Breaking the child's will
Sandra Dodd
I grew up with the idea that one must "break a child's will." Once the question came up here (or on unschooling discussion) of where that comes from, and I couldn't find a good resource or reference. I found it in a media release note today.
"Critics say the church teaches a strict interpretation of the bible including the practice known as breaking the will of the child, with some advocating that it even be applied to infants as young as two weeks old.
http://blogs.abcnews.com/pressroom/2011/04/a-religious-sub-culture-many-americans-have-never-heard-of-yet-has-thousands-of-churches-across-the-.html"
This isn't directly about unschooling, except as a point of possible objection to unschooling, or a difficulty in some people (parents, or THEIR parents/child's grandparents), in the U.S. (maybe exclusively).
Sometimes people who didn't grow up with fundamentalist Christianity get impatient with people who did, if they tell the least story, or make the least reference. Sometimes others will defend all Christians, or all religions, and say it's not nice to be critical, or it's just sour grapes if someone who used to believe something (or have a believe thrust on them) says bad things about it later.
This program would not be something for everyone to watch, and might not be available to see outside of the U.S. (I'm not sure how ABC news works their sites). Even Americans might want to avoid it, especially emotional moms who had sexual trauma as teens. Skip it.
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=165053726883950 (that's where I saw it)
Friday night, April 8, 2011, on "20/20"
There are bad things in the world, and we don't need to focus or dwell on them, but this is one of the things that unschooling is far, far away from. Yet some unschoolers have relatives in such churches, or were once themselves treated these ways.
Please appreciate what you have with your family. If your own upbringing was peaceful and non-shaming and non "will breaking," I hope you will see it for the peace and joy it was, in contrast with the lives of other kids your age you might or might not even have known.
Sandra
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"Critics say the church teaches a strict interpretation of the bible including the practice known as breaking the will of the child, with some advocating that it even be applied to infants as young as two weeks old.
http://blogs.abcnews.com/pressroom/2011/04/a-religious-sub-culture-many-americans-have-never-heard-of-yet-has-thousands-of-churches-across-the-.html"
This isn't directly about unschooling, except as a point of possible objection to unschooling, or a difficulty in some people (parents, or THEIR parents/child's grandparents), in the U.S. (maybe exclusively).
Sometimes people who didn't grow up with fundamentalist Christianity get impatient with people who did, if they tell the least story, or make the least reference. Sometimes others will defend all Christians, or all religions, and say it's not nice to be critical, or it's just sour grapes if someone who used to believe something (or have a believe thrust on them) says bad things about it later.
This program would not be something for everyone to watch, and might not be available to see outside of the U.S. (I'm not sure how ABC news works their sites). Even Americans might want to avoid it, especially emotional moms who had sexual trauma as teens. Skip it.
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=165053726883950 (that's where I saw it)
Friday night, April 8, 2011, on "20/20"
There are bad things in the world, and we don't need to focus or dwell on them, but this is one of the things that unschooling is far, far away from. Yet some unschoolers have relatives in such churches, or were once themselves treated these ways.
Please appreciate what you have with your family. If your own upbringing was peaceful and non-shaming and non "will breaking," I hope you will see it for the peace and joy it was, in contrast with the lives of other kids your age you might or might not even have known.
Sandra
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semajrak
This book:
http://www.amazon.com/Your-Own-Good-Child-Rearing-Violence/dp/0374522693/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1303225907&sr=8-1
talks about this history of breaking children's wills, and the effects it has on perpetuating violence in our society.
When I read it, it broke my heart. I could hear my parents' voices, and, sometimes, my own. After I finished it, I became more dedicated to living a peaceful life, free of guilt and shame, and full of joy and acceptance. It is a humbling read from humanity's perspective, but a celebratory one from a radical unschooling point of view.
Karen.
http://www.amazon.com/Your-Own-Good-Child-Rearing-Violence/dp/0374522693/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1303225907&sr=8-1
talks about this history of breaking children's wills, and the effects it has on perpetuating violence in our society.
When I read it, it broke my heart. I could hear my parents' voices, and, sometimes, my own. After I finished it, I became more dedicated to living a peaceful life, free of guilt and shame, and full of joy and acceptance. It is a humbling read from humanity's perspective, but a celebratory one from a radical unschooling point of view.
Karen.
Jenny Cyphers
Here's a quote from that book: "The price I had to pay for what many people
call "good upbringing" was that for a long time I was separated from my true
feelings, from myself."
One of the things that I'm keenly aware of because of unschooling, is that my
children know themselves. They don't hide their feelings, even when their
feelings aren't the same as my feelings. They have their own voice.
Breaking the will of a child, like child abuse, or any abuse, takes away the
voice of the one being abused. Breaking the will of a child is a subtle
undermining of another's voice for the sake of someone stronger.
