almost 7 year old taking stuff that doesnt belong to her
Nancy Machaj
Hi All,
I am writing about my almost 7 year old daughter (birthday Feb16) .
She has never been to school, we have always intended to unschool, and
Ive been reading this list for years.
Here is the issue: lately she has been taking things that dont belong
to her. Here is how it progressed..
The first instance that I was aware of, unfolded in a stressful
situation. We were leaving the house and all of a sudden, my daughter
started freaking out about her clothes itching her (not a terribly
uncommon situation) and took them all off and was crying and having a
hard time finding a new outfit. Myself and my son were standing in our
coats and carrying our bags and stuff at the door while this unfolds.
I get frustrated with her screaming and slamming stuff aroudn in the
other room and now we are going to be late to wherever we were headed
(dont remember now) at any rate, any assistance I offer or suggestions
I make about clothes get shot down and she is screaming and crying etc.
She finally makes it in the foyer, dressed, but with 3 large bags of
things she wants to take with her, I tell her to please combine to two
bags so that she can carry them, so she dumps them out on the floor
and I see a ten dollar bill. I ask her where it had come from, because
I was missing money from my wallet, but I had assumed my husband had
needed it and taken it. she sort of hems and haws and I ask her if she
took it from my wallet. She finally says yes. She said that when the
Tooth Fairy came the week before and only left her 5 dollars (after
having left her 10 for the first tooth a few months ago) and it wasnt
enough so she had to take my money.
This really made me flip out. Obviously she doesnt know that Im the
tooth fairy so she has no idea that Im now taking this personally, but
it just made me so freaking angry. Even at the time I realized that Im
probably over reacting because of the thoughts Im having about her.
We go downstairs get in the car and after I have calmed down somewhat,
I ask her what did she need to take money from my wallet for, and she
says "makeup" and I almost imploded. We had, two days earlier, gone to
the store and spent 30$ on a sparkly pink three level beauty case FULL
of makeup which is in addition to the 2 makeup cases that she already
has full of stuff.
So far regarding all this makeup/nail polish/hair stuff, we have
gotten her ALOT of stuff and almost always pick up an item for her
when we shop, etc, so I am pretty surprised that she is feeling lack
about this, but clearly she is.
at any rate, nothing else happened for a couple months. that i know of.
Then she comes home from a friends house with a LOT of new stuff.
Makeup, bath stuff, bracelets...She told me that the other mom took
them to the dollar store. I didnt really look over the stuff too much,
and the mom had bought her stuff before (although maybe not, actually)
so I accepted that.
In the meantime, I decide that Zibby will get an allowance of 10 a
week and that I will keep it in my purse in her wallet, but she can
spend it on what she wants. She sometimes chooses to buy stuff and
soemtimes says she wants to save it up and forgo the wanted item.
Next thing, we go shoe shopping at a busy store where they get
commision on sales. I got a pair of boots. Zibby wanted to try on
shoes, but I told her that since we werent planning to buy any for her
today, and since it was busy, it wasnt fair to the workers or other
people to just try on shoes for fun. She was unhappy, but i paid and
we left. The next day she and henry are fighting over a toy and I ask
what it is. Its al little frog flashlight. I ask her where it came
from. The shoe store. I ask, like you found it there? It was someones
toy? no, she says, it was in a big basket. So, I say, ok, so you stole
a toy from the store? why didnt you ask me if you could have it or use
your own money? she says she didnt think.
Later that night I find another one in her bedroom as we are getting
it ready for houseguests. So she had taken two of them. I ask her if
there are any more? she says no. I tell her she needs to come clean
and tell the whole truth and she says no, there is only two. I found
the third one later that night. At this point I have a talk with her
about stealing and the trouble you could get in and maybe that I would
get in, and how people think about people who take things, and she
just keeps saying she doesnt know what she is thinking. I dont want to
shame her or be too hard, yet this is unacceptable!
Later the same week I pick her up from a playdate at her friends (the
same one as before) and I pick up her backpack to carry for her, and
it is really heavy. I say, man! whats in here? and zibby immediately
gets cagey, so I open it, and as I do she pulls me aroudn the corner
in the room so her friend cant see us, and she grabs a bunch of stuff
from the bag and dumps it on the floor. Its packages of bath stuff and
lotions. We leave, and when we get in the car, I ask her what that
was all about. She doesnt want to talk but eventually she admits that
she had been trying to take her friends stuff.
