Meeting online friends in person
Tina Tarbutton
Draven (10 y/o) has a ton of online friends through Xbox 360. Some
are unschoolers that he met through the unschoolers gaming list,
others are people he met in various lobbies.
There's one particular guy that he's been playing online with since
Christmas, he's 25 y/o, has a 4 y/o kid and kind of took Draven under
his wing and taught Draven how to do a lot of stuff in the game.
Draven mentioned to the guy that he lives in central, eastern, florida
(that's as specific as I like him to get) and that guy just told him
that he's coming to Daytona (not too far from us) sometime within the
next few months to spend time with some family that lives here.
Draven asked me if I'd talk to him (through the headset) and if maybe
we could set up a lunch date when he's in town. I did talk to him, he
seems like a nice guy, spent a bit of the conversation assuring me
he's not a creepy guy and the rest of the conversation telling me how
great Draven is.
On one hand, I think it would be great for Draven to meet an online
friend IRL. I spent a ton of years playing text based RPG's online,
and I thought it was the coolest thing ever when I had a chance to
meet one of my fellow players in person.
On the other hand, this guy is much older than Draven and while I
realize they have games in common, it just seems a little strange that
a 25 y/o would want to meet up with a 10 y/o. I am also pretty sure
that once I mention it to my partner she's going to freak a little
bit.
I'm not really wanting to say no. Draven is completely okay with it
being a family event where the 3 of us meet up with him and his family
at some restaurant and have lunch together. I'm not too worried about
it not being safe (although there is that little voice in the back of
my head going "are you OUT of your MIND!?!")
Has anyone else been in this situation? How would you handle it?
Tina
are unschoolers that he met through the unschoolers gaming list,
others are people he met in various lobbies.
There's one particular guy that he's been playing online with since
Christmas, he's 25 y/o, has a 4 y/o kid and kind of took Draven under
his wing and taught Draven how to do a lot of stuff in the game.
Draven mentioned to the guy that he lives in central, eastern, florida
(that's as specific as I like him to get) and that guy just told him
that he's coming to Daytona (not too far from us) sometime within the
next few months to spend time with some family that lives here.
Draven asked me if I'd talk to him (through the headset) and if maybe
we could set up a lunch date when he's in town. I did talk to him, he
seems like a nice guy, spent a bit of the conversation assuring me
he's not a creepy guy and the rest of the conversation telling me how
great Draven is.
On one hand, I think it would be great for Draven to meet an online
friend IRL. I spent a ton of years playing text based RPG's online,
and I thought it was the coolest thing ever when I had a chance to
meet one of my fellow players in person.
On the other hand, this guy is much older than Draven and while I
realize they have games in common, it just seems a little strange that
a 25 y/o would want to meet up with a 10 y/o. I am also pretty sure
that once I mention it to my partner she's going to freak a little
bit.
I'm not really wanting to say no. Draven is completely okay with it
being a family event where the 3 of us meet up with him and his family
at some restaurant and have lunch together. I'm not too worried about
it not being safe (although there is that little voice in the back of
my head going "are you OUT of your MIND!?!")
Has anyone else been in this situation? How would you handle it?
Tina
aldq75
We have met several online friends IRL. It was always as a group in a public place. But, it was also after "knowing" them online for a much longer time period.
I would think that if there was anything shady about the person, they wouldn't agree to the family setting.
Andrea Q
I would think that if there was anything shady about the person, they wouldn't agree to the family setting.
Andrea Q
--- In [email protected], Tina Tarbutton <tina.tarbutton@...> wrote:
>
> I'm not really wanting to say no. Draven is completely okay with it
> being a family event where the 3 of us meet up with him and his family
> at some restaurant and have lunch together. I'm not too worried about
> it not being safe (although there is that little voice in the back of
> my head going "are you OUT of your MIND!?!")
>
> Has anyone else been in this situation? How would you handle it?
>
> Tina
>
Joyce Fetteroll
On Feb 6, 2011, at 7:21 PM, Tina Tarbutton wrote:
game and when they were there for other purposes?
If your son isn't needy for attention and unconditional acceptance
it's not likely he'd be drawn in by false interest in him.
