DaBreeze21

A couple of the threads have really been resonating with me this week and I pulled a couple of short lines that really helped me with a personal breakthrough.

I have 2 kids, DD almost 4, and DS 10 months. The past month I have been feeling seriously sleep deprived. Neither one of them is sleeping poorly, it is just the combined effect of having two small children and that their schedules are different, so I am going to bed later with the baby, getting up earlier with my daughter, and nursing during the night. I sleep with them both and am really responsible for both of their sleep - But I am thankful that my husband works hard and supports me being home with the kids.

Anyways, I still end up feeling resentful especially on weekends when he is home and wants to take a nap. This past Sunday I was particularly grumpy in the morning as we went to church.

A few thoughts and feelings converged.

First this:

-=-ANYone with young children is going to have issues.-=-

Second:

-=-knowing that she'd like to do better, is where the assumption is-=-

As the mass started and the priest said the words about acknowledging our "sinfulness" I was thinking about the idea of trust and how I really believe that children WANT to do their best. Then I thought of myself and how I get frustrated because I want to be as patient, kind, and understanding with my husband as I am with my kids. It makes me even grumpier. And all of a sudden it clicked - *I* am doing my best and I know it because I am always thinking about it, trying to do better, trying to make the more peaceful choice, trying to change my attitude.

I felt a sudden shift inside - peaceful, happy, lighter... I think for a couple of reasons. For one, although *I* believe in the general goodness of humanity and children in particular, it does fly in the face of mainstream practices and religious ideas. But suddenly appreciating how hard it is for me to change something that I WANT to change made it much more concrete that it *must also* be true for children who have less experience. The other thing is that I suddenly felt softer with myself and because of that my bad mood dissipated and I was able to move on and be more the person I want to be with my husband.

I hope that this realization will help my relationships with children and husband. And it also highlighted for me how I can "know" something or believe something, but sometimes things come together in such a way that you *KNOW* it in a way that is much more profound.

Well, this is rambly but I thought it might help others. Also I seem to remember there being a list about Partner relationships run by Schuyler? I may be at a good time to join that if someone could point me towards it :-)

Susan

k

You know it's interesting. This post distills some of my own thinking
this week. One of my biggest hurdles is getting over the childhood I
had, not resenting it. Since it's in the past, of course it doesn't
move or change and I'm the one who can decide how I view it and what I
want to do with this present moment despite (or because of) things in
the past.

I like the fact that I could just as easily NOT put the two together,
past and present, as to connect them. I could load up the past, an
amoebic invisible nonentitiy, with all sorts of blame. I could also
see it as done with and not at all to blame for the present, even
while acknowledging that pieces of past events have effected the
present as I ALSO realize that I can't necessarily pinpoint all the
causes and their implications. Some things may never be back-tracked.

It's ok that much of my life continues to be filled with unknowns,
even as I learn more and more everyday.

For me, it's about accepting what is. Jenna Robertson blogged about
that here (er well, she called it "Fighting What Is" but it's about
NOT fighting it really):
http://withthefamily5.blogspot.com/2010/05/fighting-what-is.html

~Katherine







On 5/25/10, DaBreeze21 <susanmay15@...> wrote:
> A couple of the threads have really been resonating with me this week and I
> pulled a couple of short lines that really helped me with a personal
> breakthrough.
>
> I have 2 kids, DD almost 4, and DS 10 months. The past month I have been
> feeling seriously sleep deprived. Neither one of them is sleeping poorly, it
> is just the combined effect of having two small children and that their
> schedules are different, so I am going to bed later with the baby, getting
> up earlier with my daughter, and nursing during the night. I sleep with them
> both and am really responsible for both of their sleep - But I am thankful
> that my husband works hard and supports me being home with the kids.
>
> Anyways, I still end up feeling resentful especially on weekends when he is
> home and wants to take a nap. This past Sunday I was particularly grumpy in
> the morning as we went to church.
>
> A few thoughts and feelings converged.
>
> First this:
>
> -=-ANYone with young children is going to have issues.-=-
>
> Second:
>
> -=-knowing that she'd like to do better, is where the assumption is-=-
>
> As the mass started and the priest said the words about acknowledging our
> "sinfulness" I was thinking about the idea of trust and how I really believe
> that children WANT to do their best. Then I thought of myself and how I get
> frustrated because I want to be as patient, kind, and understanding with my
> husband as I am with my kids. It makes me even grumpier. And all of a sudden
> it clicked - *I* am doing my best and I know it because I am always thinking
> about it, trying to do better, trying to make the more peaceful choice,
> trying to change my attitude.
>
> I felt a sudden shift inside - peaceful, happy, lighter... I think for a
> couple of reasons. For one, although *I* believe in the general goodness of
> humanity and children in particular, it does fly in the face of mainstream
> practices and religious ideas. But suddenly appreciating how hard it is for
> me to change something that I WANT to change made it much more concrete that
> it *must also* be true for children who have less experience. The other
> thing is that I suddenly felt softer with myself and because of that my bad
> mood dissipated and I was able to move on and be more the person I want to
> be with my husband.
>
> I hope that this realization will help my relationships with children and
> husband. And it also highlighted for me how I can "know" something or
> believe something, but sometimes things come together in such a way that you
> *KNOW* it in a way that is much more profound.
>
> Well, this is rambly but I thought it might help others. Also I seem to
> remember there being a list about Partner relationships run by Schuyler? I
> may be at a good time to join that if someone could point me towards it :-)
>
> Susan
>
>
>
>
> ------------------------------------
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>

Schuyler

The list is at http://uk.groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingpartnerships/.

Schuyler




________________________________


Well, this is rambly but I thought it might help others. Also I seem to remember there being a list about Partner relationships run by Schuyler? I may be at a good time to join that if someone could point me towards it :-)

Susan

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