Inviting Adults Over to Play
hmbpie
My son (9 years old) is enamored with the guy that works at Gamestop (Paul) and really wants to invite him over. I feel weird about this. I'm trying to work out my feelings and decide it's just my hang up or if it really is inappropriate to invite an adult over to play with a child. Part of me feels like why shouldn't Austin have adult friends that aren't members of the family or friends of ours as part of his life and part of me feels like this guy is an adult and has adult friends and isn't going to want to spend his time playing with a 9 year old. And asking him to come over would really put him in an awkward postion.
I feel like I should explain to Austin that Paul is an adult and that it's not really not appropriate to invite him over to play. But that feels spirit crushing. I said something similar earlier and Austin asked, "Why?" He genuinely doesn't understand why and I don't really either. I don't have a good answer other than it's weird. My husband and I would be here so it's not a safety thing it just feels weird. Thoughts? Suggestions?
I feel like I should explain to Austin that Paul is an adult and that it's not really not appropriate to invite him over to play. But that feels spirit crushing. I said something similar earlier and Austin asked, "Why?" He genuinely doesn't understand why and I don't really either. I don't have a good answer other than it's weird. My husband and I would be here so it's not a safety thing it just feels weird. Thoughts? Suggestions?
Karen Hsu
My husband works at a Gamestop. He says one of his co-workers gets this a
lot from teens - they ask for his gamertags, and has been invited to
birthday parties and graduations. He thinks the response really depends on
the person.
There's a good idea there though - could he start by asking for his gamertag
and becoming friends on xbox live or playstation network?
lot from teens - they ask for his gamertags, and has been invited to
birthday parties and graduations. He thinks the response really depends on
the person.
There's a good idea there though - could he start by asking for his gamertag
and becoming friends on xbox live or playstation network?
On Tue, Mar 22, 2011 at 2:29 PM, hmbpie <heatherpie@...> wrote:
>
>
> I feel like I should explain to Austin that Paul is an adult and that it's
> not really not appropriate to invite him over to play. But that feels spirit
> crushing. I said something similar earlier and Austin asked, "Why?" He
> genuinely doesn't understand why and I don't really either. I don't have a
> good answer other than it's weird. My husband and I would be here so it's
> not a safety thing it just feels weird. Thoughts? Suggestions?
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=- part of me feels like this guy is an adult and has adult friends and isn't going to want to spend his time playing with a 9 year old. And asking him to come over would really put him in an awkward postion. -=-
I think you're right.
-=-I feel like I should explain to Austin that Paul is an adult and that it's not really not appropriate to invite him over to play. But that feels spirit crushing.-=-
Not as spirit crushing as a refused invitation would be. And if Paul didn't refuse the first one, he might refuse the second one.
One thing you might do is tell Austin that it's hard to explain, but if Austin asks you again in five years, you can explain it better.
When he's fourteen, he'll probably already get it.
If Austin were involved in the kinds of games played at gaming shops (not video games, but table games, collectible card games), he might find opportunities to hang out and play with older people. But video game shops don't lend themselves to that at all.
Sandra
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I think you're right.
-=-I feel like I should explain to Austin that Paul is an adult and that it's not really not appropriate to invite him over to play. But that feels spirit crushing.-=-
Not as spirit crushing as a refused invitation would be. And if Paul didn't refuse the first one, he might refuse the second one.
One thing you might do is tell Austin that it's hard to explain, but if Austin asks you again in five years, you can explain it better.
When he's fourteen, he'll probably already get it.
If Austin were involved in the kinds of games played at gaming shops (not video games, but table games, collectible card games), he might find opportunities to hang out and play with older people. But video game shops don't lend themselves to that at all.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Pam Sorooshian
On 3/22/2011 1:16 PM, Sandra Dodd wrote:
- that the videogame shop is where he works and he does it to get paid.
But going to your house would not be part of his job. So he might like
to talk with him about the games when he's at work, but that it would be
too much to ask him to do that outside of work. Maybe. If you can figure
out a way to explain that - it might make some sense to a 9 year old,
who is probably pretty concrete in his thinking and might understand the
idea of doing something for money. I don't think most 9 year olds would
feel insulted by that - and it would be helpful for him to realize it.
Kind of like the 9 year old might take care of someone's dog and get
paid for it and would enjoy it, but might not go over and play with the
dog, if he wasn't working.
-pam
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> If Austin were involved in the kinds of games played at gaming shopsMaybe you can mention to him that it is that guy's job to be nice to him
> (not video games, but table games, collectible card games), he might
> find opportunities to hang out and play with older people. But video
> game shops don't lend themselves to that at all.
- that the videogame shop is where he works and he does it to get paid.
But going to your house would not be part of his job. So he might like
to talk with him about the games when he's at work, but that it would be
too much to ask him to do that outside of work. Maybe. If you can figure
out a way to explain that - it might make some sense to a 9 year old,
who is probably pretty concrete in his thinking and might understand the
idea of doing something for money. I don't think most 9 year olds would
feel insulted by that - and it would be helpful for him to realize it.
Kind of like the 9 year old might take care of someone's dog and get
paid for it and would enjoy it, but might not go over and play with the
dog, if he wasn't working.
-pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
wtexans
===could he start by asking for his gamertag and becoming friends on xbox live or playstation network===
We're at our local Gamestop often enough that, in a similar situation, I'd be comfortable going in without my kiddo with me and asking whoever it was how they handled it when kids asked to game with them.
If you knew for sure that Paul would rather not game with customers (or younger customers), then you could address that with Austin.
But if, on the other hand, Paul would be receptive to gaming online with Austin, your "what if" worry will be taken away and you could suggest to Austin he ask Paul about gaming online (instead of in person).
Glenda
We're at our local Gamestop often enough that, in a similar situation, I'd be comfortable going in without my kiddo with me and asking whoever it was how they handled it when kids asked to game with them.
If you knew for sure that Paul would rather not game with customers (or younger customers), then you could address that with Austin.
But if, on the other hand, Paul would be receptive to gaming online with Austin, your "what if" worry will be taken away and you could suggest to Austin he ask Paul about gaming online (instead of in person).
Glenda
NCMama
===I'd be comfortable going in without my kiddo with me and asking whoever it was how they handled it when kids asked to game with them. ===
That's what I was thinking - check it out without your son there. It's possible Paul enjoys talking with your son, and wouldn't mind coming over, even. Lots of people find unschoolers very engaging, and enjoy hanging out with them! A friend's son would come game with Evan when he was 17 & Evan was 8 or so - he said Evan wasn't "like a kid". I'd start by feeling it out; if you're able to read expressions/body language, you'll know whether to pursue it or not.
Caren
That's what I was thinking - check it out without your son there. It's possible Paul enjoys talking with your son, and wouldn't mind coming over, even. Lots of people find unschoolers very engaging, and enjoy hanging out with them! A friend's son would come game with Evan when he was 17 & Evan was 8 or so - he said Evan wasn't "like a kid". I'd start by feeling it out; if you're able to read expressions/body language, you'll know whether to pursue it or not.
Caren
plaidpanties666
Both my kids have had adult playmates since they were fairly little. Mo's 9 right now, and has an adult friend who comes over to play video games and legos with her. I treat it like a play date - he's not "in charge", I mean.
It might help if you do the asking, quietly, out of your son's hearing, so that neither of them are "on the spot".
---Meredith
It might help if you do the asking, quietly, out of your son's hearing, so that neither of them are "on the spot".
---Meredith