kids helping out
Kelly Halldorson
I just looked outside for my daughter Zoe and found her cleaning the car. It occurred to me there has been a bit of heated discussion on this list lately and maybe some folks would like to share some of stories of their own kids helping out without being told to.
I'd love to hear some stories of kids helping out without chores. I know there are tons online but I want to hear some new recent ones. Maybe they'll help some folks be inspired to give up forced chores....
Peace,
Kelly
-------------------------------------------------
http://kelly.halldorson.com/blog
http://skeletonsdontsleep.com
http://facebook.com/jeffnkelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I'd love to hear some stories of kids helping out without chores. I know there are tons online but I want to hear some new recent ones. Maybe they'll help some folks be inspired to give up forced chores....
Peace,
Kelly
-------------------------------------------------
http://kelly.halldorson.com/blog
http://skeletonsdontsleep.com
http://facebook.com/jeffnkelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
kristi_beguin
I came home yesterday to a freshly vacuumed floor and sparkling clean counters. The dollhouse furniture and dolls had all been put in their bins, and the dollhouses neatly set aside. All the Hotwheels and the associated "bumps," which are magazines, had been put away.
As I walked in the door Nena (8 on Thursday) told me she wanted to give me a birthday surprise (today's my b-day) by giving me a clean house. So sweet and thoughtful!
As I walked in the door Nena (8 on Thursday) told me she wanted to give me a birthday surprise (today's my b-day) by giving me a clean house. So sweet and thoughtful!
k
Karl takes out the trash (even sometimes replaces the bag), takes
dishes/glasses to the kitchen, sometimes to the sink, sometimes even
rinses sticky food and drink from them, and also folds clothes, puts
them away sometimes, etc. The trash is waist high on him so he's
helping a lot more than I would have thought he even could. :) He
brings in hefty bags of groceries too and puts a few up too.
~Katherine
dishes/glasses to the kitchen, sometimes to the sink, sometimes even
rinses sticky food and drink from them, and also folds clothes, puts
them away sometimes, etc. The trash is waist high on him so he's
helping a lot more than I would have thought he even could. :) He
brings in hefty bags of groceries too and puts a few up too.
~Katherine
On Tue, Jul 13, 2010 at 3:32 PM, Kelly Halldorson <kelly@...> wrote:
>
>
> I just looked outside for my daughter Zoe and found her cleaning the car. It occurred to me there has been a bit of heated discussion on this list lately and maybe some folks would like to share some of stories of their own kids helping out without being told to.
>
> I'd love to hear some stories of kids helping out without chores. I know there are tons online but I want to hear some new recent ones. Maybe they'll help some folks be inspired to give up forced chores....
>
> Peace,
> Kelly
>
> -------------------------------------------------
> http://kelly.halldorson.com/blog
> http://skeletonsdontsleep.com
> http://facebook.com/jeffnkelly
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
> ------------------------------------
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
Amanda's Shoebox
--- In [email protected], "Kelly Halldorson" <kelly@...> wrote:
On Father's Day, my 10 year old deep cleaned the entire house. She moved all of the furniture and cleaned underneath, cleaned the baseboards. She worked really hard. I commented, "what a nice Father's Day present!" She replied, "oh, yeah, really I just wanted to see if I could clean a house all by myself."
~ Amanda
> I'd love to hear some stories of kids helping out without chores. I know there are tons online but I want to hear some new recent ones. Maybe they'll help some folks be inspired to give up forced chores....-------------------------------------------------
On Father's Day, my 10 year old deep cleaned the entire house. She moved all of the furniture and cleaned underneath, cleaned the baseboards. She worked really hard. I commented, "what a nice Father's Day present!" She replied, "oh, yeah, really I just wanted to see if I could clean a house all by myself."
~ Amanda
kristi_beguin
Oh yeah, I forgot that she also cleaned out the pantry and then neatly organized it...it looks awesome!
Heather
My 11 yo daughter cooked dinner for the 4 of us last night & the night
before. Totally her idea. Fixed the table up fancy. Cleaned the dishes
afterwards.
A friend told me, "yeah, she's had her 2 kids cook dinner once a week at
their house." As if her imposing the cooking chore was the same thing as my
daughter coming up with the idea on her own...
heather
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
before. Totally her idea. Fixed the table up fancy. Cleaned the dishes
afterwards.
A friend told me, "yeah, she's had her 2 kids cook dinner once a week at
their house." As if her imposing the cooking chore was the same thing as my
daughter coming up with the idea on her own...
heather
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
Happy birthday Kristi!
It's Joyce's daughter's birthday, too. Kathryn Fetteroll is 19.
Marty did some public/house laundry (towels and such). That was nice.
I've not nothing' else this week. :-)
I was gone three weeks out of three and a half, last month, and Keith
and Marty took care of themselves while I was gone, but the minute I
got home, they relaxed. At first it was fun, because I had missed
being home. Now I'm starting to relax, and things are getting messy.
I talked to Marty about it this afternoon.
What Holly did do for me and with me was visit a housebound friend.
We went shopping for her, played Five Crowns, and helped her in the
yard.
Sandra
It's Joyce's daughter's birthday, too. Kathryn Fetteroll is 19.
Marty did some public/house laundry (towels and such). That was nice.
I've not nothing' else this week. :-)
I was gone three weeks out of three and a half, last month, and Keith
and Marty took care of themselves while I was gone, but the minute I
got home, they relaxed. At first it was fun, because I had missed
being home. Now I'm starting to relax, and things are getting messy.
I talked to Marty about it this afternoon.
What Holly did do for me and with me was visit a housebound friend.
We went shopping for her, played Five Crowns, and helped her in the
yard.
Sandra
NCMama
Years ago, a friend saw I was buying those 2.5 gallon containers of water to drink. We lived in an older house, and I wasn't sure the pipes didn't contain lead, plus I grew up with well water, and "city water" has never tasted right to me - I can always taste the chlorine. So, I bought water. She knew we were on a tight budget, and gave us a refillable water dispenser, with a filter, that we could keep in our fridge.
This was when we were unschooling, and I would have even said radically unschooling, but I didn't really understand what that meant. I didn't coerce the boys... unless I really *needed* to. (ahem) I coerced them very kindly. (blush) After going to our first conference, I made a HUGE shift in how I related to them - seeing all those radical unschoolers together, how the parents related to their kids, seeing the mostly-grown unschoolers - it made everything CLICK, and I GOT it. I won't go into all the details of that shift, I'm guessing lots reading have been through it, plus it doesn't have to do with this post, really, except as background to where we were.
So - the water filter. I was *always* the one to fill the filter. Always. I'd find it empty, and fill it. Usually grumping under my breath, or sighing. Or even saying nasty things like, "Oh, you want water? Well, the filter's empty. I wish someone had filled it earlier, when they took the last of the water." (Oh, my cheeks are red right now! It's embarrassing, looking at how I acted!) After "THE SHIFT" and after reading a LOT on lists, I began to see how manipulative that was, and how MEAN. I started to fill the filter, every evening, really feeling the love for my boys as I did that. Setting the stage for an easier next day, when they'd go to get water, and the filter would be full of clean cold water, no grumping included.