I tell her how friends wont have her over if she steals from them, how
she will get a reputation for stealing, how I wouldnt let people take
our stuff or her stuff, etc and she basically keeps sayhing she doenst
know why she does it and she "doesnt think" So I ask her what I can do
to help her stop and how Im going to need to check her bags and
pockets when we go places and she says thats good and that will help
her.
Then there have been a couple of instances of her hiding my ipod and
when I ask "hey does anyone know where it is" she says no, but later
will produce it. I dont get it because everyone shares it and its not
a big deal for her to have had it. I dont get why she lies and says
she doesnt know.
then last night I need a package of markers that i had bought for a
meeting I was going to last night. I say, hey, has anyone seen these
markers? they were right here" zibby says oh yeah, I think I took
them, but I cant remember where they are...so I go into her room and
we start looking. we come across a backpack and she clearly doenst
want me to open it. so we take it and open it, and omg.
its completely full of my perfume, my jewelry, my moms jewelry that I
had put away in a closet cabinet way up high, wads of jewelry and
cheap makeup that i now realize she has probably taken from her friend
and NOT got at the dollar store, (confirmed by zibby) there is candy
bars that I bought a while ago that she said she ate, there is
another ten dollar bill, there is bottles of homeopathic tablets that
she found in the medicine cabinet..just full of STUFF. she keeps
saying, this is all from the PAST mom, I DID IT BEFORE, and IM like,
before what?
we eventually find the markers stashed under her beauty table. I dont
even know what to say about all this to her. While we are going thru
the stuff and Im putting my jewelry etc away, I notice this purple
fringe dress on my bed with some other of zibbys clothes. Where did
this come from? I ask her. she says she took it from her friend fran
at frans brithday party last week. Im flabbergasted.
Im at a complete loss.
I need to know what is an appropriate response from me to her and how
do I handle returning all this stuff, how to prevent more theft, what
else to say to my daughter, myself....
Thank you.
Nancy in Chicago
zibby almost 7
henry 3.5
I am writing about my almost 7 year old daughter (birthday Feb16) .
She has never been to school, we have always intended to unschool, and
Ive been reading this list for years.
Here is the issue: lately she has been taking things that dont belong
to her. Here is how it progressed..
The first instance that I was aware of, unfolded in a stressful
situation. We were leaving the house and all of a sudden, my daughter
started freaking out about her clothes itching her (not a terribly
uncommon situation) and took them all off and was crying and having a
hard time finding a new outfit. Myself and my son were standing in our
coats and carrying our bags and stuff at the door while this unfolds.
I get frustrated with her screaming and slamming stuff aroudn in the
other room and now we are going to be late to wherever we were headed
(dont remember now) at any rate, any assistance I offer or suggestions
I make about clothes get shot down and she is screaming and crying etc.
She finally makes it in the foyer, dressed, but with 3 large bags of
things she wants to take with her, I tell her to please combine to two
bags so that she can carry them, so she dumps them out on the floor
and I see a ten dollar bill. I ask her where it had come from, because
I was missing money from my wallet, but I had assumed my husband had
needed it and taken it. she sort of hems and haws and I ask her if she
took it from my wallet. She finally says yes. She said that when the
Tooth Fairy came the week before and only left her 5 dollars (after
having left her 10 for the first tooth a few months ago) and it wasnt
enough so she had to take my money.
This really made me flip out. Obviously she doesnt know that Im the
tooth fairy so she has no idea that Im now taking this personally, but
it just made me so freaking angry. Even at the time I realized that Im
probably over reacting because of the thoughts Im having about her.
We go downstairs get in the car and after I have calmed down somewhat,
I ask her what did she need to take money from my wallet for, and she
says "makeup" and I almost imploded. We had, two days earlier, gone to
the store and spent 30$ on a sparkly pink three level beauty case FULL
of makeup which is in addition to the 2 makeup cases that she already
has full of stuff.
So far regarding all this makeup/nail polish/hair stuff, we have
gotten her ALOT of stuff and almost always pick up an item for her
when we shop, etc, so I am pretty surprised that she is feeling lack
about this, but clearly she is.
at any rate, nothing else happened for a couple months. that i know of.
Then she comes home from a friends house with a LOT of new stuff.
Makeup, bath stuff, bracelets...She told me that the other mom took
them to the dollar store. I didnt really look over the stuff too much,
and the mom had bought her stuff before (although maybe not, actually)
so I accepted that.
