unschooling while i'm ill
Josh Moll
dear everybody,
I wrote recently about my brain damage because of Lyme's disease and
unfortunately I'm ill again. My left eye and eye-nerve is so infected that I
can't see with this eye, and the brain is infected again. I'm in and out of the
hospital every day, undergoing severe treatment to for now get rid of the
symptoms and hopefully eventually recover.
My husband and son (18) have taken over the household chores and my husband is
taking me back and forth to the hospital, and are coping well with this sudden
change and fear, but my daughter (8) is shattered. She could stay for four days
with good friends, which was good for all of us, but since she is home she is
afraid to go from my side. I try to arrange a couple of hours a day with friends
and playgroups, especially when I'm in the hospital, but she has mixed feelings
about it. She wants to go and enjoys herself when she is there but wants to be
with me too. She is very angry that I am ill again and I acknowledge her in this
feeling. She had to deal with my illness, recovery and again illness since
December last year and she want the mother she had back. It is painful for me to
see her missing a lot of fun things we used to do, she misses my energy, and she
is, as we are afraid for the future. I try to do things together we both like to
do, like watch nature movies together, and play games in bed, and cuddle and
talk, and watch her play computer games, but it's not really fulfilling her
needs. She suddenly wants to soothe herself with a lot of sweets, which i don't
mind so much but it is not filling her need as well. It helps a little to eat
chocolate and cookies but after eating she is still sad.
I don't have a very supporting family nearby, who will help out. Friends do a
lot, but have their own lives to deal with.
Does anybody have idea's to help her with her anger and what to do with her
fears? Or idea's how to pass long and boring days with an sick mother for a 8
year old?
greetings, Josh
http://thuisschool.wordpress.com/
I wrote recently about my brain damage because of Lyme's disease and
unfortunately I'm ill again. My left eye and eye-nerve is so infected that I
can't see with this eye, and the brain is infected again. I'm in and out of the
hospital every day, undergoing severe treatment to for now get rid of the
symptoms and hopefully eventually recover.
My husband and son (18) have taken over the household chores and my husband is
taking me back and forth to the hospital, and are coping well with this sudden
change and fear, but my daughter (8) is shattered. She could stay for four days
with good friends, which was good for all of us, but since she is home she is
afraid to go from my side. I try to arrange a couple of hours a day with friends
and playgroups, especially when I'm in the hospital, but she has mixed feelings
about it. She wants to go and enjoys herself when she is there but wants to be
with me too. She is very angry that I am ill again and I acknowledge her in this
feeling. She had to deal with my illness, recovery and again illness since
December last year and she want the mother she had back. It is painful for me to
see her missing a lot of fun things we used to do, she misses my energy, and she
is, as we are afraid for the future. I try to do things together we both like to
do, like watch nature movies together, and play games in bed, and cuddle and
talk, and watch her play computer games, but it's not really fulfilling her
needs. She suddenly wants to soothe herself with a lot of sweets, which i don't
mind so much but it is not filling her need as well. It helps a little to eat
chocolate and cookies but after eating she is still sad.
I don't have a very supporting family nearby, who will help out. Friends do a
lot, but have their own lives to deal with.
Does anybody have idea's to help her with her anger and what to do with her
fears? Or idea's how to pass long and boring days with an sick mother for a 8
year old?
greetings, Josh
http://thuisschool.wordpress.com/
Pam Sorooshian
On 7/15/2010 1:28 AM, Josh Moll wrote:
come back. It really sounds like you're doing the best you can with your
daughter - the reality is it does suck, I don't think you can change
that for her. You probably are already being very reassuring that she is
going to be fine - that's important because at 8 she's still pretty
self-focused and worried about what's going to happen to her. Can her
dad and her brother spend just a bit more time with her? Even if it was
just a few minutes at a time, their focused attention would probably
calm her a bit - make her not feel alone. I know that's a lot to ask of
them, they're trying to cope themselves and take care of businesses,
etc., but if they can take even just a minute to cuddle with her, pat
her as they walk past, maybe sit beside her for a minute while she's
watching tv or something. Is it too difficult to have another child over
to play with her? Maybe there is a quiet and easy kid who could play
with her but she'd still be at home with you. If friends ask what they
can do to help, ask if someone will come over and hang out with their
kid and yours so that yours has someone to play with, without leaving
the house.