I could use the filter as a way to gauge my mood! If I was feeling a little put-out about filling it, I knew PMS might be on the way, or that I needed to make sure I found the time to nurture myself a little bit. If that was going on, I would make sure to breathe, and find the peaceful loving place inside as I filled the filter. Not perfectly - but I NEVER grumped out loud about it again, or sighed. I knew my irritation was my own.
Because of how I'd parented before - the "nice" coercion - for some time, I rarely asked the boys to help with house stuff. I knew they needed to heal from my bad choices, and I felt I needed to step away, take things on myself, to show them the shift was real. While I moved into asking them for help with other things, the water filter was one thing I did myself, every evening (or more often if we needed it). It's an invisible thing I did, to practice loving generosity.
Now, for about the past year, when I've gone to fill the filter, I find it's already full, well over half the time. I don't see who fills it - I'm guessing my oldest, but I don't know for sure, it could be my youngest, or both of them. It represents so much - being full of love, full of generous caring. It's always been symbolic for me - I think of my friend nearly every time I use it, who noticed & cared for us so sweetly when we needed that, and I think of how much I've grown as a mom, and now I think of how much we care for each other.
I would be perfectly, finely, fulfilled-ly happy if I was still the only one who filled the filter. This has been an unexpected surprise, a tangible way of seeing the results of shifting into a truly radically unschooling life.
Caren
This was when we were unschooling, and I would have even said radically unschooling, but I didn't really understand what that meant. I didn't coerce the boys... unless I really *needed* to. (ahem) I coerced them very kindly. (blush) After going to our first conference, I made a HUGE shift in how I related to them - seeing all those radical unschoolers together, how the parents related to their kids, seeing the mostly-grown unschoolers - it made everything CLICK, and I GOT it. I won't go into all the details of that shift, I'm guessing lots reading have been through it, plus it doesn't have to do with this post, really, except as background to where we were.
So - the water filter. I was *always* the one to fill the filter. Always. I'd find it empty, and fill it. Usually grumping under my breath, or sighing. Or even saying nasty things like, "Oh, you want water? Well, the filter's empty. I wish someone had filled it earlier, when they took the last of the water." (Oh, my cheeks are red right now! It's embarrassing, looking at how I acted!) After "THE SHIFT" and after reading a LOT on lists, I began to see how manipulative that was, and how MEAN. I started to fill the filter, every evening, really feeling the love for my boys as I did that. Setting the stage for an easier next day, when they'd go to get water, and the filter would be full of clean cold water, no grumping included.
I could use the filter as a way to gauge my mood! If I was feeling a little put-out about filling it, I knew PMS might be on the way, or that I needed to make sure I found the time to nurture myself a little bit. If that was going on, I would make sure to breathe, and find the peaceful loving place inside as I filled the filter. Not perfectly - but I NEVER grumped out loud about it again, or sighed. I knew my irritation was my own.
Because of how I'd parented before - the "nice" coercion - for some time, I rarely asked the boys to help with house stuff. I knew they needed to heal from my bad choices, and I felt I needed to step away, take things on myself, to show them the shift was real. While I moved into asking them for help with other things, the water filter was one thing I did myself, every evening (or more often if we needed it). It's an invisible thing I did, to practice loving generosity.
Now, for about the past year, when I've gone to fill the filter, I find it's already full, well over half the time. I don't see who fills it - I'm guessing my oldest, but I don't know for sure, it could be my youngest, or both of them. It represents so much - being full of love, full of generous caring. It's always been symbolic for me - I think of my friend nearly every time I use it, who noticed & cared for us so sweetly when we needed that, and I think of how much I've grown as a mom, and now I think of how much we care for each other.
I would be perfectly, finely, fulfilled-ly happy if I was still the only one who filled the filter. This has been an unexpected surprise, a tangible way of seeing the results of shifting into a truly radically unschooling life.
Caren
Pam Sorooshian
On 7/13/2010 12:32 PM, Kelly Halldorson wrote:
extra hour and did I want to get started on putting it together. She's
19 and she knows she's good at putting things together. We worked in the
hot sun for an hour and she said, "We got most of the hard steps done,
mom, so we can probably get it finished tomorrow."
My husband invited people over to watch the World Cup Final on Sunday.
He forgot to tell me until late Saturday night. Sunday morning we got up
and all three of us scrambled around cleaning the house up. We didn't
ask Rosie to help, she just jumped up and helped because it seemed the
right thing to do at the moment. (Roxana is in Indiana at a leadership
workshop for sorority and fraternity kids.)
I do most of the dishwasher loading (but not all - if the dirty dishes
sit a while, somebody else will almost always get to them), but when
there are clean dishes in the dishwasher, Rosie or Roxana will almost
always notice and unload it.
Rosie and Roxana (19 and 22) do all their own laundry. Sometimes I offer
to move it to the dryer or something - but they just completely took
charge of their own laundry years ago. One of them will do a load of
towels if they notice we're short of clean ones.
Those are all things they do without being asked.
I ask, too. Like if we're going to be driving somewhere with a bunch of
people in my minivan, I'll ask them to go make sure it is empty and
cleaned up enough, because I drive around with a lot of stuff stored in
my car, much of the time. They just do it and don't think anything much
about such a request. Once in a while I ask one of them to dust or
vacuum or sweep or something like that. I don't ask much - my standards
are low - but when I ask, they usually get to it sometime within the
next few hours. Sometimes the living areas of the house get cluttered
enough to bother me and I'll ask them to go through and find their own
stuff and put it away. This should go under the things they do without
being asked, too, though --- occasionally they'll notice the coffee
table or dining table is piled up and they'll sort through it and clear
it off without being asked.
They totally keep their own rooms clean - I don't really even think
about that anymore. They let them get to be a big mess sometimes - but
then they dig in and spend a few hours reorganizing and cleaning and
they usually call me in to admire their work.
Our trash truck comes on Thursdays. My husband takes the big trash cans
out, but Rosie usually runs around the house and dumps the trash from
all the little trash cans into one big trash bag. I think my husband
usually asks her to do that - but it is something she does cheerfully
and regularly.
I wouldn't probably feel satisfied with the amount of housework my kids
would do if I never asked - but there's asking versus
demanding/commanding. I ask. They can say no. Often I just say out loud
what I think needs to get done before we go somewhere - they take that
as me saying they should help with it. For example, I might say, "I
really want to get the garden watered and unload the dishwasher before
we leave." Immediately one will say, "I'll unload the dishwasher," and
the other will say, "Okay, I'll water." Very very common occurrence.
Roya is 25 and lives in her own house with her fiance and a roommate and
she's a good housekeeper. Better housekeeper than I am in some ways.
-pam
> I just looked outside for my daughter Zoe and found her cleaning theI bought a gazebo for the back yard. This morning Rosie said she had an
> car. It occurred to me there has been a bit of heated discussion on
> this list lately and maybe some folks would like to share some of
> stories of their own kids helping out without being told to.
