How to Handle Death of a Pet
cathymorgan25
I am having difficulty deciding if there should be an option for our kids to be present when a pet is euthanized. Even if the kids want to be present I don't know if it's something they should have as their last visual memory of the dog. He is my parent's dog but he has lived with us for about 2 years in the past and currently we are looking after him until January. Cathy
Marcella
Several years ago our family's "best friend" (a black lab named Oreo) death
was imminent. My vet came to our house to euthanize Oreo; which truly was a
gift. All of the kids gathered around me as I held Oreo in my lap. We
gathered in a small circle near an apple tree in our yard and silently
waited as Oreo passed. The event evolved into a celebration of life; my
nephew even wrote a moving eulogy that he shared with all. Needless to say,
death as part of living, became a memorial and loving event. Note: my kids
were 12, 9 and 7 at the time...
Good Luck to you in your decision,
Marcie
From: [email protected] [mailto:[email protected]]
On Behalf Of cathymorgan25
Sent: Thursday, December 16, 2010 9:56 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] How to Handle Death of a Pet
I am having difficulty deciding if there should be an option for our kids to
be present when a pet is euthanized. Even if the kids want to be present I
don't know if it's something they should have as their last visual memory of
the dog. He is my parent's dog but he has lived with us for about 2 years in
the past and currently we are looking after him until January. Cathy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
was imminent. My vet came to our house to euthanize Oreo; which truly was a
gift. All of the kids gathered around me as I held Oreo in my lap. We
gathered in a small circle near an apple tree in our yard and silently
waited as Oreo passed. The event evolved into a celebration of life; my
nephew even wrote a moving eulogy that he shared with all. Needless to say,
death as part of living, became a memorial and loving event. Note: my kids
were 12, 9 and 7 at the time...
Good Luck to you in your decision,
Marcie
From: [email protected] [mailto:[email protected]]
On Behalf Of cathymorgan25
Sent: Thursday, December 16, 2010 9:56 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] How to Handle Death of a Pet
I am having difficulty deciding if there should be an option for our kids to
be present when a pet is euthanized. Even if the kids want to be present I
don't know if it's something they should have as their last visual memory of
the dog. He is my parent's dog but he has lived with us for about 2 years in
the past and currently we are looking after him until January. Cathy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
plaidpanties666
"cathymorgan25" <cathymorgan25@...> wrote:
I don't recall the ages of your kids, sorry, but the only time I can think that it would be a disturbing "last visual memory" would be for little kids who might be confused by the whole "putting to sleep" idiom. Vets have been putting dogs down with doting human companions in attendence for some time, so the matter tends to be handled in a way that's not upsetting to humans. It wouldn't hurt to call your vet and ask - they might even have a pamphlet or be able to recommend a book especially for kids.
---Meredith
>Even if the kids want to be present I don't know if it's something they should have as their last visual memory of the dog.**************
I don't recall the ages of your kids, sorry, but the only time I can think that it would be a disturbing "last visual memory" would be for little kids who might be confused by the whole "putting to sleep" idiom. Vets have been putting dogs down with doting human companions in attendence for some time, so the matter tends to be handled in a way that's not upsetting to humans. It wouldn't hurt to call your vet and ask - they might even have a pamphlet or be able to recommend a book especially for kids.
---Meredith
wtexans
===I am having difficulty deciding if there should be an option for our kids to be present when a pet is euthanized.===
How old are your kids? Have you been present before when a pet's been euthanized?
We had an older dog euthanized 2-1/2 years ago and I accompanied the dog to the vet's office by myself. My son, who was 9-1/2 at the time, chose to stay home. He hugged our sweet Kelli before I took her to the vet's, and he asked me to take a picture of them together before I left, and those are the final memories he wanted to be left with.
I had never stayed with a pet before when it'd been euthanized. It was peaceful, but still heartbreaking for me. The vet explained what each shot did, and I petted our dog the whole time, and the vet chatted with me about things unrelated to a pet's death (to distract me, I think, which I did appreciate) -- BUT, it was extremely sad to walk out of that vet's office without our dog, knowing that I wouldn't be going back to pick her up. So even though the death itself was peaceful, it was still a very difficult experience. I was glad to be there with our dog during the process, but I'm also glad our son chose for his final memories of Kelli to *not* be the ones I had.
Different kids will react differently to a pet being euthanized. Some might find comfort in it; others will not. Being aware of what happens will help you inform your kids if they are curious, but even though it seems as peaceful as "the dog is going to sleep" it can be hard to walk away and leave the dog and know that it's forever.
Glenda
How old are your kids? Have you been present before when a pet's been euthanized?
We had an older dog euthanized 2-1/2 years ago and I accompanied the dog to the vet's office by myself. My son, who was 9-1/2 at the time, chose to stay home. He hugged our sweet Kelli before I took her to the vet's, and he asked me to take a picture of them together before I left, and those are the final memories he wanted to be left with.
