Mean Parents meme WAS Re: Phrases
k
I saw a Facebook meme yesterday that struck me as more bizarre. It seems
like it's in the same vein as this Phrases thread but it's a whole slew of
phrases that are all similarly presumptuous about the nature of children and
parenting. I couldn't find the meme again in order to quote it but it said
something like "My parents were so MEAN that they made me do all this stuff
and I'm glad/thankful to them now that I'm an adult and a parent too... If
you had MEAN parents like I did, then post this in your status to show your
gratitude."
A search turned up the following blogpost which is a paraphrase of what I
saw on Facebook or possibly the inspiration of that meme, and it's from this
link (http://www.homeschoolacademy.com/articles/mean-parents-articles.html):
~Katherine
Mean Parents....
* [image: accredited home school]*As an adult I see the wisdom of my
parents.
The letter below is from a child much like yours who is now an adult much
like you!
I trust you will find it encouraging and fun - - perhaps it will remind you
of your parents; perhaps it will remind you of yourselves. Either way, be
proud and know that what you are doing will have a lasting and rewarding
effect on the lives of your precious children!
*Mean Parents *
Someday when my children are old enough to understand the logic that
motivates a parent, I will tell them, as my Mean Parents told me: I loved
you enough to ask where you were going, with whom, and what time you would
be home.
I loved you enough to be silent and let you discover that your new best
friend was a creep. I loved you enough to stand over you for two hours while
you cleaned your room, a job that should have taken 15 minutes. I loved you
enough to let you see anger, disappointment, and tears in my eyes. Children
must learn that their parents aren't perfect. I loved you enough to let you
assume the responsibility for your actions even when the penalties were so
harsh they almost broke my heart.
But most of all, I loved you enough to say NO when I knew you would hate me
for it. Those were the most difficult battles of all. I'm glad I won them,
because in the end you won, too. And someday when your children are old
enough to understand the logic that motivates parents, you will tell them.
Were your Parents mean? I know mine were. We had the meanest mother in the
whole world! While other kids ate candy for breakfast, we had to have
cereal, eggs, and toast. When others had a Pepsi and a Twinkie for lunch, we
had to eat sandwiches. And you can guess our mother fixed us a dinner that
was different from what other kids had, too. Dad insisted on knowing where
we were at all times. You'd think we were convicts in a prison. My Parents
had to know who our friends were, and what we were doing with them. My
Parents insisted that if we said we would be gone for an hour, we would be
gone for an hour or less.
We were ashamed to admit it, but My Parents had the nerve to break the Child
Labor Laws by making us work. We had to wash the dishes, make the beds,
learn to cook, vacuum the floor, do laundry, empty the trash and all sorts
of cruel jobs. I think My Parents would lie awake at night thinking of more
things for us to do.
My Parents always insisted on us telling the truth, the whole truth, and
nothing but the truth. By the time we were teenagers My Parents could read
our minds and had eyes in the back of her head. Then, life was really tough!
My Parents wouldn't let our friends just honk the horn when they drove up.
They had to come up to the door so My Parents could meet them. While
everyone else could date when they were 12 or 13, we had to wait until we
were 16 and then only in groups.
Because of our mother we missed out on lots of things other kids
experienced. None of us have ever been caught shoplifting, vandalizing
other's property or ever arrested for any crime. It was all her fault. Now
that we have left home, we are all educated, honest adults. We are doing our
best to be mean parents just like my Parents were. I think that is what's
wrong with the world today. It just doesn't have enough mean Parents!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
like it's in the same vein as this Phrases thread but it's a whole slew of
phrases that are all similarly presumptuous about the nature of children and
parenting. I couldn't find the meme again in order to quote it but it said
something like "My parents were so MEAN that they made me do all this stuff
and I'm glad/thankful to them now that I'm an adult and a parent too... If
you had MEAN parents like I did, then post this in your status to show your
gratitude."