>
> I'd love to hear some stories of kids helping out without chores. I
> know there are tons online but I want to hear some new recent ones.
> Maybe they'll help some folks be inspired to give up forced chores....
extra hour and did I want to get started on putting it together. She's
19 and she knows she's good at putting things together. We worked in the
hot sun for an hour and she said, "We got most of the hard steps done,
mom, so we can probably get it finished tomorrow."
My husband invited people over to watch the World Cup Final on Sunday.
He forgot to tell me until late Saturday night. Sunday morning we got up
and all three of us scrambled around cleaning the house up. We didn't
ask Rosie to help, she just jumped up and helped because it seemed the
right thing to do at the moment. (Roxana is in Indiana at a leadership
workshop for sorority and fraternity kids.)
I do most of the dishwasher loading (but not all - if the dirty dishes
sit a while, somebody else will almost always get to them), but when
there are clean dishes in the dishwasher, Rosie or Roxana will almost
always notice and unload it.
Rosie and Roxana (19 and 22) do all their own laundry. Sometimes I offer
to move it to the dryer or something - but they just completely took
charge of their own laundry years ago. One of them will do a load of
towels if they notice we're short of clean ones.
Those are all things they do without being asked.
I ask, too. Like if we're going to be driving somewhere with a bunch of
people in my minivan, I'll ask them to go make sure it is empty and
cleaned up enough, because I drive around with a lot of stuff stored in
my car, much of the time. They just do it and don't think anything much
about such a request. Once in a while I ask one of them to dust or
vacuum or sweep or something like that. I don't ask much - my standards
are low - but when I ask, they usually get to it sometime within the
next few hours. Sometimes the living areas of the house get cluttered
enough to bother me and I'll ask them to go through and find their own
stuff and put it away. This should go under the things they do without
being asked, too, though --- occasionally they'll notice the coffee
table or dining table is piled up and they'll sort through it and clear
it off without being asked.
They totally keep their own rooms clean - I don't really even think
about that anymore. They let them get to be a big mess sometimes - but
then they dig in and spend a few hours reorganizing and cleaning and
they usually call me in to admire their work.
Our trash truck comes on Thursdays. My husband takes the big trash cans
out, but Rosie usually runs around the house and dumps the trash from
all the little trash cans into one big trash bag. I think my husband
usually asks her to do that - but it is something she does cheerfully
and regularly.
I wouldn't probably feel satisfied with the amount of housework my kids
would do if I never asked - but there's asking versus
demanding/commanding. I ask. They can say no. Often I just say out loud
what I think needs to get done before we go somewhere - they take that
as me saying they should help with it. For example, I might say, "I
really want to get the garden watered and unload the dishwasher before
we leave." Immediately one will say, "I'll unload the dishwasher," and
the other will say, "Okay, I'll water." Very very common occurrence.
Roya is 25 and lives in her own house with her fiance and a roommate and
she's a good housekeeper. Better housekeeper than I am in some ways.
-pam
Pam Sorooshian
On 7/13/2010 12:49 PM, k wrote:
home, the kids jump up and bring in all the groceries from the car and
put away all frozen or refrigerated stuff. I don't need to ask - but I
do need to sometimes get their attention and say, "There are lots of
groceries in the car."
-pam
> HeOh - yeah - forgot that. I do most grocery shopping, but when I come
> brings in hefty bags of groceries too and puts a few up too.
home, the kids jump up and bring in all the groceries from the car and
put away all frozen or refrigerated stuff. I don't need to ask - but I
do need to sometimes get their attention and say, "There are lots of
groceries in the car."
-pam
Renee Boisvert
Quite often Shaena (8) will just pick up the broom and sweep the kitchen
floor. She usually sings while she is doing it!
Just a couple of days ago we had gotten into a discussion about things we
are looking forward to doing. Makayla (10) asked me to write things down. We
had ideas about outings, and arts and crafts, and so on... you know... fun
stuff. Then Makayla said that she wants to clean the bathroom. Shaena said
"Oh no...* I* wanted to clean the bathroom!" They were on the brink of an
argument about who gets to do it. I reminded them that sometimes they have
done it together, and it worked out well. The bathroom is shining again.
Renee
floor. She usually sings while she is doing it!
Just a couple of days ago we had gotten into a discussion about things we
are looking forward to doing. Makayla (10) asked me to write things down. We
had ideas about outings, and arts and crafts, and so on... you know... fun
stuff. Then Makayla said that she wants to clean the bathroom. Shaena said
"Oh no...* I* wanted to clean the bathroom!" They were on the brink of an
argument about who gets to do it. I reminded them that sometimes they have
done it together, and it worked out well. The bathroom is shining again.
Renee
On Tue, Jul 13, 2010 at 12:32 PM, Kelly Halldorson <kelly@...>wrote:
>
>
>
>
> I just looked outside for my daughter Zoe and found her cleaning the car.
> It occurred to me there has been a bit of heated discussion on this list
> lately and maybe some folks would like to share some of stories of their own
> kids helping out without being told to.
>
> I'd love to hear some stories of kids helping out without chores. I know
> there are tons online but I want to hear some new recent ones. Maybe they'll
> help some folks be inspired to give up forced chores....
>
> Peace,
> Kelly
>
> -------------------------------------------------
> http://kelly.halldorson.com/blog
> http://skeletonsdontsleep.com
> http://facebook.com/jeffnkelly
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Robin Bentley
Senna's not a cleaner, but she is a carrier-of-things. Sometimes, when
I come home from doing grocery shopping, she bounds out the door to
the car on her volition to help me bring the bags in. When we came
home from holidays recently, Senna got all of our luggage (some really
heavy bags, too) off the carousel and took the heaviest bags so I
didn't have to carry them.
Maybe a year ago, when I'd ask for help, I often got a "no." Senna was
busy or totally uninterested in cleaning up. Now, more often that
not, she says a happy "okay" and gives me a hand. I don't ask her for
a lot, but she seems much more willing now. I have bins (like
washtubs) to gather cans and plates in her room. I usually stack 'em,
she carries them down to the kitchen. She takes baskets of laundry
upstairs, lets the dog in and out, puts her dirty clothes in her
laundry bin.
She had never really been interested in helping out around the house,
even when she was little. I never required chores, but I used to gripe
a lot about having to do so much myself. That didn't help Senna want
to do anything. I read here about making household stuff a gift to my
family and that helped me change my behavior. It's taken awhile to
undo the damage, but it's making a difference now.
It's sweeter than sweet, watching how she just does things matter-of-
factly now, as if it's just part of her life. I make sure to thank her.
Robin B.
I come home from doing grocery shopping, she bounds out the door to
the car on her volition to help me bring the bags in. When we came
home from holidays recently, Senna got all of our luggage (some really
heavy bags, too) off the carousel and took the heaviest bags so I
didn't have to carry them.
