Toddler hitting
stennis13
Our daughter is 18 months old and recently has begun "petting" to hard and pulling on the clothing of some selected other toddlers and our dogs. We are not sure what is the best way to react.
We have dogs, horses and chickens and she has always been very gentle with them. She has never (to my knowledge)seen anyone treat the animals with anything but gentle touches. She lives in a loving home where there is no fighting or hitting. She has never been scolded and we don't use the word no with her unless it involved immenent danger.
On a group camping trip (we just got home last night) she targeted a child her same age and size. She was inspecting an interesting stump she had just discovered and along came the other child. Our daughter was overtired and instantly yelled "NO" and pushed her away. Then she hit her and when the other child walked away our daughter persued her. We had to unwrap her little fist from the other childs shirt after she grabbed it.
Of course we spoke to her about not hurting her friend and that is not something that she understands or will respond to. We did not want to drag her away kicking and screaming. Our solution was to walk around keeping ourselves as a physical barrier betwen the two. Our daughter viewed this as a game. She did loose interest in hurting the other child and they coexisted without incedent and interacted again within 10 minutes or so.
However, later in the day and again the next day she did target that same child for no reason. At one instance she flashed us the grin "I know I shouldn't do this...but I am anyway!" I believe she remembered the "game" we had played the day before.
She also experimented with pulling and hitting me in the face while I was holding her. My solution was to be non-reactive. I said nothing and did nothing. She stopped after about 30 seconds, I became interactive again with her and it hasn't happened again. With other children and the animals this is not possible. For the first time my usually supportive to unschooling husband wanted to "teach her about no". I don't believe this would work even if I wanted to but am unsure of the best way to address the problem. It is certainly not okay to let it happen since it is not fair to other children or the animals.
your experiences and solutions would be greatly appreciated!
We have dogs, horses and chickens and she has always been very gentle with them. She has never (to my knowledge)seen anyone treat the animals with anything but gentle touches. She lives in a loving home where there is no fighting or hitting. She has never been scolded and we don't use the word no with her unless it involved immenent danger.
On a group camping trip (we just got home last night) she targeted a child her same age and size. She was inspecting an interesting stump she had just discovered and along came the other child. Our daughter was overtired and instantly yelled "NO" and pushed her away. Then she hit her and when the other child walked away our daughter persued her. We had to unwrap her little fist from the other childs shirt after she grabbed it.
Of course we spoke to her about not hurting her friend and that is not something that she understands or will respond to. We did not want to drag her away kicking and screaming. Our solution was to walk around keeping ourselves as a physical barrier betwen the two. Our daughter viewed this as a game. She did loose interest in hurting the other child and they coexisted without incedent and interacted again within 10 minutes or so.
However, later in the day and again the next day she did target that same child for no reason. At one instance she flashed us the grin "I know I shouldn't do this...but I am anyway!" I believe she remembered the "game" we had played the day before.
She also experimented with pulling and hitting me in the face while I was holding her. My solution was to be non-reactive. I said nothing and did nothing. She stopped after about 30 seconds, I became interactive again with her and it hasn't happened again. With other children and the animals this is not possible. For the first time my usually supportive to unschooling husband wanted to "teach her about no". I don't believe this would work even if I wanted to but am unsure of the best way to address the problem. It is certainly not okay to let it happen since it is not fair to other children or the animals.
your experiences and solutions would be greatly appreciated!
organicmom111
I would queitly remove her from the immediate situation if possible. Or provide a distraction. I doubt she'll grow up to be physically abusive to others, because of this. I would be careful with the animals though , she might get bitten or hurt. Maybe if there are other small kids or animals, just be right there.... so neither get hurt.
--- In [email protected], "stennis13" <bark13@...> wrote:
>
> Our daughter is 18 months old and recently has begun "petting" to hard and pulling on the clothing of some selected other toddlers and our dogs. We are not sure what is the best way to react.
>
> We have dogs, horses and chickens and she has always been very gentle with them. She has never (to my knowledge)seen anyone treat the animals with anything but gentle touches. She lives in a loving home where there is no fighting or hitting. She has never been scolded and we don't use the word no with her unless it involved immenent danger.
>
> On a group camping trip (we just got home last night) she targeted a child her same age and size. She was inspecting an interesting stump she had just discovered and along came the other child. Our daughter was overtired and instantly yelled "NO" and pushed her away. Then she hit her and when the other child walked away our daughter persued her. We had to unwrap her little fist from the other childs shirt after she grabbed it.
>
> Of course we spoke to her about not hurting her friend and that is not something that she understands or will respond to. We did not want to drag her away kicking and screaming. Our solution was to walk around keeping ourselves as a physical barrier betwen the two. Our daughter viewed this as a game. She did loose interest in hurting the other child and they coexisted without incedent and interacted again within 10 minutes or so.
>
> However, later in the day and again the next day she did target that same child for no reason. At one instance she flashed us the grin "I know I shouldn't do this...but I am anyway!" I believe she remembered the "game" we had played the day before.
