Logistical question: how to engage curious 10-yo while juggling two babies
Deborah McKee Kelly
I've posted recently about my 10 yo step-son and his interest in army
stuff.
Today, I have a logistical question.
I've got two babies: an 18-month-old girl and a 4-month-old girl. I've had
warnings from concerned friends and family that I wouldn't be able to
*teach* Julian with the two babies around. Because we are on more of an
unschooling path, and because J has lots of interests, I wasn't too
concerned. I know that, for instance, my MIL is worried that I can't stand
at the front of the *school room* and give J lectures on all his *required
subjects* with two babies, and she's right, I can't. Which is fine with me,
because we don't do school at home anymore.
But I was just re-reading this: http://sandradodd.com/nest
*Excerpt: "...Are you saying you're never using your own knowledge about
what might interest her, but waiting for her to take the initiative all the
time? That's too much waiting. I mean, just take the example of games �
there are LOTS of times that kids can't imagine how much fun a game is going
to be, just from looking at the box, for example. If YOU know that she LOVED
Candyland, then you might pick up Chutes and Ladders because it is also
likely to be fun for her � ou don't need to wait for her to ask for it. She
might never happen to see it and might very likely never realize that it is
a game she'd like a lot. Or maybe she loves CLUE � she'd likely enjoy
MASTERMIND � both involve the same kind of logical thinking. So � how is she
going to know that?** I've heard of unschoolers who say they never bring
home anything for their kids, because they feel that puts subtle pressure on
them to learn what the parents are promoting. I say hogwash to that. I pick
up stuff ALL the time � STILL do it and mine are 14, 18, and almost 21. If I
see an unusual fruit in the grocery store, I buy it and take it home and put
it on the table for others to notice. If a kid is in the store with me I
might say, "Oooh look at this. Let's take it home and cut it open. (Pam
Sorooshian)" *
And I realized that often, J is kind of left on his own, and he has been
doing this lately: laying on the couch, looking unhappy, sighing loudly,
saying, "I'm booooored."
He has lots of stuff to play with, and every now and then he gets absorbed
in video games or Legos. But I know he would benefit if I could offer more
of my own time to explore different things with him.
I know there are SO many things he and I would be doing together if I
wasn't rushing back and forth between the needs of these two baby girls. J
wants to do things with me. We have so often talked about doing this or
that -- his dad even mowed a path in the back part of our 40-acre property,
and we were going to go out there and do a bunch of exploring around the
trees and shrubs and creek, but...the babies make it, if not impossible,
definitely difficult.
I don't get out of the house much. Even going down to our library, less
than half a mile down our road, is kind of tricky.
Maybe I'm making excuses -- it's NOT impossible, like I said. It's just
that both babies are really demanding. The 18 month old wants what she
wants, when she wants it. And I follow her lead a lot. She has the biggest
needs right now, I would say. Julian is more capable of waiting and
entertaining himself. The 4-month-old is starting to have bigger needs, but
for now, she's pretty content to hang out in the bouncy seat. And I do have
a carrier for her -- but when I have her strapped to my chest, it makes it
difficult to meet the needs of Josephine, the 18-month-old. (hard to bend
over, lift Josephine up, etc.)
As one example, Julian really likes and wants to cook. He wants me to help
him, and be in the kitchen with him. However, our kitchen is just not quite
baby-proofed for Josephine, and even if she could be in there with us while
we worked, she would be yanking on my leg for my full attention the whole
time. Usually when I'm making supper, Julian is in the living room with
her, keeping her company, playing with her.
I have only one friend nearby (15 minutes away) who is also home-schooling
and who has kids around Julian's age. She and her boys are really busy with
activities and such, and it's been difficult to coordinate schedules. She
also has one older boy in public high school, and she's involved in a lot of
carpooling for his sports.
Julian is frustrated with the high needs of the babies. I am trying to be
empathetic about it with him, and just try and love on him and give him my
time when they're sleeping or otherwise engaged. But -- you know -- that's
pretty rare.
I struggle with my own expectations, too, because I feel like he has a lot
of independence, which I didn't get as a child. I, too, was a lonely child
with few friends my age, but I was trapped by my mom's fear of everything.
I couldn't go or do anything. I feel almost jealous of his freedom. I do
the whole, "Jeez, if I were him I'd be gone -- running the back woods for
hours, riding my bike to the library," etc. -- which I know is not the way
to look at it, and I NEVER say something like that to him. He's not into
that. He wants a friend with him or he wants me to hang out with him, and
I've had to re-examine my own thought process and not judge him about it.
Ideally, he wants me to adopt a 10-year-old boy (he has asked me to,
actually), so he could have someone to play army with, and run around with.
Seriously, if I could, I would consider it. I hate seeing him so unhappy
and lonely. His dad is here all the time, working outside, and Julian knows
he is always welcome to be out there with his dad helping. Sometimes he
does that.
We have only one vehicle, and most of the time, I cannot ask my husband to
watch the babies while I do something with Julian, because it cuts into his
work.
Do I need to work harder at moving the babies with us, so Julian and I can
do some engaging things outside the house? (I know I tend to start
thinking, "oh, that would mean making bottles, and packing the diaper bag,
and dragging the stroller out, and putting seats in the van, and ..." In
other words, making excuses for how hard it would be to do X or Y with the
babies.
I'll stop there.
Regards,
Deb
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
stuff.
Today, I have a logistical question.
I've got two babies: an 18-month-old girl and a 4-month-old girl. I've had
warnings from concerned friends and family that I wouldn't be able to
*teach* Julian with the two babies around. Because we are on more of an
unschooling path, and because J has lots of interests, I wasn't too
concerned. I know that, for instance, my MIL is worried that I can't stand
at the front of the *school room* and give J lectures on all his *required
subjects* with two babies, and she's right, I can't. Which is fine with me,
because we don't do school at home anymore.
But I was just re-reading this: http://sandradodd.com/nest
*Excerpt: "...Are you saying you're never using your own knowledge about
what might interest her, but waiting for her to take the initiative all the
time? That's too much waiting. I mean, just take the example of games �
there are LOTS of times that kids can't imagine how much fun a game is going
to be, just from looking at the box, for example. If YOU know that she LOVED
Candyland, then you might pick up Chutes and Ladders because it is also
likely to be fun for her � ou don't need to wait for her to ask for it. She
might never happen to see it and might very likely never realize that it is
a game she'd like a lot. Or maybe she loves CLUE � she'd likely enjoy
MASTERMIND � both involve the same kind of logical thinking. So � how is she
going to know that?** I've heard of unschoolers who say they never bring
home anything for their kids, because they feel that puts subtle pressure on
them to learn what the parents are promoting. I say hogwash to that. I pick
up stuff ALL the time � STILL do it and mine are 14, 18, and almost 21. If I
see an unusual fruit in the grocery store, I buy it and take it home and put
it on the table for others to notice. If a kid is in the store with me I
might say, "Oooh look at this. Let's take it home and cut it open. (Pam
Sorooshian)" *
And I realized that often, J is kind of left on his own, and he has been
doing this lately: laying on the couch, looking unhappy, sighing loudly,
saying, "I'm booooored."
He has lots of stuff to play with, and every now and then he gets absorbed
in video games or Legos. But I know he would benefit if I could offer more
of my own time to explore different things with him.
I know there are SO many things he and I would be doing together if I
wasn't rushing back and forth between the needs of these two baby girls. J
wants to do things with me. We have so often talked about doing this or
that -- his dad even mowed a path in the back part of our 40-acre property,
and we were going to go out there and do a bunch of exploring around the
trees and shrubs and creek, but...the babies make it, if not impossible,
definitely difficult.
I don't get out of the house much. Even going down to our library, less
than half a mile down our road, is kind of tricky.
Maybe I'm making excuses -- it's NOT impossible, like I said. It's just
that both babies are really demanding. The 18 month old wants what she
wants, when she wants it. And I follow her lead a lot. She has the biggest
needs right now, I would say. Julian is more capable of waiting and
entertaining himself. The 4-month-old is starting to have bigger needs, but
for now, she's pretty content to hang out in the bouncy seat. And I do have
a carrier for her -- but when I have her strapped to my chest, it makes it
difficult to meet the needs of Josephine, the 18-month-old. (hard to bend
over, lift Josephine up, etc.)
