Phrases
rachk2000
He who pays the piper calls the tune.
My dad's favourite phrase of all time and used any time we wanted anything that he would not agree to material or not. He was of course the piper and because we, my mum and siblings, did not bring any money into the house, we had no say in many things. I have not spoken to my dad since DD was about 4 months old but even at that point he was using another phrase that we were building a rid for our own backs by holding her so much and not leaving her to cry.
Rachel (mum to Leila age 4)
My dad's favourite phrase of all time and used any time we wanted anything that he would not agree to material or not. He was of course the piper and because we, my mum and siblings, did not bring any money into the house, we had no say in many things. I have not spoken to my dad since DD was about 4 months old but even at that point he was using another phrase that we were building a rid for our own backs by holding her so much and not leaving her to cry.
Rachel (mum to Leila age 4)
rachk2000
Revised
I was sending from my phone, next time I will wait till I am at my computer :)
He who pays the piper calls the tune.
My dad's favourite phrase of all time and used any time we wanted anything that he would not agree to material or not. He of course paid the piper and because we, my mum and siblings, did not bring any money into the house, we had no say in many things.
I have not spoken to my dad since DD was about 4 months old but even at that point he was using another one of those phrases. He said that we were making a rod for our own backs by holding her so much and not leaving her to cry.
Rachel (mum to Leila age 4)
I was sending from my phone, next time I will wait till I am at my computer :)
He who pays the piper calls the tune.
My dad's favourite phrase of all time and used any time we wanted anything that he would not agree to material or not. He of course paid the piper and because we, my mum and siblings, did not bring any money into the house, we had no say in many things.
I have not spoken to my dad since DD was about 4 months old but even at that point he was using another one of those phrases. He said that we were making a rod for our own backs by holding her so much and not leaving her to cry.
Rachel (mum to Leila age 4)
k
Another of those is: "You play-- you pay."
~Katherine
~Katherine
On Thu, Oct 7, 2010 at 2:43 AM, rachk2000 <rachk2000@...> wrote:
> Revised
>
> I was sending from my phone, next time I will wait till I am at my computer
> :)
>
> He who pays the piper calls the tune.
>
> My dad's favourite phrase of all time and used any time we wanted anything
> that he would not agree to material or not. He of course paid the piper and
> because we, my mum and siblings, did not bring any money into the house, we
> had no say in many things.
> I have not spoken to my dad since DD was about 4 months old but even at
> that point he was using another one of those phrases. He said that we were
> making a rod for our own backs by holding her so much and not leaving her to
> cry.
>
> Rachel (mum to Leila age 4)
>
>
>
>
> ------------------------------------
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-Another of those is: "You play-- you pay."-=-
Did your parents say that to you?
I don't even know how it would be used. Is it common?
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Did your parents say that to you?
I don't even know how it would be used. Is it common?
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
otherstar
From: Sandra Dodd
Sent: Thursday, October 07, 2010 12:40 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] Re: Phrases
-=-Another of those is: "You play-- you pay."-=-
Did your parents say that to you?
I don't even know how it would be used. Is it common?
*************
I have always heard it used as a justification for punishing a child. For example, if a child goes down the street and plays without permission, the child will pay by losing privileges or being punished according to the parents' whims. It's very closely related to the phrase, "It's time to pay the piper." I have heard people say you play you pay most of my life. I wonder if it is wrapped up in southern culture and has ties to the biblical notion of paying for ones sins. I don't have time to research it but that is the impression that I have always gotten whenever I hear it used.
Connie
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sent: Thursday, October 07, 2010 12:40 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] Re: Phrases
-=-Another of those is: "You play-- you pay."-=-
Did your parents say that to you?
I don't even know how it would be used. Is it common?
*************
I have always heard it used as a justification for punishing a child. For example, if a child goes down the street and plays without permission, the child will pay by losing privileges or being punished according to the parents' whims. It's very closely related to the phrase, "It's time to pay the piper." I have heard people say you play you pay most of my life. I wonder if it is wrapped up in southern culture and has ties to the biblical notion of paying for ones sins. I don't have time to research it but that is the impression that I have always gotten whenever I hear it used.