A search turned up the following blogpost which is a paraphrase of what I
saw on Facebook or possibly the inspiration of that meme, and it's from this
link (http://www.homeschoolacademy.com/articles/mean-parents-articles.html):
~Katherine
Mean Parents....
* [image: accredited home school]*As an adult I see the wisdom of my
parents.
The letter below is from a child much like yours who is now an adult much
like you!
I trust you will find it encouraging and fun - - perhaps it will remind you
of your parents; perhaps it will remind you of yourselves. Either way, be
proud and know that what you are doing will have a lasting and rewarding
effect on the lives of your precious children!
*Mean Parents *
Someday when my children are old enough to understand the logic that
motivates a parent, I will tell them, as my Mean Parents told me: I loved
you enough to ask where you were going, with whom, and what time you would
be home.
I loved you enough to be silent and let you discover that your new best
friend was a creep. I loved you enough to stand over you for two hours while
you cleaned your room, a job that should have taken 15 minutes. I loved you
enough to let you see anger, disappointment, and tears in my eyes. Children
must learn that their parents aren't perfect. I loved you enough to let you
assume the responsibility for your actions even when the penalties were so
harsh they almost broke my heart.
But most of all, I loved you enough to say NO when I knew you would hate me
for it. Those were the most difficult battles of all. I'm glad I won them,
because in the end you won, too. And someday when your children are old
enough to understand the logic that motivates parents, you will tell them.
Were your Parents mean? I know mine were. We had the meanest mother in the
whole world! While other kids ate candy for breakfast, we had to have
cereal, eggs, and toast. When others had a Pepsi and a Twinkie for lunch, we
had to eat sandwiches. And you can guess our mother fixed us a dinner that
was different from what other kids had, too. Dad insisted on knowing where
we were at all times. You'd think we were convicts in a prison. My Parents
had to know who our friends were, and what we were doing with them. My
Parents insisted that if we said we would be gone for an hour, we would be
gone for an hour or less.
We were ashamed to admit it, but My Parents had the nerve to break the Child
Labor Laws by making us work. We had to wash the dishes, make the beds,
learn to cook, vacuum the floor, do laundry, empty the trash and all sorts
of cruel jobs. I think My Parents would lie awake at night thinking of more
things for us to do.
My Parents always insisted on us telling the truth, the whole truth, and
nothing but the truth. By the time we were teenagers My Parents could read
our minds and had eyes in the back of her head. Then, life was really tough!
My Parents wouldn't let our friends just honk the horn when they drove up.
They had to come up to the door so My Parents could meet them. While
everyone else could date when they were 12 or 13, we had to wait until we
were 16 and then only in groups.
Because of our mother we missed out on lots of things other kids
experienced. None of us have ever been caught shoplifting, vandalizing
other's property or ever arrested for any crime. It was all her fault. Now
that we have left home, we are all educated, honest adults. We are doing our
best to be mean parents just like my Parents were. I think that is what's
wrong with the world today. It just doesn't have enough mean Parents!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=- I couldn't find the meme again in order to quote it but it said
something like "My parents were so MEAN that they made me do all this
stuff
and I'm glad/thankful to them now that I'm an adult and a parent
too... If
you had MEAN parents like I did, then post this in your status to show
your
gratitude."-=-
But they weren't unschoolers! Good for us and for our kids.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
something like "My parents were so MEAN that they made me do all this
stuff
and I'm glad/thankful to them now that I'm an adult and a parent
too... If
you had MEAN parents like I did, then post this in your status to show
your
gratitude."-=-
But they weren't unschoolers! Good for us and for our kids.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
k
>>>But they weren't unschoolers! Good for us and for our kids.<<<That makes a huge difference. When Brian saw it he said parent's shouldn't
be mean, even for good reasons.