As one example, Julian really likes and wants to cook. He wants me to help
him, and be in the kitchen with him. However, our kitchen is just not quite
baby-proofed for Josephine, and even if she could be in there with us while
we worked, she would be yanking on my leg for my full attention the whole
time. Usually when I'm making supper, Julian is in the living room with
her, keeping her company, playing with her.
I have only one friend nearby (15 minutes away) who is also home-schooling
and who has kids around Julian's age. She and her boys are really busy with
activities and such, and it's been difficult to coordinate schedules. She
also has one older boy in public high school, and she's involved in a lot of
carpooling for his sports.
Julian is frustrated with the high needs of the babies. I am trying to be
empathetic about it with him, and just try and love on him and give him my
time when they're sleeping or otherwise engaged. But -- you know -- that's
pretty rare.
I struggle with my own expectations, too, because I feel like he has a lot
of independence, which I didn't get as a child. I, too, was a lonely child
with few friends my age, but I was trapped by my mom's fear of everything.
I couldn't go or do anything. I feel almost jealous of his freedom. I do
the whole, "Jeez, if I were him I'd be gone -- running the back woods for
hours, riding my bike to the library," etc. -- which I know is not the way
to look at it, and I NEVER say something like that to him. He's not into
that. He wants a friend with him or he wants me to hang out with him, and
I've had to re-examine my own thought process and not judge him about it.
Ideally, he wants me to adopt a 10-year-old boy (he has asked me to,
actually), so he could have someone to play army with, and run around with.
Seriously, if I could, I would consider it. I hate seeing him so unhappy
and lonely. His dad is here all the time, working outside, and Julian knows
he is always welcome to be out there with his dad helping. Sometimes he
does that.
We have only one vehicle, and most of the time, I cannot ask my husband to
watch the babies while I do something with Julian, because it cuts into his
work.
Do I need to work harder at moving the babies with us, so Julian and I can
do some engaging things outside the house? (I know I tend to start
thinking, "oh, that would mean making bottles, and packing the diaper bag,
and dragging the stroller out, and putting seats in the van, and ..." In
other words, making excuses for how hard it would be to do X or Y with the
babies.
I'll stop there.
Regards,
Deb
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Jenny Cyphers
***And I realized that often, J is kind of left on his own, and he has been
doing this lately: laying on the couch, looking unhappy, sighing loudly,
saying, "I'm booooored."***
Sometimes that is a personality thing. My oldest, Chamille, has rarely if ever,
said she was bored. Sometimes she will say things like, "the computer is boring
to me right now, I'm going to find something else to do."
There are some kids, and my youngest, Margaux, is more like this than my older,
will sometimes feel at a loss as to what to do next with her time and she'll
verbally state her feelings on the matter.
Some kids are bored. Chamille says that only boring people are bored, but
sometimes younger ones don't have enough exposure to stimulus to be exciting and
excitable. The more they are exposed to fun and interesting things, the less
boring and bored they become.
So, in unschooling terms, sometimes kids who tend to "be bored", need more
stimulus, more input, just more. It doesn't need to be huge. That can be
overwhelming with 2 little ones, so think simple, movies, play dough, new pc
games, new touchy feely things, different stores, different routes places, etc.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
doing this lately: laying on the couch, looking unhappy, sighing loudly,
saying, "I'm booooored."***
Sometimes that is a personality thing. My oldest, Chamille, has rarely if ever,
said she was bored. Sometimes she will say things like, "the computer is boring
to me right now, I'm going to find something else to do."
There are some kids, and my youngest, Margaux, is more like this than my older,
will sometimes feel at a loss as to what to do next with her time and she'll
verbally state her feelings on the matter.
Some kids are bored. Chamille says that only boring people are bored, but
sometimes younger ones don't have enough exposure to stimulus to be exciting and
excitable. The more they are exposed to fun and interesting things, the less
boring and bored they become.
So, in unschooling terms, sometimes kids who tend to "be bored", need more
stimulus, more input, just more. It doesn't need to be huge. That can be
overwhelming with 2 little ones, so think simple, movies, play dough, new pc
games, new touchy feely things, different stores, different routes places, etc.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-Ideally, he wants me to adopt a 10-year-old boy (he has asked me to,
actually), so he could have someone to play army with, and run around
with.
Seriously, if I could, I would consider it-=-
Don't do it.
You would never find his imaginary perfect friend.
Don't even think about that.
But DO think about inviting another child over. It might seem to you
like that would be "just one more," but with my three, when they were
little, inviting one other child over (we knew several only-child
boys) calmed everything down. It made old toys seem new, to show them
to a friend, or to see him play with them in a new way.
Having another child over has an expiration time, and is renewable one
visit at a time. No longterm commitment. And as he gets older (or
even now, depending) it could turn into overnighters at one house or
another.
What about World of Warcraft, or Halo? If you have the system
resources for those, he would be with people in the game,
communicating real-time with others, while still being safe at home.
Do you have a wagon or stroller you could take the babies out in to
explore?
We had a baby backpack. We got it used at a mother/infant resale
shop. It wasn't as fancy as these, but they do exist, and that would
free up your hands while the baby or toddler can still ride.
http://www.toughtraveler.com/?gclid=CObwnriko6QCFdVb2godsyTL6w
Knowing what they're called might help you find one used. Children do
grow too big for them, and families might want to sell the old one.
And you could sell yours later, if you buy one and it seems like a
fortune at first.
http://www.rei.com/product/793999
http://www.childcarriers.com/home.jsp
actually), so he could have someone to play army with, and run around
with.
Seriously, if I could, I would consider it-=-
Don't do it.
You would never find his imaginary perfect friend.
Don't even think about that.
But DO think about inviting another child over. It might seem to you
like that would be "just one more," but with my three, when they were
little, inviting one other child over (we knew several only-child
boys) calmed everything down. It made old toys seem new, to show them
to a friend, or to see him play with them in a new way.
Having another child over has an expiration time, and is renewable one
visit at a time. No longterm commitment. And as he gets older (or
even now, depending) it could turn into overnighters at one house or
another.
What about World of Warcraft, or Halo? If you have the system
resources for those, he would be with people in the game,
communicating real-time with others, while still being safe at home.
Do you have a wagon or stroller you could take the babies out in to
explore?
We had a baby backpack. We got it used at a mother/infant resale
shop. It wasn't as fancy as these, but they do exist, and that would
free up your hands while the baby or toddler can still ride.
http://www.toughtraveler.com/?gclid=CObwnriko6QCFdVb2godsyTL6w
Knowing what they're called might help you find one used. Children do
grow too big for them, and families might want to sell the old one.
And you could sell yours later, if you buy one and it seems like a
fortune at first.
http://www.rei.com/product/793999
http://www.childcarriers.com/home.jsp
Sandra Dodd
-=-So, in unschooling terms, sometimes kids who tend to "be bored",
need more
stimulus, more input, just more. It doesn't need to be huge. That can be
overwhelming with 2 little ones, so think simple, movies, play dough,
new pc
games, new touchy feely things, different stores, different routes
places, etc.-=-
Ah, right. Practical suggestions for one or all of your kids, and
you, depending:
http://sandradodd.com/physicality
http://sandradodd.com/youngchildren
http://sandradodd.com/checklists
Deb Lewis's List of Things to Do in the Winter:
http://sandradodd.com/strew/deblist
Disposable Checklists for Unschoolers:
http://sandradodd.com/checklists
If you were to do one or two of those things every day, pretty soon
you'd be getting other similar ideas, and the kids would be expanding
on them, and you might not need the lists anymore at all.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
need more
stimulus, more input, just more. It doesn't need to be huge. That can be
overwhelming with 2 little ones, so think simple, movies, play dough,
new pc
games, new touchy feely things, different stores, different routes
places, etc.-=-
Ah, right. Practical suggestions for one or all of your kids, and
you, depending:
http://sandradodd.com/physicality
http://sandradodd.com/youngchildren
http://sandradodd.com/checklists
Deb Lewis's List of Things to Do in the Winter:
http://sandradodd.com/strew/deblist
Disposable Checklists for Unschoolers:
http://sandradodd.com/checklists
If you were to do one or two of those things every day, pretty soon
you'd be getting other similar ideas, and the kids would be expanding
on them, and you might not need the lists anymore at all.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
aldq75
Specific suggestions:
Is there a time of the day when both babies are generally in a good mood? If so, you could put the toddler in a stroller and the baby in a sling and go outside for 20 minutes as a family. Or, just let the toddler walk, making sure you don't get so far from the house that she'll be too exhausted to walk back. You might be able to stay out for longer if you're fairly close to the house for diaper changes or snacks. Or, take a blanket and sit somewhere on the yard with the babies/toys while Julian explores.