I had never stayed with a pet before when it'd been euthanized. It was peaceful, but still heartbreaking for me. The vet explained what each shot did, and I petted our dog the whole time, and the vet chatted with me about things unrelated to a pet's death (to distract me, I think, which I did appreciate) -- BUT, it was extremely sad to walk out of that vet's office without our dog, knowing that I wouldn't be going back to pick her up. So even though the death itself was peaceful, it was still a very difficult experience. I was glad to be there with our dog during the process, but I'm also glad our son chose for his final memories of Kelli to *not* be the ones I had.
Different kids will react differently to a pet being euthanized. Some might find comfort in it; others will not. Being aware of what happens will help you inform your kids if they are curious, but even though it seems as peaceful as "the dog is going to sleep" it can be hard to walk away and leave the dog and know that it's forever.
Glenda
cathymorgan25
Our kids are 12, 10 and 9 (10 year old is away on holiday). This past summer I was present as our 14 yr.old cat was euthanized and I bawled like a baby(I'm not a pretty crier). After speaking to the girls about their choices, they both decided to say goodbye before hand, and we will leave my husband at home with the dog and vet. After "thinking out loud" I think if either child would have wanted to stay I would be okay with that too. Cathy
--- In [email protected], "wtexans" <wtexans@...> wrote:
>
> ===I am having difficulty deciding if there should be an option for our kids to be present when a pet is euthanized.===
>
> How old are your kids? Have you been present before when a pet's been euthanized?
>
> We had an older dog euthanized 2-1/2 years ago and I accompanied the dog to the vet's office by myself. My son, who was 9-1/2 at the time, chose to stay home. He hugged our sweet Kelli before I took her to the vet's, and he asked me to take a picture of them together before I left, and those are the final memories he wanted to be left with.
>
> I had never stayed with a pet before when it'd been euthanized. It was peaceful, but still heartbreaking for me. The vet explained what each shot did, and I petted our dog the whole time, and the vet chatted with me about things unrelated to a pet's death (to distract me, I think, which I did appreciate) -- BUT, it was extremely sad to walk out of that vet's office without our dog, knowing that I wouldn't be going back to pick her up. So even though the death itself was peaceful, it was still a very difficult experience. I was glad to be there with our dog during the process, but I'm also glad our son chose for his final memories of Kelli to *not* be the ones I had.
>
> Different kids will react differently to a pet being euthanized. Some might find comfort in it; others will not. Being aware of what happens will help you inform your kids if they are curious, but even though it seems as peaceful as "the dog is going to sleep" it can be hard to walk away and leave the dog and know that it's forever.
>
> Glenda
>
Jenny Cyphers
The last time we had to do this, both the girls wanted to go. They were about 5
and 12 or so. All was going well, the vet was very sweet, they had a special
and comfortable room just for putting a pet down, and we got to have a plaque
made of her paw before she died, to remember her by. What happened though was
really hard for the kids. Their pet was very ill and had been for a while, so
they couldn't find a vein to stick their needle in. They kept poking and poking
and our pet was clearly not dealing well with it. They finally had to take her
to a back room and stick it straight in her heart. So, the kids couldn't hold
their dying pet in their arms all while knowing that she had been poked and
injured and was out of sight from them because of something terrible. And since
they had taken her away, there were no final good byes, or a final end,
especially for the youngest who kept thinking that her pet would return. There
wasn't tangible finality and that was the very reason they went.
All in all, it was a horrible experience. It wasn't an expected experience and
probably a rare experience, but it was what happened and there was no way to
take it back and get a redo.
None of that is to say your kids shouldn't go with you. It's just a reminder
that unexpected things can and do happen when dealing with life and death.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
and 12 or so. All was going well, the vet was very sweet, they had a special
and comfortable room just for putting a pet down, and we got to have a plaque
made of her paw before she died, to remember her by. What happened though was
really hard for the kids. Their pet was very ill and had been for a while, so
they couldn't find a vein to stick their needle in. They kept poking and poking
and our pet was clearly not dealing well with it. They finally had to take her
to a back room and stick it straight in her heart. So, the kids couldn't hold
their dying pet in their arms all while knowing that she had been poked and
injured and was out of sight from them because of something terrible. And since
they had taken her away, there were no final good byes, or a final end,
especially for the youngest who kept thinking that her pet would return. There
wasn't tangible finality and that was the very reason they went.
All in all, it was a horrible experience. It wasn't an expected experience and
probably a rare experience, but it was what happened and there was no way to
take it back and get a redo.
None of that is to say your kids shouldn't go with you. It's just a reminder
that unexpected things can and do happen when dealing with life and death.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=- they had a special
and comfortable room just for putting a pet down-=-
The veterinary hospital in Albuquerque is that way. Our twelve and a half year old blue heeler was euthanized a couple of months ago. I tried to talk Marty out of going. She was Marty's dog. He wanted us to continue testing and treatment and exploratory surgery, kind of. He didn't want to say no. Even if we HAD paid thousands more dollars, she would still have been old and arthritic and had diabetes. But she had other problems, and we were $1200 in. It was a horrible decision, for me to say, basically, "kill her." I cried. Marty cried. I was afraid he wouldn't love me anymore.
If it's more straightforward than a decision about money, that can help.
But at the last moment, Marty decided he DID want to be there. So I decided I didn't. I didn't want to see Marty's grief and feel responsible for it.
