help with relatives...
Kelly Halldorson
Sigh...
I could use some help with relatives.
My mother specifically.
I was *accidentally* forwarded an email that was sent between her and her three sisters recently. It was really really negative about me...and my parenting. And it was clear this was a regular thing.
When my kids go over to visit her they generally come home really grumpy. They say they love it though...with some exceptions. Apparently when they are there my mother continuously harasses them about going to school. Even offering our eldest to live with her so he can go to school at their high school because he could play hockey, meet girls, etc etc.
They each handle it differently.
My daughter (from my perspective) handling it the best. She even told Zoe (my 12 year old) that if she goes to school "she'll learn to read and write" --- Zoe has been reading since she was 4. Zoe responded, "I CAN read and write"
The boys seem to be crumbling to the pressure a little. Living with my mother is probably enticing in some ways. They have a nice house, big flat screen tv, she will buy them all sorts of stuff...
She friends anyone I ever talk about on facebook. And it feels like she gathering intel.
I don't think it would be good to cut off contact but I'm really getting sick of this.
Thoughts? Any input would help. You can ask further questions if you'd like too. I just didn't want to make this too long.
Peace,
Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I could use some help with relatives.
My mother specifically.
I was *accidentally* forwarded an email that was sent between her and her three sisters recently. It was really really negative about me...and my parenting. And it was clear this was a regular thing.
When my kids go over to visit her they generally come home really grumpy. They say they love it though...with some exceptions. Apparently when they are there my mother continuously harasses them about going to school. Even offering our eldest to live with her so he can go to school at their high school because he could play hockey, meet girls, etc etc.
They each handle it differently.
My daughter (from my perspective) handling it the best. She even told Zoe (my 12 year old) that if she goes to school "she'll learn to read and write" --- Zoe has been reading since she was 4. Zoe responded, "I CAN read and write"
The boys seem to be crumbling to the pressure a little. Living with my mother is probably enticing in some ways. They have a nice house, big flat screen tv, she will buy them all sorts of stuff...
She friends anyone I ever talk about on facebook. And it feels like she gathering intel.
I don't think it would be good to cut off contact but I'm really getting sick of this.
Thoughts? Any input would help. You can ask further questions if you'd like too. I just didn't want to make this too long.
Peace,
Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-I was *accidentally* forwarded an email that was sent between her
and her three sisters recently. It was really really negative about
me...and my parenting. And it was clear this was a regular thing. -=-
Does she know you saw it?
Maybe you could send an e-mail to her and the three sisters and just
ask casually whether their parents approved of everything they did as
to marriage and child-rearing. Let them tell you stories.
Or if you want to send me your mom's address, I could accidentally
forward her what you sent to the list. :-)
Some notes from previous situations/discussions:
http://sandradodd.com/relatives/responding
http://anunschoolinglife.com/talking-to-an-unschooled-child/
http://sandradodd.com/relatives/
http://sandradodd.com/relatives/differences
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
and her three sisters recently. It was really really negative about
me...and my parenting. And it was clear this was a regular thing. -=-
Does she know you saw it?
Maybe you could send an e-mail to her and the three sisters and just
ask casually whether their parents approved of everything they did as
to marriage and child-rearing. Let them tell you stories.
Or if you want to send me your mom's address, I could accidentally
forward her what you sent to the list. :-)
Some notes from previous situations/discussions:
http://sandradodd.com/relatives/responding
http://anunschoolinglife.com/talking-to-an-unschooled-child/
http://sandradodd.com/relatives/
http://sandradodd.com/relatives/differences
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Pam Sorooshian
On 5/16/2010 7:06 PM, Kelly Halldorson wrote:
What did she say about the email? And have you told her not to talk to
your kids about school? If so, how did she respond to that?
-pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> Thoughts? Any input would help. You can ask further questions if you'dKelly,
> like too. I just didn't want to make this too long.
What did she say about the email? And have you told her not to talk to
your kids about school? If so, how did she respond to that?
-pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
k
When my parents pull this kind of stuff, Karl hates it and we back way
way off the visiting. In fact that just happened this week. My dad
(the stinker) was carrying on about reading, how it's the window to
knowledge, which isn't true as in being the ONLY window to knowledge.