Could ask your husband to watch eat lunch with the toddler for 20 minutes while you and the baby do something with Julian? They both might enough special "daddy" time. If the youngest would happily go along in a sling, then you could walk to the area your husband mowed for you. You might not be able to explore as much as you'd like, but Julian could certainly check out some things and tell you about what he sees. Could your husband bathe the toddler (or shower with her) in the evening while the baby is sleeping to give you a few minutes to read or play a card game?
Hope this gives you some ideas.
Andrea Q
Is there a time of the day when both babies are generally in a good mood? If so, you could put the toddler in a stroller and the baby in a sling and go outside for 20 minutes as a family. Or, just let the toddler walk, making sure you don't get so far from the house that she'll be too exhausted to walk back. You might be able to stay out for longer if you're fairly close to the house for diaper changes or snacks. Or, take a blanket and sit somewhere on the yard with the babies/toys while Julian explores.
Could ask your husband to watch eat lunch with the toddler for 20 minutes while you and the baby do something with Julian? They both might enough special "daddy" time. If the youngest would happily go along in a sling, then you could walk to the area your husband mowed for you. You might not be able to explore as much as you'd like, but Julian could certainly check out some things and tell you about what he sees. Could your husband bathe the toddler (or shower with her) in the evening while the baby is sleeping to give you a few minutes to read or play a card game?
Hope this gives you some ideas.
Andrea Q
--- In [email protected], Deborah McKee Kelly <dlmckee@...> wrote:
>
> I've posted recently about my 10 yo step-son and his interest in army
> stuff.
>
> Today, I have a logistical question.
>
> I've got two babies: an 18-month-old girl and a 4-month-old girl. I've had
> warnings from concerned friends and family that I wouldn't be able to
> *teach* Julian with the two babies around. Because we are on more of an
> unschooling path, and because J has lots of interests, I wasn't too
> concerned. I know that, for instance, my MIL is worried that I can't stand
> at the front of the *school room* and give J lectures on all his *required
> subjects* with two babies, and she's right, I can't. Which is fine with me,
> because we don't do school at home anymore.
>
> But I was just re-reading this: http://sandradodd.com/nest
>
> *Excerpt: "...Are you saying you're never using your own knowledge about
> what might interest her, but waiting for her to take the initiative all the
> time? That's too much waiting. I mean, just take the example of games
> there are LOTS of times that kids can't imagine how much fun a game is going
> to be, just from looking at the box, for example. If YOU know that she LOVED
> Candyland, then you might pick up Chutes and Ladders because it is also
> likely to be fun for her ou don't need to wait for her to ask for it. She
> might never happen to see it and might very likely never realize that it is
> a game she'd like a lot. Or maybe she loves CLUE she'd likely enjoy
> MASTERMIND both involve the same kind of logical thinking. So how is she
> going to know that?** I've heard of unschoolers who say they never bring
> home anything for their kids, because they feel that puts subtle pressure on
> them to learn what the parents are promoting. I say hogwash to that. I pick
> up stuff ALL the time STILL do it and mine are 14, 18, and almost 21. If I
> see an unusual fruit in the grocery store, I buy it and take it home and put
> it on the table for others to notice. If a kid is in the store with me I
> might say, "Oooh look at this. Let's take it home and cut it open. (Pam
> Sorooshian)" *
>
> And I realized that often, J is kind of left on his own, and he has been
> doing this lately: laying on the couch, looking unhappy, sighing loudly,
> saying, "I'm booooored."
>
> He has lots of stuff to play with, and every now and then he gets absorbed
> in video games or Legos. But I know he would benefit if I could offer more
> of my own time to explore different things with him.
>
> I know there are SO many things he and I would be doing together if I
> wasn't rushing back and forth between the needs of these two baby girls. J
> wants to do things with me. We have so often talked about doing this or
> that -- his dad even mowed a path in the back part of our 40-acre property,
> and we were going to go out there and do a bunch of exploring around the
> trees and shrubs and creek, but...the babies make it, if not impossible,
> definitely difficult.
>
> I don't get out of the house much. Even going down to our library, less
> than half a mile down our road, is kind of tricky.
>
> Maybe I'm making excuses -- it's NOT impossible, like I said. It's just
> that both babies are really demanding. The 18 month old wants what she
> wants, when she wants it. And I follow her lead a lot. She has the biggest
> needs right now, I would say. Julian is more capable of waiting and
> entertaining himself. The 4-month-old is starting to have bigger needs, but
> for now, she's pretty content to hang out in the bouncy seat. And I do have
> a carrier for her -- but when I have her strapped to my chest, it makes it
> difficult to meet the needs of Josephine, the 18-month-old. (hard to bend
> over, lift Josephine up, etc.)
>
> As one example, Julian really likes and wants to cook. He wants me to help
> him, and be in the kitchen with him. However, our kitchen is just not quite
> baby-proofed for Josephine, and even if she could be in there with us while
> we worked, she would be yanking on my leg for my full attention the whole
> time. Usually when I'm making supper, Julian is in the living room with
> her, keeping her company, playing with her.
>
> I have only one friend nearby (15 minutes away) who is also home-schooling
> and who has kids around Julian's age. She and her boys are really busy with
> activities and such, and it's been difficult to coordinate schedules. She
> also has one older boy in public high school, and she's involved in a lot of
> carpooling for his sports.
>
> Julian is frustrated with the high needs of the babies. I am trying to be
> empathetic about it with him, and just try and love on him and give him my
> time when they're sleeping or otherwise engaged. But -- you know -- that's
> pretty rare.
>
> I struggle with my own expectations, too, because I feel like he has a lot
> of independence, which I didn't get as a child. I, too, was a lonely child
> with few friends my age, but I was trapped by my mom's fear of everything.
> I couldn't go or do anything. I feel almost jealous of his freedom. I do
> the whole, "Jeez, if I were him I'd be gone -- running the back woods for
> hours, riding my bike to the library," etc. -- which I know is not the way
> to look at it, and I NEVER say something like that to him. He's not into
> that. He wants a friend with him or he wants me to hang out with him, and
> I've had to re-examine my own thought process and not judge him about it.
> Ideally, he wants me to adopt a 10-year-old boy (he has asked me to,
> actually), so he could have someone to play army with, and run around with.
> Seriously, if I could, I would consider it. I hate seeing him so unhappy
> and lonely. His dad is here all the time, working outside, and Julian knows
> he is always welcome to be out there with his dad helping. Sometimes he
> does that.
>
> We have only one vehicle, and most of the time, I cannot ask my husband to
> watch the babies while I do something with Julian, because it cuts into his
> work.
>
> Do I need to work harder at moving the babies with us, so Julian and I can
> do some engaging things outside the house? (I know I tend to start
> thinking, "oh, that would mean making bottles, and packing the diaper bag,
> and dragging the stroller out, and putting seats in the van, and ..." In
> other words, making excuses for how hard it would be to do X or Y with the
> babies.
>
> I'll stop there.
>
> Regards,
> Deb
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
Heather
I have two boys (almost 9 and almost 6) and most of their friends have siblings. So when we do play dates we get 2 more kids. So what I am saying is if you get lucky you will find that other boy looking for a friend. I have been surprised by how well my boys play with girls as well. So don't rule that out. My boys have friends over every day. We met friends through unschooling park days and we have neighbor kids who come over after school.