Part of this is a reminder that things might happen unexpectedly and medically, as Jenny reported, but things might happen unexpectedly emotionally, too.
I stayed in the waiting room. Marty was with the dog. His girlfriend, Ashlee, was with him, too, and I'm VERY glad that Ashlee thought to take a photo.
http://sandradodd.blogspot.com/2010/10/joy-and-sorrow.html
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
and comfortable room just for putting a pet down-=-
The veterinary hospital in Albuquerque is that way. Our twelve and a half year old blue heeler was euthanized a couple of months ago. I tried to talk Marty out of going. She was Marty's dog. He wanted us to continue testing and treatment and exploratory surgery, kind of. He didn't want to say no. Even if we HAD paid thousands more dollars, she would still have been old and arthritic and had diabetes. But she had other problems, and we were $1200 in. It was a horrible decision, for me to say, basically, "kill her." I cried. Marty cried. I was afraid he wouldn't love me anymore.
If it's more straightforward than a decision about money, that can help.
But at the last moment, Marty decided he DID want to be there. So I decided I didn't. I didn't want to see Marty's grief and feel responsible for it.
Part of this is a reminder that things might happen unexpectedly and medically, as Jenny reported, but things might happen unexpectedly emotionally, too.
I stayed in the waiting room. Marty was with the dog. His girlfriend, Ashlee, was with him, too, and I'm VERY glad that Ashlee thought to take a photo.
http://sandradodd.blogspot.com/2010/10/joy-and-sorrow.html
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-I am having difficulty deciding if there should be an option for our kids to be present when a pet is euthanized. Even if the kids want to be present I don't know if it's something they should have as their last visual memory of the dog-=-
We had a dog die, naturally, in the yard, when our boys were about 5 and 3. I asked them if they wanted to see her. Marty said no. Kirby said yes.
That's another consideration. Don't press any of them. But if they're very young, maybe you could just take a photo of them with the dog before she's put down, and not have them there except for that last goodbye. And it depends on the child's emotional makeup, too.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
We had a dog die, naturally, in the yard, when our boys were about 5 and 3. I asked them if they wanted to see her. Marty said no. Kirby said yes.
That's another consideration. Don't press any of them. But if they're very young, maybe you could just take a photo of them with the dog before she's put down, and not have them there except for that last goodbye. And it depends on the child's emotional makeup, too.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
diana jenner
It's worth the money to have the vet come to your house! Far more intimate
and peaceful (read: less traumatic) than a strange-smelling medical
facility.
When our 15 year old cat had a stroke, Hayden (then 9) chose to leave the
room once the vet sedated Patches. He and Scotty stood on the drive and rang
brass bells* to announce her transition. I was able to hold her and stroke
her while the vet gave her the euthanizing shot. We then prepared a sweet
little bedbox for her, a soft blanket cushion and wrapped in my wool
sweater, and took her to the pet crematory nearby.
The vet will probably give you a copy of "The Rainbow Bridge" which is a
sweet story about pet heaven <3 I really like The Next Place as an
I-wonder-about-death book.
Death really *is* a natural part of being alive. We are *all* going to die.
Human life is a terminal experience. If you've not yet begun that
conversation with your kids, now is a perfect time :) "When we're born we
cry and those around us laugh. When we die we laugh and those around us
cry." ~Cherokee saying.
~diana :)
xoxoxoxo
hannahbearski.wordpress.com
hannahsashes.blogspot.com
*we'd received the bells at memorial services for our dead family members,
as a way of "calling their spirits" when we longed to have them near.
and peaceful (read: less traumatic) than a strange-smelling medical
facility.
When our 15 year old cat had a stroke, Hayden (then 9) chose to leave the
room once the vet sedated Patches. He and Scotty stood on the drive and rang
brass bells* to announce her transition. I was able to hold her and stroke
her while the vet gave her the euthanizing shot. We then prepared a sweet
little bedbox for her, a soft blanket cushion and wrapped in my wool
sweater, and took her to the pet crematory nearby.
The vet will probably give you a copy of "The Rainbow Bridge" which is a
sweet story about pet heaven <3 I really like The Next Place as an
I-wonder-about-death book.
Death really *is* a natural part of being alive. We are *all* going to die.
Human life is a terminal experience. If you've not yet begun that
conversation with your kids, now is a perfect time :) "When we're born we
cry and those around us laugh. When we die we laugh and those around us
cry." ~Cherokee saying.
~diana :)
xoxoxoxo
hannahbearski.wordpress.com
hannahsashes.blogspot.com
*we'd received the bells at memorial services for our dead family members,
as a way of "calling their spirits" when we longed to have them near.
On Thu, Dec 16, 2010 at 9:55 AM, cathymorgan25 <cathymorgan25@...>wrote:
>
> I am having difficulty deciding if there should be an option for our kids
> to be present when a pet is euthanized. Even if the kids want to be present
> I don't know if it's something they should have as their last visual memory
> of the dog. He is my parent's dog but he has lived with us for about 2 years
> in the past and currently we are looking after him until January. Cathy
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]