Something I learned....
Dawn Falbe
Hi All:
I had a very strange experience today... Myself and several women friends
attended a women's spiritual workshop on our bodies, weight, the connections
between all of them. The workshop was very enlightened and it was great to
meet all these women working on themselves...
So what does this have to do with unschooling you might ask... One of the
last exercises that we did was where the facilitator (a Dr) showed us how
people can continue a cycle that is hard to break when it comes to
understanding our bodies. She drew 2 pictures the first picture she drew
was a stick person holding out a book with a stern look on their face (this
person was labeled The Perpetrator). To the left of this large person was a
small stick person (this person was labeled The Victim) and the 3rd stick
person was next to the Victim, but larger than the victim and called the
Rebel.... She explained that it is a cycle..... The next picture was of a
mother or father or loving person holding a smaller stick person on their
lap and lovingly showing the person the book....
She was telling us that with our bodies we perpetrate ourselves, then we
become victims, and then we rebel... The other picture is about having
somebody loving (ourselves) take care of ourselves.
Now instead of me seeing this as representing the food thing I was there
for... It was crystal clear that she was talking about school.... The
teacher was the perpetrator, who is a stranger, the child was the victim who
then rebels and acts out.... Alternatively at home learning the loving
person is holding the child and teaching them rather than scolding and
shamming them....
I thought this was a very interesting analogy.
Dawn
********************
Dawn Falbe
Astrologer Coach
(520) 312-5300
********************
www.astrologerdawn.com
dawn@...
Enlightening you on how to discover and live your Soul Purpose
"The people who get on in this world are people who get up and look for the
circumstances they want, and, if they can't find them, make them." - George
Bernard Shaw
"The only time my education was interrupted was when I was in school" -
George Bernard Shaw
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I had a very strange experience today... Myself and several women friends
attended a women's spiritual workshop on our bodies, weight, the connections
between all of them. The workshop was very enlightened and it was great to
meet all these women working on themselves...
So what does this have to do with unschooling you might ask... One of the
last exercises that we did was where the facilitator (a Dr) showed us how
people can continue a cycle that is hard to break when it comes to
understanding our bodies. She drew 2 pictures the first picture she drew
was a stick person holding out a book with a stern look on their face (this
person was labeled The Perpetrator). To the left of this large person was a
small stick person (this person was labeled The Victim) and the 3rd stick
person was next to the Victim, but larger than the victim and called the
Rebel.... She explained that it is a cycle..... The next picture was of a
mother or father or loving person holding a smaller stick person on their
lap and lovingly showing the person the book....
She was telling us that with our bodies we perpetrate ourselves, then we
become victims, and then we rebel... The other picture is about having
somebody loving (ourselves) take care of ourselves.
Now instead of me seeing this as representing the food thing I was there
for... It was crystal clear that she was talking about school.... The
teacher was the perpetrator, who is a stranger, the child was the victim who
then rebels and acts out.... Alternatively at home learning the loving
person is holding the child and teaching them rather than scolding and
shamming them....
I thought this was a very interesting analogy.
Dawn
********************
Dawn Falbe
Astrologer Coach
(520) 312-5300
********************
www.astrologerdawn.com
dawn@...
Enlightening you on how to discover and live your Soul Purpose
"The people who get on in this world are people who get up and look for the
circumstances they want, and, if they can't find them, make them." - George
Bernard Shaw
"The only time my education was interrupted was when I was in school" -
George Bernard Shaw
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Susan Bundlie
<<...a women's spiritual workshop on our bodies, weight...>>
Yesterday a wonderful, responsible, beautiful girl, about 15 years old,
dropped out of the play we're in the midst of rehearsals for. Her mother
tearfully called to tell me her daughter had an eating disorder and was
probably on her way to being hospitalized. This isn't an unschooling
family, but they are kind, loving and supportive of each other and have
always homeschooled. The mother said she has been waiting for a doctor
or therapist to bring up homeschooling, at which time she was going to
innocently say, "Oh, you mean only homeschooled girls have this
problem?" So far no one has said anything about that.
I know another homeschooled girl who was anorexic for a couple of years
and yet another who is having huge depression problems right now. I
guess no one's immune.
Susan
Yesterday a wonderful, responsible, beautiful girl, about 15 years old,
dropped out of the play we're in the midst of rehearsals for. Her mother
tearfully called to tell me her daughter had an eating disorder and was
probably on her way to being hospitalized. This isn't an unschooling
family, but they are kind, loving and supportive of each other and have
always homeschooled. The mother said she has been waiting for a doctor
or therapist to bring up homeschooling, at which time she was going to
innocently say, "Oh, you mean only homeschooled girls have this
problem?" So far no one has said anything about that.
I know another homeschooled girl who was anorexic for a couple of years
and yet another who is having huge depression problems right now. I
guess no one's immune.