Connie
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Isabelle
As far as it being a Southern phrase, I am from the Northeast, and heard that growing up... from coaches in gym classes over minor hurts, or from parents of friends who were being punished - Isabelle
*************************
-=-Another of those is: "You play-- you pay."-=-
Did your parents say that to you?
I don't even know how it would be used. Is it common?
I have always heard it used as a justification for punishing a child. For example, if a child goes down the street and plays without permission, the child will pay by losing privileges or being punished according to the parents' whims. It's very closely related to the phrase, "It's time to pay the piper." I have heard people say you play you pay most of my life. I wonder if it is wrapped up in southern culture and has ties to the biblical notion of paying for ones sins. I don't have time to research it but that is the impression that I have always gotten whenever I hear it used.
Connie
*************************
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
*************************
-=-Another of those is: "You play-- you pay."-=-
Did your parents say that to you?
I don't even know how it would be used. Is it common?
I have always heard it used as a justification for punishing a child. For example, if a child goes down the street and plays without permission, the child will pay by losing privileges or being punished according to the parents' whims. It's very closely related to the phrase, "It's time to pay the piper." I have heard people say you play you pay most of my life. I wonder if it is wrapped up in southern culture and has ties to the biblical notion of paying for ones sins. I don't have time to research it but that is the impression that I have always gotten whenever I hear it used.
Connie
*************************
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
dapsign
"The world doesn't revolve around you" was very popular with both of my parents. It was made pretty clear to me as a young kid that I was "selfish".
A couple of others were "You made your bed, now you have to lie in it." and "You can't have cake and eat it too." I had no idea what either of these meant as a kid but now I do and think they're damaging. I've seen the "making your bed" philosophy play out with my mom's interactions with Logan recently. While she didn't use the phrase with him, the idea that a 4 year old should suffer because of something he did (drop a toy) is repulsive to me.
Dina
A couple of others were "You made your bed, now you have to lie in it." and "You can't have cake and eat it too." I had no idea what either of these meant as a kid but now I do and think they're damaging. I've seen the "making your bed" philosophy play out with my mom's interactions with Logan recently. While she didn't use the phrase with him, the idea that a 4 year old should suffer because of something he did (drop a toy) is repulsive to me.
Dina
--- In [email protected], "otherstar" <otherstar@...> wrote:
>
>
>
>
> From: Sandra Dodd
> Sent: Thursday, October 07, 2010 12:40 PM
> To: [email protected]
> Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] Re: Phrases
>
>
>
> -=-Another of those is: "You play-- you pay."-=-
>
> Did your parents say that to you?
> I don't even know how it would be used. Is it common?
>
> *************
>
> I have always heard it used as a justification for punishing a child. For example, if a child goes down the street and plays without permission, the child will pay by losing privileges or being punished according to the parents' whims. It's very closely related to the phrase, "It's time to pay the piper." I have heard people say you play you pay most of my life. I wonder if it is wrapped up in southern culture and has ties to the biblical notion of paying for ones sins. I don't have time to research it but that is the impression that I have always gotten whenever I hear it used.
>
> Connie
>
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
Sandra Dodd
Joyce Fetteroll
On Oct 7, 2010, at 1:40 PM, Sandra Dodd wrote:
doing -- by playing -- what you'll have to do later will be worse as
payment for your fun.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> -=-Another of those is: "You play-- you pay."-=-The way I'd heard it used is if you put off what you're supposed to be
doing -- by playing -- what you'll have to do later will be worse as
payment for your fun.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
k
It's something a friend grew up hearing. I have no idea what the deal was
other than to warn the kids of lacking enough caution? Don't enjoy yourself
too much while you're at it.
That's what I got out of it. Not sure if that was it, and I can't ask now. I
think it's odd and no.. I don't think it's very common but not totally rare.
I've heard it in other contexts, but not to do with parents/children. To do
with risks in sexual relationships.
~Katherine
other than to warn the kids of lacking enough caution? Don't enjoy yourself
too much while you're at it.
That's what I got out of it. Not sure if that was it, and I can't ask now. I
think it's odd and no.. I don't think it's very common but not totally rare.
I've heard it in other contexts, but not to do with parents/children. To do
with risks in sexual relationships.