~Katherine
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
~~ I saw that on a couple of my old school friends facebook walls and was shocked. This is what the post said:
"My parents were MEAN to me when I was a kid! They made me do chores, go to school. They gave me a curfew, made me get a job and work for the things I wanted. They insisted that I do my best at school and my job and take pride in my work. I grew up with morals, a good work ethic and respect for the law and people in gen...eral! I thank Go...d everyday for my MEAN parents! (copy and paste if you agree)"
~~ I copied it and changed it a little and this is what I posted on my facebook wall:
~~ "My parents were NOT MEAN to me when I was a kid! They didn't make me do chores but I helped out because I wanted to be helpful and I went to school because it was the law..no one had to "make" me go to school. They didn't give me a curfew but I was respectful to be home at a decent hour or to call if I was going to be late, didn't make me get a job but I did anyway because they worked hard for things they wanted so I knew that I needed to work for the things I wanted. They didn't "insist" that I do my best at school and my job and take pride in my work because they already knew that I would do my best without being "told" to do so . And still...I grew up with morals, a good work ethic and respect for the law and people in general! I thank God everyday for my NOT MEAN parents because you shouldn't have to be MEAN to get your kids to have morals and respect! :) Sorry but I had to put my two cents in because I DO NOT agree with the original post that has been circulating. (copy and paste if you agree)"
~~ I found it quite funny how my friends had a few comments to their posts agreeing with being mean to your kids but no one chose to comment on my post about not being mean to your kids. I don't get it??
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
"My parents were MEAN to me when I was a kid! They made me do chores, go to school. They gave me a curfew, made me get a job and work for the things I wanted. They insisted that I do my best at school and my job and take pride in my work. I grew up with morals, a good work ethic and respect for the law and people in gen...eral! I thank Go...d everyday for my MEAN parents! (copy and paste if you agree)"
~~ I copied it and changed it a little and this is what I posted on my facebook wall:
~~ "My parents were NOT MEAN to me when I was a kid! They didn't make me do chores but I helped out because I wanted to be helpful and I went to school because it was the law..no one had to "make" me go to school. They didn't give me a curfew but I was respectful to be home at a decent hour or to call if I was going to be late, didn't make me get a job but I did anyway because they worked hard for things they wanted so I knew that I needed to work for the things I wanted. They didn't "insist" that I do my best at school and my job and take pride in my work because they already knew that I would do my best without being "told" to do so . And still...I grew up with morals, a good work ethic and respect for the law and people in general! I thank God everyday for my NOT MEAN parents because you shouldn't have to be MEAN to get your kids to have morals and respect! :) Sorry but I had to put my two cents in because I DO NOT agree with the original post that has been circulating. (copy and paste if you agree)"
~~ I found it quite funny how my friends had a few comments to their posts agreeing with being mean to your kids but no one chose to comment on my post about not being mean to your kids. I don't get it??
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-I found it quite funny how my friends had a few comments to their
posts agreeing with being mean to your kids but no one chose to
comment on my post about not being mean to your kids. I don't get it??-
=-
People are made uncomfortable by things that make them feel guilty.
People are soothed and comforted by things that say "It's okay for you
to be mean to your children. It's good for them!"
That's why some people complain that discussions such as this list are
not "supportive."
That's why I keep this collection:
http://sandradodd.com/support
to remind people that support only feels good for an instant, and
behind that, it's vacuous.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
posts agreeing with being mean to your kids but no one chose to
comment on my post about not being mean to your kids. I don't get it??-
=-
People are made uncomfortable by things that make them feel guilty.
People are soothed and comforted by things that say "It's okay for you
to be mean to your children. It's good for them!"
That's why some people complain that discussions such as this list are
not "supportive."
That's why I keep this collection:
http://sandradodd.com/support
to remind people that support only feels good for an instant, and
behind that, it's vacuous.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
k
Yes, KaitKalKenz. That's the exact quote of what I saw. I just
paraphrased the thing.
~Katherine
paraphrased the thing.
