Sandra Dodd

I was talking with Mary Draper about kids learning to read, and telling some stories about friends of Holly's when she/Holly was learning to read. I mentioned that both the families I was talking about also ended up divorced, and I thought it wasn't unrelated. Not related to the reading, I corrected myself, but from the mother worrying more about what other people thought it looked like she was doing than what she was actually doing.

So I'm saving that for me to think about further and figured people on the list could help me think about it too.

"[Problems with kids, and ultimately divorce, came from] the mother worrying more about what other people thought it looked like she was doing than what she was actually doing."

More self-conscousness than clarity can cause big problems.
Too much what and not enough why, perhaps.

Sandra

Jenny Cyphers

***More self-conscousness than clarity can cause big problems.
Too much what and not enough why, perhaps.***

I'm not sure about the what and why part. It takes self awareness, to a large
degree. If a person is fairly self aware, the what and why tends to get tied
together. That produces more clarity. If you are clear and do consider the
what and why, then what you DO is what it's all about. What you DO should, to
some extent, show when out and about. If it doesn't, or if what you DO isn't at
all fitting with the whats and the whys, then you are really just living in BS
land. Living in BS land isn't at all good for any marriage.





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Marina DeLuca-Howard

Money issues are about this as well if you dig: mother worrying more about
what other people thought of her family's needs or what she feels other's
idea of a good life is. Keeping up with others ideas as we see them-- not
as they see our choices. "Shoulds" must wreck many relationships.
She feels she should do something or not do it--people are looking.
Marina


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