Maybe a year ago, when I'd ask for help, I often got a "no." Senna was
busy or totally uninterested in cleaning up. Now, more often that
not, she says a happy "okay" and gives me a hand. I don't ask her for
a lot, but she seems much more willing now. I have bins (like
washtubs) to gather cans and plates in her room. I usually stack 'em,
she carries them down to the kitchen. She takes baskets of laundry
upstairs, lets the dog in and out, puts her dirty clothes in her
laundry bin.
She had never really been interested in helping out around the house,
even when she was little. I never required chores, but I used to gripe
a lot about having to do so much myself. That didn't help Senna want
to do anything. I read here about making household stuff a gift to my
family and that helped me change my behavior. It's taken awhile to
undo the damage, but it's making a difference now.
It's sweeter than sweet, watching how she just does things matter-of-
factly now, as if it's just part of her life. I make sure to thank her.
Robin B.
>
> I'd love to hear some stories of kids helping out without chores. I
> know there are tons online but I want to hear some new recent ones.
> Maybe they'll help some folks be inspired to give up forced chores....
>
Bernadette Lynn
On 14 July 2010 17:04, Robin Bentley <robin.bentley@...> wrote:
This conversation has been such an eye-opener for me, one of those real
'aha' moments.
I'd never thought of carrying in the shopping or putting out the milk
bottles as 'chores' and all my children do those things happily without
being asked. They also take their plates to the kitchen and throw their
empty wrappers in the bin; things I do without thinking.
I've never made them do chores, partly because I didn't want them to grow up
with the resentful attitude I grew up with, partly because I - despite being
required to do things regularly - have grown into an adult who doesn't
clean and tidy well, efficiently or happily. I never could see the point of
dealing with the stress and effort and tantrums and having to redo it myself
anyway, if they would just end up like me.
However thinking about it this way I can see the logic behind what they will
and won't do; those things I do automatically without complaining or fussing
about, they do too; things I think of as chores, even though I've tried to
hide how much I hate them, my children don't do and get grumpy if I ask for
help.
I've known it for ages really and it seems strange that I've managed not to
understand properly for so long that it's my attitude that makes the whole
difference. My children like cleaning the bathroom because I don't mind it,
they don't ever tidy things away because I hate tidying up. The whole
pattern was there to see all along, only I never looked at it from quite the
right angle before. I can think of the work I do not just as a gift to make
their lives easier and more comfortable now but also as a way of making
their adult lives happier and less stressful. I'm glad they're still little,
I haven't been inflicting my bad attitude on them for very long. Thankyou,
everyone.
Bernadette.
--
http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/U15459
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> Senna's not a cleaner, but she is a carrier-of-things. Sometimes, when------------------------------
> I come home from doing grocery shopping, she bounds out the door to
> the car on her volition to help me bring the bags in.
>
This conversation has been such an eye-opener for me, one of those real
'aha' moments.
I'd never thought of carrying in the shopping or putting out the milk
bottles as 'chores' and all my children do those things happily without
being asked. They also take their plates to the kitchen and throw their
empty wrappers in the bin; things I do without thinking.
I've never made them do chores, partly because I didn't want them to grow up
with the resentful attitude I grew up with, partly because I - despite being
required to do things regularly - have grown into an adult who doesn't
clean and tidy well, efficiently or happily. I never could see the point of
dealing with the stress and effort and tantrums and having to redo it myself
anyway, if they would just end up like me.
However thinking about it this way I can see the logic behind what they will
and won't do; those things I do automatically without complaining or fussing
about, they do too; things I think of as chores, even though I've tried to
hide how much I hate them, my children don't do and get grumpy if I ask for
help.
I've known it for ages really and it seems strange that I've managed not to
understand properly for so long that it's my attitude that makes the whole
difference. My children like cleaning the bathroom because I don't mind it,
they don't ever tidy things away because I hate tidying up. The whole
pattern was there to see all along, only I never looked at it from quite the
right angle before. I can think of the work I do not just as a gift to make
their lives easier and more comfortable now but also as a way of making
their adult lives happier and less stressful. I'm glad they're still little,
I haven't been inflicting my bad attitude on them for very long. Thankyou,
everyone.
Bernadette.
--
http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/U15459
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Bun
This is not exactly about chores, but a nice thing that happenned today that I'd like to share - It's about thoughtfulness of my dd and a couple of her friends helping themselves out by making a meal and even making extra for others.
This afternoon my almost 13 yr old daughter's friends came over and they were all hungry. My dd asked them if they wanted to make a big brunch (scrambled eggs, ham, toast and coffee). They made extra for others too! When they were done I asked if they could please rinse their dishes and stick them in the dishwasher and I'd get the pans and clean up the rest. They agreed. I happily finished the clean up and was very appreciative that they made such a delicious brunch that fed not only them, but me and at least two of my other kids! The initiative was all theirs even though I'd have done it for them.
:) Laurie
This afternoon my almost 13 yr old daughter's friends came over and they were all hungry. My dd asked them if they wanted to make a big brunch (scrambled eggs, ham, toast and coffee). They made extra for others too! When they were done I asked if they could please rinse their dishes and stick them in the dishwasher and I'd get the pans and clean up the rest. They agreed. I happily finished the clean up and was very appreciative that they made such a delicious brunch that fed not only them, but me and at least two of my other kids! The initiative was all theirs even though I'd have done it for them.
:) Laurie
--- In [email protected], Robin Bentley <robin.bentley@...> wrote:
>> >
> > I'd love to hear some stories of kids helping out without chores. I
> > know there are tons online but I want to hear some new recent ones.
> > Maybe they'll help some folks be inspired to give up forced chores....
> >
>
joanne.lopers
There is something oh so sweet about a child doing something without being asked.
Vega who is 8, cleaned out our fridge one day because he saw it needed it. Dutch 6, came over on his own to help bring in plates from outside. He hated helping out when I used to make a big deal out of it. These small instances happen more and more often and are very special moments for me.
Joanne
Vega who is 8, cleaned out our fridge one day because he saw it needed it. Dutch 6, came over on his own to help bring in plates from outside. He hated helping out when I used to make a big deal out of it. These small instances happen more and more often and are very special moments for me.
Joanne
--- In [email protected], "Kelly Halldorson" <kelly@...> wrote:
>
>
>
> I just looked outside for my daughter Zoe and found her cleaning the car. It occurred to me there has been a bit of heated discussion on this list lately and maybe some folks would like to share some of stories of their own kids helping out without being told to.
>
> I'd love to hear some stories of kids helping out without chores. I know there are tons online but I want to hear some new recent ones. Maybe they'll help some folks be inspired to give up forced chores....
>
> Peace,
> Kelly
>
> -------------------------------------------------
> http://kelly.halldorson.com/blog
> http://skeletonsdontsleep.com
> http://facebook.com/jeffnkelly
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
Deborah Donndelinger
My 10 year old daughter was frustrated yesterday because I hadn't done
her laundry yet. When I offered to show her how to do it (I offered it
as a possible solution, not as a punative "do it yourself" thing), she
was very excited. She delighftully did several loads of laundry
yesterday and today and told me how much fun it is to do. Today my 8
year old saw what was happening and has done two loads. I happen to
like doing laundry so I'm sure that helped - there's been none of the
martyr energy I have around other household work.
her laundry yet. When I offered to show her how to do it (I offered it
as a possible solution, not as a punative "do it yourself" thing), she
was very excited. She delighftully did several loads of laundry
yesterday and today and told me how much fun it is to do. Today my 8
year old saw what was happening and has done two loads. I happen to
like doing laundry so I'm sure that helped - there's been none of the
martyr energy I have around other household work.
