cookiesforthree

My kids love to (video) game. I love to game with them. We could sit there for hours and hours, most days and just play. However, I find when I restrict them and me from gaming, we get so much more other fun things done.

I guess I'm wanting some reassurance that my kids will not push to the side all the fun things of being a kid, like pretending, legos, building forts, etc. for tv and video games. If they are allowed unrestricted video games and tv, will they eventually choose to enjoy the other pleasures of being a kid? As of now, they really only want to game and watch tv, almost no matter what is offered, Disneyland being the exception.

I guess ultimately I feel it's important for them to have a life outside of games. To live and experience life in the real world rather than life in a fantasy world of Halo, Portal, etc. Although, I agree its super fun to play these games, it just seems that some moderation might be best.

What do you think?

PS, I've read Sandras articles about gaming. Maybe it's just not sinking in???

Meshell Powell

I think it is important to remember that what is considered the "pleasures of being a kid" depends entirely on what each individual child finds pleasurable. It isn't the end of the world if a child does not ever play with Legos, etc. I am sure they will eventually develop other interests, but if gaming and TV makes them happy, I personally do not see a problem with it. My son is 18 and still spends several hours a day playing video games. I see such excitement on his face when he beats a game or when a new game he has been looking forward to is released. He does have a few other interests, but gaming is important to him, therefore, it is important to me that he is able to engage in what he enjoys.

To: [email protected]
From: cookiesforthree@...
Date: Sat, 19 Feb 2011 00:16:26 +0000
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] Gaming for me and mine




























My kids love to (video) game. I love to game with them. We could sit there for hours and hours, most days and just play. However, I find when I restrict them and me from gaming, we get so much more other fun things done.



I guess I'm wanting some reassurance that my kids will not push to the side all the fun things of being a kid, like pretending, legos, building forts, etc. for tv and video games. If they are allowed unrestricted video games and tv, will they eventually choose to enjoy the other pleasures of being a kid? As of now, they really only want to game and watch tv, almost no matter what is offered, Disneyland being the exception.



I guess ultimately I feel it's important for them to have a life outside of games. To live and experience life in the real world rather than life in a fantasy world of Halo, Portal, etc. Although, I agree its super fun to play these games, it just seems that some moderation might be best.



What do you think?



PS, I've read Sandras articles about gaming. Maybe it's just not sinking in???


















[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Robin Bentley

> My kids love to (video) game. I love to game with them. We could
> sit there for hours and hours, most days and just play. However, I
> find when I restrict them and me from gaming, we get so much more
> other fun things done.

You know that when you give in to that impulse to restrict what they
love to do, your gaming reset button is back at zero? In other words,
when you stop them from getting their fill, you've emptied their cups
and they'll try harder to fill them up before you put the brakes on
again.
>
> I guess I'm wanting some reassurance that my kids will not push to
> the side all the fun things of being a kid, like pretending, legos,
> building forts, etc. for tv and video games. If they are allowed
> unrestricted video games and tv, will they eventually choose to
> enjoy the other pleasures of being a kid? As of now, they really
> only want to game and watch tv, almost no matter what is offered,
> Disneyland being the exception.

So there is something they enjoy besides games. There is no harm in
offering other things to do. *You* can come up with all sorts of great
ideas. The thing about strewing is that your kids have the opportunity
to take you up on it or not. Their choice.

It helps to offer things they're likely to be interested in though,
not just what you think they should do instead. How about adding to
their gaming experience by getting strategy guides, books to read,
checking out game-specific sites, going to conventions, sewing them
costumes, bringing them cool gamer food to eat, buying them t-shirts?
Zillions of ways to support them and really make them feel like you
understand how important it is to them, *right now*.
>
> I guess ultimately I feel it's important for them to have a life
> outside of games.

Oh, they will. If you don't keep stopping them from doing it now. How
long have they been playing? How many times have you stopped them?

> To live and experience life in the real world rather than life in a
> fantasy world of Halo, Portal, etc.

Some kids feel safer playing games than being in the real world, until
they're ready for the real world.

> Although, I agree its super fun to play these games, it just seems
> that some moderation might be best.

It's not *just* fun. It's learning.

> What do you think?

You're asking people who do not necessarily think "moderation might be
best"!! Choices, yes. Support, yes. Involvement, yes.
>
> PS, I've read Sandras articles about gaming. Maybe it's just not
> sinking in???

Maybe. What do you think is stopping you from letting it sink in?

Robin B.

cookiesforthree

>How long have they been playing? How many times have you stopped them?
>It's not *just* fun. It's learning.
>What do you think is stopping you from letting it sink in?

Robin B.

-Robin:

I really appreciate all the great suggestions you gave me. Gaming food, conventions, gaming strategy guides, etc.

You are so right that its learning. One of my sons learned to read by playing video games, reading strategy guides and cheats online.

I've only let them play unrestricted for maybe a little over 2 weeks kind of off and on. Then I get worried about them not wanting to participate in pretending, fort building, lego's, etc. that I cut it off for a while and they have no other choice but to revert to non-gaming play. Even though they still pretend to be the gaming hero's in their play. Which I love to see them do.

I am thinking that what is stopping me from letting it sink in is a combination of things. Family & hubby pressure to homeschool rather than unschool and my own love of pretend play and crafts. I think I really just need to get outside of my own fears and just go for it and see what happens.

