"Does Unschooling Work"?
Sandra Dodd
Two people have written to ask if the list is down, because it's been
quiet for a couple of days, so this is partly as a test message, but...
There's a chat (Friday the 13th of August 2010) about whether
unschooling works.
http://sandradodd.com/chats/regular (if you don't know the Friday
time in your time zone)
http://sandradodd.com/room (if you do know the time)
Because most of the people who read this will read it after the chat
is over, it might be a good thing to discuss here, too.
It's one of those "just semantics" things, in a way. But most of
those discussions of which words work and which ones don't do cut
straight to the central matter of how, what and why.
Here's the note that went to the chat announcement list, but
discussion here is just as good or better!
What does it mean "work"? What are people looking for when they look
for unschooling success?
http://sandradodd.com/unschoolingworks
http://sandradodd.com/unexpected
The first one is old, but was put online yesterday.
The second one consists of things I didn't know the first twelve years
I unschooled.
I've been thinking about it because of some discussion on Facebook of
this blog post by Jeff Sabo:
http://justabaldman.blogspot.com/2010/08/is-unschooling-working.html
Maybe it's the term "working" that can be a problem. Maybe there
isn't a problem. I thought it might be a good thing to discuss.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
quiet for a couple of days, so this is partly as a test message, but...
There's a chat (Friday the 13th of August 2010) about whether
unschooling works.
http://sandradodd.com/chats/regular (if you don't know the Friday
time in your time zone)
http://sandradodd.com/room (if you do know the time)
Because most of the people who read this will read it after the chat
is over, it might be a good thing to discuss here, too.
It's one of those "just semantics" things, in a way. But most of
those discussions of which words work and which ones don't do cut
straight to the central matter of how, what and why.
Here's the note that went to the chat announcement list, but
discussion here is just as good or better!
What does it mean "work"? What are people looking for when they look
for unschooling success?
http://sandradodd.com/unschoolingworks
http://sandradodd.com/unexpected
The first one is old, but was put online yesterday.
The second one consists of things I didn't know the first twelve years
I unschooled.
I've been thinking about it because of some discussion on Facebook of
this blog post by Jeff Sabo:
http://justabaldman.blogspot.com/2010/08/is-unschooling-working.html
Maybe it's the term "working" that can be a problem. Maybe there
isn't a problem. I thought it might be a good thing to discuss.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Claire
I think for me the response to the question 'is unschooling working' is primarily an emotional one. Maybe it's because my kids are young (5 & 3), but in my case I can FEEL that unschooling is working when the kids are busy cooking up their latest potion, popping dolls in a carriage to go to the ball, zooming up and down the hallway on the scooter, choosing books for me to read while we snuggle on the couch; in short when the atmosphere in our home is peaceful. Even when there is conflict, it is resolved promptly, and in a peaceful way.
I can also instantly feel when things are NOT working, and it is in no way the fault of unschooling, but because I have hit a roadblock in my emotional response to the situation at hand. Case in point, recently the kids chose 2 Barbie movies from the video shop and wanted to watch them repeatedly. Now I completely understand about watching the same film over and over, and then moving on. This has been the pattern in our house for a long time. But, I had an overlay of discomfort about these particular movies because of half-formed thoughts swirling in my brain about female body image, shallowness and cringe-worthy plotting. A little negative, you could say.
But the worst is that I did not overcome my negativity to try to see what the kids enjoyed about these films, I resisted putting them on for the kids, and it led to tears on their part and a real internal squirming on my part. Not just intellectually, but in my heart I could FEEL that what I was doing was wrong. Not 'wrong' in a schoolish sense but wrong by my children. I was not putting our relationship first. I was taking away choices. Next time they choose a Barbie movie, I am going to leave that negativity behind.
For me, unschooling has brought and continues to bring so many tangible benefits that I KNOW it works. But it takes a lot to make it work. It takes a significant effort on the part of the unschooling parent to deal with their own emotional responses in a way that does not damage their kids. It's an ongoing project. But the rewards are a relationship of love and trust with your kids that is beyond price, and kids who have an internal strength and sense of compassion that is truly powerful.
Claire
Melbourne, Australia
Kids - Ashlin, 5 & Eden, 3
I can also instantly feel when things are NOT working, and it is in no way the fault of unschooling, but because I have hit a roadblock in my emotional response to the situation at hand. Case in point, recently the kids chose 2 Barbie movies from the video shop and wanted to watch them repeatedly. Now I completely understand about watching the same film over and over, and then moving on. This has been the pattern in our house for a long time. But, I had an overlay of discomfort about these particular movies because of half-formed thoughts swirling in my brain about female body image, shallowness and cringe-worthy plotting. A little negative, you could say.