There are lots of windows to knowledge, many many portals! And anyway
reading is coming for Karl and I don't want it messed with thank you.
So tho we were invited for Father's day/birthday ... we may
conveniently defer to Karl's dad's work schedule and let it slide. I
have told my dad to butt out (nicely) but I may just use my old tried
and true method of avoidance. That's the only thing that has worked
with him. He's a hard one. Not all grandparents are so immune to their
child's and grandchild's appeals to them.
Maybe there's some way you can help your kids to obtain a big screen
tv. I was on freecycle a few years ago and scads of those were up for
grabs at that time. Try craigslist as well.
~Katherine
way off the visiting. In fact that just happened this week. My dad
(the stinker) was carrying on about reading, how it's the window to
knowledge, which isn't true as in being the ONLY window to knowledge.
There are lots of windows to knowledge, many many portals! And anyway
reading is coming for Karl and I don't want it messed with thank you.
So tho we were invited for Father's day/birthday ... we may
conveniently defer to Karl's dad's work schedule and let it slide. I
have told my dad to butt out (nicely) but I may just use my old tried
and true method of avoidance. That's the only thing that has worked
with him. He's a hard one. Not all grandparents are so immune to their
child's and grandchild's appeals to them.
Maybe there's some way you can help your kids to obtain a big screen
tv. I was on freecycle a few years ago and scads of those were up for
grabs at that time. Try craigslist as well.
~Katherine
On 5/16/10, Kelly Halldorson <kelly@...> wrote:
> Sigh...
>
> I could use some help with relatives.
>
> My mother specifically.
>
> I was *accidentally* forwarded an email that was sent between her and her
> three sisters recently. It was really really negative about me...and my
> parenting. And it was clear this was a regular thing.
>
> When my kids go over to visit her they generally come home really grumpy.
> They say they love it though...with some exceptions. Apparently when they
> are there my mother continuously harasses them about going to school. Even
> offering our eldest to live with her so he can go to school at their high
> school because he could play hockey, meet girls, etc etc.
>
> They each handle it differently.
>
> My daughter (from my perspective) handling it the best. She even told Zoe
> (my 12 year old) that if she goes to school "she'll learn to read and write"
> --- Zoe has been reading since she was 4. Zoe responded, "I CAN read and
> write"
>
> The boys seem to be crumbling to the pressure a little. Living with my
> mother is probably enticing in some ways. They have a nice house, big flat
> screen tv, she will buy them all sorts of stuff...
>
> She friends anyone I ever talk about on facebook. And it feels like she
> gathering intel.
>
> I don't think it would be good to cut off contact but I'm really getting
> sick of this.
>
> Thoughts? Any input would help. You can ask further questions if you'd like
> too. I just didn't want to make this too long.
>
> Peace,
> Kelly
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
> ------------------------------------
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
Kelly Halldorson
>Does she know you saw it?Yes, they all do. I emailed them all and apologized that I had let them down. Only one called me.
I forwarded the email to all of them and wrote:
"I see why I was left out of the loop. I'm sorry I let you all down."
The one who *accidentally* sent it to me wrote:
"too many issues. too many people trying to do good deeds"
The original email wasn't only about me it also had information about my grandfather who had recently passed away.
Another aunt called me and said she was sorry and that we should get together more. My mother didn't say anything.
>0Maybe you could send an e-mail to her and the three sisters and justI did end up doing this. I also wrote in no uncertain terms that my mother is in no position to criticize. I'm mean she is...anybody is really but the idea that they are *listening* is a bit absurd.
>ask casually whether their parents approved of everything they did as
>to marriage and child-rearing.
My childhood was a joke. I grew up in the projects. I don't remember ever not knowing what cocaine was or looked like. My father beat my mother. He was a drunk. Seriously...I could go on and on...but I won't bore you. She constantly told me she should have given me up for adoption. (She didn't even tell her parents I existed until I was 6-8 months old)
I could go on and on but I won't bore you.