Both my boys love Halo, World of Warcraft, and Roblox. Roblox is free, too. There is an unschooler gamer yahoo list and we find friends there for the XBox Live for Halo. My 8.5 made a really nice friend that way last spring. There are lots of options out there.
http://games.groups.yahoo.com/group/unschooling_gamers/
Good luck!
~Heather Brown
Both my boys love Halo, World of Warcraft, and Roblox. Roblox is free, too. There is an unschooler gamer yahoo list and we find friends there for the XBox Live for Halo. My 8.5 made a really nice friend that way last spring. There are lots of options out there.
http://games.groups.yahoo.com/group/unschooling_gamers/
Good luck!
~Heather Brown
--- In [email protected], Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
>
> But DO think about inviting another child over. It might seem to you
> like that would be "just one more," but with my three, when they were
> little, inviting one other child over (we knew several only-child
> boys) calmed everything down. It made old toys seem new, to show them
> to a friend, or to see him play with them in a new way.
>
> Having another child over has an expiration time, and is renewable one
> visit at a time. No longterm commitment. And as he gets older (or
> even now, depending) it could turn into overnighters at one house or
> another.
>
> What about World of Warcraft, or Halo? If you have the system
> resources for those, he would be with people in the game,
> communicating real-time with others, while still being safe at home.
>
plaidpanties666
Deborah McKee Kelly <dlmckee@...> wrote:
For that matter, if your husband is busy, maybe he'd like a few hours at a time set aside to do something with his son? Its worth suggesting!
With kids, no solution is likely to be permanent. All three of your kids will keep on changing, so make plans "for now" and know that you'll be adapting and changing to keep pace with your children.
As others have suggested, other people are a valuable resource - but don't forget that sometimes it can be better to ask other people to help out with the girls, too. That's something to be aware of as a step-mom, especially, because you want your guy to feel as solidly a part of the family as anyone else. Its challenging enough to have two new babies in the house without the doubts that can creep in to a step-child's mind. (Do you know the expression "red headed step child" for "oddball" or "outsider"?)
---Meredith (Mo 9, Ray 17)
>> We have only one vehicle, and most of the time, I cannot ask my husband toIt doesn't have to be "most of the time" but if you're struggling to find other playmates how about making a weekly date for you to do something special with Julian? Maybe Julian and the baby too so the middle child gets special time with one parent too and you're only juggling the needs of two kids, not three - that can make a biiiiig difference to the way you feel. And the date doesn't Have to be an outing, unless he's really itching to get out of the house. It could be an afternoon spent playing Stratego, or watching WWII movies, or exploring the back yard, or cooking.
> watch the babies while I do something with Julian, because it cuts into his
> work.
For that matter, if your husband is busy, maybe he'd like a few hours at a time set aside to do something with his son? Its worth suggesting!
With kids, no solution is likely to be permanent. All three of your kids will keep on changing, so make plans "for now" and know that you'll be adapting and changing to keep pace with your children.
> Do I need to work harder at moving the babies with us, so Julian and I canYou're right, to a large degree this Is about learning a new set of logistics, how to coordinate the needs of kids who are so many years apart they won't often have compatible needs or interests. Mine are 8 years apart - stepson and daughter. Its kind of a thrill when they both get excited about the same thing at the same time.
> do some engaging things outside the house?
As others have suggested, other people are a valuable resource - but don't forget that sometimes it can be better to ask other people to help out with the girls, too. That's something to be aware of as a step-mom, especially, because you want your guy to feel as solidly a part of the family as anyone else. Its challenging enough to have two new babies in the house without the doubts that can creep in to a step-child's mind. (Do you know the expression "red headed step child" for "oddball" or "outsider"?)
---Meredith (Mo 9, Ray 17)
Deborah McKee Kelly
Meredith said: "As others have suggested, other people are a valuable
resource - but don't forget that sometimes it can be better to ask other
people to help out with the girls, too. That's something to be aware of as a
step-mom, especially, because you want your guy to feel as solidly a part of
the family as anyone else. Its challenging enough to have two new babies in
the house without the doubts that can creep in to a step-child's mind. (Do
you know the expression "red headed step child" for "oddball" or
"outsider"?)"
Yes, exactly. I have been working hard, at least internally, to keep this
dynamic from happening with Julian. I probably haven't worked hard enough
at it. It's hard enough on him that he doesn't get the time he desperately
wants with his mom (she isn't as interested in time with him as he is in
time with her). And then here, at our house, he is sort of the odd man
out. His dad and I have each other, and the babies have each other (in a
way), and his older sister is in public school, always off with friends or
at activities.
I was actually thinking of this earlier, after I posted that Josephine's
needs seem to be the biggest. It may in fact be that Julian's needs are
really bigger, but he's quieter about them. He suffers, I know that. And I
was nervous when Jo came, that Julian would resent her. He didn't seem to,
until just recently. And then Autumn came, just 14 short months later. I
think he internalizes a lot.
Once, early in my unschooling journey, I wrote a message on here about him
wanting a lot of praise and affirmation on things, and I was trying to
control that, because I didn't want him to be so *needy.* You guys, of
course, set me straight, and since, I've looked at it very differently. He
craves the reward stickers and the "good job!" stuff, and so I look for ways
to meet that need. Life is hard enough without me trying to make him "grow
out of" wanting to be praised.
Julian and I are real kindred spirits in many ways, and even though I can't
be the replacement mom, and I'm not trying to, I don't want to alienate him
even more just because these little girls are so needy in their own ways.
He asks me often, "Why do they cry? Why do they want what they can't have?"
Etc. with just the slightest edge to his voice.
He actually has played WoW since he was five! :) His dad is a WoW-aholic,
and if anyone ever watched Julian play, they would think he was involved in
a serious research project. He sits here with multiple internet tabs open,
and takes notes on other characters' armor and stats, etc. He and his dad
do play together at least once a week, pretty intensely. I'm going to check
out Roblox as someone suggested.
We live in a pretty rural area, but I'm going to keep working at getting
some kids over here, even if they don't *fit* our concept of the *right*
kind of friends. That's been one obstacle -- Julian's dad is fairly strict?
uptight? nervous? about getting involved with non-homeschooled kids, or kids
who come from families that aren't *like-minded." Which is kind of silly;
we are in the heart of rural Indiana, and we are basically
hydroponic-lettuce-growing atheists, and my husband is not even an American
citizen. Good luck finding like-minded friends. I just feel like we live
in a place where we can't afford to be that picky. Like Sandra said, these
kids aren't moving in; they can come over and hang out and then go home. No
biggie. And if they get Julian all excited about going to public school, so
be it. In some ways -- and I'm not saying this because I don't love hanging
out with him and giving him the unschooling experience -- I think the
experience of being in school, maybe even for a short time, would help him.
He often asks me what school was like when I was little. It's hard to know
what a young person imagines about *school* when they've never set foot in
one. And then, with this lack of social life with other kids (partly my
fault, I know), he sees how easy it is for his older sister to have a dozen
friends to hang out with at any given time.
I am going to work on all these suggestions; trading off a baby or a toddler
to Dad or sending Julian to hang out with his dad for *non-work* fun, or
getting someone to watch the babies, etc. I am feeling scared that it would
be easy to let these next couple of years keep on the way they are, with
Julian not really having the stimulation or emotional attention he really
needs, and growing further and further from us, all in the comfort of his
own home. How sad.
I want to avoid that.
- Deb
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
resource - but don't forget that sometimes it can be better to ask other
people to help out with the girls, too. That's something to be aware of as a
step-mom, especially, because you want your guy to feel as solidly a part of
the family as anyone else. Its challenging enough to have two new babies in
the house without the doubts that can creep in to a step-child's mind. (Do
you know the expression "red headed step child" for "oddball" or
"outsider"?)"
Yes, exactly. I have been working hard, at least internally, to keep this
dynamic from happening with Julian. I probably haven't worked hard enough
at it. It's hard enough on him that he doesn't get the time he desperately
wants with his mom (she isn't as interested in time with him as he is in
time with her). And then here, at our house, he is sort of the odd man
out. His dad and I have each other, and the babies have each other (in a
way), and his older sister is in public school, always off with friends or
at activities.