In the meantime, I decide that Zibby will get an allowance of 10 a
week and that I will keep it in my purse in her wallet, but she can
spend it on what she wants. She sometimes chooses to buy stuff and
soemtimes says she wants to save it up and forgo the wanted item.
Next thing, we go shoe shopping at a busy store where they get
commision on sales. I got a pair of boots. Zibby wanted to try on
shoes, but I told her that since we werent planning to buy any for her
today, and since it was busy, it wasnt fair to the workers or other
people to just try on shoes for fun. She was unhappy, but i paid and
we left. The next day she and henry are fighting over a toy and I ask
what it is. Its al little frog flashlight. I ask her where it came
from. The shoe store. I ask, like you found it there? It was someones
toy? no, she says, it was in a big basket. So, I say, ok, so you stole
a toy from the store? why didnt you ask me if you could have it or use
your own money? she says she didnt think.
Later that night I find another one in her bedroom as we are getting
it ready for houseguests. So she had taken two of them. I ask her if
there are any more? she says no. I tell her she needs to come clean
and tell the whole truth and she says no, there is only two. I found
the third one later that night. At this point I have a talk with her
about stealing and the trouble you could get in and maybe that I would
get in, and how people think about people who take things, and she
just keeps saying she doesnt know what she is thinking. I dont want to
shame her or be too hard, yet this is unacceptable!
Later the same week I pick her up from a playdate at her friends (the
same one as before) and I pick up her backpack to carry for her, and
it is really heavy. I say, man! whats in here? and zibby immediately
gets cagey, so I open it, and as I do she pulls me aroudn the corner
in the room so her friend cant see us, and she grabs a bunch of stuff
from the bag and dumps it on the floor. Its packages of bath stuff and
lotions. We leave, and when we get in the car, I ask her what that
was all about. She doesnt want to talk but eventually she admits that
she had been trying to take her friends stuff.
I tell her how friends wont have her over if she steals from them, how
she will get a reputation for stealing, how I wouldnt let people take
our stuff or her stuff, etc and she basically keeps sayhing she doenst
know why she does it and she "doesnt think" So I ask her what I can do
to help her stop and how Im going to need to check her bags and
pockets when we go places and she says thats good and that will help
her.
Then there have been a couple of instances of her hiding my ipod and
when I ask "hey does anyone know where it is" she says no, but later
will produce it. I dont get it because everyone shares it and its not
a big deal for her to have had it. I dont get why she lies and says
she doesnt know.
then last night I need a package of markers that i had bought for a
meeting I was going to last night. I say, hey, has anyone seen these
markers? they were right here" zibby says oh yeah, I think I took
them, but I cant remember where they are...so I go into her room and
we start looking. we come across a backpack and she clearly doenst
want me to open it. so we take it and open it, and omg.
its completely full of my perfume, my jewelry, my moms jewelry that I
had put away in a closet cabinet way up high, wads of jewelry and
cheap makeup that i now realize she has probably taken from her friend
and NOT got at the dollar store, (confirmed by zibby) there is candy
bars that I bought a while ago that she said she ate, there is
another ten dollar bill, there is bottles of homeopathic tablets that
she found in the medicine cabinet..just full of STUFF. she keeps
saying, this is all from the PAST mom, I DID IT BEFORE, and IM like,
before what?
we eventually find the markers stashed under her beauty table. I dont
even know what to say about all this to her. While we are going thru
the stuff and Im putting my jewelry etc away, I notice this purple
fringe dress on my bed with some other of zibbys clothes. Where did
this come from? I ask her. she says she took it from her friend fran
at frans brithday party last week. Im flabbergasted.
Im at a complete loss.
I need to know what is an appropriate response from me to her and how
do I handle returning all this stuff, how to prevent more theft, what
else to say to my daughter, myself....
Thank you.
Nancy in Chicago
zibby almost 7
henry 3.5
Sandra Dodd
-=- so I am pretty surprised that she is feeling lack
about this, but clearly she is.-=-
Maybe not lack of makeup. Maybe lack of money of her own? (Possibly, maybe not...)
-=-Then she comes home from a friends house with a LOT of new stuff.
Makeup, bath stuff, bracelets...She told me that the other mom took
them to the dollar store. I didnt really look over the stuff too much,
and the mom had bought her stuff before (although maybe not, actually)
so I accepted that.-=-
I would've called and asked. Not in front of the girl, but i would have asked the mom, to make sure. Because taking the things back that day if they were ill-gotten, would have worked better than the mom discovering later (if they were ill-gotten) that they were gone.