>
> She also experimented with pulling and hitting me in the face while I was holding her. My solution was to be non-reactive. I said nothing and did nothing. She stopped after about 30 seconds, I became interactive again with her and it hasn't happened again. With other children and the animals this is not possible. For the first time my usually supportive to unschooling husband wanted to "teach her about no". I don't believe this would work even if I wanted to but am unsure of the best way to address the problem. It is certainly not okay to let it happen since it is not fair to other children or the animals.
>
> your experiences and solutions would be greatly appreciated!
>
Sandra Dodd
-=-Our daughter is 18 months old and recently has begun "petting" to
hard and pulling on the clothing of some selected other toddlers and
our dogs. We are not sure what is the best way to react.-=-
Supportively, but first you need to decide what it is you want to
support.
Helping her get along better with other people is the goal. Help her
understand what is expected and accepted.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
hard and pulling on the clothing of some selected other toddlers and
our dogs. We are not sure what is the best way to react.-=-
Supportively, but first you need to decide what it is you want to
support.
Helping her get along better with other people is the goal. Help her
understand what is expected and accepted.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Joyce Fetteroll
On Jul 18, 2010, at 2:49 PM, stennis13 wrote:
horizon. (Okay, that's a myth but it makes the point!)
She's exploring. She's seeing what will happen. She's found little
tiny her can control other creatures. She has no concept that it hurts
and can't yet even if you tell her. Understanding that she can be
having fun and something else can be hurting is years away.
Give her better options when she's hurting an animal, but don't expect
that to "work" as in she'll next time control her need to see "what
will happen if". (The reminder of "Gentle," seemed enough for Kathryn
but that was her personality.) If you know you can't trust her to be
gentle with a remind her, your best tools are keeping her away from
the animals, keeping the animals away from her and redirection to keep
as much tension out of everyone's lives as possible until she's past
this stage.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> She has never (to my knowledge)seen anyone treat the animals withAnd no one to Christopher Columbus's knowledge had sailed beyond the
> anything but gentle touches.
horizon. (Okay, that's a myth but it makes the point!)
She's exploring. She's seeing what will happen. She's found little
tiny her can control other creatures. She has no concept that it hurts
and can't yet even if you tell her. Understanding that she can be
having fun and something else can be hurting is years away.
Give her better options when she's hurting an animal, but don't expect
that to "work" as in she'll next time control her need to see "what
will happen if". (The reminder of "Gentle," seemed enough for Kathryn
but that was her personality.) If you know you can't trust her to be
gentle with a remind her, your best tools are keeping her away from
the animals, keeping the animals away from her and redirection to keep
as much tension out of everyone's lives as possible until she's past
this stage.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Pam Sorooshian
On 7/18/2010 11:49 AM, stennis13 wrote:
Protect them from her - be creative.
Keep on modeling gentleness.
Don't worry overmuch - it will pass. Mostly try to distract her.
-pam
> She has never been scolded and we don't use the word no with herUse it when she's being rough with animals or other toddlers. Be clear.
> unless it involved immenent danger.
Protect them from her - be creative.
Keep on modeling gentleness.
Don't worry overmuch - it will pass. Mostly try to distract her.
-pam
stennis13
>She is very friendly and outgoing. She is very loving. For the past few months she has been using her toys in imaginative play and is always displaying care and consideration and affection. THis is a new behavior completely opposing her normal personality. She is clearly experimenting. We are not sure what to do to help her understand not to do it.
>>
> Helping her get along better with other people is the goal. Help her
> understand what is expected and accepted.
>
> Sandra
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
stennis13
>This is exactly what we have been doing, I felt it the right thing to do. We will just continue until she gets old enough to understand or her curiosity moves on to something else.
> On Jul 18, 2010, at 2:49 PM, stennis13 wrote:
> > She's exploring. She's seeing what will happen. She's found little
> tiny her can control other creatures. She has no concept that it hurts
> and can't yet even if you tell her. Understanding that she can be
> having fun and something else can be hurting is years away.
>
> Give her better options when she's hurting an animal, but don't expect
> that to "work" as in she'll next time control her need to see "what
> will happen if". (The reminder of "Gentle," seemed enough for Kathryn
> but that was her personality.) If you know you can't trust her to be
> gentle with a remind her, your best tools are keeping her away from
> the animals, keeping the animals away from her and redirection to keep
> as much tension out of everyone's lives as possible until she's past
> this stage.
>
> Joyce
>
>
Thank you, Murph and Michelle
AlexS
--- In [email protected], "stennis13" <bark13@...> wrote:
BTW, I don't mean this to sound judgemental, but I personally would absolutely never ignore being hit. I'm really uncomfortable with the idea of not telling someone to stop physically hurting me with the idea that it is good for them or our relationship.
Alex
mama to Katya
>My daughter just started doing this lately around when she turned 3. I find that reminding her to use a "flat, soft hand" when petting the dog helps. Before I had a kid "hands are not for hitting" sounded good--but of course they ARE! Also, I ask her if she would be willing to try it again that way. Usually she enjoys a do-over.
> Our daughter is 18 months old and recently has begun "petting" to hard and pulling on the clothing of some selected other toddlers and our dogs. We are not sure what is the best way to react.
BTW, I don't mean this to sound judgemental, but I personally would absolutely never ignore being hit. I'm really uncomfortable with the idea of not telling someone to stop physically hurting me with the idea that it is good for them or our relationship.
Alex
mama to Katya