I was actually thinking of this earlier, after I posted that Josephine's
needs seem to be the biggest. It may in fact be that Julian's needs are
really bigger, but he's quieter about them. He suffers, I know that. And I
was nervous when Jo came, that Julian would resent her. He didn't seem to,
until just recently. And then Autumn came, just 14 short months later. I
think he internalizes a lot.
Once, early in my unschooling journey, I wrote a message on here about him
wanting a lot of praise and affirmation on things, and I was trying to
control that, because I didn't want him to be so *needy.* You guys, of
course, set me straight, and since, I've looked at it very differently. He
craves the reward stickers and the "good job!" stuff, and so I look for ways
to meet that need. Life is hard enough without me trying to make him "grow
out of" wanting to be praised.
Julian and I are real kindred spirits in many ways, and even though I can't
be the replacement mom, and I'm not trying to, I don't want to alienate him
even more just because these little girls are so needy in their own ways.
He asks me often, "Why do they cry? Why do they want what they can't have?"
Etc. with just the slightest edge to his voice.
He actually has played WoW since he was five! :) His dad is a WoW-aholic,
and if anyone ever watched Julian play, they would think he was involved in
a serious research project. He sits here with multiple internet tabs open,
and takes notes on other characters' armor and stats, etc. He and his dad
do play together at least once a week, pretty intensely. I'm going to check
out Roblox as someone suggested.
We live in a pretty rural area, but I'm going to keep working at getting
some kids over here, even if they don't *fit* our concept of the *right*
kind of friends. That's been one obstacle -- Julian's dad is fairly strict?
uptight? nervous? about getting involved with non-homeschooled kids, or kids
who come from families that aren't *like-minded." Which is kind of silly;
we are in the heart of rural Indiana, and we are basically
hydroponic-lettuce-growing atheists, and my husband is not even an American
citizen. Good luck finding like-minded friends. I just feel like we live
in a place where we can't afford to be that picky. Like Sandra said, these
kids aren't moving in; they can come over and hang out and then go home. No
biggie. And if they get Julian all excited about going to public school, so
be it. In some ways -- and I'm not saying this because I don't love hanging
out with him and giving him the unschooling experience -- I think the
experience of being in school, maybe even for a short time, would help him.
He often asks me what school was like when I was little. It's hard to know
what a young person imagines about *school* when they've never set foot in
one. And then, with this lack of social life with other kids (partly my
fault, I know), he sees how easy it is for his older sister to have a dozen
friends to hang out with at any given time.
I am going to work on all these suggestions; trading off a baby or a toddler
to Dad or sending Julian to hang out with his dad for *non-work* fun, or
getting someone to watch the babies, etc. I am feeling scared that it would
be easy to let these next couple of years keep on the way they are, with
Julian not really having the stimulation or emotional attention he really
needs, and growing further and further from us, all in the comfort of his
own home. How sad.
I want to avoid that.
- Deb
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=- His dad and I have each other, -=-
His dad needs to spend more time with him, and less with you.
You need to sacrifice some of your husband-time to provide for this
boy who is several ways abandoned already.
Every moment of investment now will pay off for you in the future.
Every moment of "later" or "I'll think about it" will cost you now AND
in the future.
It can't work any other way.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
His dad needs to spend more time with him, and less with you.
You need to sacrifice some of your husband-time to provide for this
boy who is several ways abandoned already.
Every moment of investment now will pay off for you in the future.
Every moment of "later" or "I'll think about it" will cost you now AND
in the future.
It can't work any other way.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Pam Sorooshian
On 9/25/2010 11:31 AM, Deborah McKee Kelly wrote:
baby stuff in there - diapers, wipes, etc. Keep extra clothes in the
van. Keep an extra box of crackers in there. Have a blanket and some
toddler/baby toys just kept in the car.
Make arrangements to meet people with older kids at a park or McDonald's
PlayPlace or anywhere that the kids can be free to run around.
I remember very very clearly the year I had a baby, a toddler, and an 8
year old who was SUPER social and wanted to be around other people
really a lot. My younger ones slept in the car a lot when we were on our
way here or there. They got used to using car time as napping time. Also
- car time was super fun - we sang a LOT. We'd put in a Wee Sing tape
and sing along.
Also - I think Sandra mentioned this but I want to second it - have
another kid over to play with Julian. I even used to go pick up other
kids, when their parents were hesitating to drive, because it was MY kid
that really wanted the social time so I made the effort even when other
moms didn't. Sometimes we'd have another kid or two over for several
days. It really is a lot easier when you have a visiting kid, compared
to having a bored and lonely (and likely becoming resentful) kid. They
keep themselves occupied a lot more.
-pam
> Do I need to work harder at moving the babies with us, so Julian and I canKeep the seats in the van. Keep the stroller in the van. Keep a bag of
> do some engaging things outside the house? (I know I tend to start
> thinking, "oh, that would mean making bottles, and packing the diaper bag,
> and dragging the stroller out, and putting seats in the van, and ..." In
> other words, making excuses for how hard it would be to do X or Y with the
> babies.
baby stuff in there - diapers, wipes, etc. Keep extra clothes in the
van. Keep an extra box of crackers in there. Have a blanket and some
toddler/baby toys just kept in the car.
Make arrangements to meet people with older kids at a park or McDonald's
PlayPlace or anywhere that the kids can be free to run around.
I remember very very clearly the year I had a baby, a toddler, and an 8
year old who was SUPER social and wanted to be around other people
really a lot. My younger ones slept in the car a lot when we were on our
way here or there. They got used to using car time as napping time. Also
- car time was super fun - we sang a LOT. We'd put in a Wee Sing tape
and sing along.
Also - I think Sandra mentioned this but I want to second it - have
another kid over to play with Julian. I even used to go pick up other
kids, when their parents were hesitating to drive, because it was MY kid
that really wanted the social time so I made the effort even when other
moms didn't. Sometimes we'd have another kid or two over for several
days. It really is a lot easier when you have a visiting kid, compared
to having a bored and lonely (and likely becoming resentful) kid. They
keep themselves occupied a lot more.
-pam
BRIAN POLIKOWSKY
<<<"we are basically
hydroponic-lettuce-growing atheists, and my husband is not even an American
citizen. Good luck finding like-minded friends.">>>>
I live out in the country, my husband is a Dairy farmer ( works 365 all day ), i
am an atheist and I am not an American citizen either.
I do make friends easy and I have all kinds of friends.But it is not about you
or your husband. It is about helping Julian find friends. They don;t have to be
your friends. It does help, I know, if the family is like minded. One of my
best friends and homeschool mom is following the Well Trained Mind, the other
is a LDS ( Later Saints Day ).
Some would think it would be hard for me to hang out with them <g>!
It matters who Julian wants to hang out with.
Because MD likes being with other kids we do Cub Scouts and 4-H , plus
basketball and Taekwon Do.
Maybe all you need is just to be a little more attentive. Stop by and see what
he is doing, be a good listener about what is going on about his
gaming. Have him show his character and be interested so you know what to ask
him.
Take him food and drinks and give him a back rub.
I just spent the last two days listening to a lot of Smash Brawl and Zelda game
stuff and going into my son's room to watch a few minutes of his
gaming.
Maybe giving him attention for a few minutes many times a day is what you can do
instead of a long chunk of time, pretty hard with two very young kids to take
care and watch !
Alex Polikowksy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
hydroponic-lettuce-growing atheists, and my husband is not even an American
citizen. Good luck finding like-minded friends.">>>>
I live out in the country, my husband is a Dairy farmer ( works 365 all day ), i
am an atheist and I am not an American citizen either.
I do make friends easy and I have all kinds of friends.But it is not about you
or your husband. It is about helping Julian find friends. They don;t have to be
your friends. It does help, I know, if the family is like minded. One of my
best friends and homeschool mom is following the Well Trained Mind, the other
is a LDS ( Later Saints Day ).
Some would think it would be hard for me to hang out with them <g>!
It matters who Julian wants to hang out with.