>Let them tell you stories.Because of the closeness in age. They are 56, 55, 47 & 46. I am 37 and there isn't another grandchild until my oldest. I was really a fifth sister. I've lived all their stories (except the older two). And my grandmother watched me while my mother worked for years until she died.
>Or if you want to send me your mom's address, I could accidentallyforward her what you sent to the list. :-)
LOL.
>Some notes from previous situations/discussions:I've read most of these but I'll have to revisit. I appreciate the links.
I had decided to just be positive and keep the relationship all good talk thinking that would work. It doesn't seem to be. I would appear she is polluting my relationships with everyone. Yesterday my grandfather (paternal) called. He had spoken to my mother. And he was particularly harsh with me and Jeff. I did some questioning and apparently my mother wasn't kind about us.
Since we are struggling and my mother has a nice house now and is retired from her job. Everyone seems to think she has her head on straight...and we just suck. Because she "worked hard to get where she is in life" - kind of thing.
I realize I can't change it. It's wearing on me a little. I want to handle it in a good way...but it seems to be creeping up at me...the negativity and anger.
One last piece of background. In 2002 & 2004 my mother went through menopause and had two psychotic breaks. Serious, thought the TV was talking to her and such. The second time I actually got guardianship over her to get her treatment.
I've spent much of my adult and childhood caring for her mental well being. I think some of this whole thing is I'm now focusing *all* of that energy on Jeff and the kids.
I might be wrong.
Thanks again for all the input.
Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-My dad
(the stinker) was carrying on about reading, how it's the window to
knowledge, which isn't true as in being the ONLY window to knowledge.
There are lots of windows to knowledge, many many portals! And anyway
reading is coming for Karl and I don't want it messed with thank you.-=-
Maybe you could equip Karl with a handful of conversation continuers.
He could ask your dad how old he was when he learned to read and what
helped. If your dad says "I don't remember" that would be
significant. <g>
He could ask your dad what's the best thing he ever learned from a
book, which of his books are his favorites, and if he pulls down a
book in particular, Karl could ask him questions. What did you learn
from it? Were there other ways to learn that without the book?
Karl might have no interest whatsoever in such responses, but when I
was a kid I would've LOVED it. Not all kids are like I was, but I
still do remember learning to read, and it was while I was in school,
but I think it was me trying to figure out WHY they were telling us
what they were telling us. In first grade I was in a Tarrant County
school, in a rural edge of Fort Worth, and they were doing Look-Say.
We moved to northern New Mexico, and it was all phonics. So I got the
full intro both ways. I still remember some of the charts and
workbook pages. I remember challenging a teacher's decision about
whether a particular illustration was a cup or a mug. Big difference,
in phonics. I told her mugs had straighter sides than cups, and what
was drawn there was for sure a cup and not a mug.
If Karl could talk to your dad and draw out stories and answers to
make your dad think more about his own position and beliefs, it
probably couldn't hurt either of them.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
(the stinker) was carrying on about reading, how it's the window to
knowledge, which isn't true as in being the ONLY window to knowledge.
There are lots of windows to knowledge, many many portals! And anyway
reading is coming for Karl and I don't want it messed with thank you.-=-
Maybe you could equip Karl with a handful of conversation continuers.
He could ask your dad how old he was when he learned to read and what
helped. If your dad says "I don't remember" that would be
significant. <g>
He could ask your dad what's the best thing he ever learned from a
book, which of his books are his favorites, and if he pulls down a
book in particular, Karl could ask him questions. What did you learn
from it? Were there other ways to learn that without the book?
Karl might have no interest whatsoever in such responses, but when I
was a kid I would've LOVED it. Not all kids are like I was, but I
still do remember learning to read, and it was while I was in school,
but I think it was me trying to figure out WHY they were telling us
what they were telling us. In first grade I was in a Tarrant County
school, in a rural edge of Fort Worth, and they were doing Look-Say.
We moved to northern New Mexico, and it was all phonics. So I got the
full intro both ways. I still remember some of the charts and
workbook pages. I remember challenging a teacher's decision about
whether a particular illustration was a cup or a mug. Big difference,
in phonics. I told her mugs had straighter sides than cups, and what
was drawn there was for sure a cup and not a mug.
