Mel

Yesterday I was in a funk. My husband has been away now for job training for a month and all the pressures of daily life that I normally would share with him, like money pressure, I'm doing alone. I needed an escape and I desperately wanted to go for a walk in silence. I love my boys so incredibly much and their cheerful converstaions are something I should never tire of. Yet, here I was, desparate for silence.

I manipulated my boys in to going for a walk with me, even though my youngest didn't want to go. I suggested that they take their bikes because I thought this way, no one will talk to me. My oldest didn't choose his bike but my youngest did.

I told my oldest son that while I walk today, I don't feel like talking. He grumbled something at me and walked way ahead of me up the road. My youngest biked on ahead of him. At some point we decided to turn and go home. We live half way up a big hill. I called for my youngest and watched as he sailed his bike down the hill. His face was so lit up with adrenaline and joy as he whizzed by. I congratulated myself and thought , "see, we all needed this." Suddenly a big SUV came speeding down the road and nearly hit my youngest. I saw his bike weaving right and then left out of control on the gravel. Down he went. The rest is a blur for me but I drove him to the emergency. He now lies in bed, stitched up and with abrasions from his face to his groin. I'm awaiting a call from the radiologist to hear if we are dealing with a tiny facial fracture.

But isn't it nice that I got to have a walk in silence.

Screwing Up and Parent Guilt - what do I do with those two big elephants in the room?

Sandra Dodd

Oh, poor guy! I'm really sorry he got hurt and I can imagine that you
probably had a huge fright, adrenaline rush, and a thousand thoughts
and fears for the next many hours.

It's not your fault he got hurt, though. It could have happened if he
were right near you, or if you were talking more than you had ever
talked before.

I hope he'll feel tons better soon and that your husband doesn't need
to come home and that you rest really well for the next few nights
with no bad dreams.

Regrets can be painful, but he needs a happy mom. I think he'll feel
good sooner if you're happy and sweet then if you're beating yourself
up and feeling awful.

Sandra

dola dasgupta-banerji

I send you lot of strength and love for you boy. Please do not beat
yourself. It could have happened anywhere anytime. Be glad that you were
with him when it happened. Rest, pray and take care of yourself and your
boys. All will be well.

Dola

On Fri, Nov 12, 2010 at 6:37 PM, Mel <beensclan@...> wrote:

>
>
> Yesterday I was in a funk. My husband has been away now for job training
> for a month and all the pressures of daily life that I normally would share
> with him, like money pressure, I'm doing alone. I needed an escape and I
> desperately wanted to go for a walk in silence. I love my boys so incredibly
> much and their cheerful converstaions are something I should never tire of.
> Yet, here I was, desparate for silence.
>
> I manipulated my boys in to going for a walk with me, even though my
> youngest didn't want to go. I suggested that they take their bikes because I
> thought this way, no one will talk to me. My oldest didn't choose his bike
> but my youngest did.
>
> I told my oldest son that while I walk today, I don't feel like talking. He
> grumbled something at me and walked way ahead of me up the road. My youngest
> biked on ahead of him. At some point we decided to turn and go home. We live
> half way up a big hill. I called for my youngest and watched as he sailed
> his bike down the hill. His face was so lit up with adrenaline and joy as he
> whizzed by. I congratulated myself and thought , "see, we all needed this."
> Suddenly a big SUV came speeding down the road and nearly hit my youngest. I
> saw his bike weaving right and then left out of control on the gravel. Down
> he went. The rest is a blur for me but I drove him to the emergency. He now
> lies in bed, stitched up and with abrasions from his face to his groin. I'm
> awaiting a call from the radiologist to hear if we are dealing with a tiny
> facial fracture.
>
> But isn't it nice that I got to have a walk in silence.
>
> Screwing Up and Parent Guilt - what do I do with those two big elephants in
> the room?
>
>
>


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Claire

A dear friend of mine was recently wishing that her 18 month old daughter would 'give her a break', 'quiet down', 'not be so demanding'. Then her daughter contracted a severe case of enterovirus and needed hospitalization for several days, during which time she was extremely lethargic and unresponsive. My friend felt her words had come back to haunt her in the cruellest possible way. But the truth is that viruses and bikes wizzing down hills don't discriminate - there's no causal link between your mood and your son's accident.

Having said that, it sounds to me like you need to seek the support of other adults during your husband's extended absence. Are there people you could call, text or visit when you feel yourself getting edgy? If you need a quiet moment is there somewhere at home that you can retreat to for even just 5 minutes of deep breathing to regain your equilibrium?

Use this episode to galvanise your determination to be an attentive, fun and caring mum.

Claire

k

I agree, Claire. I think a moment of silence is very reasonable and a
good thing but the kids can't provide it. Definitely seek out avenues
rather than scolding yourself for wanting a bit of quiet sometimes.

~Katherine




On 11/13/10, Claire <claire.horsley08@...> wrote:
> A dear friend of mine was recently wishing that her 18 month old daughter
> would 'give her a break', 'quiet down', 'not be so demanding'. Then her
> daughter contracted a severe case of enterovirus and needed hospitalization
> for several days, during which time she was extremely lethargic and
> unresponsive. My friend felt her words had come back to haunt her in the
> cruellest possible way. But the truth is that viruses and bikes wizzing down
> hills don't discriminate - there's no causal link between your mood and your
> son's accident.
>
> Having said that, it sounds to me like you need to seek the support of other
> adults during your husband's extended absence. Are there people you could
> call, text or visit when you feel yourself getting edgy? If you need a quiet
> moment is there somewhere at home that you can retreat to for even just 5
> minutes of deep breathing to regain your equilibrium?
>
> Use this episode to galvanise your determination to be an attentive, fun and
> caring mum.
>
> Claire
>
>
>
>
> ------------------------------------
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>

Marina DeLuca-Howard

Oh that is sad. Poor kid, and just as he was having fun.
If your kids are anything like mine they would not have gone if they really
didn't feel like it and it was an accident. I think parents can bully or
punish kids into doing as they are told, but inviting and asking when you
need help is a bit different.
Marina


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