Because MD likes being with other kids we do Cub Scouts and 4-H , plus
basketball and Taekwon Do.
Maybe all you need is just to be a little more attentive. Stop by and see what
he is doing, be a good listener about what is going on about his
gaming. Have him show his character and be interested so you know what to ask
him.
Take him food and drinks and give him a back rub.
I just spent the last two days listening to a lot of Smash Brawl and Zelda game
stuff and going into my son's room to watch a few minutes of his
gaming.
Maybe giving him attention for a few minutes many times a day is what you can do
instead of a long chunk of time, pretty hard with two very young kids to take
care and watch !
Alex Polikowksy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Ed Wendell
Would his dad play air soft with him ? You can get inexpensive air soft guns at Wal-Mart. Very low FPS (that is how they rate how powerful the gun shoots) You can get fatigues there as well. They could target shoot if dad is not comfortable with them shooting each other. That is how our son started.
A cheap archery set they found at a garage sale - a box stuffed with newspaper for a target - or of course a bale of straw/hay works well too since you are out in the country you might have access to straw/hay.
They also found a cheap set of golf clubs at a garage sale and messed around with that for a few years off and on.
When I say "they" I'm talking about our son and his dad. Oh my! I can think of hundreds of "guy" things they have done over the years that just never entered my head to do ;)
They dug a fox hole - a process of many days and weeks - then a few years later it was a fire hole - they poured gasoline into the hole and threw in matches for the thrill of the combust - the burst of flame.
A tire swing from a tree branch - swinging really high and wildly all around. Dad was the pusher.
They have built a lot of things together over the years - wood working, saws, drills, nails, carving, etc.
Catching crawdads in the creek: use women's nylons, meat and string. Put the meat in the nylon, tie the string around it to secure the meat and toss it into the creek - holding onto the other end of the string. The crawdad will clamp onto the nylon/meat and you can haul them in to look at them. A bucket comes in handy.
They've gone fishing.
Lisa W.
A cheap archery set they found at a garage sale - a box stuffed with newspaper for a target - or of course a bale of straw/hay works well too since you are out in the country you might have access to straw/hay.
They also found a cheap set of golf clubs at a garage sale and messed around with that for a few years off and on.
When I say "they" I'm talking about our son and his dad. Oh my! I can think of hundreds of "guy" things they have done over the years that just never entered my head to do ;)
They dug a fox hole - a process of many days and weeks - then a few years later it was a fire hole - they poured gasoline into the hole and threw in matches for the thrill of the combust - the burst of flame.
A tire swing from a tree branch - swinging really high and wildly all around. Dad was the pusher.
They have built a lot of things together over the years - wood working, saws, drills, nails, carving, etc.
Catching crawdads in the creek: use women's nylons, meat and string. Put the meat in the nylon, tie the string around it to secure the meat and toss it into the creek - holding onto the other end of the string. The crawdad will clamp onto the nylon/meat and you can haul them in to look at them. A bucket comes in handy.
They've gone fishing.
Lisa W.
----- Original Message -----
From: Sandra Dodd
To: [email protected]
Sent: Saturday, September 25, 2010 9:36 PM
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] Re: Logistical question: how to engage curious 10-yo while juggling two babies
-=- His dad and I have each other, -=-
His dad needs to spend more time with him, and less with you.
You need to sacrifice some of your husband-time to provide for this
boy who is several ways abandoned already.
Every moment of investment now will pay off for you in the future.
Every moment of "later" or "I'll think about it" will cost you now AND
in the future.
It can't work any other way.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
BRIAN POLIKOWSKY
<<<"His dad needs to spend more time with him, and less with you.
You need to sacrifice some of your husband-time to provide for this
boy who is several ways abandoned already.
Every moment of investment now will pay off for you in the future.
Every moment of "later" or "I'll think about it" will cost you now AND
in the future.">>>>
As a former step-mom who had a great realationship with my step-kids I can't say
enough how
important this is.
When I married my first husband his kids where 7 and 14. I made sure I never ,
ever took time away from
the kids. As a newly wed I slept with the kids in our bed in between us and I
even slept in the couch ( in our room) as
it was more comfortable than sharing the bed. I let the kids really have dad's
attention and found ways to get my needs met
without taking away from the boys.
I understand you have two young babies but think about how this child not only
has live through mom and dad's divorce but
dad now has a new wife and 2 cute little girls that probably take all his
attention too.
I remember I was very devoted to my younger step-son as his brother was more on
the spot light because of his personality.
Alex Polikowsky
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
You need to sacrifice some of your husband-time to provide for this
boy who is several ways abandoned already.
Every moment of investment now will pay off for you in the future.
Every moment of "later" or "I'll think about it" will cost you now AND
in the future.">>>>
As a former step-mom who had a great realationship with my step-kids I can't say
enough how
important this is.
When I married my first husband his kids where 7 and 14. I made sure I never ,
ever took time away from
the kids. As a newly wed I slept with the kids in our bed in between us and I
even slept in the couch ( in our room) as
it was more comfortable than sharing the bed. I let the kids really have dad's
attention and found ways to get my needs met
without taking away from the boys.
I understand you have two young babies but think about how this child not only
has live through mom and dad's divorce but
dad now has a new wife and 2 cute little girls that probably take all his
attention too.
I remember I was very devoted to my younger step-son as his brother was more on
the spot light because of his personality.
Alex Polikowsky
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-They've gone fishing.-=-
That reminds me of the Lyrics Game.
That's something families can do together. Think of songs with
particular words or concepts.
Tomorrow the word will be fish/fishing.
Today it's drink, but there has only been one play even though there
are lots of such songs about a drink, or drinking.
Yesterday it was rain, and the pictures were pretty.
http://lyricsgame.blogspot.com
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
That reminds me of the Lyrics Game.
That's something families can do together. Think of songs with
particular words or concepts.
Tomorrow the word will be fish/fishing.
Today it's drink, but there has only been one play even though there
are lots of such songs about a drink, or drinking.
Yesterday it was rain, and the pictures were pretty.
http://lyricsgame.blogspot.com
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Leah P
Wow! I'm not really sure what kind of advice to give you. It's easy for someone outside of the situation to tell you that you just need to bring the babies along. I can sympathize somewhat with you as I run a home daycare while homeschooling. Recently I've started to be able to take all the children out to activities (I only have 2 extra during the day - one is three and the other is two). It's not easy to get into a routine of frequent trips with toddlers and even less easy to do it with babies.
My suggestion to you is a Mother's Helper. A Mother's Helper is such an amazing tool when you are juggling several children. I would enlist the help of another homeschooler, and have this person start helping around the house with the little one's first. Use that opportunity to do more around the house/property stuff with Julian. You'll still be there with your babies (I'm not suggesting having someone else take care of your babies, just having someone help you take care of them. They'll be still in the same space that you are in.), and your babies will have two more hands to meet their needs, making it easier on you. Once your babies and the Mother's Helper have become more comfortable with each other, you could start taking outings. The Mother's Helper for example could sit with you and the 18 month old and follow her around to keep her out of trouble while you help Julian and potentially sling the baby. I suggest slinging the baby on your back. This frees up your hands for activities with Julian, plus helping/holding the other little one when she needs it. I've also found that slinging babies on my back is more comfortable while hiking and long walks.
Mostly I just want to send you some positive energy and hugs. I know that there is no easy solution to your problem. Just enjoy as much as you can and let go of what you can't. :)
My suggestion to you is a Mother's Helper. A Mother's Helper is such an amazing tool when you are juggling several children. I would enlist the help of another homeschooler, and have this person start helping around the house with the little one's first. Use that opportunity to do more around the house/property stuff with Julian. You'll still be there with your babies (I'm not suggesting having someone else take care of your babies, just having someone help you take care of them. They'll be still in the same space that you are in.), and your babies will have two more hands to meet their needs, making it easier on you. Once your babies and the Mother's Helper have become more comfortable with each other, you could start taking outings. The Mother's Helper for example could sit with you and the 18 month old and follow her around to keep her out of trouble while you help Julian and potentially sling the baby. I suggest slinging the baby on your back. This frees up your hands for activities with Julian, plus helping/holding the other little one when she needs it. I've also found that slinging babies on my back is more comfortable while hiking and long walks.
