finding me again??
m_aduhene
hi all,
my children are 9,6 and 4.
i have been present for them for the whole of their lives so far. i have had only 6 weeks of absence from them due to a period in hospital.
i am available for them whenever they need and try my hardest to give as much attention to each as i can.
i just feel i have lost myself somewhere. i know i have changed and matured since my eldest was born. being a mother has tested me and made me question things about myself, my life, realtionships and many, many such positive things.
i just feel a bit lost now.
my youngest doesn't "need" me as much and i am finding i have time on my hands. i have never really been a hobbies person. this doesn't really bother me until i meet friends or come here to this group and you all seem to have "other parts" to your lives that you manage to maintain.
my husband works a lot and long hours and so i am the sole child carer which i love. if i begin something even washing the dishes i am usually asked to go help a child out (which i don't mind) but i just think if i were to begin a hobby then i would constantly have to put it away or leave it till later if someone needed something so it seems easier to not start one yet.....which i am fine with.
i just feel, if i am honest, a bit boring to be around....we do loads together me and the children. different places, meet up with friends and i love my life. BUT
i feel i need to "be" something and have some skills and talents like drawing or playing the piano etc. even following the threads on here i sometimes wonder if my brain has turned to mush as i read some of the theories and studies, and knowledge you all have.
blessings
michelle
my children are 9,6 and 4.
i have been present for them for the whole of their lives so far. i have had only 6 weeks of absence from them due to a period in hospital.
i am available for them whenever they need and try my hardest to give as much attention to each as i can.
i just feel i have lost myself somewhere. i know i have changed and matured since my eldest was born. being a mother has tested me and made me question things about myself, my life, realtionships and many, many such positive things.
i just feel a bit lost now.
my youngest doesn't "need" me as much and i am finding i have time on my hands. i have never really been a hobbies person. this doesn't really bother me until i meet friends or come here to this group and you all seem to have "other parts" to your lives that you manage to maintain.
my husband works a lot and long hours and so i am the sole child carer which i love. if i begin something even washing the dishes i am usually asked to go help a child out (which i don't mind) but i just think if i were to begin a hobby then i would constantly have to put it away or leave it till later if someone needed something so it seems easier to not start one yet.....which i am fine with.
i just feel, if i am honest, a bit boring to be around....we do loads together me and the children. different places, meet up with friends and i love my life. BUT
i feel i need to "be" something and have some skills and talents like drawing or playing the piano etc. even following the threads on here i sometimes wonder if my brain has turned to mush as i read some of the theories and studies, and knowledge you all have.
blessings
michelle
BRIAN POLIKOWSKY
It seems like your children and caring for your family is the most important thing right now for you and
if you don't have anything else the gives you more pleasure than your kids than that is it.
Are you feeling you need to have another passion or hobby just because other have them?
Why are you comparing yourself to others?
I have many many things that I gladly put on hold in my life because of my young children.
They are more important to me then those things and I am happy to be with my kids instead , for example,
at dog shows.
There may be many things you enjoy and even do right now that you are NOT seeing as a hobby or valuable.
DO you read? like movies? like cooking for your family? do you like helping at church?
those and much much more ARE hobbies too!
I enjoy looking for things on craigslist for my kids and going to the pool with them.
They are more satisfying for me than , for example, making scrapbooks about them.
Everyone is different and likes doing different things.
My children and family are my priority and at the top of the list of my passions in life.
They are my favorite hobby!
Everything about them brings me joy and happiness in life.
My life is full and complete because of my children.
Everything else does comes second.
Alex Polikowsky
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
if you don't have anything else the gives you more pleasure than your kids than that is it.
Are you feeling you need to have another passion or hobby just because other have them?
Why are you comparing yourself to others?
I have many many things that I gladly put on hold in my life because of my young children.
They are more important to me then those things and I am happy to be with my kids instead , for example,
at dog shows.
There may be many things you enjoy and even do right now that you are NOT seeing as a hobby or valuable.
DO you read? like movies? like cooking for your family? do you like helping at church?
those and much much more ARE hobbies too!