-=-In the meantime, I decide that Zibby will get an allowance of 10 a
week and that I will keep it in my purse in her wallet, but she can
spend it on what she wants.-=-
Why are you keeping it? Can't there be a place in the house, in her room, where she can keep it and keep an eye on it, get it out, count it... And she might like ones more than a ten.
-=- The shoe store. I ask, like you found it there? It was someones
toy? no, she says, it was in a big basket. So, I say, ok, so you stole
a toy from the store? why didnt you ask me if you could have it or use
your own money? she says she didnt think.-=-
But you got really angry. She's probably afraid to tell the truth.
-=-At this point I have a talk with her
about stealing and the trouble you could get in and maybe that I would
get in, and how people think about people who take things, and she
just keeps saying she doesnt know what she is thinking. I dont want to
shame her or be too hard, yet this is unacceptable!-=-
It does sound rough, though. She's not another adult. She probably really DOESN'T know what she's thinking. I don't always know what I'm thinking, and I'm in my 50's.
-=-Later the same week I pick her up from a playdate at her friends (the
same one as before) and I pick up her backpack to carry for her, and
it is really heavy. I say, man! whats in here? ...but eventually she admits that
she had been trying to take her friends stuff.-=-
Ah...
Did you talk to the other mom that time?
-=-I tell her how friends wont have her over if she steals from them, how
she will get a reputation for stealing, how I wouldnt let people take
our stuff or her stuff-=-
I wouldn't use the term "reputation." It's not "having a reputation for stealing." It's being a thief.
The way you have it worded above, it seems there's a difference between stealing and other people thinking one has stolen. Even if no one knew at all, she still isn't being the best person she could be.
-=-Then there have been a couple of instances of her hiding my ipod and
when I ask "hey does anyone know where it is" she says no,-=-
Maybe you could say "I need my iPod, if anyone knows where it is."
Then producing it would be sweet! It wouldn't set her up to lie.
-=-
Im at a complete loss.
I need to know what is an appropriate response from me to her and how
do I handle returning all this stuff, how to prevent more theft, what
else to say to my daughter, myself....-=-
I would take a photo of the things, if you find another stash like the backpack full of jewelry. Not in a mean way, just a casual photo. Keep them somewhere so that you can use them when you're talking about the problem in the future. Maybe photograph the fringe dress. Someday she might be ashamed of the whole thing and you could throw the photos away.
Maybe you could pack the dress up and put a letter with it and deliver it to the other family. That would keep you from having to be right there for the reaction and the follow-up. It would give them a chance to process the news in their own way. I think it should be a letter from you, not from your daughter. She's too young, in my opinion, to understand this.
And another reason I think it should be from you is that the first time you suspected your daughter had a backpack full of things that did NOT come from the dollar store, you didn't do anything. You "accepted that," you said. You were somewhat complicit, then.
Maybe she shouldn't be carrying a backpack. Maybe a clear purse would help for a while--not in an accusatory way, but so that she could leave in good conscience, knowing others could see what was in her purse, and they wouldn't be tempted to ask her to open her backpack before she left, maybe.
I wouldn't say "you will get a reputation for stealing," though. I would say "I don't want you to be a person who doesn't care about other people."
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
about this, but clearly she is.-=-
Maybe not lack of makeup. Maybe lack of money of her own? (Possibly, maybe not...)
-=-Then she comes home from a friends house with a LOT of new stuff.
Makeup, bath stuff, bracelets...She told me that the other mom took
them to the dollar store. I didnt really look over the stuff too much,
and the mom had bought her stuff before (although maybe not, actually)
so I accepted that.-=-
I would've called and asked. Not in front of the girl, but i would have asked the mom, to make sure. Because taking the things back that day if they were ill-gotten, would have worked better than the mom discovering later (if they were ill-gotten) that they were gone.
-=-In the meantime, I decide that Zibby will get an allowance of 10 a
week and that I will keep it in my purse in her wallet, but she can
spend it on what she wants.-=-
Why are you keeping it? Can't there be a place in the house, in her room, where she can keep it and keep an eye on it, get it out, count it... And she might like ones more than a ten.
-=- The shoe store. I ask, like you found it there? It was someones
toy? no, she says, it was in a big basket. So, I say, ok, so you stole
a toy from the store? why didnt you ask me if you could have it or use
your own money? she says she didnt think.-=-
But you got really angry. She's probably afraid to tell the truth.