It could be the guy is fascinated by a 10 yo who is showing an
uncommon maturity. (Uncommon for schooled kids, anyway ;-)
My daughter has met a fair number of people on line. (Well, so have I
for that matter! Through unschooling.) The ones were most like they
seemed on line were the ones who were there pursuing an interest, like
writing stories and art. (Or discussing unschooling :-) She's talked
on the phone with and met IRL half a dozen or so friends and they've
all been just as they seemed.
The ones that were able to create less faithful images were on more
social sites. She's met several who visited a message board for a
band she loves. A group of them got together at a concert. Some were
great. Some were eh.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> On one hand, I think it would be great for Draven to meet an onlineDo you remember being able to tell when someone was there to play the
> friend IRL. I spent a ton of years playing text based RPG's online,
> and I thought it was the coolest thing ever when I had a chance to
> meet one of my fellow players in person.
game and when they were there for other purposes?
If your son isn't needy for attention and unconditional acceptance
it's not likely he'd be drawn in by false interest in him.
It could be the guy is fascinated by a 10 yo who is showing an
uncommon maturity. (Uncommon for schooled kids, anyway ;-)
My daughter has met a fair number of people on line. (Well, so have I
for that matter! Through unschooling.) The ones were most like they
seemed on line were the ones who were there pursuing an interest, like
writing stories and art. (Or discussing unschooling :-) She's talked
on the phone with and met IRL half a dozen or so friends and they've
all been just as they seemed.
The ones that were able to create less faithful images were on more
social sites. She's met several who visited a message board for a
band she loves. A group of them got together at a concert. Some were
great. Some were eh.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
BRIAN POLIKOWSKY
I have met many unschoolers online and then in real life. Many of them came
to our home
to spend the night having never met us before !
It has always been great. They have always been wonderful people.
I also met my wonderful husband online and I flew to Minnesota to
spend 9 days without even having met him before.
Alex Polikowsky
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
to our home
to spend the night having never met us before !
It has always been great. They have always been wonderful people.
I also met my wonderful husband online and I flew to Minnesota to
spend 9 days without even having met him before.
Alex Polikowsky
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
BRIAN POLIKOWSKY
It sounds like he is coming with his family. Is that the case?
Alex Polikowsky
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Alex Polikowsky
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Tina Tarbutton
I believe his fianc�e is coming with him, I'm not sure about his daughter.
I met my partner online, and after about a week of talking, she drove 2
hours to take me out on a date. She didn't leave for almost a week. So I
really don't mind the idea of meeting people online.
I think it may be bothering me more because I know, the way I was raised, my
parents would have grounded me from the internet if I even mentioned the
idea of meeting an online friend IRL. Even as an adult when I mentioned
meeting someone in person that I knew online, my parents were astonished. I
think that programing is making me second guess my feelings on the topic.
It doesn't help that we're living with my parents currently, lots of my old
programming is creeping in because not only is my mother's voice in my head
telling me what I should do, now she's here live and in person, every single
day.
Tina
On Sun, Feb 6, 2011 at 9:52 PM, BRIAN POLIKOWSKY <polykowholsteins@...
I met my partner online, and after about a week of talking, she drove 2
hours to take me out on a date. She didn't leave for almost a week. So I
really don't mind the idea of meeting people online.
I think it may be bothering me more because I know, the way I was raised, my
parents would have grounded me from the internet if I even mentioned the
idea of meeting an online friend IRL. Even as an adult when I mentioned
meeting someone in person that I knew online, my parents were astonished. I
think that programing is making me second guess my feelings on the topic.
It doesn't help that we're living with my parents currently, lots of my old
programming is creeping in because not only is my mother's voice in my head
telling me what I should do, now she's here live and in person, every single
day.
Tina
On Sun, Feb 6, 2011 at 9:52 PM, BRIAN POLIKOWSKY <polykowholsteins@...
> wrote:[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
> It sounds like he is coming with his family. Is that the case?