I found that quote once when I googled "for your own good". It's a common
phrase that validates a person's reason for abusing another. It was within the
context of a kid who had runaway from home who was put in a reform program by
her mother. The girl had said that it was all for her own good. In my head,
red flags came up!_,_._,___
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
call "good upbringing" was that for a long time I was separated from my true
feelings, from myself."
One of the things that I'm keenly aware of because of unschooling, is that my
children know themselves. They don't hide their feelings, even when their
feelings aren't the same as my feelings. They have their own voice.
Breaking the will of a child, like child abuse, or any abuse, takes away the
voice of the one being abused. Breaking the will of a child is a subtle
undermining of another's voice for the sake of someone stronger.
I found that quote once when I googled "for your own good". It's a common
phrase that validates a person's reason for abusing another. It was within the
context of a kid who had runaway from home who was put in a reform program by
her mother. The girl had said that it was all for her own good. In my head,
red flags came up!_,_._,___
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-Breaking the will of a child is a subtle
undermining of another's voice for the sake of someone stronger. -=-
It's not subtle.
It's an attempt to undo the child's voice, and thoughts and wishes, and to replace them with the parent's will.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
undermining of another's voice for the sake of someone stronger. -=-
It's not subtle.
It's an attempt to undo the child's voice, and thoughts and wishes, and to replace them with the parent's will.
Sandra
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kristi_beguin
>>> http://www.amazon.com/Your-Own-Good-Child-Rearing-Violence/dp/0374522693/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1303225907&sr=8-1talks about this history of breaking children's wills, and the effects it has on perpetuating violence in our society.<<<
It is also available online at Project No Spank:
http://nospank.net/fyog.htm
Jenny Cyphers
-=-Breaking the will of a child is a subtle
undermining of another's voice for the sake of someone stronger. -=-
***It's not subtle.
It's an attempt to undo the child's voice, and thoughts and wishes, and to
replace them with the parent's will.***
You're right. I sat on that phrase for a while. It's an intentional way to
undermine a child's voice. I was thinking about parents who abuse their
children and how it's different, how it also undermine's a child's voice, yet
even the folks who intentionally break a child's will say they aren't being
abusive. I might disagree, yet somewhere a distinction is being made. If a
parent beats their child, that's not at all subtle to an outside observer. If a
parent quietly subdues their child repeatedly to break the child's will, it
might appear subtle to the outside observer.
I digress.... No matter which way it is, the breaking of anything is not subtle,
it requires force.
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undermining of another's voice for the sake of someone stronger. -=-
***It's not subtle.
It's an attempt to undo the child's voice, and thoughts and wishes, and to
replace them with the parent's will.***
You're right. I sat on that phrase for a while. It's an intentional way to
undermine a child's voice. I was thinking about parents who abuse their
children and how it's different, how it also undermine's a child's voice, yet
even the folks who intentionally break a child's will say they aren't being
abusive. I might disagree, yet somewhere a distinction is being made. If a
parent beats their child, that's not at all subtle to an outside observer. If a
parent quietly subdues their child repeatedly to break the child's will, it
might appear subtle to the outside observer.
I digress.... No matter which way it is, the breaking of anything is not subtle,
it requires force.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-You're right. I sat on that phrase for a while. It's an intentional way to
undermine a child's voice.-=-
I think you're still understating what one's will is (it's more than voice) and what "breaking" it means (totally disabling or disassembling or destroying it).
Will is the desire and ability to assert oneself (in part)--the ability to think as an individual and to make a decision. (I'm not looking it up, I'm going by years of understanding it in action, Biblically, philosophically, legally, casually.)
-=-even the folks who intentionally break a child's will say they aren't being abusive-=-
There is an old belief, at least in Christian doctrine, that children are born sinful, and that anything that feels "natural" or any urges a person might have (instinct) is evil, and should be repressed or weeded out or punished. If a child will just stop wanting, or thinking, he's more likely to be compliant and obedient, and thereby go to heaven. There are millions and millions of families (billions, maybe) who don't care much at all about their child's happiness or health or safety on earth, as long as they will live forever in paradise/heaven.
For those families, having any will is a danger to one's soul. "Willfulness" itself is a sin.
Sandra
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undermine a child's voice.-=-
I think you're still understating what one's will is (it's more than voice) and what "breaking" it means (totally disabling or disassembling or destroying it).
Will is the desire and ability to assert oneself (in part)--the ability to think as an individual and to make a decision. (I'm not looking it up, I'm going by years of understanding it in action, Biblically, philosophically, legally, casually.)
-=-even the folks who intentionally break a child's will say they aren't being abusive-=-
There is an old belief, at least in Christian doctrine, that children are born sinful, and that anything that feels "natural" or any urges a person might have (instinct) is evil, and should be repressed or weeded out or punished. If a child will just stop wanting, or thinking, he's more likely to be compliant and obedient, and thereby go to heaven. There are millions and millions of families (billions, maybe) who don't care much at all about their child's happiness or health or safety on earth, as long as they will live forever in paradise/heaven.
For those families, having any will is a danger to one's soul. "Willfulness" itself is a sin.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]