> >[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> > I'd love to hear some stories of kids helping out without chores. I
> know there are tons online but I want to hear some new recent ones.
> Maybe they'll help some folks be inspired to give up forced chores....
> >
>
swismiself
Hi,
I'm mostly (ok, entirely) a lurker on this forum, but I thought I'd chime in because I had a similar experience with my son today.
Even though we are only a family of 3 I feel like I'm always doing laundry (mostly because I wash diapers). I've been having my son help me put things away for several months now, but lately he just seems to "get" it, and I'm so pleased! Today he put away his clean diapers and the kitchen rags before I even asked him to do it. Then he noticed some of his clothes sitting stacked on the floor, picked them up, and said "Mommy put away, please!" then ran to his room, turned around, said "Coming?" and proceeded to open his closet and ask for help putting things in their proper places. He then went and got his daddy's clothes. I'd really love to get him a dresser low to the ground so he can learn to do it without my help.
So maybe our clothes and towels are no longer folded properly, but at least my 2 year old is helping, and willingly!
He also helps me put away the dishes from the dishwasher, but he's been doing that since he could walk.
We always try to do chores as a family; that way, everyone helps and it feels less like a chore. I hope we are able to continue doing this because I know it will pay off in the long run.
Best,
Mel
I'm mostly (ok, entirely) a lurker on this forum, but I thought I'd chime in because I had a similar experience with my son today.
Even though we are only a family of 3 I feel like I'm always doing laundry (mostly because I wash diapers). I've been having my son help me put things away for several months now, but lately he just seems to "get" it, and I'm so pleased! Today he put away his clean diapers and the kitchen rags before I even asked him to do it. Then he noticed some of his clothes sitting stacked on the floor, picked them up, and said "Mommy put away, please!" then ran to his room, turned around, said "Coming?" and proceeded to open his closet and ask for help putting things in their proper places. He then went and got his daddy's clothes. I'd really love to get him a dresser low to the ground so he can learn to do it without my help.
So maybe our clothes and towels are no longer folded properly, but at least my 2 year old is helping, and willingly!
He also helps me put away the dishes from the dishwasher, but he's been doing that since he could walk.
We always try to do chores as a family; that way, everyone helps and it feels less like a chore. I hope we are able to continue doing this because I know it will pay off in the long run.
Best,
Mel
--- In [email protected], Deborah Donndelinger <deborahdonndelinger@...> wrote:
>
> My 10 year old daughter was frustrated yesterday because I hadn't done
> her laundry yet. When I offered to show her how to do it (I offered it
> as a possible solution, not as a punative "do it yourself" thing), she
> was very excited. She delighftully did several loads of laundry
> yesterday and today and told me how much fun it is to do. Today my 8
> year old saw what was happening and has done two loads. I happen to
> like doing laundry so I'm sure that helped - there's been none of the
> martyr energy I have around other household work.
>
>
> > >
> > > I'd love to hear some stories of kids helping out without chores. I
> > know there are tons online but I want to hear some new recent ones.
> > Maybe they'll help some folks be inspired to give up forced chores....
> > >
> >
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
Sandra Dodd
-=-I've been having my son help me put things away for several months
now, but lately he just seems to "get" it, and I'm so pleased!-=-
"Having" your son do things is something you might want to
reconsider. Do you mean you asked him if he wanted to? "I've been
having him..." sounds like you told him he "had to." "Have to" is one
of those phrases...
But if you meant you were doing it in a fun way and you offered to
share the fun with him, that might be worth wording more cheerfully!
-=-I'd really love to get him a dresser low to the ground so he can
learn to do it without my help. -=-
It doesn't have to be a dresser, does it? Could he use baskets or
boxes? And it's not so much "to learn how to do it," as to have the
opportunity to try if he wants to. He's only two.
-=-We always try to do chores as a family; that way, everyone helps
and it feels less like a chore.-=-
It will help if you try not to use the word "chore." That might sound
goofy to people who are new to these ideas, but there are words and
phrases that have sorrow and negativity 100 years back or more, and
"chore" is one of those words.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
now, but lately he just seems to "get" it, and I'm so pleased!-=-
"Having" your son do things is something you might want to
reconsider. Do you mean you asked him if he wanted to? "I've been
having him..." sounds like you told him he "had to." "Have to" is one
of those phrases...
But if you meant you were doing it in a fun way and you offered to
share the fun with him, that might be worth wording more cheerfully!
-=-I'd really love to get him a dresser low to the ground so he can
learn to do it without my help. -=-
It doesn't have to be a dresser, does it? Could he use baskets or
boxes? And it's not so much "to learn how to do it," as to have the
opportunity to try if he wants to. He's only two.
-=-We always try to do chores as a family; that way, everyone helps
and it feels less like a chore.-=-
It will help if you try not to use the word "chore." That might sound
goofy to people who are new to these ideas, but there are words and
phrases that have sorrow and negativity 100 years back or more, and
"chore" is one of those words.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
swismiself
I always ask him, politely, to help me do things. If he says no, I let it go.
The only thing we ever press is picking up, but always as a game and as a choice. He loves going outside, but we must pick up our toys inside before going outside. If he wants to go outside badly enough, he helps us pick up. Otherwise, we stay inside. When he decides it's time to pick up, we make it fun and everyone helps.
And, at least right now, the word chore has no negative connotation because we don't attribute any negative feelings towards it.
As for baskets rather than a dresser, that would be counterproductive in my house. The baskets or boxes would just become a new toy: part of a fort, a hat, a present, etc. A dresser is a boring piece of furniture in which to hide your clean clothes :).
The only thing we ever press is picking up, but always as a game and as a choice. He loves going outside, but we must pick up our toys inside before going outside. If he wants to go outside badly enough, he helps us pick up. Otherwise, we stay inside. When he decides it's time to pick up, we make it fun and everyone helps.
And, at least right now, the word chore has no negative connotation because we don't attribute any negative feelings towards it.
As for baskets rather than a dresser, that would be counterproductive in my house. The baskets or boxes would just become a new toy: part of a fort, a hat, a present, etc. A dresser is a boring piece of furniture in which to hide your clean clothes :).
--- In [email protected], Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
>
> -=-I've been having my son help me put things away for several months
> now, but lately he just seems to "get" it, and I'm so pleased!-=-
>
> "Having" your son do things is something you might want to
> reconsider. Do you mean you asked him if he wanted to? "I've been
> having him..." sounds like you told him he "had to." "Have to" is one
> of those phrases...
>
> But if you meant you were doing it in a fun way and you offered to
> share the fun with him, that might be worth wording more cheerfully!