-=-At this point I have a talk with her
about stealing and the trouble you could get in and maybe that I would
get in, and how people think about people who take things, and she
just keeps saying she doesnt know what she is thinking. I dont want to
shame her or be too hard, yet this is unacceptable!-=-
It does sound rough, though. She's not another adult. She probably really DOESN'T know what she's thinking. I don't always know what I'm thinking, and I'm in my 50's.
-=-Later the same week I pick her up from a playdate at her friends (the
same one as before) and I pick up her backpack to carry for her, and
it is really heavy. I say, man! whats in here? ...but eventually she admits that
she had been trying to take her friends stuff.-=-
Ah...
Did you talk to the other mom that time?
-=-I tell her how friends wont have her over if she steals from them, how
she will get a reputation for stealing, how I wouldnt let people take
our stuff or her stuff-=-
I wouldn't use the term "reputation." It's not "having a reputation for stealing." It's being a thief.
The way you have it worded above, it seems there's a difference between stealing and other people thinking one has stolen. Even if no one knew at all, she still isn't being the best person she could be.
-=-Then there have been a couple of instances of her hiding my ipod and
when I ask "hey does anyone know where it is" she says no,-=-
Maybe you could say "I need my iPod, if anyone knows where it is."
Then producing it would be sweet! It wouldn't set her up to lie.
-=-
Im at a complete loss.
I need to know what is an appropriate response from me to her and how
do I handle returning all this stuff, how to prevent more theft, what
else to say to my daughter, myself....-=-
I would take a photo of the things, if you find another stash like the backpack full of jewelry. Not in a mean way, just a casual photo. Keep them somewhere so that you can use them when you're talking about the problem in the future. Maybe photograph the fringe dress. Someday she might be ashamed of the whole thing and you could throw the photos away.
Maybe you could pack the dress up and put a letter with it and deliver it to the other family. That would keep you from having to be right there for the reaction and the follow-up. It would give them a chance to process the news in their own way. I think it should be a letter from you, not from your daughter. She's too young, in my opinion, to understand this.
And another reason I think it should be from you is that the first time you suspected your daughter had a backpack full of things that did NOT come from the dollar store, you didn't do anything. You "accepted that," you said. You were somewhat complicit, then.
Maybe she shouldn't be carrying a backpack. Maybe a clear purse would help for a while--not in an accusatory way, but so that she could leave in good conscience, knowing others could see what was in her purse, and they wouldn't be tempted to ask her to open her backpack before she left, maybe.
I wouldn't say "you will get a reputation for stealing," though. I would say "I don't want you to be a person who doesn't care about other people."
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
lalow
I stumbled upon your post about your daughter stealing while my husband and I were discussing how to deal with my son, who is 5, that has been taking things lately. I have had a difficult time with this one. Stealing and lying bring up strong emotions in me for some reason I find myself getting very angry and have to really really check myself and my reactions.
The day after Christmas, Paulos went into his sister's room and took three roles of lifesavers and stood there and ate them all. He had eaten all of his within an hour of receiving them on Christmas morning. Along with all of his peppermint sticks and mike and ikes. Lydia had saved hers. She was very upset. She wanted him to pay her for them but he has no money, he said she could used his new game for the rest of the week.
Today some candy from his brother Ben's side of the room. Not the whole bag of it but just a few. His brother was upset this time. Ben likes to save his candy and eat a few pieces at a time. His always lasts along time.
When I ask him why he does this, he just says, "he was out (of candy)". I guess he is too young to put himself in someone elses places. I know he knows he shouldnt but I think the reason he didnt take all of Bens is he knows Ben is easier to anger and will hit when angry.
So my conclusion was that perhaps we dont have enough candy around for Paulos, I dont know but maybe I need to have a never ending jar so he doesnt feel he has to take other peoples?
The day after Christmas, Paulos went into his sister's room and took three roles of lifesavers and stood there and ate them all. He had eaten all of his within an hour of receiving them on Christmas morning. Along with all of his peppermint sticks and mike and ikes. Lydia had saved hers. She was very upset. She wanted him to pay her for them but he has no money, he said she could used his new game for the rest of the week.
Today some candy from his brother Ben's side of the room. Not the whole bag of it but just a few. His brother was upset this time. Ben likes to save his candy and eat a few pieces at a time. His always lasts along time.