Susan
homeschoolmd
Susan,
If you find out any more about these girls and possibly some of the
causes for their problems, would you please let us know. I'd like to
know how these problems can be minimized.
I realize that often the reasons are very complex however I've always
thought that anorexia and bulemia were control issues. Children that
are not appreciated for who they really are and feel they need to do
things, change, to please others do not have the sense that they have
any control over their own lives. They then feel a sense of power
and control over their eating and of course they get compliments for
their trim figure which perpetuate the problem.
Pat
If you find out any more about these girls and possibly some of the
causes for their problems, would you please let us know. I'd like to
know how these problems can be minimized.
I realize that often the reasons are very complex however I've always
thought that anorexia and bulemia were control issues. Children that
are not appreciated for who they really are and feel they need to do
things, change, to please others do not have the sense that they have
any control over their own lives. They then feel a sense of power
and control over their eating and of course they get compliments for
their trim figure which perpetuate the problem.
Pat
--- In AlwaysLearning@y..., Susan Bundlie <strandbe@a...> wrote:
>
> <<...a women's spiritual workshop on our bodies, weight...>>
>
> Yesterday a wonderful, responsible, beautiful girl, about 15 years
old,
> dropped out of the play we're in the midst of rehearsals for. Her
mother
> tearfully called to tell me her daughter had an eating disorder and
was
> probably on her way to being hospitalized. This isn't an
unschooling
> family, but they are kind, loving and supportive of each other and
have
> always homeschooled. The mother said she has been waiting for a
doctor
> or therapist to bring up homeschooling, at which time she was going
to
> innocently say, "Oh, you mean only homeschooled girls have this
> problem?" So far no one has said anything about that.
>
> I know another homeschooled girl who was anorexic for a couple of
years
> and yet another who is having huge depression problems right now. I
> guess no one's immune.
>
> Susan
Jon and Rue Kream
I know that in many cases control is the major issue. Speaking for myself,
I felt bombarded by images of "beauty" and didn't know any women in my life
who were happy with the way they looked. I also heard, "She's so thin" and
"Aren't you pretty" so often when I was little that I thought it was
supposed to be part of who I was.
When my first daughter was born, I decided I would have to pretend to be
comfortable in my own skin. By the time my second daughter was born four
years later, I wasn't pretending any more.
We are also very conscious of the things people say to and around our
daughters, and of what they are seeing in the media - and we talk to them
about it. Many times it appears kids aren't listening when they are. We
just assume they hear everything. So, for example, when the mothers at the
pool are complaining to each other and saying no way will they get in a
bathing suit, we talk on the ride home about how bodies don't only change at
puberty, but throughout life, and it's sad that some people don't enjoy the
changes that time and childbearing bring. More importantly, I'm not sitting
on the side of the pool in my clothes. I am IN the pool playing with my
kids - not thinking about what I look like, so they know I believe what I am
saying.
Of course, it is not always very complex. The easiest way to create a
bulimic is to control what they eat from the time they are children.
Trusting your child to know when she is hungry, how much and what to eat is
a pretty good way to ensure that food is not going to become an issue.
There are some signs you can look for: moving food around on the plate, not
letting the fork touch the lips or tongue, looking to the parent while
filling the plate to get invisible approval over the choices, sneaking food,
withdrawn behavior, and speaking very quietly were some signs that no one
saw in me, but there are many others as well. There have been some good
books written by anorexic/bulimics - none of which I can think of right now
:0).
~Rue
-----Original Message-----
From: homeschoolmd [mailto:homeschoolmd@...]
Sent: Monday, April 01, 2002 10:20 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] Re: Something I learned....
Susan,
If you find out any more about these girls and possibly some of the
causes for their problems, would you please let us know. I'd like to
know how these problems can be minimized.
I realize that often the reasons are very complex however I've always
thought that anorexia and bulemia were control issues. Children that
are not appreciated for who they really are and feel they need to do
things, change, to please others do not have the sense that they have
any control over their own lives. They then feel a sense of power
and control over their eating and of course they get compliments for
their trim figure which perpetuate the problem.
Pat
I felt bombarded by images of "beauty" and didn't know any women in my life
who were happy with the way they looked. I also heard, "She's so thin" and
"Aren't you pretty" so often when I was little that I thought it was
supposed to be part of who I was.
When my first daughter was born, I decided I would have to pretend to be
comfortable in my own skin. By the time my second daughter was born four
years later, I wasn't pretending any more.
We are also very conscious of the things people say to and around our
daughters, and of what they are seeing in the media - and we talk to them
about it. Many times it appears kids aren't listening when they are. We
just assume they hear everything. So, for example, when the mothers at the
pool are complaining to each other and saying no way will they get in a
bathing suit, we talk on the ride home about how bodies don't only change at
puberty, but throughout life, and it's sad that some people don't enjoy the
changes that time and childbearing bring. More importantly, I'm not sitting
on the side of the pool in my clothes. I am IN the pool playing with my
kids - not thinking about what I look like, so they know I believe what I am
saying.
