Re:Hello, Goodbye and Sharing + Family
nycartgal2003
:::-:::We barely speak to my brother-in-law (who does not have kids) because he
thinks Logan is rude and anti-social. I'm struggling because I know we are doing
right by our son, and I feel as if I could lose my family. Both my grandmas
have died in the last year and a half, which has been hard on me. I want Logan
to have family in his life who love him just as he is.:::-:
Since writing this, my brother-in-law asked if he can come stay with us for a few weeks while he looks for an apartment because he and his girlfriend broke up.
We said yes, because he is my husband's brother.
I have some concerns because Paul, my husband works nights which means Logan and I will be with Michael, (brother-in-law) 5 nights a week. Paul wants to tell Michael that he is not aloud to say anything about our parenting. I told him that I think he's setting up problems if he does that. Michael's already eating crow by having to come to us at this point, and his opinion about how we parent won't affect what we do, but it may cause tension in our house.
He may leave here thinking we are not doing our job with our son because he stays up late, eats, watches TV, etc. without restrictions. On the other hand, this is an opportunity for him to see the love and fun in our house, and Logan making a lot of good choices.
I would love some ideas on how to make this work, have fun, and keep the peace.
Meryl
thinks Logan is rude and anti-social. I'm struggling because I know we are doing
right by our son, and I feel as if I could lose my family. Both my grandmas
have died in the last year and a half, which has been hard on me. I want Logan
to have family in his life who love him just as he is.:::-:
Since writing this, my brother-in-law asked if he can come stay with us for a few weeks while he looks for an apartment because he and his girlfriend broke up.
We said yes, because he is my husband's brother.
I have some concerns because Paul, my husband works nights which means Logan and I will be with Michael, (brother-in-law) 5 nights a week. Paul wants to tell Michael that he is not aloud to say anything about our parenting. I told him that I think he's setting up problems if he does that. Michael's already eating crow by having to come to us at this point, and his opinion about how we parent won't affect what we do, but it may cause tension in our house.
He may leave here thinking we are not doing our job with our son because he stays up late, eats, watches TV, etc. without restrictions. On the other hand, this is an opportunity for him to see the love and fun in our house, and Logan making a lot of good choices.
I would love some ideas on how to make this work, have fun, and keep the peace.
Meryl
Sandra Dodd
-=-Paul wants to tell Michael that he is not aloud to say anything
about our parenting. I told him that I think he's setting up problems
if he does that. Michael's already eating crow by having to come to us
at this point, and his opinion about how we parent won't affect what
we do, but it may cause tension in our house. -=-
Maybe you could, though, if he says anything about your son, say "It's
his house, Michael." You could wait until it's an issue (if it is)
and remind him that he comes in precedence after all the permanent
residents of the house.
-=-He may leave here thinking we are not doing our job with our son
because he stays up late, eats, watches TV, etc. without restrictions.
On the other hand, this is an opportunity for him to see the love and
fun in our house, and Logan making a lot of good choices.-=-
It takes more than a few weeks to deschool, and deschooling takes the
desire to change. So don't hold out hope of him seeing it as "good
choices."
Maybe leave unschooling materials in the bathroom. Guys read. :-)
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
about our parenting. I told him that I think he's setting up problems
if he does that. Michael's already eating crow by having to come to us
at this point, and his opinion about how we parent won't affect what
we do, but it may cause tension in our house. -=-
Maybe you could, though, if he says anything about your son, say "It's
his house, Michael." You could wait until it's an issue (if it is)
and remind him that he comes in precedence after all the permanent
residents of the house.
-=-He may leave here thinking we are not doing our job with our son
because he stays up late, eats, watches TV, etc. without restrictions.
On the other hand, this is an opportunity for him to see the love and
fun in our house, and Logan making a lot of good choices.-=-
It takes more than a few weeks to deschool, and deschooling takes the
desire to change. So don't hold out hope of him seeing it as "good
choices."
Maybe leave unschooling materials in the bathroom. Guys read. :-)
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Robin Bentley
>I recommend Sandra's "Big Book of Unschooling" - easy to read in small
> Maybe leave unschooling materials in the bathroom. Guys read. :-)
>
chunks. And a helpful Table of Contents with section in bold such as
TV, Sleeping, Food <g>
Robin B.
nycartgal2003
>I love the book, it's worth a try.
> >
> >** Maybe leave unschooling materials in the bathroom. Guys read. :-)
> >
> I recommend Sandra's "Big Book of Unschooling" - easy to read in small
> chunks. And a helpful Table of Contents with section in bold such as
> TV, Sleeping, Food***
>
>**Maybe leave unschooling materials in the bathroom. Guys read. :-)**
plaidpanties666
I would let him know in a friendly way that you don't expect him to "take responsibility for" or "be in charge of" your son. It's possible to make that sound like a favor or kindness to your brother in law rather than a slur against him - "you don't have to" rather than "please butt out."
When other adults say "oh, I don't mind" I'll make a comment about using a very quirky parenting method and wouldn't want them to feel overwhelmed by my crazy ideas. I've found treating it both as my issue and "you don't have to" that I get to have better conversations about how I parent and why - less arguementative anyway.
---Meredith
When other adults say "oh, I don't mind" I'll make a comment about using a very quirky parenting method and wouldn't want them to feel overwhelmed by my crazy ideas. I've found treating it both as my issue and "you don't have to" that I get to have better conversations about how I parent and why - less arguementative anyway.
---Meredith
dezignarob
==== he thinks Logan is rude and anti-social....... Paul wants to tell Michael that he is not aloud to say anything about our parenting.====
How does Logan feel about having his uncle in the house for an extended visit?