~Katherine
On 10/20/10, KaitKalKenz3@... <KaitKalKenz3@...> wrote:
>
> ~~ I saw that on a couple of my old school friends facebook walls and was
> shocked. This is what the post said:
>
> "My parents were MEAN to me when I was a kid! They made me do chores, go to
> school. They gave me a curfew, made me get a job and work for the things I
> wanted. They insisted that I do my best at school and my job and take pride
> in my work. I grew up with morals, a good work ethic and respect for the law
> and people in gen...eral! I thank Go...d everyday for my MEAN parents! (copy
> and paste if you agree)"
>
> ~~ I copied it and changed it a little and this is what I posted on my
> facebook wall:
>
> ~~ "My parents were NOT MEAN to me when I was a kid! They didn't make me do
> chores but I helped out because I wanted to be helpful and I went to school
> because it was the law..no one had to "make" me go to school. They didn't
> give me a curfew but I was respectful to be home at a decent hour or to call
> if I was going to be late, didn't make me get a job but I did anyway because
> they worked hard for things they wanted so I knew that I needed to work for
> the things I wanted. They didn't "insist" that I do my best at school and my
> job and take pride in my work because they already knew that I would do my
> best without being "told" to do so . And still...I grew up with morals, a
> good work ethic and respect for the law and people in general! I thank God
> everyday for my NOT MEAN parents because you shouldn't have to be MEAN to
> get your kids to have morals and respect! :) Sorry but I had to put my two
> cents in because I DO NOT agree with the original post that has been
> circulating. (copy and paste if you agree)"
>
> ~~ I found it quite funny how my friends had a few comments to their posts
> agreeing with being mean to your kids but no one chose to comment on my post
> about not being mean to your kids. I don't get it??
>
>
>
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
> ------------------------------------
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
k
Oh and what I think is wonderful is awful stuff like lauding mean
parenting, sad though it is, brings the realization of how foreign
such thinking is to me and Brian now since we've been into
unschooling. We're hardly the poster unschooling parents and strive to
do better and better. Our baggage gets in surprise jabs like lessons
reinforcing shame and it can be challenging to feel that we can do
this.
It's moments like reading sad parenting memes together that encourage
us through the things we have yet to learn. And it amazes me how
EVerything is a learning opportunity. So.. yes! The thinking that
produces blind acceptance of meanness to children (or anyone really)
as a human right or something is very odd to us now.
~Katherine
parenting, sad though it is, brings the realization of how foreign
such thinking is to me and Brian now since we've been into
unschooling. We're hardly the poster unschooling parents and strive to
do better and better. Our baggage gets in surprise jabs like lessons
reinforcing shame and it can be challenging to feel that we can do
this.
It's moments like reading sad parenting memes together that encourage
us through the things we have yet to learn. And it amazes me how
EVerything is a learning opportunity. So.. yes! The thinking that
produces blind acceptance of meanness to children (or anyone really)
as a human right or something is very odd to us now.
~Katherine
Pam Sorooshian
Related to this mean parents thing - Rosie is taking a college class
in "Human Growth and Development." It is an online class and every
couple of days they have to post something on the class discussion
forum. She posted this the other day (I asked if I could post it here
and she said it was okay).
The first part is the prompt from the teacher and then Rosie's response
follows:
***Cite major differences between authoritative, authoritarian, and
permissive child-rearing styles and its effects on the child's
development. Which parenting style reflects the style used by your
parents in your upbringing? How do you feel it helped or hindered your
development? If you were a parent, which style would best fit the way
you think you would raise your children? Respond to at least two other
postings in your group.***
******************************************************************************
Authoritarian parenting, which is not an ideal choice when raising a
child, is what most people think of when they think of "bad parenting."
Authoritarian parents "yell, command, criticize and threaten, demanding
unquestioning obedience. If the child resists, authoritarian parents
resort to force and punishment" (Berk 216). Children with authoritarian
parents do not develop able to self regulate their moods well, are often
hostile and are low in self-esteem. Authoritarian parents often employ
psychological control as well, in which their children are unable to
make any of their own decisions, and the parents make them all instead,
through manipulation, including putting down the child's decisions, or
withdrawing affection if the child disobeys. Because of this, children
of authoritarian parents have difficulty regulating their emotions, and
are often hostile or withdrawn.
