thebabywoman

> I told her we could buy a treat on the way home from the park. she
> asked what slushies cost. I told her she had enough for a small
> slushie. Then she started whining/almost crying that she was so
> hungry.

"Hungry and tired trump other wants. Part of successful unschooling is
anticipating and keeping tabs on hunger and tiredness so you can
respond before emotions deteriorate.

Your daughter shouldn't be responsible for paying for a slushie if
she's hungry. If your rule is that treats are their responsibility,
that puts you in a bind when she's hungry and really wants a slushie.
That's the problem with rules. The rule got in the way of helping her
return to peacefulness so any bumps in the day didn't feel like craters."

Just to clarify, my younger girls had brought their own money to buy a treat, just for fun, at the place we were originally going to.

After we decided to skip location one, and were discussing location two-the park, she asked is she could still buy a treat, I said yes, we could stop on the way back from the park. Then she asked about the price of a slushie, and I said yes, she had enough and could buy that if she wanted. The hungry part started shortly after that, and I think, in retrospect, that she wanted the treat sooner than later, and didn't ask me, because I had already said "after the park" we'd go for the treat. Had I been a little more perceptive, I would have seen that, and suggested it. It never occurred to me till later. It has also occurred to me that it's unfortunate she didn't think I would take her first, before the park. I'm seeing how sometimes when we don't focus on the child's needs, or value their wants, they don't trust us enough to ask for them, because they don't think we'll say "yes". This is one way how I can see myself slowly becoming more aware of interactions going on, and how things could change for the better. I'm catching myself,and thinking things through a whole lot more.

dola dasgupta-banerji

I have been also consciously trying to not operate from rules. So now we eat
when hungry not when it is breakfast time. Or we bathe when we feel warm ,
not because it bath time. The kids sleep in, and are not awoken
because "early to bed early to rise" is a rule. and amazingly they have
always woken up as early as 5 am when we have had to travel. My daughter
always catches up on her sleep in the car!

Dola

On Mon, Jul 26, 2010 at 12:57 AM, thebabywoman <shelldan@...> wrote:

>
>
> > I told her we could buy a treat on the way home from the park. she
> > asked what slushies cost. I told her she had enough for a small
> > slushie. Then she started whining/almost crying that she was so
> > hungry.
>
> "Hungry and tired trump other wants. Part of successful unschooling is
> anticipating and keeping tabs on hunger and tiredness so you can
> respond before emotions deteriorate.
>
> Your daughter shouldn't be responsible for paying for a slushie if
> she's hungry. If your rule is that treats are their responsibility,
> that puts you in a bind when she's hungry and really wants a slushie.
> That's the problem with rules. The rule got in the way of helping her
> return to peacefulness so any bumps in the day didn't feel like craters."
>
> Just to clarify, my younger girls had brought their own money to buy a
> treat, just for fun, at the place we were originally going to.
>
> After we decided to skip location one, and were discussing location two-the
> park, she asked is she could still buy a treat, I said yes, we could stop on
> the way back from the park. Then she asked about the price of a slushie, and
> I said yes, she had enough and could buy that if she wanted. The hungry part
> started shortly after that, and I think, in retrospect, that she wanted the
> treat sooner than later, and didn't ask me, because I had already said
> "after the park" we'd go for the treat. Had I been a little more perceptive,
> I would have seen that, and suggested it. It never occurred to me till
> later. It has also occurred to me that it's unfortunate she didn't think I
> would take her first, before the park. I'm seeing how sometimes when we
> don't focus on the child's needs, or value their wants, they don't trust us
> enough to ask for them, because they don't think we'll say "yes". This is
> one way how I can see myself slowly becoming more aware of interactions
> going on, and how things could change for the better. I'm catching
> myself,and thinking things through a whole lot more.
>
>
>


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