~Katherine
On Thu, Oct 7, 2010 at 1:40 PM, Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
> -=-Another of those is: "You play-- you pay."-=-
>
> Did your parents say that to you?
> I don't even know how it would be used. Is it common?
>
> Sandra
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
> ------------------------------------
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
kristi_beguin
> -=-Another of those is: "You play-- you pay."-=-My husband, the punk rock/metal head drummer, has a great song called "Pay to Play" which refers to injury sustained while playing hard...usually during more extreme sports like mountain biking, rock climbing, ice climbing, skateboarding, etc. The band members who wrote the song have all accumulated some pretty substantial injuries while playing.
As a kid, when I heard that, it was usually in reference to, if you play now, you'll pay later by having work to do when you'd rather not...like homework on a Sunday evening, for instance.
sheeboo2
"You play, you pay...."
-----I've heard it in other contexts, but not to do with parents/children. To do
with risks in sexual relationships.--------
I'm familiar with it as a saying in reference to sex too--as in a warning to men, that if he has sex with a woman, she'll make all sorts of demands on him. I don't think I've ever heard it used the other way around: a woman will "pay" for "playing" with a man, although that makes more sense to me.
Interestingly, I'm familiar with this saying in Hebrew though!
Brie
-----I've heard it in other contexts, but not to do with parents/children. To do
with risks in sexual relationships.--------
I'm familiar with it as a saying in reference to sex too--as in a warning to men, that if he has sex with a woman, she'll make all sorts of demands on him. I don't think I've ever heard it used the other way around: a woman will "pay" for "playing" with a man, although that makes more sense to me.
Interestingly, I'm familiar with this saying in Hebrew though!
Brie
kristi_beguin
Your eyes are bigger than your stomach.
You'll thank me later.
You're too young to understand.
Money doesn't grow on trees.
You're making a mountain out of a molehill.
You'll thank me later.
You're too young to understand.
Money doesn't grow on trees.
You're making a mountain out of a molehill.
sheeboo2
It seems like the saying , "If you play, you pay" might be a form of "pay to play," which comes from the Latin saying, "Quid pro quo." That, or if it is an Old Testament reference, could explain why it shows up in Hebrew.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pay_to_Play
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/03/08/magazine/08wwln-safire-t.html?_r=1
Brie
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pay_to_Play
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/03/08/magazine/08wwln-safire-t.html?_r=1
Brie
NCMama
Beggars can't be choosers
Always bugged me because so few things were given graciously and generously in my family, there were always strings attached - so I was essentially a beggar if I asked for anything at all. I learned to not ask.
Recently, on the freecycle list I'm on (an email list where folks can donate unwanted items to keep them out of landfills, or ask for items needed) someone posted a rant about someone who had made a request for a rug, then turned her down when she offered a blue one; the requester wanted a brown rug. She was VERY angry to have been turned down, and she used that phrase. The moderators wrote to say someone asking isn't begging, and they have the right to refuse items that won't work for them.
Caren
Always bugged me because so few things were given graciously and generously in my family, there were always strings attached - so I was essentially a beggar if I asked for anything at all. I learned to not ask.
Recently, on the freecycle list I'm on (an email list where folks can donate unwanted items to keep them out of landfills, or ask for items needed) someone posted a rant about someone who had made a request for a rug, then turned her down when she offered a blue one; the requester wanted a brown rug. She was VERY angry to have been turned down, and she used that phrase. The moderators wrote to say someone asking isn't begging, and they have the right to refuse items that won't work for them.
Caren
teresa
Man, this string of posts stirred up some long-dormant memories for me.
My dad's two favorites (and yes, this speaks volumes about his parenting):
"Too much laughing leads to crying."
And
"You want _______? People in Hell want ice water."
I remember so vividly being utterly confused by the latter when I was very young. I didn't really know what was meant by Hell, despite going to Catholic school, so I thought, well, why doesn't somebody just get them ice water, then?
But I also remember feeling that maxims somehow carried more weight than casual speech, as if, because it was a codified phrase, it must be true at least for some people.
Some of my favorite discussions with my almost 5 year old have been prompted by explaining what was meant by idioms and expressions.