>
> -=-I'd really love to get him a dresser low to the ground so he can
> learn to do it without my help. -=-
>
> It doesn't have to be a dresser, does it? Could he use baskets or
> boxes? And it's not so much "to learn how to do it," as to have the
> opportunity to try if he wants to. He's only two.
>
> -=-We always try to do chores as a family; that way, everyone helps
> and it feels less like a chore.-=-
>
> It will help if you try not to use the word "chore." That might sound
> goofy to people who are new to these ideas, but there are words and
> phrases that have sorrow and negativity 100 years back or more, and
> "chore" is one of those words.
>
> Sandra
>
>
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
organicmom111
**He loves going outside, but we must pick up our toys inside before going
outside. If he wants to go outside badly enough, he helps us pick up. Otherwise,
we stay inside.**
I wouldnt recommend coersion or bribing. What does it hurt to go play outside while there are toys not picked up?
outside. If he wants to go outside badly enough, he helps us pick up. Otherwise,
we stay inside.**
I wouldnt recommend coersion or bribing. What does it hurt to go play outside while there are toys not picked up?
--- In [email protected], "swismiself" <swismiself@...> wrote:
>
> I always ask him, politely, to help me do things. If he says no, I let it go.
>
> The only thing we ever press is picking up, but always as a game and as a choice. He loves going outside, but we must pick up our toys inside before going outside. If he wants to go outside badly enough, he helps us pick up. Otherwise, we stay inside. When he decides it's time to pick up, we make it fun and everyone helps.
>
> And, at least right now, the word chore has no negative connotation because we don't attribute any negative feelings towards it.
>
> As for baskets rather than a dresser, that would be counterproductive in my house. The baskets or boxes would just become a new toy: part of a fort, a hat, a present, etc. A dresser is a boring piece of furniture in which to hide your clean clothes :).
>
> --- In [email protected], Sandra Dodd <Sandra@> wrote:
> >
> > -=-I've been having my son help me put things away for several months
> > now, but lately he just seems to "get" it, and I'm so pleased!-=-
> >
> > "Having" your son do things is something you might want to
> > reconsider. Do you mean you asked him if he wanted to? "I've been
> > having him..." sounds like you told him he "had to." "Have to" is one
> > of those phrases...
> >
> > But if you meant you were doing it in a fun way and you offered to
> > share the fun with him, that might be worth wording more cheerfully!
> >
> > -=-I'd really love to get him a dresser low to the ground so he can
> > learn to do it without my help. -=-
> >
> > It doesn't have to be a dresser, does it? Could he use baskets or
> > boxes? And it's not so much "to learn how to do it," as to have the
> > opportunity to try if he wants to. He's only two.
> >
> > -=-We always try to do chores as a family; that way, everyone helps
> > and it feels less like a chore.-=-
> >
> > It will help if you try not to use the word "chore." That might sound
> > goofy to people who are new to these ideas, but there are words and
> > phrases that have sorrow and negativity 100 years back or more, and
> > "chore" is one of those words.
> >
> > Sandra
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> >
>
Sandra Dodd
-=-And, at least right now, the word chore has no negative connotation
because we don't attribute any negative feelings towards it. -=-
It was a negative word before you were born, though. It separates
life into fun things and not-fun things, and that's not good for
unschooling.
-=-As for baskets rather than a dresser, that would be
counterproductive in my house. The baskets or boxes would just become
a new toy: part of a fort, a hat, a present, etc.-=-
If you're going to unschool, please try not to consider the idea that
someone would "just" become a new toy to be counterproductive! Or if
you do continue to cling to that idea, don't recommend it to
unschoolers on this list, please.
Answers of what's happening with two year olds are fine, but on this
list, answers should be about unschooling. What helps with learning,
relationships, and seeing the world as a place of joy.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
because we don't attribute any negative feelings towards it. -=-
It was a negative word before you were born, though. It separates
life into fun things and not-fun things, and that's not good for
unschooling.
-=-As for baskets rather than a dresser, that would be
counterproductive in my house. The baskets or boxes would just become
a new toy: part of a fort, a hat, a present, etc.-=-
If you're going to unschool, please try not to consider the idea that
someone would "just" become a new toy to be counterproductive! Or if
you do continue to cling to that idea, don't recommend it to
unschoolers on this list, please.
Answers of what's happening with two year olds are fine, but on this
list, answers should be about unschooling. What helps with learning,
relationships, and seeing the world as a place of joy.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
organicmom111
-=-As for baskets rather than a dresser, that would be
counterproductive in my house. The baskets or boxes would just become
a new toy: part of a fort, a hat, a present, etc.-=-
How creative and fun! We cant easily get through the living room right now because of a 3 box fort. But thats OK, my house is for my kids to live in , not for show.
I would also say 'dont worry', just because your little one doesnt like to pick up, doesnt mean he'll grow up to live in a pigsty. :)
counterproductive in my house. The baskets or boxes would just become
a new toy: part of a fort, a hat, a present, etc.-=-
How creative and fun! We cant easily get through the living room right now because of a 3 box fort. But thats OK, my house is for my kids to live in , not for show.
I would also say 'dont worry', just because your little one doesnt like to pick up, doesnt mean he'll grow up to live in a pigsty. :)
--- In [email protected], Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
>
> -=-And, at least right now, the word chore has no negative connotation
> because we don't attribute any negative feelings towards it. -=-
>
> It was a negative word before you were born, though. It separates
> life into fun things and not-fun things, and that's not good for
> unschooling.
>
> -=-As for baskets rather than a dresser, that would be
> counterproductive in my house. The baskets or boxes would just become
> a new toy: part of a fort, a hat, a present, etc.-=-
>
> If you're going to unschool, please try not to consider the idea that
> someone would "just" become a new toy to be counterproductive! Or if
> you do continue to cling to that idea, don't recommend it to
> unschoolers on this list, please.
>
> Answers of what's happening with two year olds are fine, but on this
> list, answers should be about unschooling. What helps with learning,
> relationships, and seeing the world as a place of joy.
>
> Sandra
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
plaidpanties666
"swismiself" <swismiself@...> wrote:
Its really common for young children to go through a stage of wanting to help with basic tasks - to a 2 or 3yo, things like folding laundry and putting away groceries can seem like exciting, important skills, but they also don't take long to learn. That's when things can get tricky, when the young child who was sooooo keen to help moves on to learning more sophisticated things.
I'm not trying to dampen your enthusiasm ;) Its good to know that kids can move away from wanting to help, though, and its not a reflection on you as a parent or them as people, its part of how natural learning happens - right now, your little one has a passion for housework, hooray! Next week he may have a passion for blowing bubbles - hooray! Its the learning thats important and exciting.
That's a really common fallacy, that kids learning to help out early somehow makes them better or more willing to help in general. It's not true. Learning to fold towels at 2 doesn't set anyone up to be a good housekeeper, and not learning to fold laundry until age 8 or 16 for that matter, doesn't set one up for a lifetime of sloth and wrinkled clothing.