Another alternative parenting style is permissive. Though this style can
look nicer on the outside, it is as damaging to child's development as
the authoritarian parenting style. Permissive parents are removed from
their children, and are either "overindulging or inattentive" (Berk
216). Because of this, their children are often forced to make decisions
they are not developmentally ready to make yet. These children have no
help from their parents in making decisions such as when to go to bed,
or when or what to eat. Children that come from these types of homes
because rebellious, are overly demanding, and show a lack of follow
through on difficult projects.
Neither of the above parenting styles promote healthy development. A
third option, authoritative child rearing, is thought by most to be the
ideal parenting style. Authoritative parents are kind, loving and
conscientious of their child's wants and needs. They form a secure
attachment with their child, and pay attention to what their child is
feeling. However, they are not permissive, in that they exercise healthy
control. They tell their children what kinds of behavior is expected of
them, both at home and out of the house, and if the child disobeys, they
use techniques such as time outs or loss of privileges to punish them,
instead of yelling or physical punishment. Children of authoritative
parents grow up independent, with high self-esteem, and a strong
connection to their parents. They are positive and able to work through
tasks that a child raised by either authoritarian or permissive parents
might give up on quickly.
My childhood was unusual, and does not fit well into any category. If I
was going to choose one, I would go with authoritative. My parents were
supportive, warm, loving and always there for me. They helped me to be
independent and autonomous. They allowed me from a very young age to
make decisions about every aspect of my life, but did not leave me alone
to fend for myself. They were always there to help and advise. This is
still how our relationship is today, and I am nineteen years old. I have
the freedom to make my own choices, but a close bond with both my
parents, so I can ask for assistance or counsel if I need it.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
in "Human Growth and Development." It is an online class and every
couple of days they have to post something on the class discussion
forum. She posted this the other day (I asked if I could post it here
and she said it was okay).
The first part is the prompt from the teacher and then Rosie's response
follows:
***Cite major differences between authoritative, authoritarian, and
permissive child-rearing styles and its effects on the child's
development. Which parenting style reflects the style used by your
parents in your upbringing? How do you feel it helped or hindered your
development? If you were a parent, which style would best fit the way
you think you would raise your children? Respond to at least two other
postings in your group.***
******************************************************************************
Authoritarian parenting, which is not an ideal choice when raising a
child, is what most people think of when they think of "bad parenting."
Authoritarian parents "yell, command, criticize and threaten, demanding
unquestioning obedience. If the child resists, authoritarian parents
resort to force and punishment" (Berk 216). Children with authoritarian
parents do not develop able to self regulate their moods well, are often
hostile and are low in self-esteem. Authoritarian parents often employ
psychological control as well, in which their children are unable to
make any of their own decisions, and the parents make them all instead,
through manipulation, including putting down the child's decisions, or
withdrawing affection if the child disobeys. Because of this, children
of authoritarian parents have difficulty regulating their emotions, and
are often hostile or withdrawn.
Another alternative parenting style is permissive. Though this style can
look nicer on the outside, it is as damaging to child's development as
the authoritarian parenting style. Permissive parents are removed from
their children, and are either "overindulging or inattentive" (Berk
216). Because of this, their children are often forced to make decisions
they are not developmentally ready to make yet. These children have no
help from their parents in making decisions such as when to go to bed,
or when or what to eat. Children that come from these types of homes
because rebellious, are overly demanding, and show a lack of follow
through on difficult projects.
Neither of the above parenting styles promote healthy development. A
third option, authoritative child rearing, is thought by most to be the
ideal parenting style. Authoritative parents are kind, loving and
conscientious of their child's wants and needs. They form a secure
attachment with their child, and pay attention to what their child is
feeling. However, they are not permissive, in that they exercise healthy
control. They tell their children what kinds of behavior is expected of
them, both at home and out of the house, and if the child disobeys, they
use techniques such as time outs or loss of privileges to punish them,
instead of yelling or physical punishment. Children of authoritative
parents grow up independent, with high self-esteem, and a strong
connection to their parents. They are positive and able to work through
tasks that a child raised by either authoritarian or permissive parents
might give up on quickly.