My dad's two favorites (and yes, this speaks volumes about his parenting):
"Too much laughing leads to crying."
And
"You want _______? People in Hell want ice water."
I remember so vividly being utterly confused by the latter when I was very young. I didn't really know what was meant by Hell, despite going to Catholic school, so I thought, well, why doesn't somebody just get them ice water, then?
But I also remember feeling that maxims somehow carried more weight than casual speech, as if, because it was a codified phrase, it must be true at least for some people.
Some of my favorite discussions with my almost 5 year old have been prompted by explaining what was meant by idioms and expressions.
--- In [email protected], "NCMama" <dharmamama1@...> wrote:
>
> Beggars can't be choosers
>
> Always bugged me because so few things were given graciously and generously in my family, there were always strings attached - so I was essentially a beggar if I asked for anything at all. I learned to not ask.
>
> Recently, on the freecycle list I'm on (an email list where folks can donate unwanted items to keep them out of landfills, or ask for items needed) someone posted a rant about someone who had made a request for a rug, then turned her down when she offered a blue one; the requester wanted a brown rug. She was VERY angry to have been turned down, and she used that phrase. The moderators wrote to say someone asking isn't begging, and they have the right to refuse items that won't work for them.
>
> Caren
>
Priscilla Sanstead
>Man, this string of posts stirred up some long-dormant memories for me.We heard "If wishes were horses, then beggars would ride" and
> "Beggars can't be choosers"
"Do you NEED it or do you WANT it? - "need" being necessary and "want" being
frivolous, I guess.
Priscilla
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
otherstar
Another one that I always heard growing up was, "Shit in one hand and wish in the other and see which one fills up first."
Connie
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Connie
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Bob Collier
--- In [email protected], "teresa" <treesock@...> wrote:
Something similar that I heard a lot growing up whenever play with my two brothers started to get too physically active and enthusiastic for my mother who preferred us to play quietly.
Bob
>"It'll all end in tears".
> Man, this string of posts stirred up some long-dormant memories for me.
>
> My dad's two favorites (and yes, this speaks volumes about his parenting):
>
> "Too much laughing leads to crying."
>
>
Something similar that I heard a lot growing up whenever play with my two brothers started to get too physically active and enthusiastic for my mother who preferred us to play quietly.
Bob
Schuyler
I read a book about the hurricane that hit Galveston in 1900. People from around
the U.S., and maybe even further afield, donated lots of goods and clothes and
hand me down things. Apparently the citizens of Galveston were quite dismissive
of much of the care packages because they didn't see themselves as folks who
needed charity so they felt that the goods they received should be of higher
quality. Clara Barton is quoted in the book as saying that it is often a problem
in situations like that of the recipient of the hand out being more discerning
than the giver is anticipating. So, beggars are often choosers.
Schuyler
________________________________
From: NCMama <dharmamama1@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Friday, 8 October, 2010 0:28:39
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] Re: Phrases
Beggars can't be choosers
Always bugged me because so few things were given graciously and generously in
my family, there were always strings attached - so I was essentially a beggar if
I asked for anything at all. I learned to not ask.
Recently, on the freecycle list I'm on (an email list where folks can donate
unwanted items to keep them out of landfills, or ask for items needed) someone
posted a rant about someone who had made a request for a rug, then turned her
down when she offered a blue one; the requester wanted a brown rug. She was VERY
angry to have been turned down, and she used that phrase. The moderators wrote
to say someone asking isn't begging, and they have the right to refuse items
that won't work for them.
Caren
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
the U.S., and maybe even further afield, donated lots of goods and clothes and
hand me down things. Apparently the citizens of Galveston were quite dismissive
of much of the care packages because they didn't see themselves as folks who
needed charity so they felt that the goods they received should be of higher
quality. Clara Barton is quoted in the book as saying that it is often a problem
in situations like that of the recipient of the hand out being more discerning
than the giver is anticipating. So, beggars are often choosers.
Schuyler
________________________________
From: NCMama <dharmamama1@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Friday, 8 October, 2010 0:28:39
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] Re: Phrases
Beggars can't be choosers
Always bugged me because so few things were given graciously and generously in
my family, there were always strings attached - so I was essentially a beggar if
I asked for anything at all. I learned to not ask.