When I ask him why he does this, he just says, "he was out (of candy)". I guess he is too young to put himself in someone elses places. I know he knows he shouldnt but I think the reason he didnt take all of Bens is he knows Ben is easier to anger and will hit when angry.
So my conclusion was that perhaps we dont have enough candy around for Paulos, I dont know but maybe I need to have a never ending jar so he doesnt feel he has to take other peoples?
wtexans
===maybe I need to have a never ending jar so he doesnt feel he has to take other peoples===
That's just what I was going to suggest! Keep plenty of candy in it at all times so that he's not worried that he needs to hurry up and get his "share" before there's none left, and let him know that he should take candy from there rather than from his siblings. You could take him with you to choose candy for the jar, and ask him to also choose candy his sibs like as well.
Glenda
That's just what I was going to suggest! Keep plenty of candy in it at all times so that he's not worried that he needs to hurry up and get his "share" before there's none left, and let him know that he should take candy from there rather than from his siblings. You could take him with you to choose candy for the jar, and ask him to also choose candy his sibs like as well.
Glenda
wtexans
===Keep plenty of candy in it at all times so that he's not worried that he needs to hurry up and get his "share" before there's none left===
I also wanted to add to be sure and not comment on how much candy he's eating out of the jar. Keep it filled, so that he'll come to realize there will always be *enough*. Until he has that realization though, he may overindulge, and it's important to not comment negatively about that.
Glenda
I also wanted to add to be sure and not comment on how much candy he's eating out of the jar. Keep it filled, so that he'll come to realize there will always be *enough*. Until he has that realization though, he may overindulge, and it's important to not comment negatively about that.
Glenda
Sandra Dodd
-=-So my conclusion was that perhaps we dont have enough candy around for Paulos, I dont know but maybe I need to have a never ending jar so he doesnt feel he has to take other peoples? -=-
It might not be too late to get the after-Christmas-sale candy. But Lifesavers are sometimes available in bulk at grocery stores, and it might be worth getting a bunch of them, if you only have them around at Christmas and he thinks they're worth stealing.
My sister said (years ago) that when they visited a family that had a video gaming system, it's all her kids wanted to do, and they were fighting over it, so she was NEVER going to spend money on a gaming system. I looked at her levelly with my two big eyes, as I have done so many times since 1956, and said "Would you rather spend money on something that's not worth fighting over?"
She bought a SEGA Genesis. Her daughter is 25 now and still does art based on Sonic and similar art she learned based on her interest in that character.
Sometimes instead of looking at the child's behavior, it's good to step way back and see the bigger picture, past/present/future.
One counselling session with a therapist can cost $100 (give or take $50).
Look--you can buy them by the bag, probably at the grocery store or Walgreen's (if you're in the U.S.):
http://www.life-savers.com/#/home/hard-candy/hard-candy-5-flavors-peg-bag
You can order them on Amazon! $20 or $40 would get you so many he would probably get tired of them. Maybe you could hide them all over the house.
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=lifesavers&x=0&y=0
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
It might not be too late to get the after-Christmas-sale candy. But Lifesavers are sometimes available in bulk at grocery stores, and it might be worth getting a bunch of them, if you only have them around at Christmas and he thinks they're worth stealing.
My sister said (years ago) that when they visited a family that had a video gaming system, it's all her kids wanted to do, and they were fighting over it, so she was NEVER going to spend money on a gaming system. I looked at her levelly with my two big eyes, as I have done so many times since 1956, and said "Would you rather spend money on something that's not worth fighting over?"
She bought a SEGA Genesis. Her daughter is 25 now and still does art based on Sonic and similar art she learned based on her interest in that character.
Sometimes instead of looking at the child's behavior, it's good to step way back and see the bigger picture, past/present/future.
One counselling session with a therapist can cost $100 (give or take $50).
Look--you can buy them by the bag, probably at the grocery store or Walgreen's (if you're in the U.S.):
http://www.life-savers.com/#/home/hard-candy/hard-candy-5-flavors-peg-bag
You can order them on Amazon! $20 or $40 would get you so many he would probably get tired of them. Maybe you could hide them all over the house.
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=lifesavers&x=0&y=0
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
k
For me, lying was usually about fear and stealing was about not having
things of my own that I had chosen myself. Chewing gum. I remember that one
as a child.
~Katherine
things of my own that I had chosen myself. Chewing gum. I remember that one
as a child.