My childhood was unusual, and does not fit well into any category. If I
was going to choose one, I would go with authoritative. My parents were
supportive, warm, loving and always there for me. They helped me to be
independent and autonomous. They allowed me from a very young age to
make decisions about every aspect of my life, but did not leave me alone
to fend for myself. They were always there to help and advise. This is
still how our relationship is today, and I am nineteen years old. I have
the freedom to make my own choices, but a close bond with both my
parents, so I can ask for assistance or counsel if I need it.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
sheeboo2
Pam,
What a wonderful response Rosie wrote! (and such good grammar from someone who was never "taught" the rules <said facetiously>).
I wanted to offer Rosie a comment, though. A nice little rhetorical device she may find helpful if she continues choosing to write academic papers is the phrase:
"According to...."
In the case of this prompt, where she may not feel that Berk is the definitive authority on parenting types, adding that little precursor can be useful.
"According to Berk, there are three kinds of parenting styles..........."
Brie
What a wonderful response Rosie wrote! (and such good grammar from someone who was never "taught" the rules <said facetiously>).
I wanted to offer Rosie a comment, though. A nice little rhetorical device she may find helpful if she continues choosing to write academic papers is the phrase:
"According to...."
In the case of this prompt, where she may not feel that Berk is the definitive authority on parenting types, adding that little precursor can be useful.
"According to Berk, there are three kinds of parenting styles..........."
Brie
Jenny Cyphers
***Cite major differences between authoritative, authoritarian, and
permissive child-rearing styles and its effects on the child's
development. ***
Every time I've looked up parenting articles or parenting styles, it always
refers back to that triad. There isn't a 4th option. That's always been a bit
frustrating when talking to other parents that don't unschool. There is no
frame of reference to hang the way we parent onto. Most people just assume that
we are permissive since we don't have rules or punishments. There should be a
4th option called relationship parenting. That would most describe what and how
we parent!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
permissive child-rearing styles and its effects on the child's
development. ***
Every time I've looked up parenting articles or parenting styles, it always
refers back to that triad. There isn't a 4th option. That's always been a bit
frustrating when talking to other parents that don't unschool. There is no
frame of reference to hang the way we parent onto. Most people just assume that
we are permissive since we don't have rules or punishments. There should be a
4th option called relationship parenting. That would most describe what and how
we parent!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
plaidpanties666
Jenny Cyphers <jenstarc4@...> wrote:
Sandra's essay, "Rejecting a Pre-Packaged Life":
http://sandradodd.com/joy
gets into that to some extent, describing the difference between happiness and joy. She comments: "Part of the pre-packaged life Americans are issued is the idea that happiness comes after..." and lists college and home-ownership, but the sentiment is summed up well in that phrase. Happiness comes "after" and the goal of parenting is to get kids to "after" - to adulthood, however its defined.
>> Every time I've looked up parenting articles or parenting styles, it alwaysIts often framed as a continuum, too - with too-strict on one end and too-lax on the other and "good" in the middle. More recent views have added another "axis" of attention and care, which is a little better, but its still a sort of two-dimensional way of describing parenting. Its handy for textbooks and magazine articles, though, you can show a nice, neat graph and say "parents in the shaded area are good parents".
> refers back to that triad. There isn't a 4th option.
>There is noThere's no reference because the parenting "experts" can only describe what the vast majority of people do, and for most people "respecting children" means respecting their potential as future adults. So its "respectful" to hurt them a little, bully them a little, force them a little as long as its not "too much" and is always "for their own (future adult) good". There's no conceptual reference for most adults to see chidlren as people (not innocents-or-monsters but actual people with thoughts and feelings and hopes and dreams). I've had people irl say to me "wow, you mean something Really Different by "respect" than other parents".
> frame of reference to hang the way we parent onto.