My 9 year old WILL stop anything to cook with me and do crafts. My 11 year old LOVES me to read to him and look up stuff on e-bay. I guess I just need to get comfortable with my kids ability to make choices. If I always make choices for them, I'm kind of helping them to become robots or sheeple. I am going to toss that question you asked me around in my mind for a while and see what really is stopping me from letting it sink in.

I always end up coming back to this site looking for answers to gaming and how to make it work for my family. Maybe I need to stop trying to make it work and just let it be. See what happens.

Thanks again.

Sandra Dodd

-=- Maybe I need to stop trying to make it work and just let it be. -=-

Not maybe.





[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Schuyler

2 weeks is a minor blip in a lifetime. 2 weeks is a moment when you notice that
something has changed and you don't know how long you've got so you're gonna run
with it for as long and as hard as you can. Once 2 weeks has grown to a point
where your children are pretty sure it's not going to be rescinded they will be
more open to exploring the things that they enjoyed without limits before. It
may help you to read Pam Sorooshian's essay on marginal utility:
http://www.sandradodd.com/t/economics. Maybe that piece will help the rest of
your family to understand what this moment of engagement is about.


Do you know the musical Oliver? There is a song Food, Glorious Food where the
orphans in a working orphanage who are feed on gruel three times a day sing
"rich gentleman have it boys, in-di-gestion." Your children are so used to being
told when they are done with something, they are so used to the control, that in
its absence they are enjoying all aspects, even the indigestion, so to speak.


Robin wrote strewing is good. Strewing is good. Offering something engaging is
good. Being open to them saying no is really important whenever you offer
something. It's also good to look to their interests to define the engagement.
If they like Halo, craft some groovy swords and hammers. Portal is one of the
most phenomenal games! You could show them Jonathan Coulton singing the credits
song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sxNmeMklFk8 and then stumble into the
amazing world of Jonathan Coulton songs.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v4Wy7gRGgeA is a good one and a cool machinima.
Or there is the amazing ukulele playing video of Jonathan Coulton's Mr. Fancy
Pants: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_m4DDkMfol0 which has also been done in
machinima: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mu71EAdnjQ0&feature=fvw And maybe all
of that would lead to Oxhorn's videos like this one:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iEWgs6YQR9A (more here: http://www.oxhorn.com/)
or maybe instead of going down the Portal route you could go to Red versus Blue
stuff. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xBxF4wAy44I (there is a fair bit of
swearing so maybe not if you aren't comfortable with that, but it is funny).
Rooster Teeth's webpage is http://roosterteeth.com/archive/?sid=rvb for more Red
v Blue.


Don't work to disconnect them from their enjoyment, work to find more and more
things to engage them and for them to enjoy.


Schuyler

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Sandra Dodd

-=-I guess ultimately I feel it's important for them to have a life outside of games. To live and experience life in the real world rather than life in a fantasy world of Halo, Portal, etc. Although, I agree its super fun to play these games, it just seems that some moderation might be best. -=-

-=- I've read Sandras articles about gaming. Maybe it's just not sinking in???-=-

That video gaming section of my site isn't "Sandra's articles," is it? A small bit is by me, but most of it is by MANY other people, including psychologists and various researchers.

And it won't "sink in." No learning "just sinks in." You either take parts of the information and process it into your own understanding, into your model of the universe, or you don't.

Sandra

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Sandra Dodd

-=-> To live and experience life in the real world rather than life in a
> fantasy world of Halo, Portal, etc.

-=-Some kids feel safer playing games than being in the real world, until
they're ready for the real world.-=-

Is chess in the real world? Football? Tennis?
Are novels in the real world? Poetry? Music? Movies?

To separate gaming from "the real world" is false and it's rude.
It shows a lack of clarity and thought and awareness.
I'm guessing it's about a parent who hasn't sat and watched people play Halo or Portal, or who hasn't read much about them, or tried them herself.

Perhaps I'm tired, but it does seem that someone who is being that negative about her children's interests could use more attention to her kids, and maybe more life and experience in the real world AND in the fantasy/thought world of what could be better in her unschooling life, and in her partnership with her child.

Sandra

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Robin Bentley

>
> -=-Some kids feel safer playing games than being in the real world,
> until
> they're ready for the real world.-=-


I wasn't clear in my statement above.

I think that for my daughter, she feels safer in the online social
world (gaming, Facebook, etc.) than she does "in person". She can take
her time to work through situations and difficulties without losing it
at her friends. She has space and time to understand relationships at
her pace. She can calm down. Her hair-trigger emotionality is
mitigated through not having to respond in the moment. She can
practice deep-breathing, thinking before she speaks, being kind.

If a kid has difficulty socially (like reading social cues or being
sensitive to others' emotions), gaming can be a way to understand and
learn what is appropriate and what isn't. We talk all the time about
rudeness and kindness and overreaction and doing the right thing, as a
result of gaming. Senna used to think she was alone in her world (so
many kids her age have left behind what she continues to love; she's
felt "different" internally for a long time), but meeting people
online who share her interests no matter what their age has been
enormously helpful. She sees that she's not so different and that
encourages her.

Robin B.