I think I've got it!
shirarocklin
Hello everyone,
This is mostly just a post about how I think I finally feel comfortable that I've 'got' unschooling. Its a strange experience. I have had so many doubts, or moments where I just don't know what to do. I've felt at times like I should be able to find mutually happy-making solutions to conflicts, but I can't always. And lots of other difficult moments, or conflicts between what my husband and I are capable of doing/giving and what our children want. And at each of those moments, I've felt at a loss, felt like we weren't unschooling 'right' or these conflicts wouldn't arise. But today, I was reading Sandra's page about Balance, that was linked to recently here. I opened it a few days ago, but didn't get to read it until last night. I saw this:
Joyce Fetteroll wrote something wonderful on balance:
"Unschooling is the opposite of both authoritarian and hands off parenting. It's neither about creating rules to remote parent nor about letting kids jump off cliffs. It's about being more involved in kids lives. It's about accompanying them as they explore, helping them find safe, respectful and empowering ways to tackle what intrigues them." (on Family RUNning, March 5, 2009)
And suddenly, I realized that I've done all of that! What a moment. Its not perfect, of course, the kids will grow and change, the challenges will be different. But I'm very excited to believe in myself that this is working!
And one question, I remember Sandra has a page with lots of ideas of stuff to do with little kids. Can someone post a link?
Thanks to everyone,
Shira
This is mostly just a post about how I think I finally feel comfortable that I've 'got' unschooling. Its a strange experience. I have had so many doubts, or moments where I just don't know what to do. I've felt at times like I should be able to find mutually happy-making solutions to conflicts, but I can't always. And lots of other difficult moments, or conflicts between what my husband and I are capable of doing/giving and what our children want. And at each of those moments, I've felt at a loss, felt like we weren't unschooling 'right' or these conflicts wouldn't arise. But today, I was reading Sandra's page about Balance, that was linked to recently here. I opened it a few days ago, but didn't get to read it until last night. I saw this:
Joyce Fetteroll wrote something wonderful on balance:
"Unschooling is the opposite of both authoritarian and hands off parenting. It's neither about creating rules to remote parent nor about letting kids jump off cliffs. It's about being more involved in kids lives. It's about accompanying them as they explore, helping them find safe, respectful and empowering ways to tackle what intrigues them." (on Family RUNning, March 5, 2009)
And suddenly, I realized that I've done all of that! What a moment. Its not perfect, of course, the kids will grow and change, the challenges will be different. But I'm very excited to believe in myself that this is working!
And one question, I remember Sandra has a page with lots of ideas of stuff to do with little kids. Can someone post a link?
Thanks to everyone,
Shira
Chaley Scott
Hi Shira
Good for you. It is amazing when you have that 'aha' moment as Oprah would say.
I know when I finally 'got' it I was so excited and I had to resist the
temptation to tell everyone about it, as others tend to think you're a bit nuts
- well maybe thats just my family!
Chaley-Ann Scott
Author (non-fiction parenting and education)
www.theunchainedchild.com
________________________________
From: shirarocklin <shirarocklin@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Sat, 27 November, 2010 6:16:41 AM
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] I think I've got it!
Hello everyone,
This is mostly just a post about how I think I finally feel comfortable that
I've 'got' unschooling. Its a strange experience. I have had so many doubts, or
moments where I just don't know what to do. I've felt at times like I should be
able to find mutually happy-making solutions to conflicts, but I can't always.
And lots of other difficult moments, or conflicts between what my husband and I
are capable of doing/giving and what our children want. And at each of those
moments, I've felt at a loss, felt like we weren't unschooling 'right' or these
conflicts wouldn't arise. But today, I was reading Sandra's page about Balance,
that was linked to recently here. I opened it a few days ago, but didn't get to
read it until last night. I saw this:
Joyce Fetteroll wrote something wonderful on balance:
"Unschooling is the opposite of both authoritarian and hands off parenting. It's
neither about creating rules to remote parent nor about letting kids jump off
cliffs. It's about being more involved in kids lives. It's about accompanying
them as they explore, helping them find safe, respectful and empowering ways to
tackle what intrigues them." (on Family RUNning, March 5, 2009)
And suddenly, I realized that I've done all of that! What a moment. Its not
perfect, of course, the kids will grow and change, the challenges will be
different. But I'm very excited to believe in myself that this is working!
And one question, I remember Sandra has a page with lots of ideas of stuff to do
with little kids. Can someone post a link?
Thanks to everyone,
Shira
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Good for you. It is amazing when you have that 'aha' moment as Oprah would say.
I know when I finally 'got' it I was so excited and I had to resist the
temptation to tell everyone about it, as others tend to think you're a bit nuts
- well maybe thats just my family!