>>There should be aTo some extent, that's what attachment parenting sets out to do - the trouble is the frame of reference for most parents is still focused on producing better adults. That's why its so easy for attachment parents (and people who "unschool from birth") to slide into the conveniently shaded area on the chart.
> 4th option called relationship parenting.
Sandra's essay, "Rejecting a Pre-Packaged Life":
http://sandradodd.com/joy
gets into that to some extent, describing the difference between happiness and joy. She comments: "Part of the pre-packaged life Americans are issued is the idea that happiness comes after..." and lists college and home-ownership, but the sentiment is summed up well in that phrase. Happiness comes "after" and the goal of parenting is to get kids to "after" - to adulthood, however its defined.
> ***Cite major differences between authoritative, authoritarian, and
> permissive child-rearing styles and its effects on the child's
> development. ***
>
> Every time I've looked up parenting articles or parenting styles, it always
> refers back to that triad. There isn't a 4th option. That's always been a bit
> frustrating when talking to other parents that don't unschool. There is no
> frame of reference to hang the way we parent onto. Most people just assume that
> we are permissive since we don't have rules or punishments. There should be a
> 4th option called relationship parenting. That would most describe what and how
> we parent!
>
>
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
plaidpanties666
Sorry about the partial post! I'm on the laptop and sometimes send without intending to do so. Bleh.
Anyway, Jenny wrote: That's always been a bit
So when people just want to talk about parenting and not be deluged with a new paradigm, I'll stick to conventional language for the most part and practice artful silence where appropriate. People who know me get to See that I mean something different by that language and can decide if they want to learn more about it or not. On a list like this, where people can't see the way I really interact with my family, I'm much more careful with my words!
---Meredith
Anyway, Jenny wrote: That's always been a bit
> > frustrating when talking to other parents that don't unschool.It really is challenging trying to describe one paradigm to someone looking at life through the lens of another. It helps me to step back from an expectation of a specific outcome - to apply unschooling principles to other realtionships, essentially. It won't help my relationships with friends or extended family to have an agenda of making them into better people or even just "getting" them to understand. That's part of the paradox of unschooling, too - that by focusing on bringing more joy or peace or warmth to the moment, the relationship improves and there's better communication and understanding in general.
So when people just want to talk about parenting and not be deluged with a new paradigm, I'll stick to conventional language for the most part and practice artful silence where appropriate. People who know me get to See that I mean something different by that language and can decide if they want to learn more about it or not. On a list like this, where people can't see the way I really interact with my family, I'm much more careful with my words!
---Meredith
Jenny Cyphers
***So when people just want to talk about parenting and not be deluged with a
new paradigm, I'll stick to conventional language for the most part and practice
artful silence where appropriate.***
Just the other day I was talking to a mother of one of the kids that stayed the
night at our house. She's very conventional in her parenting. I had to assure
her repeatedly that it really was okay with me that her kid was here and that it
was okay that I had a house full of kids and that if it wasn't, I wouldn't let
them be here. She didn't seem to believe me, so I finally said, "I like having
all the kids here because then I always know where my daughter is and what she's
doing." THAT she got!
Even though it's true that I always know where she is and what she's doing, at
least, almost always, it's not because I butt my nose into her life. She shares
with me and likes to be at home with her friends all around her because she
likes her family and her home!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
new paradigm, I'll stick to conventional language for the most part and practice
artful silence where appropriate.***
Just the other day I was talking to a mother of one of the kids that stayed the
night at our house. She's very conventional in her parenting. I had to assure
her repeatedly that it really was okay with me that her kid was here and that it
was okay that I had a house full of kids and that if it wasn't, I wouldn't let
them be here. She didn't seem to believe me, so I finally said, "I like having
all the kids here because then I always know where my daughter is and what she's
doing." THAT she got!
Even though it's true that I always know where she is and what she's doing, at
least, almost always, it's not because I butt my nose into her life. She shares
with me and likes to be at home with her friends all around her because she
likes her family and her home!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]