the under-age thread:
The term "permissive" isn't the same as living so closely with our kids that they really trust us. It's not "whatever." It's "Let's talk about it," and "thanks for telling me," and "have you considered?..."
==========================
-=- But again, if we're controlling the peer group to some
extent, she won't engage in habits that we don't engage in, unless
there is
external, and persistent, pressure.-=-
This seems to assume that people only do things other people tell them to do. We're talking about kids who have not been school-trained, curriculum-trained, or been subjected to any operant conditioning situations. We're talking about kids who are used to thinking and making choices, in the presence of adults who know them well and with as much advice and input as they want.
Few scientists have ever seen such people. :-)
And unschoolers are not going to be a scientific study group for the benefit of anyone's research, either.
When Joyce shares, or I share, or other people who have immersed themselves in unschooling philosophy and practice for a dozen years, or twenty, we're not guessing or just shooting the breeze. We're talking about what we have seen, experienced and know.
http://sandradodd.com/confidence
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> So even if unschoolers are "permissive", they mayBeing permissive isn't a good concept for unschooling. It also isn't a
> create a social atmosphere for their children where peer pressure
> supports
> good decisions.
good word to use for what unschoolers do since it muddies what's
really happening. Permissive suggests disengagement, detachment,
leaving kids to their own devices, letting them do whatever they want.
Unschooling is about greater engagement with kids than conventional
parenting. It's about connecting with kids to support who they are,
support their interests, help them explore the world.
Kids being allowed to enjoy wine with the family is not at all the
same as being permissive. The only quality they share is whether or
not the parents allow the kids to have alcohol. All the important
factors that build a healthy relationship with alcohol don't exist
under the "Permissive" label.
==========================
Before I saw that, I had written on the under-age thread:
The term "permissive" isn't the same as living so closely with our kids that they really trust us. It's not "whatever." It's "Let's talk about it," and "thanks for telling me," and "have you considered?..."
==========================
-=- But again, if we're controlling the peer group to some
extent, she won't engage in habits that we don't engage in, unless
there is
external, and persistent, pressure.-=-
This seems to assume that people only do things other people tell them to do. We're talking about kids who have not been school-trained, curriculum-trained, or been subjected to any operant conditioning situations. We're talking about kids who are used to thinking and making choices, in the presence of adults who know them well and with as much advice and input as they want.
Few scientists have ever seen such people. :-)
And unschoolers are not going to be a scientific study group for the benefit of anyone's research, either.
When Joyce shares, or I share, or other people who have immersed themselves in unschooling philosophy and practice for a dozen years, or twenty, we're not guessing or just shooting the breeze. We're talking about what we have seen, experienced and know.
http://sandradodd.com/confidence
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]