I enjoy looking for things on craigslist for my kids and going to the pool with them.
They are more satisfying for me than , for example, making scrapbooks about them.
Everyone is different and likes doing different things.
My children and family are my priority and at the top of the list of my passions in life.
They are my favorite hobby!
Everything about them brings me joy and happiness in life.
My life is full and complete because of my children.
Everything else does comes second.
Alex Polikowsky
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
BRIAN POLIKOWSKY
<<Everything else does comes second>>>
Correction~
Everthing else comes second.
Alex Polikowsky
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Correction~
Everthing else comes second.
Alex Polikowsky
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Schuyler
I can remember feeling that way when Simon and Linnaea were younger, they didn't need me as much and I was sort of third wheelie to their lives. And I felt like I really didn't have any interests or any things to go do when they were doing their own thing. I've since discovered, as they've actually grown older still and my time without them is growing as well, that the real problem was that they still needed me so much. It wasn't that I couldn't find things to putter about doing as much as it was that I didn't have true time to putter about. They needed me at fairly regular intervals. Or at fairly irregular regular intervals. So if I had sat down to do something within minutes I would get pulled away. I found that I tended to get irritable being pulled away from the thing I was doing, even though I was only doing whatever to fill the moments when Simon or Linnaea didn't need me.
In the end I found things that were sort of limbo-esque. Things that I didn't really care so much about and that I wouldn't mind getting pulled away from. You mentioned dishes, housework was one thing, but less frequent than others. More things like watching a cartoon or playing a video game or reading a magazine or looking for something on-line. Idling kinds of things. And things that were welcoming to both Simon and Linnaea.
I probably would worry less about finding yourself and just enjoy the change in flow throughout the day.
Schuyler
________________________________
hi all,
my children are 9,6 and 4.
i have been present for them for the whole of their lives so far. i have had only 6 weeks of absence from them due to a period in hospital.
i am available for them whenever they need and try my hardest to give as much attention to each as i can.
i just feel i have lost myself somewhere. i know i have changed and matured since my eldest was born. being a mother has tested me and made me question things about myself, my life, realtionships and many, many such positive things.
i just feel a bit lost now.
my youngest doesn't "need" me as much and i am finding i have time on my hands. i have never really been a hobbies person. this doesn't really bother me until i meet friends or come here to this group and you all seem to have "other parts" to your lives that you manage to maintain.
my husband works a lot and long hours and so i am the sole child carer which i love. if i begin something even washing the dishes i am usually asked to go help a child out (which i don't mind) but i just think if i were to begin a hobby then i would constantly have to put it away or leave it till later if someone needed something so it seems easier to not start one yet.....which i am fine with.
i just feel, if i am honest, a bit boring to be around....we do loads together me and the children. different places, meet up with friends and i love my life. BUT
i feel i need to "be" something and have some skills and talents like drawing or playing the piano etc. even following the threads on here i sometimes wonder if my brain has turned to mush as i read some of the theories and studies, and knowledge you all have.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
In the end I found things that were sort of limbo-esque. Things that I didn't really care so much about and that I wouldn't mind getting pulled away from. You mentioned dishes, housework was one thing, but less frequent than others. More things like watching a cartoon or playing a video game or reading a magazine or looking for something on-line. Idling kinds of things. And things that were welcoming to both Simon and Linnaea.
I probably would worry less about finding yourself and just enjoy the change in flow throughout the day.
Schuyler
________________________________
hi all,
my children are 9,6 and 4.
i have been present for them for the whole of their lives so far. i have had only 6 weeks of absence from them due to a period in hospital.
i am available for them whenever they need and try my hardest to give as much attention to each as i can.
i just feel i have lost myself somewhere. i know i have changed and matured since my eldest was born. being a mother has tested me and made me question things about myself, my life, realtionships and many, many such positive things.
i just feel a bit lost now.
my youngest doesn't "need" me as much and i am finding i have time on my hands. i have never really been a hobbies person. this doesn't really bother me until i meet friends or come here to this group and you all seem to have "other parts" to your lives that you manage to maintain.