Chaley-Ann Scott
Author (non-fiction parenting and education)
www.theunchainedchild.com
________________________________
From: shirarocklin <shirarocklin@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Sat, 27 November, 2010 6:16:41 AM
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] I think I've got it!
Hello everyone,
This is mostly just a post about how I think I finally feel comfortable that
I've 'got' unschooling. Its a strange experience. I have had so many doubts, or
moments where I just don't know what to do. I've felt at times like I should be
able to find mutually happy-making solutions to conflicts, but I can't always.
And lots of other difficult moments, or conflicts between what my husband and I
are capable of doing/giving and what our children want. And at each of those
moments, I've felt at a loss, felt like we weren't unschooling 'right' or these
conflicts wouldn't arise. But today, I was reading Sandra's page about Balance,
that was linked to recently here. I opened it a few days ago, but didn't get to
read it until last night. I saw this:
Joyce Fetteroll wrote something wonderful on balance:
"Unschooling is the opposite of both authoritarian and hands off parenting. It's
neither about creating rules to remote parent nor about letting kids jump off
cliffs. It's about being more involved in kids lives. It's about accompanying
them as they explore, helping them find safe, respectful and empowering ways to
tackle what intrigues them." (on Family RUNning, March 5, 2009)
And suddenly, I realized that I've done all of that! What a moment. Its not
perfect, of course, the kids will grow and change, the challenges will be
different. But I'm very excited to believe in myself that this is working!
And one question, I remember Sandra has a page with lots of ideas of stuff to do
with little kids. Can someone post a link?
Thanks to everyone,
Shira
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Robin Bentley
>And you'll change, too, as you go along and it all sinks in deeply :-)
> And suddenly, I realized that I've done all of that! What a
> moment. Its not perfect, of course, the kids will grow and change,
> the challenges will be different. But I'm very excited to believe
> in myself that this is working!
>Sort of falls under the subject of strewing:
> And one question, I remember Sandra has a page with lots of ideas of
> stuff to do with little kids. Can someone post a link?
>
http://sandradodd.com/strewing
Specific winter strewing from Deb Lewis - http://sandradodd.com/strew/deblist
More ideas - http://sandradodd.com/strew/sandra
Robin B.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-And one question, I remember Sandra has a page with lots of ideas of
stuff to do with little kids. Can someone post a link?-=-
http://sandradodd.com/youngchildren
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
stuff to do with little kids. Can someone post a link?-=-
http://sandradodd.com/youngchildren
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=- I have had so many doubts, or moments where I just don't know what to do. I've felt at times like I should be able to find mutually happy-making solutions to conflicts, but I can't always.-=-
If you've adopted a set of principles and priorities, it will make decisionmaking easier. And I don't mean to choose your five and write them down. I mean to consider what's important in a situation when you're making a decision. And those things can vary.
If it's 11:00 at night and a child wants to do something that's outside the house or noisy, the idea of quiet time and consideration for others who are sleeping should take precedence, for sure.
All other things being equal, for me I decided in favor of something new and different, over something same-old, when there was a draw about which thing to do or which way to go. I decided to take the "more learning" path, if some kids wanted that and some wanted to just do nothing. (Of course the first option might be to only take the kids who want to do the cool new thing, if there's a place to leave the other one(s) but that isn't always the best option anyway.)
It depends.
It's hard to explain unschooling, partly because the best answers are "it depends," followed by questions for the parents to consider while they're making their decisions.
It depends on time available, time of day, safety, resources, the effect on other people, need for food or rest, and other factors I can't think of right now. :-)
Some days a certain request would be just perfectly WONDERful to do/pursue, and the same request on another day might be a total flat-out "no" (Or a "maybe later, but not during a funeral," or whatever it is).
Getting unschooling is a process. There will be more to get once you're comfortable with the new understandings and behaviors.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
If you've adopted a set of principles and priorities, it will make decisionmaking easier. And I don't mean to choose your five and write them down. I mean to consider what's important in a situation when you're making a decision. And those things can vary.
If it's 11:00 at night and a child wants to do something that's outside the house or noisy, the idea of quiet time and consideration for others who are sleeping should take precedence, for sure.
All other things being equal, for me I decided in favor of something new and different, over something same-old, when there was a draw about which thing to do or which way to go. I decided to take the "more learning" path, if some kids wanted that and some wanted to just do nothing. (Of course the first option might be to only take the kids who want to do the cool new thing, if there's a place to leave the other one(s) but that isn't always the best option anyway.)
It depends.
It's hard to explain unschooling, partly because the best answers are "it depends," followed by questions for the parents to consider while they're making their decisions.
It depends on time available, time of day, safety, resources, the effect on other people, need for food or rest, and other factors I can't think of right now. :-)
Some days a certain request would be just perfectly WONDERful to do/pursue, and the same request on another day might be a total flat-out "no" (Or a "maybe later, but not during a funeral," or whatever it is).