If Karl could talk to your dad and draw out stories and answers to
make your dad think more about his own position and beliefs, it
probably couldn't hurt either of them.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Kelly
> When my parents pull this kind of stuff, Karl hates it and we back wayFor the most part the kids hate it too. Wolfgang and Griffin both say they don't want to live with them and it annoys them.
> way off the visiting.
And maybe they are not really crumbling to the pressure. :) Maybe what they tell me they say to her is more just their way of dealing with it. It just feels a little like leading her on. But the more I think about it the more I think maybe the kids are annoyed with it but coping and I'm the one with the bigger issue?
> There are lots of windows to knowledge, many many portals! And anywayWhen relatives talk about something interesting my kids (and I sometimes) like to ask "where did you learn that?" in interested tone of voice.
That is a casual way to remind people that there are many many windows.
Peace,
Kelly
Vicki Dennis
A bit of a tangent but I remember other illustrations. Particularly with
the school speech therapist (I had a lisp for years plus I was 12 before I
unflattened my r's by becoming conscious of how I formed each word in
conversation.............slowed down the oral communicaton for sure!).
Anyway.......for "speech" purposes consider how to determine whether you are
seeing a "couch" or a "sofa". Or even a "divan" although we all knew that
the card makers did not use that word although some of our neighbors did.
There was even a card meant to elicit "stoop" from these working class
southern elementary age ragamuffins to test the "st" initial sound. I don't
remember whether it finally got moved to the ending "ch" in "porch" or if
the therapist decided that "steps" was sufficient to her needs.
There was "refrigerator" versus "ice box" (even if the picture did
presumably have an electrical cord).
"Bus" or "Street car". "Trousers" or "Pants". "Coke" or "Pop".
I also learned to read in first grade in Texas with "look-say" and was
introduced to phonics in third grade. Good thing I was already an excellent
reader so that phonics was a fun puzzle. It was a nice supplement. Our
initial reading "curriculum" was Dick and Jane (and Sally, Spot, and a cat)
I like your description of the difference between cups and mugs. Did you
ever discuss the difference between jars and bottles? And which is used for
honey? Or mayonnaise?
vicki
the school speech therapist (I had a lisp for years plus I was 12 before I
unflattened my r's by becoming conscious of how I formed each word in
conversation.............slowed down the oral communicaton for sure!).
Anyway.......for "speech" purposes consider how to determine whether you are
seeing a "couch" or a "sofa". Or even a "divan" although we all knew that
the card makers did not use that word although some of our neighbors did.
There was even a card meant to elicit "stoop" from these working class
southern elementary age ragamuffins to test the "st" initial sound. I don't
remember whether it finally got moved to the ending "ch" in "porch" or if
the therapist decided that "steps" was sufficient to her needs.
There was "refrigerator" versus "ice box" (even if the picture did
presumably have an electrical cord).
"Bus" or "Street car". "Trousers" or "Pants". "Coke" or "Pop".
I also learned to read in first grade in Texas with "look-say" and was
introduced to phonics in third grade. Good thing I was already an excellent
reader so that phonics was a fun puzzle. It was a nice supplement. Our
initial reading "curriculum" was Dick and Jane (and Sally, Spot, and a cat)
I like your description of the difference between cups and mugs. Did you
ever discuss the difference between jars and bottles? And which is used for
honey? Or mayonnaise?
vicki
On Mon, May 17, 2010 at 10:33 AM, Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
>
> I still remember some of the charts and
> workbook pages. I remember challenging a teacher's decision about
> whether a particular illustration was a cup or a mug. Big difference,
> in phonics. I told her mugs had straighter sides than cups, and what
> was drawn there was for sure a cup and not a mug.
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-Our initial reading "curriculum" was Dick and Jane (and Sally,
Spot, and a cat)
Same here. They always played with their wagon. And boxes. Easy
words to read; easy things to draw.
-=-I like your description of the difference between cups and mugs.
Did you
ever discuss the difference between jars and bottles? And which is
used for
honey? Or mayonnaise?-=-
No, but I could contribute to such a discussion. <g>
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Spot, and a cat)
Same here. They always played with their wagon. And boxes. Easy
words to read; easy things to draw.