~Katherine
On Tue, Jan 4, 2011 at 10:30 PM, lalow <lalougor@...> wrote:
> I stumbled upon your post about your daughter stealing while my husband and
> I were discussing how to deal with my son, who is 5, that has been taking
> things lately. I have had a difficult time with this one. Stealing and
> lying bring up strong emotions in me for some reason I find myself getting
> very angry and have to really really check myself and my reactions.
> The day after Christmas, Paulos went into his sister's room and took three
> roles of lifesavers and stood there and ate them all. He had eaten all of
> his within an hour of receiving them on Christmas morning. Along with all
> of his peppermint sticks and mike and ikes. Lydia had saved hers. She was
> very upset. She wanted him to pay her for them but he has no money, he said
> she could used his new game for the rest of the week.
> Today some candy from his brother Ben's side of the room. Not the whole
> bag of it but just a few. His brother was upset this time. Ben likes to
> save his candy and eat a few pieces at a time. His always lasts along time.
> When I ask him why he does this, he just says, "he was out (of candy)". I
> guess he is too young to put himself in someone elses places. I know he
> knows he shouldnt but I think the reason he didnt take all of Bens is he
> knows Ben is easier to anger and will hit when angry.
> So my conclusion was that perhaps we dont have enough candy around for
> Paulos, I dont know but maybe I need to have a never ending jar so he doesnt
> feel he has to take other peoples?
>
>
>
> ------------------------------------
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Schuyler
Get more candy. Candy in jars that never seem to run empty and always have good
things in them.
Schuyler
________________________________
From: lalow <lalougor@...>
So my conclusion was that perhaps we dont have enough candy around for Paulos, I
dont know but maybe I need to have a never ending jar so he doesnt feel he has
to take other peoples?
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
things in them.
Schuyler
________________________________
From: lalow <lalougor@...>
So my conclusion was that perhaps we dont have enough candy around for Paulos, I
dont know but maybe I need to have a never ending jar so he doesnt feel he has
to take other peoples?
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Lisa E Biesemeyer
"=-So my conclusion was that perhaps we dont have enough candy around for
Paulos, I dont know but maybe I need to have a never ending jar so he doesnt
feel he has to take other peoples? -=-"
My grandmother had beautiful crystal candy jars full of chocolates, toffee,
jelly beans, mints, etc all over her house. No candy was off limits (except
maybe when it was a choking hazard). I always ate from the jars when I visited
her, and I rarely ate more than a few pieces.
We rarely had candy at my home. On Friday nights, we'd go rent a couple of
movies and get *a* box or bar of candy. I usually chose a HUGE box of hot
tamales or a HUGE chocolate bar. During the movie, I would quickly devour the
whole box or bar, usually feeling rather sick and (as a teen) quite badly about
eating so much afterward.
Lisa B
Lisa Biesemeyer
________________________________
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Paulos, I dont know but maybe I need to have a never ending jar so he doesnt
feel he has to take other peoples? -=-"
My grandmother had beautiful crystal candy jars full of chocolates, toffee,
jelly beans, mints, etc all over her house. No candy was off limits (except
maybe when it was a choking hazard). I always ate from the jars when I visited
her, and I rarely ate more than a few pieces.
We rarely had candy at my home. On Friday nights, we'd go rent a couple of
movies and get *a* box or bar of candy. I usually chose a HUGE box of hot
tamales or a HUGE chocolate bar. During the movie, I would quickly devour the
whole box or bar, usually feeling rather sick and (as a teen) quite badly about
eating so much afterward.
Lisa B
Lisa Biesemeyer
________________________________
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Bun
--- In [email protected], "lalow" <lalougor@...> wrote:
My nine year old son bought a chocolate chip cupcake at the grocery store. While we were upstairs, my five year old daughter ate what was left of it. I apologized to my son and said we'd buy him another chocolate chip muffin at the same grocery store (they have the best ones there he says). I told my daughter that she should have asked her brother if she could have some and that it was not right to eat his food. I told her we'd buy her a muffin too next time and I wish I had realized how important it was to her to have one. My husband was the one who ended up going to the grocery store and he not only bought a replacement muffin, but a whole pack of muffins.
Laurie
>....Paulos went into his sister's room and took three roles of >lifesavers and stood there and ate them allWe had a similar experience about a month and a half ago or so.