Of course, it is not always very complex. The easiest way to create a
bulimic is to control what they eat from the time they are children.
Trusting your child to know when she is hungry, how much and what to eat is
a pretty good way to ensure that food is not going to become an issue.
There are some signs you can look for: moving food around on the plate, not
letting the fork touch the lips or tongue, looking to the parent while
filling the plate to get invisible approval over the choices, sneaking food,
withdrawn behavior, and speaking very quietly were some signs that no one
saw in me, but there are many others as well. There have been some good
books written by anorexic/bulimics - none of which I can think of right now
:0).
~Rue
-----Original Message-----
From: homeschoolmd [mailto:homeschoolmd@...]
Sent: Monday, April 01, 2002 10:20 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] Re: Something I learned....
Susan,
If you find out any more about these girls and possibly some of the
causes for their problems, would you please let us know. I'd like to
know how these problems can be minimized.
I realize that often the reasons are very complex however I've always
thought that anorexia and bulemia were control issues. Children that
are not appreciated for who they really are and feel they need to do
things, change, to please others do not have the sense that they have
any control over their own lives. They then feel a sense of power
and control over their eating and of course they get compliments for
their trim figure which perpetuate the problem.
Pat
--- In AlwaysLearning@y..., Susan Bundlie <strandbe@a...> wrote:
>
> <<...a women's spiritual workshop on our bodies, weight...>>
>
> Yesterday a wonderful, responsible, beautiful girl, about 15 years
old,
> dropped out of the play we're in the midst of rehearsals for. Her
mother
> tearfully called to tell me her daughter had an eating disorder and
was
> probably on her way to being hospitalized. This isn't an
unschooling
> family, but they are kind, loving and supportive of each other and
have
> always homeschooled. The mother said she has been waiting for a
doctor
> or therapist to bring up homeschooling, at which time she was going
to
> innocently say, "Oh, you mean only homeschooled girls have this
> problem?" So far no one has said anything about that.
>
> I know another homeschooled girl who was anorexic for a couple of
years
> and yet another who is having huge depression problems right now. I
> guess no one's immune.
>
> Susan
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Kelly Green
I was bulimic as a teenager living in a household where my life was
very tightly controlled ("grounding" being the preferred method of
punishment). The interesting thing is that my parents were not
really controlling at all around food or eating, and did not have
serious body issues of their own. It happened that everyone in my
family is quite thin naturally (even underweight, by insurance
charts), so no one was telling me that I was "fat." But everyone in
my family decided together to go on Weight Watchers when I was about
15 (none of us had more than 5 pounds to lose, I don't think). This
diet started really by coincidence only a few months before a
parental "crackdown" that included surveillance (reading my diary,
calling me at friends' houses to verify that I was really there,
checking with friends' parents about what I was doing), which lead to
the destruction of my trust in them, and then a series of groundings.
During this time my parents still did not try to control my food or
eating, but it really was one of the few things I felt _I_ could
control, and so I did, and did so compulsively, which lead to bulimia
which lasted for about 4 years. I "cured" myself by following the
advice of Geneen Roth, who has written a number of books in which she
advocates eliminating restrictions on your eating and really just
trusting yourself and your appetites. The short version of my story
is that when I stopped trying to control it I stopped (over time)
being obsessive about it.
There are obviously lots of other issues involved, but for me I think
control really was the operative one.
Kelly
very tightly controlled ("grounding" being the preferred method of
punishment). The interesting thing is that my parents were not
really controlling at all around food or eating, and did not have
serious body issues of their own. It happened that everyone in my
family is quite thin naturally (even underweight, by insurance
charts), so no one was telling me that I was "fat." But everyone in
my family decided together to go on Weight Watchers when I was about
15 (none of us had more than 5 pounds to lose, I don't think). This
diet started really by coincidence only a few months before a
parental "crackdown" that included surveillance (reading my diary,
calling me at friends' houses to verify that I was really there,
checking with friends' parents about what I was doing), which lead to
the destruction of my trust in them, and then a series of groundings.
During this time my parents still did not try to control my food or
eating, but it really was one of the few things I felt _I_ could
control, and so I did, and did so compulsively, which lead to bulimia
which lasted for about 4 years. I "cured" myself by following the
advice of Geneen Roth, who has written a number of books in which she
advocates eliminating restrictions on your eating and really just
trusting yourself and your appetites. The short version of my story
is that when I stopped trying to control it I stopped (over time)
being obsessive about it.
There are obviously lots of other issues involved, but for me I think
control really was the operative one.
Kelly