Mostly I just want to send you some positive energy and hugs. I know that there is no easy solution to your problem. Just enjoy as much as you can and let go of what you can't. :)
--- In [email protected], Deborah McKee Kelly <dlmckee@...> wrote:
>
> I've posted recently about my 10 yo step-son and his interest in army
> stuff.
>
> Today, I have a logistical question.
>
> I've got two babies: an 18-month-old girl and a 4-month-old girl. I've had
> warnings from concerned friends and family that I wouldn't be able to
> *teach* Julian with the two babies around. Because we are on more of an
> unschooling path, and because J has lots of interests, I wasn't too
> concerned. I know that, for instance, my MIL is worried that I can't stand
> at the front of the *school room* and give J lectures on all his *required
> subjects* with two babies, and she's right, I can't. Which is fine with me,
> because we don't do school at home anymore.
>
> But I was just re-reading this: http://sandradodd.com/nest
>
> *Excerpt: "...Are you saying you're never using your own knowledge about
> what might interest her, but waiting for her to take the initiative all the
> time? That's too much waiting. I mean, just take the example of games
> there are LOTS of times that kids can't imagine how much fun a game is going
> to be, just from looking at the box, for example. If YOU know that she LOVED
> Candyland, then you might pick up Chutes and Ladders because it is also
> likely to be fun for her ou don't need to wait for her to ask for it. She
> might never happen to see it and might very likely never realize that it is
> a game she'd like a lot. Or maybe she loves CLUE she'd likely enjoy
> MASTERMIND both involve the same kind of logical thinking. So how is she
> going to know that?** I've heard of unschoolers who say they never bring
> home anything for their kids, because they feel that puts subtle pressure on
> them to learn what the parents are promoting. I say hogwash to that. I pick
> up stuff ALL the time STILL do it and mine are 14, 18, and almost 21. If I
> see an unusual fruit in the grocery store, I buy it and take it home and put
> it on the table for others to notice. If a kid is in the store with me I
> might say, "Oooh look at this. Let's take it home and cut it open. (Pam
> Sorooshian)" *
>
> And I realized that often, J is kind of left on his own, and he has been
> doing this lately: laying on the couch, looking unhappy, sighing loudly,
> saying, "I'm booooored."
>
> He has lots of stuff to play with, and every now and then he gets absorbed
> in video games or Legos. But I know he would benefit if I could offer more
> of my own time to explore different things with him.
>
> I know there are SO many things he and I would be doing together if I
> wasn't rushing back and forth between the needs of these two baby girls. J
> wants to do things with me. We have so often talked about doing this or
> that -- his dad even mowed a path in the back part of our 40-acre property,
> and we were going to go out there and do a bunch of exploring around the
> trees and shrubs and creek, but...the babies make it, if not impossible,
> definitely difficult.
>
> I don't get out of the house much. Even going down to our library, less
> than half a mile down our road, is kind of tricky.
>
> Maybe I'm making excuses -- it's NOT impossible, like I said. It's just
> that both babies are really demanding. The 18 month old wants what she
> wants, when she wants it. And I follow her lead a lot. She has the biggest
> needs right now, I would say. Julian is more capable of waiting and
> entertaining himself. The 4-month-old is starting to have bigger needs, but
> for now, she's pretty content to hang out in the bouncy seat. And I do have
> a carrier for her -- but when I have her strapped to my chest, it makes it
> difficult to meet the needs of Josephine, the 18-month-old. (hard to bend
> over, lift Josephine up, etc.)
>
> As one example, Julian really likes and wants to cook. He wants me to help
> him, and be in the kitchen with him. However, our kitchen is just not quite
> baby-proofed for Josephine, and even if she could be in there with us while
> we worked, she would be yanking on my leg for my full attention the whole
> time. Usually when I'm making supper, Julian is in the living room with
> her, keeping her company, playing with her.
>
> I have only one friend nearby (15 minutes away) who is also home-schooling
> and who has kids around Julian's age. She and her boys are really busy with
> activities and such, and it's been difficult to coordinate schedules. She
> also has one older boy in public high school, and she's involved in a lot of
> carpooling for his sports.
>
> Julian is frustrated with the high needs of the babies. I am trying to be
> empathetic about it with him, and just try and love on him and give him my
> time when they're sleeping or otherwise engaged. But -- you know -- that's
> pretty rare.
>
> I struggle with my own expectations, too, because I feel like he has a lot
> of independence, which I didn't get as a child. I, too, was a lonely child
> with few friends my age, but I was trapped by my mom's fear of everything.
> I couldn't go or do anything. I feel almost jealous of his freedom. I do
> the whole, "Jeez, if I were him I'd be gone -- running the back woods for
> hours, riding my bike to the library," etc. -- which I know is not the way
> to look at it, and I NEVER say something like that to him. He's not into
> that. He wants a friend with him or he wants me to hang out with him, and
> I've had to re-examine my own thought process and not judge him about it.
> Ideally, he wants me to adopt a 10-year-old boy (he has asked me to,
> actually), so he could have someone to play army with, and run around with.
> Seriously, if I could, I would consider it. I hate seeing him so unhappy
> and lonely. His dad is here all the time, working outside, and Julian knows
> he is always welcome to be out there with his dad helping. Sometimes he
> does that.
>
> We have only one vehicle, and most of the time, I cannot ask my husband to
> watch the babies while I do something with Julian, because it cuts into his
> work.
>
> Do I need to work harder at moving the babies with us, so Julian and I can
> do some engaging things outside the house? (I know I tend to start
> thinking, "oh, that would mean making bottles, and packing the diaper bag,
> and dragging the stroller out, and putting seats in the van, and ..." In
> other words, making excuses for how hard it would be to do X or Y with the
> babies.
>
> I'll stop there.
>
> Regards,
> Deb
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
k
>>>I have been surprised by how well my boys play with girls as well. Sodon't rule that out.<<<
Oh yeah, no kidding. Karl can break into the scene with girls easily
although he's getting to an age now where subtle changes make befriending
boys easier. Part of this is due to the fact that most boys Karl has met
with are a lot older than he is and the girls have been mostly his age,
which is a key concern of the other kids (who go to school with typical age
segregation). He, by contrast, plays well with toddlers and enjoys it.. he's
very doting with them, helpful and the mothers always say he is so good with
them. :)
One of our recent decisions is to move and if things work out we will. The
biggest reason is for Karl (and really all of us) to have more social
opportunities, as where we currently live is an hour round trip for people
to visit us and vice versa, and our old car is a gas guzzler. The other big
reason is to free up our time from caring for 13 acres of land constantly in
need of mowing, which would also be socially beneficial.
~Katherine
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
verde_mama
I am also trying to balance the needs of 3 children (7 yo, 3 yo, and 5 months). My oldest daughter is very social and loves new experiences, so if we don't get out of the house for Something Fun at least a couple of times a week, my daughter starts getting squirrelly. She recently had the chicken pox and we kept her out of the community for a week. We really only left the house for dog walks, and by the end of that week, school started seeming like a Good Idea to her. We had 5 days between the time she was no longer contagious and before my 3 yo was likely to be contagious, so we squeezed in about 3 weeks worth of activities into that time.
We went to a homeschool 4-H meeting, the children's museum, and an indoor play gym. We volunteered at the kids tent at a local festival where my daughter enjoyed helping with face painting. We went to a parade, had a child sleepover, and attended a dance class and an aikido class. We also bought the Klutz kit for balloon twisting and brought it to the park where my daughter made balloon swords and hats for every child at the park. All the kids loved it and my daughter felt very proud of herself.
During all of this, the baby rode in a front carrier or a backpack carrier or laid out on a blanket. The 3 yo had lots of snacks, water, and extra toys along, as well as a stroller to retreat to when she got tired or overwhelmed. Sometimes she stayed home with her dad.
I certainly don't recommend doing this all the time, but even my 7yo is happy to be home relaxing, snuggling, watching TV, cooking, etc, now that the 3 yo has chicken pox and we have another week out of the community before she is no longer contagious. School has lost all its appeal, but by the end of the week, I'm going to be thinking of some Interesting places to go for our dog walks.