-=-I like your description of the difference between cups and mugs.
Did you
ever discuss the difference between jars and bottles? And which is
used for
honey? Or mayonnaise?-=-
No, but I could contribute to such a discussion. <g>
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
k
Thanks for those ideas, Sandra.
My dad is more like his parent's generation than his own, I think.
Karl is used to being around people who behave very very differently.
I'm glad that we've taken up unschooling. (Oh my what an
understatement! lol) Our lives aren't like the lives we grew up in.
We visit family less and less often and keep visits short for lots of
reasons. I don't leave Karl alone with the grans. I happened to look
out the window years ago during a visit, and one of them was spanking
Karl (he was about 2 years old). His cousins got spanked by parents
and grans, but because of how we are with Karl and the way Karl is
(easygoing, sweet kid), the parents have said they cut way back on the
spanking, and the spanking grandparent has become too frail to spank
anymore. Now that things have changed a bit, Karl's ok with staying
with cousins alone (still rarely) but not for long periods. I used to
think we might be overreacting or over-thinking but now I think it
definitely works out much better than Karl dealing on the spot where
it would be easy for him to get labeled a troublemaker, which we were
warned prematurely about when he was younger. A troublemaker for not
knowing what to do in very very different circumstances than what he
has with just the two of us.
Thanks for your ideas because it's more typical of me (and Brian) to
avoid the subject of relatives and things to talk about than to be
proactive. Avoidance isn't a productive default for when we *do*
visit.
My responses when my dad (and mom) were touting the importance of
phonics last week were that we're using a combination of phonics and
word recognition and several other things (li'l educationese in for
good measure). Which is true ... not formally but there's no need to
insist that what I'm doing is so informally done or to excite more
worry. My parents will likely never be pro-unschooling. It would be a
nice surprise if that happened!
My dad will be 80 this year. I know a lot about why he's so sternly
pro-education. He grew up very rough and went on to get a PhD in
entomology. I can see why he's proud of his accomplishments; they're
really something! I don't memorize stuff like he does. He's a keen
botanist with a great deal of other knowledge about the sciences. I'm
only just now getting into science myself (astronomy, an interest I've
not followed up on all the years I've had it). Since he's a
creationist and I'm into evolution (Karl said something during our
visit about spiders evolving, which I thought was cool! but oops), I
don't know how much I can share my interest with my dad but I might
find some fun things he would like to talk about.
Except for the way they want Karl to look upstanding and obedient and
all that, to sit still and answer 20 questions about his education,
visits with my parents are now pretty enjoyable. Somehow I manage to
skate over the thin ice when politics or religion loom into the convo.
And hey since I said that, maybe I'll go more often without Karl. Like
for Father's day and all. An option worth thinking about as Karl says
going to see my folks is boring and he doesn't like it. Yeah,
definitely I want to give Karl more things to say proactively in
talking with my folks.
~Katherine
My dad is more like his parent's generation than his own, I think.
Karl is used to being around people who behave very very differently.
I'm glad that we've taken up unschooling. (Oh my what an
understatement! lol) Our lives aren't like the lives we grew up in.
We visit family less and less often and keep visits short for lots of
reasons. I don't leave Karl alone with the grans. I happened to look
out the window years ago during a visit, and one of them was spanking
Karl (he was about 2 years old). His cousins got spanked by parents
and grans, but because of how we are with Karl and the way Karl is
(easygoing, sweet kid), the parents have said they cut way back on the
spanking, and the spanking grandparent has become too frail to spank
anymore. Now that things have changed a bit, Karl's ok with staying
with cousins alone (still rarely) but not for long periods. I used to
think we might be overreacting or over-thinking but now I think it
definitely works out much better than Karl dealing on the spot where
it would be easy for him to get labeled a troublemaker, which we were
warned prematurely about when he was younger. A troublemaker for not
knowing what to do in very very different circumstances than what he
has with just the two of us.
Thanks for your ideas because it's more typical of me (and Brian) to
avoid the subject of relatives and things to talk about than to be
proactive. Avoidance isn't a productive default for when we *do*
visit.