Getting unschooling is a process. There will be more to get once you're comfortable with the new understandings and behaviors.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
dola dasgupta-banerji
Right now my children want to only watch TV and play among themselves or
with some friends they have. Any other suggestion goes down flat. So I just
let it be. The other day I myself started some painting after my morning
chores and guess what my daughter joined me in a while. And then the most
wonderful thing happened for next three days she painted for hours, of
course with the TV switched on.
These things do not happen all the time, that too is something that I am
learning. So if I set this as an example and do it all the time then it
might start to look like manipulation!!! You see my intention was not to get
her away from TV. It was simply I and I wanted to paint......what happened
was a very pleasant surprise. And I liked that.
Another hilarious thing happened or you might it call it a "ahem where do I
look situation". We just got a DVD on ships and sailors from the British
Council Library, my son loves ships so he chose the DVD. Well the first shot
had a ship and then the next shot had sailors with pleasure women. And these
women were very fast taking off their clothes. I did not know what to do? So
I just stayed calm and then guess what happened Ishaan (my 5 year old)
shouted for his sister and then they both watched the shot and laughed
loudly and said yuck yuck yuck several times before they almost fell off
their seats laguhing. so I laughed along and then Ishaan said, "hey mom
where are the ships man???"
I suggested we try DISC 2. So that is what we did and that had sailors
enjoying jazz on board!!! By then my son had lost his patience and has
decided to take BCL to task for deceiving him!! He does not want to look at
the DVD any more.
My daughter of course asked me a few questions on the women so I answered
matter-of-fact. They let the case rest.... Now Ishaan is watching BOLT and
my daughter is watching a Hindi love story "Love Aaj Kal" meaning loves as
it is today and as it was in the past????
Dola
with some friends they have. Any other suggestion goes down flat. So I just
let it be. The other day I myself started some painting after my morning
chores and guess what my daughter joined me in a while. And then the most
wonderful thing happened for next three days she painted for hours, of
course with the TV switched on.
These things do not happen all the time, that too is something that I am
learning. So if I set this as an example and do it all the time then it
might start to look like manipulation!!! You see my intention was not to get
her away from TV. It was simply I and I wanted to paint......what happened
was a very pleasant surprise. And I liked that.
Another hilarious thing happened or you might it call it a "ahem where do I
look situation". We just got a DVD on ships and sailors from the British
Council Library, my son loves ships so he chose the DVD. Well the first shot
had a ship and then the next shot had sailors with pleasure women. And these
women were very fast taking off their clothes. I did not know what to do? So
I just stayed calm and then guess what happened Ishaan (my 5 year old)
shouted for his sister and then they both watched the shot and laughed
loudly and said yuck yuck yuck several times before they almost fell off
their seats laguhing. so I laughed along and then Ishaan said, "hey mom
where are the ships man???"
I suggested we try DISC 2. So that is what we did and that had sailors
enjoying jazz on board!!! By then my son had lost his patience and has
decided to take BCL to task for deceiving him!! He does not want to look at
the DVD any more.
My daughter of course asked me a few questions on the women so I answered
matter-of-fact. They let the case rest.... Now Ishaan is watching BOLT and
my daughter is watching a Hindi love story "Love Aaj Kal" meaning loves as
it is today and as it was in the past????
Dola
On Mon, Nov 29, 2010 at 8:49 PM, Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
>
>
> -=- I have had so many doubts, or moments where I just don't know what to
> do. I've felt at times like I should be able to find mutually happy-making
> solutions to conflicts, but I can't always.-=-
>
> If you've adopted a set of principles and priorities, it will make
> decisionmaking easier. And I don't mean to choose your five and write them
> down. I mean to consider what's important in a situation when you're making
> a decision. And those things can vary.
>
> If it's 11:00 at night and a child wants to do something that's outside the
> house or noisy, the idea of quiet time and consideration for others who are
> sleeping should take precedence, for sure.
>
> All other things being equal, for me I decided in favor of something new
> and different, over something same-old, when there was a draw about which
> thing to do or which way to go. I decided to take the "more learning" path,
> if some kids wanted that and some wanted to just do nothing. (Of course the
> first option might be to only take the kids who want to do the cool new
> thing, if there's a place to leave the other one(s) but that isn't always
> the best option anyway.)
>
> It depends.
>
> It's hard to explain unschooling, partly because the best answers are "it
> depends," followed by questions for the parents to consider while they're
> making their decisions.
>
> It depends on time available, time of day, safety, resources, the effect on
> other people, need for food or rest, and other factors I can't think of
> right now. :-)
>
> Some days a certain request would be just perfectly WONDERful to do/pursue,
> and the same request on another day might be a total flat-out "no" (Or a
> "maybe later, but not during a funeral," or whatever it is).
>
> Getting unschooling is a process. There will be more to get once you're
> comfortable with the new understandings and behaviors.