My daughter has trouble with changes to her home space. For example, moving furniture around, even for specific needs like her birthday party that she has agreed to and wants to do, is often accompanied by stress reactions - crankiness, impatience, demanding attitude - for a while until she gets used to it. She will say a lot of "I hate this. Change it back now!" ..."Well it has to go back the minute the party is over."
She also finds the transition with James coming home from work hard sometimes - not always welcoming immediately even when she knows he's coming and is pleased. She grumps at him and wants him to go to the bedroom (we only have two spaces in the apartment) until suddenly she is happy and wants to have a wrestle with him.
She has been this way for a long time, and I try to keep calm and neutral in reaction to her. And after a time, increasingly briefer as she gets older, she becomes calm and pleasant.
But to an outsider, not understanding what was going on with her, how hard some things are for her, she would just look like the most horribly rude brat.
Maybe I'm being pessimistic. I think in your place, I'd be ready to run interference. I'd be ready for changes in Logan's behavior and perhaps greater neediness from him.
I agree with the idea of leaving some reading material out. Perhaps include some that is "scientific" as it were - stuff about child development, some of the newest pro-media articles. Have all the child development and pedagogical phrases ready so that you can "dazzle him with science" (I mean Michael) about why you have chosen your parenting practices, and what you expect to happen.
Maybe this will be a wonderful opportunity to learn more about your BIL. He most likely has his own childhood damage from which to recover - maybe even unrealized. I think I'd try to get him talking about his childhood.
I would also add that if it does come down to the laying down of guidelines to Michael, that perhaps Paul is the better person to do it, than you. If it were your sister coming, I would say the reverse.
Robyn L. Coburn
www.iggyjingles.blogspot.com
www.allthingsdoll.blogspot.com
www.robyncoburn.blogspot.com
How does Logan feel about having his uncle in the house for an extended visit?
My daughter has trouble with changes to her home space. For example, moving furniture around, even for specific needs like her birthday party that she has agreed to and wants to do, is often accompanied by stress reactions - crankiness, impatience, demanding attitude - for a while until she gets used to it. She will say a lot of "I hate this. Change it back now!" ..."Well it has to go back the minute the party is over."
She also finds the transition with James coming home from work hard sometimes - not always welcoming immediately even when she knows he's coming and is pleased. She grumps at him and wants him to go to the bedroom (we only have two spaces in the apartment) until suddenly she is happy and wants to have a wrestle with him.
She has been this way for a long time, and I try to keep calm and neutral in reaction to her. And after a time, increasingly briefer as she gets older, she becomes calm and pleasant.
But to an outsider, not understanding what was going on with her, how hard some things are for her, she would just look like the most horribly rude brat.
Maybe I'm being pessimistic. I think in your place, I'd be ready to run interference. I'd be ready for changes in Logan's behavior and perhaps greater neediness from him.
I agree with the idea of leaving some reading material out. Perhaps include some that is "scientific" as it were - stuff about child development, some of the newest pro-media articles. Have all the child development and pedagogical phrases ready so that you can "dazzle him with science" (I mean Michael) about why you have chosen your parenting practices, and what you expect to happen.
Maybe this will be a wonderful opportunity to learn more about your BIL. He most likely has his own childhood damage from which to recover - maybe even unrealized. I think I'd try to get him talking about his childhood.
I would also add that if it does come down to the laying down of guidelines to Michael, that perhaps Paul is the better person to do it, than you. If it were your sister coming, I would say the reverse.
Robyn L. Coburn
www.iggyjingles.blogspot.com
www.allthingsdoll.blogspot.com
www.robyncoburn.blogspot.com
Sandra Dodd
-=-I agree with the idea of leaving some reading material out. Perhaps include some that is "scientific" as it were - stuff about child development, some of the newest pro-media articles. Have all the child development and pedagogical phrases ready so that you can "dazzle him with science" (I mean Michael) about why you have chosen your parenting practices, and what you expect to happen.-=-
When scientific evidence comes along, I link it here:
http://sandradodd.com/blogspot.com
-=-Maybe this will be a wonderful opportunity to learn more about your BIL. He most likely has his own childhood damage from which to recover - maybe even unrealized. I think I'd try to get him talking about his childhood. -=-
That's a good idea with spouses sometimes too, and parents. Not in an entrapment way, but in a detangling way. People will get stuck on an idea and not be able to think past it, and it makes discussion much more difficult. Sometimes just calmly saying "Why do you think that?" about an objection or "truth" about learning or parenting will bring forth personal memories. And if the response to "Why do you think that?" is lame like "Because it's obvious" or "Everyone thinks that," then you can say that NOT everyone thinks that, or that it seems obvious if people haven't looked at it closely, maybe.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
When scientific evidence comes along, I link it here:
http://sandradodd.com/blogspot.com
-=-Maybe this will be a wonderful opportunity to learn more about your BIL. He most likely has his own childhood damage from which to recover - maybe even unrealized. I think I'd try to get him talking about his childhood. -=-
That's a good idea with spouses sometimes too, and parents. Not in an entrapment way, but in a detangling way. People will get stuck on an idea and not be able to think past it, and it makes discussion much more difficult. Sometimes just calmly saying "Why do you think that?" about an objection or "truth" about learning or parenting will bring forth personal memories. And if the response to "Why do you think that?" is lame like "Because it's obvious" or "Everyone thinks that," then you can say that NOT everyone thinks that, or that it seems obvious if people haven't looked at it closely, maybe.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]