>
>
>
> Alex Polikowsky
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
Sandra Dodd
-= So I really don't mind the idea of meeting people online.-=-
You wrote that, but the very next thing you wrote was:
-=I think it may be bothering me more because I know, the way I was raised, my
parents would have grounded me from the internet if I even mentioned the
idea of meeting an online friend IRL. -=-
It is kind of a problem, if you live in someone else's house. You said "she's here live every...day" but if you're in her house (rather than she being in yours) then it becomes her business whether someone you met on the internet comes over. That changes things a little bit.
There are dozens of families on this list I've met in person after knowing them through these discussions and similar side-things. Either we met at conferences, or one of my kids travelled to stay with them, or they came though here because they were travelling one of the interstate highways that comes through Albuquerque.
I know someone in person who contacted me by instant message years ago on AOL, because we have the same birthday/year. He grew up in East Germany. I could have told him 'get lost, weirdo,' but I didn't. And now I have a really good friend.
Sandra
You wrote that, but the very next thing you wrote was:
-=I think it may be bothering me more because I know, the way I was raised, my
parents would have grounded me from the internet if I even mentioned the
idea of meeting an online friend IRL. -=-
It is kind of a problem, if you live in someone else's house. You said "she's here live every...day" but if you're in her house (rather than she being in yours) then it becomes her business whether someone you met on the internet comes over. That changes things a little bit.
There are dozens of families on this list I've met in person after knowing them through these discussions and similar side-things. Either we met at conferences, or one of my kids travelled to stay with them, or they came though here because they were travelling one of the interstate highways that comes through Albuquerque.
I know someone in person who contacted me by instant message years ago on AOL, because we have the same birthday/year. He grew up in East Germany. I could have told him 'get lost, weirdo,' but I didn't. And now I have a really good friend.
Sandra
Pam Sorooshian
On 2/6/2011 6:58 PM, Tina Tarbutton wrote:
Really - just look at what you wrote, yourself, and make the decision to
think logically. You'll BE there with him - what the heck could possibly
happen? I think it is a little adventure and kind of a thrill for your
son - why would you want to deny him that? Makes no sense to me.
I can't even comprehend what could possibly be wrong with this whole
scenario. I think it is sweet, but not even terribly unusual. If the
"older guy" was pretending to be someone he wasn't, if he was pretending
to be 10 and turned out to be 25, then he'd be a liar and a fake and I'd
avoid him. But this just seems like what happens all the time online -
people of vastly different ages find out they have something in common
and they get along.
Chances are that the only thing they'll feel comfortable talking about
is their gaming - they won't have anything else in common. But you never
know - your families may become lifelong friends.
-pam
> I think it may be bothering me more because I know, the way I was raised, myTry to think with your own brain instead of channeling your parents.
> parents would have grounded me from the internet if I even mentioned the
> idea of meeting an online friend IRL.
Really - just look at what you wrote, yourself, and make the decision to
think logically. You'll BE there with him - what the heck could possibly
happen? I think it is a little adventure and kind of a thrill for your
son - why would you want to deny him that? Makes no sense to me.
I can't even comprehend what could possibly be wrong with this whole
scenario. I think it is sweet, but not even terribly unusual. If the
"older guy" was pretending to be someone he wasn't, if he was pretending
to be 10 and turned out to be 25, then he'd be a liar and a fake and I'd
avoid him. But this just seems like what happens all the time online -
people of vastly different ages find out they have something in common
and they get along.
Chances are that the only thing they'll feel comfortable talking about
is their gaming - they won't have anything else in common. But you never
know - your families may become lifelong friends.
-pam
Sandra Dodd
Our kids have had good experiences and neutral, meeting people from online. A gaming associate drove a long way once to meet my kids and a couple of our friends. They were mid-to-late teens. She was grown, in her 20s with a severely disabled daughter. The game (a text-based role-playing game called AON) was the best part of her life, and she wanted to meet Kirby and Marty and a few others. They were apprehensive. *I* was apprehensive, because I thought if she could get Kirby to love her and go home with her, he could help her take care of her daughter. A crazy jump in thinking, perhaps, but people have done crazier.
She brought them expensive gifts. Shirts. A guitar, for one of them (not my guys). She seemed okay, though, and not predatory. Just really happy to have a little vacation from taking care of her daughter who was (I think) 12, and entirely incapacitated. She had all this motherly charge built up and let it out on this batch of teen boys, it seemed. I never heard that she tried to "do" or get any of them.