Recently, on the freecycle list I'm on (an email list where folks can donate
unwanted items to keep them out of landfills, or ask for items needed) someone
posted a rant about someone who had made a request for a rug, then turned her
down when she offered a blue one; the requester wanted a brown rug. She was VERY
angry to have been turned down, and she used that phrase. The moderators wrote
to say someone asking isn't begging, and they have the right to refuse items
that won't work for them.
Caren
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
My mother's favorite was "Don't come running to me if you kill yourself!"
Another one she used frequently was "When you're dead you'll know I was right!"
And the ever popular "I hope you have children just like you!"
She tended to be a bit morbid.
Debbie
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Another one she used frequently was "When you're dead you'll know I was right!"
And the ever popular "I hope you have children just like you!"
She tended to be a bit morbid.
Debbie
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Kathryn
Dad's favourite:-
"You'd winge if your arse was on fire!" to which he'd add his own 'personal' touch - "it's not hot enough . . . !"
Mum's favourite:-
"Will you stop your incescent whining!"
(I apologise for any incorrect spelling).
KathrynD
"You'd winge if your arse was on fire!" to which he'd add his own 'personal' touch - "it's not hot enough . . . !"
Mum's favourite:-
"Will you stop your incescent whining!"
(I apologise for any incorrect spelling).
KathrynD
plaidpanties666
Schuyler <s.waynforth@...> wrote:
That's an issue that comes up with a lot of families new to unschooling, too - kids "wasting" food (or paper or whatnot), and yet at the same time not wanting to tailor food (especially food, but art supplies and toys too) to what kids actually want.
---Meredith
>Clara Barton is quoted in the book as saying that it is often a problemThat reminds me of the saying "Waste not, want not" too. Where I live there are a number of churches that distribute free bread and other foods - overstock and almost-out-of-date foods from local groceries. There's a surprising amount of pressure among people with low incomes to go and take what's there, regardless of whether its something you want. I have two neighbors who bring me food from those distributions and I've started asking them not to, or at least being clear that the vast majority of it is going into my compost heap. The reactions I've gotten are a mix of "beggars can't be choosers" and "waste not, want not".
> in situations like that of the recipient of the hand out being more discerning
> than the giver is anticipating. So, beggars are often choosers.
That's an issue that comes up with a lot of families new to unschooling, too - kids "wasting" food (or paper or whatnot), and yet at the same time not wanting to tailor food (especially food, but art supplies and toys too) to what kids actually want.
---Meredith
nmachaj
My dad had a couple of these...he would often say that "as long as we did our best" it was ok, but if we didnt do as well as he thought we should, we got "you are not living up to your potential". It never mattered if I felt it was my best, he was the one who decided how hard I tried, he always felt I could do better, do more.
He also used to start off lectures to my brother and I saying "You are not acting like the X year old that you are" and the funny part was he always got our ages wrong.
I also remember an incident with my mom-I must have been 3 or 4,and she was yelling at me, and I felt wronged, though I dont remember if I was doing something naughty or not, but I told her that when I grew up, I was going to be a mean mommy to my kids because she was so mean, and how did she feel about that?
Ive often reflected on that incident...it has been a touchstone for me, because of course I realized that I never wanted my children to feel that way about me, and I realized that I was going to have to really learn a whole new way to be a parent, and that I wanted a much different relationship with my kids.
Nancy
http://happychildhood.homeschooljournal.net
He also used to start off lectures to my brother and I saying "You are not acting like the X year old that you are" and the funny part was he always got our ages wrong.
I also remember an incident with my mom-I must have been 3 or 4,and she was yelling at me, and I felt wronged, though I dont remember if I was doing something naughty or not, but I told her that when I grew up, I was going to be a mean mommy to my kids because she was so mean, and how did she feel about that?
Ive often reflected on that incident...it has been a touchstone for me, because of course I realized that I never wanted my children to feel that way about me, and I realized that I was going to have to really learn a whole new way to be a parent, and that I wanted a much different relationship with my kids.
Nancy
http://happychildhood.homeschooljournal.net
--- In [email protected], "rachk2000" <rachk2000@...> wrote:
>
> He who pays the piper calls the tune.