pam
> Does anybody have idea's to help her with her anger and what to doSorry Josh - sucks to be so happy that you'd licked it and then have it
> with her
> fears? Or idea's how to pass long and boring days with an sick mother
> for a 8
> year old?
come back. It really sounds like you're doing the best you can with your
daughter - the reality is it does suck, I don't think you can change
that for her. You probably are already being very reassuring that she is
going to be fine - that's important because at 8 she's still pretty
self-focused and worried about what's going to happen to her. Can her
dad and her brother spend just a bit more time with her? Even if it was
just a few minutes at a time, their focused attention would probably
calm her a bit - make her not feel alone. I know that's a lot to ask of
them, they're trying to cope themselves and take care of businesses,
etc., but if they can take even just a minute to cuddle with her, pat
her as they walk past, maybe sit beside her for a minute while she's
watching tv or something. Is it too difficult to have another child over
to play with her? Maybe there is a quiet and easy kid who could play
with her but she'd still be at home with you. If friends ask what they
can do to help, ask if someone will come over and hang out with their
kid and yours so that yours has someone to play with, without leaving
the house.
pam
Jessica Voigts
>hi - YES i know this feeling quite well. i have several disabilities, but
>
> On 7/15/2010 1:28 AM, Josh Moll wrote:
> > Does anybody have idea's to help her with her anger and what to do
> > with her
> > fears? Or idea's how to pass long and boring days with an sick mother
> > for a 8
> > year old?
>
>
the one that impacts our family the most is CFIDS, chronic fatigue syndrome.
i always, always feel ill; would much rather be in bed resting; and planning
is an issue because i never know how i will feel or if i will be able to
move around. our 8yr old daughter has grown up with me like this, so it is a
bit different than your situation. we do a lot in bed or lying down -
reading (me reading to her, or reading next to each other), watching tv in
the LR with me on the couch, playing games with me lying on the floor,
cooking in the kitchen with me sitting on the stool.
she knows that she can come to me at any time and talk or work on something
together - i may not have the energy to fully participate, but i try my best
to be interested and watch.
it's pretty hard. but, i AM able to tell her how much i love her, all the
time, and be together all the time, even if it isn't playing outside, or
running around, or other ways that she sees families interact in our
neighborhood. we swim in our lake - she swims, i float on a noodle. i've
worked out ways to be with her and not expend much energy.
hope this helps - i am always happy to email off-list, if you need someone
to listen. it's a very, very difficult situation. cheers, jessie
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Josh Moll
On 7/15/2010 1:28 AM, Josh Moll wrote:
dad and her brother spend just a bit more time with her? Even if it was
just a few minutes at a time, their focused attention would probably
calm her a bit - make her not feel alone.
***
Thanks, this morning he took some time in bed to play her favorite game from
when she was much smaller, a fantasy game they used to play. We ended up
giggling and cuddling and she was so relieved that that is still possible.
Yesterday we both spend a lot of time crying, that helped too. She is more
relaxed to know that she is allowed to be sad. For me it helped too, I tried to
be strong but it made me distanced from my real feelings and that frightend her.
To be able to be sad together about the whole situation brought us close and
that helped.
Josh
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> Does anybody have idea's to help her with her anger and what to doCan her
> with her
> fears? Or idea's how to pass long and boring days with an sick mother
> for a 8
> year old?
dad and her brother spend just a bit more time with her? Even if it was
just a few minutes at a time, their focused attention would probably
calm her a bit - make her not feel alone.
***
Thanks, this morning he took some time in bed to play her favorite game from
when she was much smaller, a fantasy game they used to play. We ended up
giggling and cuddling and she was so relieved that that is still possible.
Yesterday we both spend a lot of time crying, that helped too. She is more
relaxed to know that she is allowed to be sad. For me it helped too, I tried to
be strong but it made me distanced from my real feelings and that frightend her.
To be able to be sad together about the whole situation brought us close and
that helped.
Josh
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]