That being said, if by "continue doing this" you mean spending time happily with your child, then Yes! that does pay off in the long run - and the short run, too. See whatever your child choose to do, whether that be helping around the house or focusing on his own interests, as equally valuable and worth cherishing.
---Meredith (Mo 8, Ray 16)
>> So maybe our clothes and towels are no longer folded properly, but at least my 2 year old is helping, and willingly!*************
Its really common for young children to go through a stage of wanting to help with basic tasks - to a 2 or 3yo, things like folding laundry and putting away groceries can seem like exciting, important skills, but they also don't take long to learn. That's when things can get tricky, when the young child who was sooooo keen to help moves on to learning more sophisticated things.
I'm not trying to dampen your enthusiasm ;) Its good to know that kids can move away from wanting to help, though, and its not a reflection on you as a parent or them as people, its part of how natural learning happens - right now, your little one has a passion for housework, hooray! Next week he may have a passion for blowing bubbles - hooray! Its the learning thats important and exciting.
>>I hope we are able to continue doing this because I know it will pay off in the long run.**********
That's a really common fallacy, that kids learning to help out early somehow makes them better or more willing to help in general. It's not true. Learning to fold towels at 2 doesn't set anyone up to be a good housekeeper, and not learning to fold laundry until age 8 or 16 for that matter, doesn't set one up for a lifetime of sloth and wrinkled clothing.
That being said, if by "continue doing this" you mean spending time happily with your child, then Yes! that does pay off in the long run - and the short run, too. See whatever your child choose to do, whether that be helping around the house or focusing on his own interests, as equally valuable and worth cherishing.
---Meredith (Mo 8, Ray 16)
plaidpanties666
"swismiself" <swismiself@...> wrote:
Some people are geared to move back and forth between projects or interests rather than doing one thing through to completion - that's an aspect of personality or temperament that starts to show up in young children. Insisting that the only way to move from one interest to another is to put one away can get in the way of learning.
You've probably been thinking about this in terms of housekeeping and convenience. Learning naturally can be inconvenient and messy as ideas, projects and interests all swirl around from one thing to another and then back again. The "back again" is sometimes essential!
---Meredith
>but we must pick up our toys inside before going outside.Why? Its something to think about, not necessarily answer, here. Why can't he take a break in the middle of something but come back to it?
Some people are geared to move back and forth between projects or interests rather than doing one thing through to completion - that's an aspect of personality or temperament that starts to show up in young children. Insisting that the only way to move from one interest to another is to put one away can get in the way of learning.
You've probably been thinking about this in terms of housekeeping and convenience. Learning naturally can be inconvenient and messy as ideas, projects and interests all swirl around from one thing to another and then back again. The "back again" is sometimes essential!
---Meredith
Sandra Dodd
-=-but we must pick up our toys inside before going outside-=-
This is cast in the form of a rule, and you're using the "we" that
nurses use when they say "How are we feeling today?"
http://sandradodd.com/rules
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
This is cast in the form of a rule, and you're using the "we" that
nurses use when they say "How are we feeling today?"
http://sandradodd.com/rules
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
plaidpanties666
"swismiself" <swismiself@...> wrote:
This is the kind of choice that's not really a choice, but a kind of behavior modification tactic: to get what he wants, he must "choose" what the parent wants. Its better to find more options, so that there really is a choice going on.
Here's an example: Mo used to go barefoot all summer long, which made it awkward to go to stores. I wasn't happy with the "choice" of "shoes or you can't come in" so I found other choices - riding in a cart, for instance, which is pushing the "rule" but maintains the reasoning behind the rule (safety and health considerations) so it hasn't been a problem with store staff, and things like flip-flops which "count" as shoes, but are in keeping with Mo's comfort issues (not hot on the feet).
---Meredith (Mo 8, Ray 16)
> The only thing we ever press is picking up, but always as a game and as a choice. He loves going outside, but we must pick up our toys inside before going outside. If he wants to go outside badly enough, he helps us pick up. Otherwise, we stay inside.*****************
This is the kind of choice that's not really a choice, but a kind of behavior modification tactic: to get what he wants, he must "choose" what the parent wants. Its better to find more options, so that there really is a choice going on.
Here's an example: Mo used to go barefoot all summer long, which made it awkward to go to stores. I wasn't happy with the "choice" of "shoes or you can't come in" so I found other choices - riding in a cart, for instance, which is pushing the "rule" but maintains the reasoning behind the rule (safety and health considerations) so it hasn't been a problem with store staff, and things like flip-flops which "count" as shoes, but are in keeping with Mo's comfort issues (not hot on the feet).
---Meredith (Mo 8, Ray 16)
Lauren Stranahan
Earlier in the week I went to bed with one kitchen counter really cluttered
up with stuff and crumbs. I woke up to a clean counter with the fruit and my
teas all organized nicely and the crumbs wiped off. A note left by my 11 yr
old daughter written in pink marker on a paper towel was in the middle of
the counter that said, "I love you."
It's not uncommon for Olivia to go on little cleaning bursts late at night.
She also likes to leave me notes to find in the morning. Recently I work up
to a note on the refrigerator that said, "Make muffins." So before she got
up for the day I made some banana chocolate chip muffins. I melted the
butter in the microwave and forgot to add it to the muffins. I didn't
realize I'd left it out until after they were baking. The muffins were good
enough .. we ate them all.. they were just a little solid and dense.
The next morning I woke up and my 9 yr old son had added to Olivia's muffin
note .. It said, "Add butter!!!" So I made more. :)
My mom has been telling me for a couple years now that the kids are old
enough to have chores. She gets frustrated with me and tells me I would be
helping them learn responsibility, but I'd rather have the love notes.
Lauren
up with stuff and crumbs. I woke up to a clean counter with the fruit and my
teas all organized nicely and the crumbs wiped off. A note left by my 11 yr
old daughter written in pink marker on a paper towel was in the middle of
the counter that said, "I love you."
It's not uncommon for Olivia to go on little cleaning bursts late at night.
She also likes to leave me notes to find in the morning. Recently I work up
to a note on the refrigerator that said, "Make muffins." So before she got
up for the day I made some banana chocolate chip muffins. I melted the
butter in the microwave and forgot to add it to the muffins. I didn't
realize I'd left it out until after they were baking. The muffins were good
enough .. we ate them all.. they were just a little solid and dense.
The next morning I woke up and my 9 yr old son had added to Olivia's muffin
note .. It said, "Add butter!!!" So I made more. :)
My mom has been telling me for a couple years now that the kids are old
enough to have chores. She gets frustrated with me and tells me I would be
helping them learn responsibility, but I'd rather have the love notes.
Lauren
On Sun, Jul 18, 2010 at 12:23 PM, Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
>
>
> -=-but we must pick up our toys inside before going outside-=-
>
> This is cast in the form of a rule, and you're using the "we" that
> nurses use when they say "How are we feeling today?"
>
> http://sandradodd.com/rules
>
>
> Sandra
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-My mom has been telling me for a couple years now that the kids are
old
enough to have chores. She gets frustrated with me and tells me I
would be
helping them learn responsibility, but I'd rather have the love notes.-
=-
Thinking back in fantasy terms, maybe your own mom would be getting
love notes and more help now if she weren't always telling you what
you were doing was wrong.