>
> My dad's favourite phrase of all time and used any time we wanted anything that he would not agree to material or not.
PamelaC
The one I hated the most:
"It's just a phase"
I found that dismissive and patronizing. Besides, what else is there? Life itself is just a phase.
Pamela
"It's just a phase"
I found that dismissive and patronizing. Besides, what else is there? Life itself is just a phase.
Pamela
bobcatpris2000
My husband had this one to add:
"You can buy that with your first paycheck."
Said when he wanted something they thought he didn't need or they didn't want to pay for. It was meant to motivate him to be successful. They didn't buy him much.
Priscilla
"You can buy that with your first paycheck."
Said when he wanted something they thought he didn't need or they didn't want to pay for. It was meant to motivate him to be successful. They didn't buy him much.
Priscilla
Sandra Dodd
-=-He also used to start off lectures to my brother and I saying "You
are not acting like the X year old that you are" and the funny part
was he always got our ages wrong. -=-
That's really sad--mostly that he had canned speeches to give.
-=-I also remember an incident with my mom-I must have been 3 or 4,and
she was yelling at me, and I felt wronged, though I dont remember if I
was doing something naughty or not, but I told her that when I grew
up, I was going to be a mean mommy to my kids because she was so mean,
and how did she feel about that?
-=-Ive often reflected on that incident...it has been a touchstone for
me, because of course I realized that I never wanted my children to
feel that way about me, and I realized that I was going to have to
really learn a whole new way to be a parent, and that I wanted a much
different relationship with my kids.-=-
I wouldn't mind at all if my kids are better parents than I ever even
considered being. If they can eliminate my irritating behaviors and
keep their favorite ones, and come up with some new-improved things,
how great for their children!!
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
are not acting like the X year old that you are" and the funny part
was he always got our ages wrong. -=-
That's really sad--mostly that he had canned speeches to give.
-=-I also remember an incident with my mom-I must have been 3 or 4,and
she was yelling at me, and I felt wronged, though I dont remember if I
was doing something naughty or not, but I told her that when I grew
up, I was going to be a mean mommy to my kids because she was so mean,
and how did she feel about that?
-=-Ive often reflected on that incident...it has been a touchstone for
me, because of course I realized that I never wanted my children to
feel that way about me, and I realized that I was going to have to
really learn a whole new way to be a parent, and that I wanted a much
different relationship with my kids.-=-
I wouldn't mind at all if my kids are better parents than I ever even
considered being. If they can eliminate my irritating behaviors and
keep their favorite ones, and come up with some new-improved things,
how great for their children!!
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
mommy2mysweeties
I'm a mere lurker here, but can I pipe in for a minute to share a phrase? This one still hurts. My dad's favorite phrase and his basic philosophy of parenting was, "buck up." As in suck it up, deal with it, too bad.
I have such sad memories of my first semester at college. My parents settled me into my dorm five hours away from home at the college they picked out because they were paying for it, left me there with no car and no friends, and went home proud to have the first college student in the entire family. I would call home and cry and beg them to come get me and bring me home and let me go to a local college. Their response was always the same, "buck up."
So I did. I hated being there so I took tons of hours of classes each semester and summer school and finished in three years instead of four so I could get out of there. I guess they look on that as success on their part. I bucked up and got that degree. I also married within two months of graduating and left their house.
I'm so not a perfect parent, and am often impatient and harsh with my kids. And then I feel crushed when I am. But if nothing else, I'll never tell them to just buck up and deal with something that hurts or troubles them when I am perfectly capable of helping them find a solution that will bring them peace.
Jennifer
I have such sad memories of my first semester at college. My parents settled me into my dorm five hours away from home at the college they picked out because they were paying for it, left me there with no car and no friends, and went home proud to have the first college student in the entire family. I would call home and cry and beg them to come get me and bring me home and let me go to a local college. Their response was always the same, "buck up."
So I did. I hated being there so I took tons of hours of classes each semester and summer school and finished in three years instead of four so I could get out of there. I guess they look on that as success on their part. I bucked up and got that degree. I also married within two months of graduating and left their house.