But the worst is that I did not overcome my negativity to try to see what the kids enjoyed about these films, I resisted putting them on for the kids, and it led to tears on their part and a real internal squirming on my part. Not just intellectually, but in my heart I could FEEL that what I was doing was wrong. Not 'wrong' in a schoolish sense but wrong by my children. I was not putting our relationship first. I was taking away choices. Next time they choose a Barbie movie, I am going to leave that negativity behind.
For me, unschooling has brought and continues to bring so many tangible benefits that I KNOW it works. But it takes a lot to make it work. It takes a significant effort on the part of the unschooling parent to deal with their own emotional responses in a way that does not damage their kids. It's an ongoing project. But the rewards are a relationship of love and trust with your kids that is beyond price, and kids who have an internal strength and sense of compassion that is truly powerful.
Claire
Melbourne, Australia
Kids - Ashlin, 5 & Eden, 3
BRIAN POLIKOWSKY
<<<"Next time they choose a Barbie movie, I am going to leave that negativity
behind.">>>>
Next time they do sit and watcht with them. Have an open mind while doing so.
Barbie movies are pretty great and if you have never really watched one fully I
recomend you do.
Barbie is a great friend and is a strong and empowered girl.
Don't let her good looks blind you to her character and strengh.
Alex Polikowsky ( who's 4 year old daughter has many Barbies and Barbie's movies
and spend the afternoon
curling Erika and Anneliese's hair- barbies from Princess and the Pauper movie)
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behind.">>>>
Next time they do sit and watcht with them. Have an open mind while doing so.
Barbie movies are pretty great and if you have never really watched one fully I
recomend you do.
Barbie is a great friend and is a strong and empowered girl.
Don't let her good looks blind you to her character and strengh.
Alex Polikowsky ( who's 4 year old daughter has many Barbies and Barbie's movies
and spend the afternoon
curling Erika and Anneliese's hair- barbies from Princess and the Pauper movie)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-For me, unschooling has brought and continues to bring so many
tangible benefits that I KNOW it works. But it takes a lot to make it
work.-=-
I think that's the crux of the situation: It doesn't "work"
automatically. Someone has to make it work. Someone (eventually more
than one, but usually at first one person) has to create and protect
the environment and situation so that it can work.
Sandra
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tangible benefits that I KNOW it works. But it takes a lot to make it
work.-=-
I think that's the crux of the situation: It doesn't "work"
automatically. Someone has to make it work. Someone (eventually more
than one, but usually at first one person) has to create and protect
the environment and situation so that it can work.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-Next time they do sit and watcht with them. Have an open mind while
doing so.
Barbie movies are pretty great and if you have never really watched
one fully I
recomend you do.-=-
I haven't watched one fully, but I would pop in for the songs! Holly
was already older when those movies started being made, but the music
is really good.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
doing so.
Barbie movies are pretty great and if you have never really watched
one fully I
recomend you do.-=-
I haven't watched one fully, but I would pop in for the songs! Holly
was already older when those movies started being made, but the music
is really good.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Krisula Moyer
>>But, I had an overlay of discomfort about these particular movies because of half-formed thoughts swirling in my brain about female body image, shallowness and cringe-worthy plotting. A little negative, you could say.But the worst is that I did not overcome my negativity to try to see what the kids enjoyed about these films, I resisted putting them on for the kids, and it led to tears on their part and a real internal squirming on my part. <<
I have been really looking hard at my attitudes lately with my middle dd Sydney 14 because she has been going through some tough moments personally and also some triumphant ones this year but our relationship is shifting a bit and I wanted to make sure I am doing what I can to keep it supportive and open. When I read Claire's post from yesterday I realized I'd been negative about the last two things we watched together and perhaps more since I wasn't looking for it before. The first was "Dexter" which she started watching the other day from season 1 and it made me so sick my stomach was upset the rest of the day. But I get why she likes it and she's always been drawn to crime shows, medical mysteries and forensics, loves Bones and CSI and House which I have enjoyed with her. The other was a little made for TV Disney film called Smart House that she was enjoying but which I criticized as silly and tedious. I wish I hadn't said anything negative because it spoiled the feeling in the room which could have been warm and light but instead was crowded with my complaints about the writing and acting. Next time I'll be more aware.
Krisula
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