joanne.lopers

I have learned to let go of a lot of what I thought I should be doing as a family and it has made such a difference in the peace in our family. I used to think sit down meals were so important, family time right, my husband was not on board even though that is the way he was brought up as well. It caused so much stress for me and it made me angry that he would only sit with us for a few minutes and never eat. It finally got through to me. He is inside all day and want to be outside when he is home. He doesn't like to eat until pretty much before he goes to bed because he is tired and eating makes him want to sleep. So now, if the kids are hungry, we'll come and sit in the garage to eat and mull around outside with him. Sometimes we just eat at 9:00 standing up in the kitchen together. You can bet these are better family dinner time memories. I think it is better to make adjustments than to have negative memories of events. How awful to have my kids remember, Oh I hated dinner time. My Dad didn't want to be there and my mom was always trying to force him. It is a sort of un main stream parenting process. Getting rid of ideas that have been drilled into me, or that I have read from the experts about how family life should be instead of living joyously in our own way.
Joanne

Pam Sorooshian

On 7/26/2010 9:52 AM, joanne.lopers wrote:
> Getting rid of ideas that have been drilled into me, or that I have
> read from the experts about how family life should be instead of
> living joyously in our own way.

One of the phrases that helped me with this was to say, "Well, OR we
could try ......." (fill in the blank). This was something I've said
inside my head, to myself, over and over. It was a tool to get myself to
think of alternatives as being okay to try out. Sounds too simple, but
it overrode the other voices in my head saying things like, "Family
dinner table is important." I'd respond with, "Well, OR we could
try...." and then my brain would fill in the blank with something else -
like "Well, OR we could try eating in the garage while he works on his
car." (Or whatever he's doing in there.) Being open to experimenting
was easier to do than suddenly switching to something new - maybe that's
a fine line, but trying something new seemed way less risky than
completely switching.

-pam


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smartymom5

<< One of the phrases that helped me with this was to say, "Well, OR we
could try ......." (fill in the blank). This was something I've said
inside my head, to myself, over and over. It was a tool to get myself
to think of alternatives as being okay to try out. Sounds too simple,
but
it overrode the other voices in my head saying things like, "Family
dinner table is important." I'd respond with, "Well, OR we could
try...." and then my brain would fill in the blank with something else
- like "Well, OR we could try eating in the garage while he works on his
car." (Or whatever he's doing in there.) Being open to experimenting
was easier to do than suddenly switching to something new - maybe that's
a fine line, but trying something new seemed way less risky than
completely switching. >>

Yes, this is something I've really begun to notice: how very subtle the
changes are towards unschooling. The leaps I've tried to take always
seem to leave me feeling shaky and uncertain that I'm on the right
track. When I inch forward in baby steps the ground feels solid and I
know I'm heading in the right direction. I know it's working when I'm
at peace. That's the marker I look for.

~Leah Rose




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