My responses when my dad (and mom) were touting the importance of
phonics last week were that we're using a combination of phonics and
word recognition and several other things (li'l educationese in for
good measure). Which is true ... not formally but there's no need to
insist that what I'm doing is so informally done or to excite more
worry. My parents will likely never be pro-unschooling. It would be a
nice surprise if that happened!
My dad will be 80 this year. I know a lot about why he's so sternly
pro-education. He grew up very rough and went on to get a PhD in
entomology. I can see why he's proud of his accomplishments; they're
really something! I don't memorize stuff like he does. He's a keen
botanist with a great deal of other knowledge about the sciences. I'm
only just now getting into science myself (astronomy, an interest I've
not followed up on all the years I've had it). Since he's a
creationist and I'm into evolution (Karl said something during our
visit about spiders evolving, which I thought was cool! but oops), I
don't know how much I can share my interest with my dad but I might
find some fun things he would like to talk about.
Except for the way they want Karl to look upstanding and obedient and
all that, to sit still and answer 20 questions about his education,
visits with my parents are now pretty enjoyable. Somehow I manage to
skate over the thin ice when politics or religion loom into the convo.
And hey since I said that, maybe I'll go more often without Karl. Like
for Father's day and all. An option worth thinking about as Karl says
going to see my folks is boring and he doesn't like it. Yeah,
definitely I want to give Karl more things to say proactively in
talking with my folks.
~Katherine
On 5/17/10, Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
> -=-My dad
> (the stinker) was carrying on about reading, how it's the window to
> knowledge, which isn't true as in being the ONLY window to knowledge.
> There are lots of windows to knowledge, many many portals! And anyway
> reading is coming for Karl and I don't want it messed with thank you.-=-
>
>
> Maybe you could equip Karl with a handful of conversation continuers.
> He could ask your dad how old he was when he learned to read and what
> helped. If your dad says "I don't remember" that would be
> significant. <g>
>
> He could ask your dad what's the best thing he ever learned from a
> book, which of his books are his favorites, and if he pulls down a
> book in particular, Karl could ask him questions. What did you learn
> from it? Were there other ways to learn that without the book?
>
> Karl might have no interest whatsoever in such responses, but when I
> was a kid I would've LOVED it. Not all kids are like I was, but I
> still do remember learning to read, and it was while I was in school,
> but I think it was me trying to figure out WHY they were telling us
> what they were telling us. In first grade I was in a Tarrant County
> school, in a rural edge of Fort Worth, and they were doing Look-Say.
> We moved to northern New Mexico, and it was all phonics. So I got the
> full intro both ways. I still remember some of the charts and
> workbook pages. I remember challenging a teacher's decision about
> whether a particular illustration was a cup or a mug. Big difference,
> in phonics. I told her mugs had straighter sides than cups, and what
> was drawn there was for sure a cup and not a mug.
>
> If Karl could talk to your dad and draw out stories and answers to
> make your dad think more about his own position and beliefs, it
> probably couldn't hurt either of them.
>
> Sandra
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
> ------------------------------------
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
Sandra Dodd
Maybe when you visit without Karl, you could ask your dad some of
those book things, and about what he's learned without books.
Maybe if there's an internet opportunity, you could show him
entomology sites online, and videos of bugs actually DOING things--
building webs, laying eggs, eating other bugs.
It wouldn't be about Karl at all.
Sandra
those book things, and about what he's learned without books.
Maybe if there's an internet opportunity, you could show him
entomology sites online, and videos of bugs actually DOING things--
building webs, laying eggs, eating other bugs.
It wouldn't be about Karl at all.
Sandra
k
I could do that for sure, Sandra. I've been playing distract my dad
and change the subject for a long time. This would be different. :D
Bummer their interest in the internet is so minuscule but I could send
him an email right before I go visit and tell him to check his inbox
for the surprise. I'm doing it!
~Katherine
and change the subject for a long time. This would be different. :D
Bummer their interest in the internet is so minuscule but I could send
him an email right before I go visit and tell him to check his inbox
for the surprise. I'm doing it!
~Katherine
On 5/17/10, Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
> Maybe when you visit without Karl, you could ask your dad some of
> those book things, and about what he's learned without books.