My nine year old son bought a chocolate chip cupcake at the grocery store. While we were upstairs, my five year old daughter ate what was left of it. I apologized to my son and said we'd buy him another chocolate chip muffin at the same grocery store (they have the best ones there he says). I told my daughter that she should have asked her brother if she could have some and that it was not right to eat his food. I told her we'd buy her a muffin too next time and I wish I had realized how important it was to her to have one. My husband was the one who ended up going to the grocery store and he not only bought a replacement muffin, but a whole pack of muffins.
Laurie
Kelly Lovejoy
I just refilled our never-ending bowl today. We recently had guests who *very much* enjoyed the never-ending bowl. I don't like for it to get empty---or even low, so I refilled it several times while they were here. Towards the end of their visit, one of the kids said that I should hide them. I said that I would if he wanted me to. Again and again he said I should. <g> I did because it seemed that it was important to him that they not be so available.
I refilled again today. They will stay full for a long time---or until we have guests again. :-) The nut bowls empty faster when it's just *us* at home. Apparently I should have bought more pistachios and almonds. <g>
Maybe a giant bowl in *his* room that is never-ending. Just for him? I buy M&Ms and keep unopened packages nearby to refill as needed. I'd just keep it full ALL the time for a while. It may take months. But then again, it may not.
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
"There is no single effort more radical in its potential for saving the world than a transformation of the way we raise our children." Marianne Williamson
-----Original Message-----
From: lalow <lalougor@...>
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] Re: almost 7 year old taking stuff that doesnt belong to her
I stumbled upon your post about your daughter stealing while my husband and I
were discussing how to deal with my son, who is 5, that has been taking things
lately. I have had a difficult time with this one. Stealing and lying bring up
strong emotions in me for some reason I find myself getting very angry and have
to really really check myself and my reactions.
The day after Christmas, Paulos went into his sister's room and took three roles
of lifesavers and stood there and ate them all. He had eaten all of his within
an hour of receiving them on Christmas morning. Along with all of his
peppermint sticks and mike and ikes. Lydia had saved hers. She was very upset.
She wanted him to pay her for them but he has no money, he said she could used
his new game for the rest of the week.
Today some candy from his brother Ben's side of the room. Not the whole bag of
it but just a few. His brother was upset this time. Ben likes to save his
candy and eat a few pieces at a time. His always lasts along time.
When I ask him why he does this, he just says, "he was out (of candy)". I guess
he is too young to put himself in someone elses places. I know he knows he
shouldnt but I think the reason he didnt take all of Bens is he knows Ben is
easier to anger and will hit when angry.
So my conclusion was that perhaps we dont have enough candy around for Paulos, I
dont know but maybe I need to have a never ending jar so he doesnt feel he has
to take other peoples?
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I refilled again today. They will stay full for a long time---or until we have guests again. :-) The nut bowls empty faster when it's just *us* at home. Apparently I should have bought more pistachios and almonds. <g>
Maybe a giant bowl in *his* room that is never-ending. Just for him? I buy M&Ms and keep unopened packages nearby to refill as needed. I'd just keep it full ALL the time for a while. It may take months. But then again, it may not.
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
"There is no single effort more radical in its potential for saving the world than a transformation of the way we raise our children." Marianne Williamson
-----Original Message-----
From: lalow <lalougor@...>
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] Re: almost 7 year old taking stuff that doesnt belong to her
I stumbled upon your post about your daughter stealing while my husband and I
were discussing how to deal with my son, who is 5, that has been taking things
lately. I have had a difficult time with this one. Stealing and lying bring up
strong emotions in me for some reason I find myself getting very angry and have
to really really check myself and my reactions.
The day after Christmas, Paulos went into his sister's room and took three roles
of lifesavers and stood there and ate them all. He had eaten all of his within
an hour of receiving them on Christmas morning. Along with all of his
peppermint sticks and mike and ikes. Lydia had saved hers. She was very upset.
She wanted him to pay her for them but he has no money, he said she could used
his new game for the rest of the week.
Today some candy from his brother Ben's side of the room. Not the whole bag of
it but just a few. His brother was upset this time. Ben likes to save his
candy and eat a few pieces at a time. His always lasts along time.
When I ask him why he does this, he just says, "he was out (of candy)". I guess
he is too young to put himself in someone elses places. I know he knows he
shouldnt but I think the reason he didnt take all of Bens is he knows Ben is
easier to anger and will hit when angry.
So my conclusion was that perhaps we dont have enough candy around for Paulos, I
dont know but maybe I need to have a never ending jar so he doesnt feel he has
to take other peoples?
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]