my husband works a lot and long hours and so i am the sole child carer which i love. if i begin something even washing the dishes i am usually asked to go help a child out (which i don't mind) but i just think if i were to begin a hobby then i would constantly have to put it away or leave it till later if someone needed something so it seems easier to not start one yet.....which i am fine with.
i just feel, if i am honest, a bit boring to be around....we do loads together me and the children. different places, meet up with friends and i love my life. BUT
i feel i need to "be" something and have some skills and talents like drawing or playing the piano etc. even following the threads on here i sometimes wonder if my brain has turned to mush as i read some of the theories and studies, and knowledge you all have.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
k
I had Karl in my late 30s and only just gotten married about 3 years
before. So that's another thing. The timelines of different people
fall very differently!
Having a child to care for is very much all-consuming for me. Some
people for one reason or another aren't as fortunate to have the time
to put into their kid(s) -- finances or illness, etc pulls them away.
Everyone's focus is driven somewhat by necessity and somewhat by
choice.
Someone else might get a lot done but their body rebels against the
pace. I called a friend yesterday who I haven't talked with in a while
and she is in pain after 6 weeks of very welcome unaccustomed
mothering to a grown child who needed a place between jobs. He's going
to train for something he's wanted to do for a long time (I've
forgotten what). Normally she gardens all day. None of that is in the
realm of "hobby" really but full on passions. Parenting can definitely
be like that.
When I had Karl, it took some time to transition to parenting after
working and school for years and expecting to work more. I kept
feeling like I wasn't busy enough just sitting around nursing and
diapering and recouperating after birth and light housekeeping and
cooking! What it really IS is a lot activities people often think less
of even tho it's much needed in this world. It's all in the way we
think and talk about these things which can make it seem like
parenting isn't 100% wonderful.
~Katherine
before. So that's another thing. The timelines of different people
fall very differently!
Having a child to care for is very much all-consuming for me. Some
people for one reason or another aren't as fortunate to have the time
to put into their kid(s) -- finances or illness, etc pulls them away.
Everyone's focus is driven somewhat by necessity and somewhat by
choice.
Someone else might get a lot done but their body rebels against the
pace. I called a friend yesterday who I haven't talked with in a while
and she is in pain after 6 weeks of very welcome unaccustomed
mothering to a grown child who needed a place between jobs. He's going
to train for something he's wanted to do for a long time (I've
forgotten what). Normally she gardens all day. None of that is in the
realm of "hobby" really but full on passions. Parenting can definitely
be like that.
When I had Karl, it took some time to transition to parenting after
working and school for years and expecting to work more. I kept
feeling like I wasn't busy enough just sitting around nursing and
diapering and recouperating after birth and light housekeeping and
cooking! What it really IS is a lot activities people often think less
of even tho it's much needed in this world. It's all in the way we
think and talk about these things which can make it seem like
parenting isn't 100% wonderful.
~Katherine
On 7/4/10, m_aduhene <m_aduhene@...> wrote:
> hi all,
> my children are 9,6 and 4.
> i have been present for them for the whole of their lives so far. i have
> had only 6 weeks of absence from them due to a period in hospital.
> i am available for them whenever they need and try my hardest to give as
> much attention to each as i can.
> i just feel i have lost myself somewhere. i know i have changed and matured
> since my eldest was born. being a mother has tested me and made me question
> things about myself, my life, realtionships and many, many such positive
> things.
> i just feel a bit lost now.
> my youngest doesn't "need" me as much and i am finding i have time on my
> hands. i have never really been a hobbies person. this doesn't really
> bother me until i meet friends or come here to this group and you all seem
> to have "other parts" to your lives that you manage to maintain.
> my husband works a lot and long hours and so i am the sole child carer which
> i love. if i begin something even washing the dishes i am usually asked to
> go help a child out (which i don't mind) but i just think if i were to begin
> a hobby then i would constantly have to put it away or leave it till later
> if someone needed something so it seems easier to not start one
> yet.....which i am fine with.