I'm so not a perfect parent, and am often impatient and harsh with my kids. And then I feel crushed when I am. But if nothing else, I'll never tell them to just buck up and deal with something that hurts or troubles them when I am perfectly capable of helping them find a solution that will bring them peace.
Jennifer
Kelly Lovejoy
-----Original Message-----
From: PamelaC <p_corkey@...>The one I hated the most:
"It's just a phase"
I found that dismissive and patronizing. Besides, what else is there? Life
itself is just a phase.
-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-
It''s a phase.
I think it *can* be dismissive, but I use it frequently. Many things *are* phases. Not everything and not for everyone.
My father thought it time to get me a horse when I was 13 because he was afraid it might be a phase and he wanted me to have a horse before I outgrew the phase and discovered boys. <G> Little did he know, it would be a l-o-n-g phase, and the *boys* that I eventually discovered would be my sons! <G> I haven't ridden since Cameron (22) was an infant, but at one time it was an all-consuming phase!
But *many* things are phases, and it can help a parent get through the difficult stage if she truly *knows* it's short term. Nursing is a phase. Holding their hands is a phase (Although both my boys will still hold my hand---it's not the same thing---or maybe it is. Maybe I'm getting so forgetful that they feel the need to protect/watch out for *me*! <G>). Carrying them is a phase. Feeding them. Co-sleeping. Housing them. Some manners of dress. Some haircuts. A teen's seemingly excessive need for sleep and its accompanying wacky sleep schedule.
If parents can see the phase as just that: a period of need or discovery, it can make it easier to accept and enjoy.
Cameron's Goth phase was short. His skating phase. His filming phase. His magic phase. Honestly, I miss them all!
Many, many passions are phases. Some DO become lifelong passions, but many come and go.
Maybe *just* drop the "just?" <g>
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
"There is no single effort more radical in its potential for saving the world than a transformation of the way we raise our children." Marianne Williamson
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
From: PamelaC <p_corkey@...>The one I hated the most:
"It's just a phase"
I found that dismissive and patronizing. Besides, what else is there? Life
itself is just a phase.
-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-
It''s a phase.
I think it *can* be dismissive, but I use it frequently. Many things *are* phases. Not everything and not for everyone.
My father thought it time to get me a horse when I was 13 because he was afraid it might be a phase and he wanted me to have a horse before I outgrew the phase and discovered boys. <G> Little did he know, it would be a l-o-n-g phase, and the *boys* that I eventually discovered would be my sons! <G> I haven't ridden since Cameron (22) was an infant, but at one time it was an all-consuming phase!
But *many* things are phases, and it can help a parent get through the difficult stage if she truly *knows* it's short term. Nursing is a phase. Holding their hands is a phase (Although both my boys will still hold my hand---it's not the same thing---or maybe it is. Maybe I'm getting so forgetful that they feel the need to protect/watch out for *me*! <G>). Carrying them is a phase. Feeding them. Co-sleeping. Housing them. Some manners of dress. Some haircuts. A teen's seemingly excessive need for sleep and its accompanying wacky sleep schedule.
If parents can see the phase as just that: a period of need or discovery, it can make it easier to accept and enjoy.
Cameron's Goth phase was short. His skating phase. His filming phase. His magic phase. Honestly, I miss them all!
Many, many passions are phases. Some DO become lifelong passions, but many come and go.
Maybe *just* drop the "just?" <g>
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
"There is no single effort more radical in its potential for saving the world than a transformation of the way we raise our children." Marianne Williamson
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Kelly Lovejoy
"One day, Kelly, he'll be bigger than you are."
Meaning: "You're getting away with picking on him now because you're bigger; but when he gets bigger, he's gonna let you have it."
He did.
My lesson? It's OK to hit others if you're bigger than they are.
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
"There is no single effort more radical in its potential for saving the world than a transformation of the way we raise our children." Marianne Williamson
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Meaning: "You're getting away with picking on him now because you're bigger; but when he gets bigger, he's gonna let you have it."
He did.
My lesson? It's OK to hit others if you're bigger than they are.
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
"There is no single effort more radical in its potential for saving the world than a transformation of the way we raise our children." Marianne Williamson
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]