This is getting long, but my point is it can be done. As long as we're well prepared, and we go somewhere where the kids can move around a lot and be noisy, it seems to be beneficial to All of Us to keep up with my daughter's active social needs. Maybe, start with once a week, or twice a month. Follow your sons interests, the younger ones will probably enjoy it on some level, too.
Nikole
We went to a homeschool 4-H meeting, the children's museum, and an indoor play gym. We volunteered at the kids tent at a local festival where my daughter enjoyed helping with face painting. We went to a parade, had a child sleepover, and attended a dance class and an aikido class. We also bought the Klutz kit for balloon twisting and brought it to the park where my daughter made balloon swords and hats for every child at the park. All the kids loved it and my daughter felt very proud of herself.
During all of this, the baby rode in a front carrier or a backpack carrier or laid out on a blanket. The 3 yo had lots of snacks, water, and extra toys along, as well as a stroller to retreat to when she got tired or overwhelmed. Sometimes she stayed home with her dad.
I certainly don't recommend doing this all the time, but even my 7yo is happy to be home relaxing, snuggling, watching TV, cooking, etc, now that the 3 yo has chicken pox and we have another week out of the community before she is no longer contagious. School has lost all its appeal, but by the end of the week, I'm going to be thinking of some Interesting places to go for our dog walks.
This is getting long, but my point is it can be done. As long as we're well prepared, and we go somewhere where the kids can move around a lot and be noisy, it seems to be beneficial to All of Us to keep up with my daughter's active social needs. Maybe, start with once a week, or twice a month. Follow your sons interests, the younger ones will probably enjoy it on some level, too.
Nikole
Pam Sorooshian
On 9/28/2010 8:37 AM, verde_mama wrote:
have been enough for my oldest daughter.
We would spend a day doing some really fun stuff - and as we pulled into
our driveway she'd be asking, "What's next?"
It helped us to have other kids over at our house - a LOT. Like - really
almost all the time. Roxana could escape to her own room and have
solitude while Roya had playmates and I could take care of the baby, etc.
Also - sometimes moms on this list seem to worry a lot about finding
"like-minded" friends. There are two families with 5 kids each on our
street - we have pretty much diametrically opposed views on parenting.
But when the kids were all little, we could have their kids at our house
for hours and hours and everybody was happy. Mine would go to their
houses, too, sometimes and they were nice to them. My kids were always a
little bit skittish - slightly afraid of the parents because they were
kind of harsh with their kids. But one family had a big trampoline so my
kids would go down and play on that for a few hours sometimes. They had
rules - lots of rules - but my kids went along with them and those
parents thought my kids were very obedient. They even occasionally asked
me for parenting advice (I didn't give much - how would I advise someone
whose goal is eliminating their child's "strong will."
But - my kids have lots and lots of great memories of playing with all
those kids. They're all grown now and they just wave at each other as
they pass (in their cars) on the street. Nothing in common since they
were 11 years old or so. But, before that, they played together quite
happily.
Setting up our own home to be able to have extra kids around a lot of
the time was really the number one thing we did to accommodate Roya's
social needs. There were sometimes kids who stayed and stayed. My
husband would sometimes come home and kind of raise his eyebrows like,
"She's still here?" Those were usually kids whose own families weren't
much fun (or worse).
-pam
> All of Us to keep up with my daughter's active social needs. Maybe,This shows how things are relative. Even a few times a week wouldn't
> start with once a week, or twice a month.
have been enough for my oldest daughter.
We would spend a day doing some really fun stuff - and as we pulled into
our driveway she'd be asking, "What's next?"
It helped us to have other kids over at our house - a LOT. Like - really
almost all the time. Roxana could escape to her own room and have
solitude while Roya had playmates and I could take care of the baby, etc.
Also - sometimes moms on this list seem to worry a lot about finding
"like-minded" friends. There are two families with 5 kids each on our
street - we have pretty much diametrically opposed views on parenting.
But when the kids were all little, we could have their kids at our house
for hours and hours and everybody was happy. Mine would go to their
houses, too, sometimes and they were nice to them. My kids were always a
little bit skittish - slightly afraid of the parents because they were
kind of harsh with their kids. But one family had a big trampoline so my
kids would go down and play on that for a few hours sometimes. They had
rules - lots of rules - but my kids went along with them and those
parents thought my kids were very obedient. They even occasionally asked
me for parenting advice (I didn't give much - how would I advise someone
whose goal is eliminating their child's "strong will."
But - my kids have lots and lots of great memories of playing with all
those kids. They're all grown now and they just wave at each other as
they pass (in their cars) on the street. Nothing in common since they
were 11 years old or so. But, before that, they played together quite
happily.
Setting up our own home to be able to have extra kids around a lot of
the time was really the number one thing we did to accommodate Roya's
social needs. There were sometimes kids who stayed and stayed. My
husband would sometimes come home and kind of raise his eyebrows like,
"She's still here?" Those were usually kids whose own families weren't
much fun (or worse).
-pam
plaidpanties666
"verde_mama" <nikole_verde@...> wrote:
---Meredith
>we have another week out of the community before she is no longer contagiousYou could also actively look for families that want to expose kids to chicken pox as a way to get a little company. I know that's not as popular as it used to be, with the vaccine, but some folks still prefer that, and you're more likely to find them homeschooling than in school. So post notes on any local homeschool lists.
---Meredith
Pam Sorooshian
On 9/28/2010 10:32 AM, plaidpanties666 wrote:
Turns out that some occasional exposure works as an "immunity boost," so
it is good for them, too.
-pam
> You could also actively look for families that want to expose kids toOr invite over those who have been immunized or have already had it.
> chicken pox as a way to get a little company. I know that's not as
> popular as it used to be, with the vaccine, but some folks still
> prefer that, and you're more likely to find them homeschooling than in
> school. So post notes on any local homeschool lists.
Turns out that some occasional exposure works as an "immunity boost," so
it is good for them, too.
-pam
Jennifer Schuelein
This is a good point. My son is also an avid gamer. I check on him frequently, look up walkthroughs, discuss his games and watch him play some. I always applaud his achievements (when he beats a boss). Being enthusiastic about interests no matter what they are, does a lot for your child's self esteem. If I am busy, I always take at least a few minutes out of what I'm doing to listen (my son talks about his games quite often so I have a lot of chances). Letting him know you are interested and do care, even though you are busy with the babies, can mean so much.
My son also has female friends that love gaming. Don't let gender be a hindrance.
My son also has female friends that love gaming. Don't let gender be a hindrance.
--- In [email protected], BRIAN POLIKOWSKY <polykowholsteins@...> wrote:
>
> <<<"we are basically
> hydroponic-lettuce-growing atheists, and my husband is not even an American
> citizen. Good luck finding like-minded friends.">>>>
>
> I live out in the country, my husband is a Dairy farmer ( works 365 all day ), i
> am an atheist and I am not an American citizen either.
> I do make friends easy and I have all kinds of friends.But it is not about you
> or your husband. It is about helping Julian find friends. They don;t have to be
> your friends. It does help, I know, if the family is like minded. One of my
> best friends and homeschool mom is following the Well Trained Mind, the other
> is a LDS ( Later Saints Day ).
> Some would think it would be hard for me to hang out with them <g>!
> It matters who Julian wants to hang out with.
> Because MD likes being with other kids we do Cub Scouts and 4-H , plus
> basketball and Taekwon Do.
> Maybe all you need is just to be a little more attentive. Stop by and see what
> he is doing, be a good listener about what is going on about his
> gaming. Have him show his character and be interested so you know what to ask
> him.
> Take him food and drinks and give him a back rub.
> I just spent the last two days listening to a lot of Smash Brawl and Zelda game
> stuff and going into my son's room to watch a few minutes of his
>
> gaming.
> Maybe giving him attention for a few minutes many times a day is what you can do
> instead of a long chunk of time, pretty hard with two very young kids to take
> care and watch !
>
> Alex Polikowksy
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>