> i just feel, if i am honest, a bit boring to be around....we do loads
> together me and the children. different places, meet up with friends and i
> love my life. BUT
> i feel i need to "be" something and have some skills and talents like
> drawing or playing the piano etc. even following the threads on here i
> sometimes wonder if my brain has turned to mush as i read some of the
> theories and studies, and knowledge you all have.
> blessings
> michelle
>
>
>
>
>
> ------------------------------------
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
renee_cabatic
I wanted to second what Alex and Schuyler said and add that when my twins were between 5 and 6 they had a surge of independence that left me feeling a bit lost with a fair amount of free-ish time on my hands. I tried a couple of different projects but they were distractions from my main interest. I soon realized this in part because of unschooling and this list. I settled into a comfortable place being available to Xander and XuMei.
They are 9 now and I do things with them. And when I'm doing something on my own (like writing this) I want to be able to drop whatever I am doing and be with them. I want to be able to answer questions when they ask them not when I am done with what I am doing.
And know this: Being able to be with kids and know them and meet their needs IS a huge talent and skill that not everyone has. Some people work harder at it than others. Some don't even try. But it is important and valuable.
speaking of..Xander is up and asking why do trees grow up? So I'm off...
Renee Cabatic
Ma to Xander and XuMei (9)
They are 9 now and I do things with them. And when I'm doing something on my own (like writing this) I want to be able to drop whatever I am doing and be with them. I want to be able to answer questions when they ask them not when I am done with what I am doing.
And know this: Being able to be with kids and know them and meet their needs IS a huge talent and skill that not everyone has. Some people work harder at it than others. Some don't even try. But it is important and valuable.
speaking of..Xander is up and asking why do trees grow up? So I'm off...
Renee Cabatic
Ma to Xander and XuMei (9)
Claire
A lot of my intellectual stimulation over the last three years has been through reading this list and other sources of unschooling info. I have found it endlessly rewarding to delve each day into the conundrums and dilemmas of unschoolers on the Always Learning list. It has been very empowering and confidence-building for me to develop a really robust set of ideas which guides my daily life with my kids.
So if you are an expert on your kids and are happy to devote lots of time and energy to your unschooling lives, then that IS you. You don't need to 'find you' again. However, you can allow yourself the same kinds of opportunities to experiment and explore that you provide for your kids. What kinds of things are you drawn to? Are you good with your hands? Knitting and other crafts are fairly easy to pick up and put down. Do you like to garden? A veggie patch (if you don't already have one) could be very rewarding for both you and the kids. Or how about a magazine subscription? A musical instrument? So many possibilities ...
One great thing I got last Christmas was a beautiful cookbook called 'Kitchen Garden Companion' by Stephanie Alexander, which brings together my interest in growing food and my desire to be a better cook. And since I am cooking dinner every night anyway, it's not like a whole new hobby requiring lots of time.
It is good to be a bit interesting, to be reasonably well-read, to have opinions and interests, because it makes you a well-rounded person - satisfying for you and a good role-model for your kids.
Claire
Melbourne, Australia
Kids - Ashlin,5 & Eden,3
So if you are an expert on your kids and are happy to devote lots of time and energy to your unschooling lives, then that IS you. You don't need to 'find you' again. However, you can allow yourself the same kinds of opportunities to experiment and explore that you provide for your kids. What kinds of things are you drawn to? Are you good with your hands? Knitting and other crafts are fairly easy to pick up and put down. Do you like to garden? A veggie patch (if you don't already have one) could be very rewarding for both you and the kids. Or how about a magazine subscription? A musical instrument? So many possibilities ...
One great thing I got last Christmas was a beautiful cookbook called 'Kitchen Garden Companion' by Stephanie Alexander, which brings together my interest in growing food and my desire to be a better cook. And since I am cooking dinner every night anyway, it's not like a whole new hobby requiring lots of time.
It is good to be a bit interesting, to be reasonably well-read, to have opinions and interests, because it makes you a well-rounded person - satisfying for you and a good role-model for your kids.
Claire
Melbourne, Australia
Kids - Ashlin,5 & Eden,3