>
> Sandra
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Kelly Lovejoy
Intention is a big part of unschooling.
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
"There is no single effort more radical in its potential for saving the world than a transformation of the way we raise our children." Marianne Williamson
-----Original Message-----
From: dola dasgupta-banerji <doladg@...>
Right now my children want to only watch TV and play among themselves or
with some friends they have. Any other suggestion goes down flat. So I just
let it be. The other day I myself started some painting after my morning
chores and guess what my daughter joined me in a while. And then the most
wonderful thing happened for next three days she painted for hours, of
course with the TV switched on.
These things do not happen all the time, that too is something that I am
learning. So if I set this as an example and do it all the time then it
might start to look like manipulation!!! You see my intention was not to get
her away from TV. It was simply I and I wanted to paint......what happened
was a very pleasant surprise. And I liked that.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
"There is no single effort more radical in its potential for saving the world than a transformation of the way we raise our children." Marianne Williamson
-----Original Message-----
From: dola dasgupta-banerji <doladg@...>
Right now my children want to only watch TV and play among themselves or
with some friends they have. Any other suggestion goes down flat. So I just
let it be. The other day I myself started some painting after my morning
chores and guess what my daughter joined me in a while. And then the most
wonderful thing happened for next three days she painted for hours, of
course with the TV switched on.
These things do not happen all the time, that too is something that I am
learning. So if I set this as an example and do it all the time then it
might start to look like manipulation!!! You see my intention was not to get
her away from TV. It was simply I and I wanted to paint......what happened
was a very pleasant surprise. And I liked that.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-Intention is a big part of unschooling.-=-
It's a big part of every facet and aspect of living.
The very same action in one friend can be love, and from another friend insult. Some people can't read those things and some can. Some kids don't read the parents very well and some do.
I don't mean to complicate the whole thing, and Kelly's right that the reasons for doing something make a difference in the realm of learning and parenting, for absolute sure.
http://sandradodd.com/intelligences
For anyone who has been confused at all about what "interpersonal intelligence" might involve, it is, in part, sensing intentions.
And "intrapersonal intelligence" includes being clear about one's own intentions.
If your kids know things about other people that you don't think they could "know," it's worth considering that the kids have more ability in that area than the parent. And vice versa, if a mom is very perceptive and the child seems more clueless, maybe he just doesn't have as much of that as the mom has.
AND: Anyone who grew up doing what other people told them to do, and believing what other people told them to believe, will need some recovery time to regain the ability to trust their own instincts, same as about food or sleeping.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
It's a big part of every facet and aspect of living.
The very same action in one friend can be love, and from another friend insult. Some people can't read those things and some can. Some kids don't read the parents very well and some do.
I don't mean to complicate the whole thing, and Kelly's right that the reasons for doing something make a difference in the realm of learning and parenting, for absolute sure.
http://sandradodd.com/intelligences
For anyone who has been confused at all about what "interpersonal intelligence" might involve, it is, in part, sensing intentions.
And "intrapersonal intelligence" includes being clear about one's own intentions.
If your kids know things about other people that you don't think they could "know," it's worth considering that the kids have more ability in that area than the parent. And vice versa, if a mom is very perceptive and the child seems more clueless, maybe he just doesn't have as much of that as the mom has.
AND: Anyone who grew up doing what other people told them to do, and believing what other people told them to believe, will need some recovery time to regain the ability to trust their own instincts, same as about food or sleeping.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
k
>>>If your kids know things about other people that you don't think theycould "know," it's worth considering that the kids have more ability in that
area than the parent. And vice versa, if a mom is very perceptive and the
child seems more clueless, maybe he just doesn't have as much of that as the
mom has.<<<
I grew up in an isolated rural area with few social opportunities and was
also isolated due to hearing loss as well. I *know* how easy it is for Karl
to talk to people and interact, that he knows more about that than I do. My
siblings and I, who disagreed with the decision, know more about those
things than my parents who isolated themselves. We were interested in such
things.
None of us have exactly the same views or experiences leading to the same
conclusions as the parents. And that will be true to some degree for almost
every parent and child. I don't have to look for each and every unique
difference between me and my child, and I'm glad that the uniqueness of the
individual is frequently part of the discussion on unschooling.
Today's installment from Sandra's blog Just Add Light and Stir was about
that very thing:
http://justaddlightandstir.blogspot.com/2010/11/brighter-than-sky.html
~Katherine
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
k
>>>I don't have to look for each and every unique difference between me andmy child, and I'm glad that the uniqueness of the individual is frequently
part of the discussion on unschooling.<<<
Let me reword that: Since the uniqueness of individuals is frequently part
of the discussion on unschooling, I don't have to look for it since by now
it's obvious that there are a number of diverse ways, abilities, views and
so on between me and my child.
~Katherine
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]