Another time, Marty was invited to meet someone at the mall, someone he had met online. A girl. They were 14 or so. He said he would meet her but he watned to bring a friend or two, and she said she did too. The found each other, hung out a bit, were mutually unimpressed (not horribly so, just not the same kind of kids) and were polite and friendly.
A WoW guild Kirby was in on decided to go to dinner one night, and turns out a couple of guys they had never met were actually locals, too. So they showed up. A gay couple. And they all liked each other and had the whole guild thing in common. One of the other guys in Kirby's group was gay too, so it wasn't as polarized as it might have been, which was a relief, and those guys went to a couple or more social gatherings afterward, too.
Keith corresponded with Viking-re-enactment people from Denver, and they met at a camp, where they already kind of knew each other.
MANY unschoolers have friends of other ages. They will NOT be meeting others just their age. And because of common interests, the unschoolers will have opportunities and experiences they wouldn't have if they were in school. So don't think of it as odd or weird that someone in his 20's would know and want to meet a younger person. It's part of living in the real world.
Sandra
She brought them expensive gifts. Shirts. A guitar, for one of them (not my guys). She seemed okay, though, and not predatory. Just really happy to have a little vacation from taking care of her daughter who was (I think) 12, and entirely incapacitated. She had all this motherly charge built up and let it out on this batch of teen boys, it seemed. I never heard that she tried to "do" or get any of them.
Another time, Marty was invited to meet someone at the mall, someone he had met online. A girl. They were 14 or so. He said he would meet her but he watned to bring a friend or two, and she said she did too. The found each other, hung out a bit, were mutually unimpressed (not horribly so, just not the same kind of kids) and were polite and friendly.
A WoW guild Kirby was in on decided to go to dinner one night, and turns out a couple of guys they had never met were actually locals, too. So they showed up. A gay couple. And they all liked each other and had the whole guild thing in common. One of the other guys in Kirby's group was gay too, so it wasn't as polarized as it might have been, which was a relief, and those guys went to a couple or more social gatherings afterward, too.
Keith corresponded with Viking-re-enactment people from Denver, and they met at a camp, where they already kind of knew each other.
MANY unschoolers have friends of other ages. They will NOT be meeting others just their age. And because of common interests, the unschoolers will have opportunities and experiences they wouldn't have if they were in school. So don't think of it as odd or weird that someone in his 20's would know and want to meet a younger person. It's part of living in the real world.
Sandra
plaidpanties666
Tina Tarbutton <tina.tarbutton@...> wrote:
Mo is 9 and has a friend who is... I haven't asked but he looks older than me, and I'm 40. They play Pokemon together, and legos, and other video games. He likes "girly" games as much as other games, so it's a bit of a luxury for both of them - none of Mo's other male friends want to play Barbie video games, for instance. He's not "in charge" - he's not there to babysit - I treat the situation much like a play-date between kids.
Ray's adult friends were "in charge" a bit more, but part of that had to do with Ray being soooooo active that his adult friends were coming over to run all over the hills with him - or all over town at times - and some specific adult perspectives were sometimes needed.
---Meredith
>> On the other hand, this guy is much older than Draven and while IWhen Ray was younger your son, he had more adult friends than kid friends - mostly men in their mid twenties to mid thirties. It was great for him to have people he could play with who could be focused on him rather than having to do the kinds of negotiations similar-aged kids need to get along. He's still in contact with All those friends, at 17, even though some have moved across the country and even around the globe.
> realize they have games in common, it just seems a little strange
Mo is 9 and has a friend who is... I haven't asked but he looks older than me, and I'm 40. They play Pokemon together, and legos, and other video games. He likes "girly" games as much as other games, so it's a bit of a luxury for both of them - none of Mo's other male friends want to play Barbie video games, for instance. He's not "in charge" - he's not there to babysit - I treat the situation much like a play-date between kids.
Ray's adult friends were "in charge" a bit more, but part of that had to do with Ray being soooooo active that his adult friends were coming over to run all over the hills with him - or all over town at times - and some specific adult perspectives were sometimes needed.
---Meredith