I've added your story here. Because of what you've written, the world
will have more muffins and love notes.
http://sandradodd.com/chores/tales
Sandra
old
enough to have chores. She gets frustrated with me and tells me I
would be
helping them learn responsibility, but I'd rather have the love notes.-
=-
Thinking back in fantasy terms, maybe your own mom would be getting
love notes and more help now if she weren't always telling you what
you were doing was wrong.
I've added your story here. Because of what you've written, the world
will have more muffins and love notes.
http://sandradodd.com/chores/tales
Sandra
Lauren
3 yo ds has his own 'playroom' where he keeps most of his toys (he sleeps in the family bedroom) and I probably tidy it around 1x a week, which we are both comfortable w/ (unless he needs help finding something, then I help him and probably pick up a lot of things in the process.) Picking up toys and such is not something he typically does.
A few weeks ago, he said to me "Black Widow is picking up" (he loves Ironman and pretends to be one of the characters--Black Widow--all the time...) He (she--Black Widow is a girl ;) was picking up toys, putting them into bins, picking up books, etc. I was surprised as its not something he usually does. He did it w/ his Black Widow walk as well, which is a slow, calculated and quiet way of moving (so it was really cute and funny.)
He often will wipe up a spill of a drink (he knows where I keep hand towels) or take down the broom and try to sweep the floor (he has little ones but prefers to use the big ones, and I help him when/if he wants.) He does these things when he sees the need and/or feels like it, without being asked. He also tells me if he spills something on the table or rug, etc, so I'll be able to clean it up quickly (which I totally appreciate).
Loving these stories!
Lauren :)
A few weeks ago, he said to me "Black Widow is picking up" (he loves Ironman and pretends to be one of the characters--Black Widow--all the time...) He (she--Black Widow is a girl ;) was picking up toys, putting them into bins, picking up books, etc. I was surprised as its not something he usually does. He did it w/ his Black Widow walk as well, which is a slow, calculated and quiet way of moving (so it was really cute and funny.)
He often will wipe up a spill of a drink (he knows where I keep hand towels) or take down the broom and try to sweep the floor (he has little ones but prefers to use the big ones, and I help him when/if he wants.) He does these things when he sees the need and/or feels like it, without being asked. He also tells me if he spills something on the table or rug, etc, so I'll be able to clean it up quickly (which I totally appreciate).
Loving these stories!
Lauren :)
swismiself
I guess I don't see it as a bribe.
I also think I have grossly overestimated the Unschooling movement. I thought its basis was the same as the title of this forum "Always Learning". Rather than have a child sit in a traditional classroom for 8 hours and listen to a teacher tell him what to learn, I thought Unschooling was learning in every day life with real word applications. I thought I would be able to use this forum to learn tips from experienced parents on unconventional, practical, real-world learning.
Apparently the idea of having a short list of very simple rules that everyone in the house follows is too much for the Unschooling way of thinking. Simple things, like putting a toy away after you're done playing, sharing meals together at a table, and always striving to be polite and kind, are not values Unschoolers teach. At least, I'm not supposed to teach them. I'm supposed to let my child guide himself, and wait and hope that he'll catch on, eventually, rather than gently explaining why we do what we do, and reminding him when needed. Apparently I must watch what I say, too, because the idea of redefining a negative word into a positive word is not recommended.
How silly of me to think I could learn about all these things from a forum without having every comment I make be judged to be wrong. Very ironic, considering what I now know of the Unschooling movement.
I thank you all for your time, and will take up no more of it.
Mel
I also think I have grossly overestimated the Unschooling movement. I thought its basis was the same as the title of this forum "Always Learning". Rather than have a child sit in a traditional classroom for 8 hours and listen to a teacher tell him what to learn, I thought Unschooling was learning in every day life with real word applications. I thought I would be able to use this forum to learn tips from experienced parents on unconventional, practical, real-world learning.
Apparently the idea of having a short list of very simple rules that everyone in the house follows is too much for the Unschooling way of thinking. Simple things, like putting a toy away after you're done playing, sharing meals together at a table, and always striving to be polite and kind, are not values Unschoolers teach. At least, I'm not supposed to teach them. I'm supposed to let my child guide himself, and wait and hope that he'll catch on, eventually, rather than gently explaining why we do what we do, and reminding him when needed. Apparently I must watch what I say, too, because the idea of redefining a negative word into a positive word is not recommended.
How silly of me to think I could learn about all these things from a forum without having every comment I make be judged to be wrong. Very ironic, considering what I now know of the Unschooling movement.
I thank you all for your time, and will take up no more of it.
Mel
--- In [email protected], "organicmom111" <cksah@...> wrote:
>
> **He loves going outside, but we must pick up our toys inside before going
> outside. If he wants to go outside badly enough, he helps us pick up. Otherwise,
> we stay inside.**
>
> I wouldnt recommend coersion or bribing. What does it hurt to go play outside while there are toys not picked up?
>
> --- In [email protected], "swismiself" <swismiself@> wrote:
> >
> > I always ask him, politely, to help me do things. If he says no, I let it go.
> >
> > The only thing we ever press is picking up, but always as a game and as a choice. He loves going outside, but we must pick up our toys inside before going outside. If he wants to go outside badly enough, he helps us pick up. Otherwise, we stay inside. When he decides it's time to pick up, we make it fun and everyone helps.
> >
> > And, at least right now, the word chore has no negative connotation because we don't attribute any negative feelings towards it.
> >
> > As for baskets rather than a dresser, that would be counterproductive in my house. The baskets or boxes would just become a new toy: part of a fort, a hat, a present, etc. A dresser is a boring piece of furniture in which to hide your clean clothes :).
> >
> > --- In [email protected], Sandra Dodd <Sandra@> wrote:
> > >
> > > -=-I've been having my son help me put things away for several months
> > > now, but lately he just seems to "get" it, and I'm so pleased!-=-
> > >
> > > "Having" your son do things is something you might want to
> > > reconsider. Do you mean you asked him if he wanted to? "I've been
> > > having him..." sounds like you told him he "had to." "Have to" is one
> > > of those phrases...
> > >
> > > But if you meant you were doing it in a fun way and you offered to
> > > share the fun with him, that might be worth wording more cheerfully!
> > >
> > > -=-I'd really love to get him a dresser low to the ground so he can
> > > learn to do it without my help. -=-
> > >
> > > It doesn't have to be a dresser, does it? Could he use baskets or
> > > boxes? And it's not so much "to learn how to do it," as to have the
> > > opportunity to try if he wants to. He's only two.
> > >
> > > -=-We always try to do chores as a family; that way, everyone helps
> > > and it feels less like a chore.-=-
> > >
> > > It will help if you try not to use the word "chore." That might sound
> > > goofy to people who are new to these ideas, but there are words and
> > > phrases that have sorrow and negativity 100 years back or more, and
> > > "chore" is one of those words.
> > >
> > > Sandra
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> > >
> >
>