>
> Maybe if there's an internet opportunity, you could show him
> entomology sites online, and videos of bugs actually DOING things--
> building webs, laying eggs, eating other bugs.
>
> It wouldn't be about Karl at all.
>
> Sandra
>
>
> ------------------------------------
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
Chris Sanders
> We visit family less and less often and keep visits short for lots ofThis topic came up at a good time for me, it seems. My in-laws have
> reasons.
invited Zoe (12) out for dinner tomorrow night. This just came out of
the blue. They've never really spent one-on-one time with her. They
have 15 grandchildren, most of them live here in town near them. It
seems that Zoe may have suddenly appeared on their radar. I have no
clue why they want to take her out for dinner. I want to give them
the benefit of the doubt, and think that they justwant to spend some
nice time with her, but I'm anxious that they may be trying to size
her up, see how she's doing academically or something. They made it
clear to us when Zach was 5, that they did not think that we should
homeschool. We pretty much dropped the subject with them - non-
negotiable. We attachment parent and so our kids haven't spent
overnights with their grandparents like all the other cousins have.
Our two kids have spent far less time with their grandparents than the
other grandchildren -- and the grandparents struggle to find ways to
connect conversationally with them.
Zach, (now 19) seeks out his grandfather to discuss history - a shared
passion, but I don't think they know anything about Zoe's interests
(video games, drawing, singing, reading and writing.) I'm thinking
about offering some conversation prompts to them but am struggling
with the best way to present them. I'm nervous that they'll try to
quiz her.
Any advice?
Chris in IA
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=- I'm thinking
about offering some conversation prompts to them but am struggling
with the best way to present them. I'm nervous that they'll try to
quiz her.
Any advice?-=-
Make sure she has a cellphone with her. Call her twenty minutes in
and let them know you're checking to see if she's having fun or
whether she wants a ride home. <G>
Or tell her that if she gets uncomfortable to call you, and to SAY "My
mom said if this was an examination I should call home and get a ride."
(Smart-ass ideas, but ideas...)
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
about offering some conversation prompts to them but am struggling
with the best way to present them. I'm nervous that they'll try to
quiz her.
Any advice?-=-
Make sure she has a cellphone with her. Call her twenty minutes in
and let them know you're checking to see if she's having fun or
whether she wants a ride home. <G>
Or tell her that if she gets uncomfortable to call you, and to SAY "My
mom said if this was an examination I should call home and get a ride."
(Smart-ass ideas, but ideas...)
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Deb Lewis
Can you just be busy with other, better things on the days the kids would have gone to your mom's? You don't have to decide to cut off contact, just be otherwise occupied for awhile. It's summer, that's a good enough excuse to have a lot going on. Have a few general plans and if she calls and invites kids over you could say, "Oh, that's the day we're going to the moon" or whatever.
And if your kids get lonely for your mom, have her over to your house, or invite her along on some outing. She'll probably behave herself better in your house or with you there. And if she doesn't you can tell her to zip it.
At some point your kids themselves will start easing the fears of your family members because they will be just so obviously happy and smart and cool.
Deb Lewis
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
And if your kids get lonely for your mom, have her over to your house, or invite her along on some outing. She'll probably behave herself better in your house or with you there. And if she doesn't you can tell her to zip it.
At some point your kids themselves will start easing the fears of your family members because they will be just so obviously happy and smart and cool.
Deb Lewis
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
deedeanne
Hi Kelly,
I had similar issues with my mother and step-dad a few years back. Some of the problems I saw were more of a problem for me than they were for my kids, because they didn't have all the history with my mom that I did. I had to work at keeping my reactions to my parents my own, and to let my kids have their own.
I talked with my kids at length about how they felt about their time together and let my kids be the ones deciding what was right for them. However, we did not often let them spend time alone with their grandparents when they were younger and more vunerable to their manipulative conversation tactics. It was difficult at times because the grandparents could afford to offer them lots more opportunities for travel and activities than my DH and I could. We payed our own way to be a part of trips/activities that they funded for our kids.
One mistake I think I made was letting my parents know that my children could choose to go to school if they wanted. That left the door open for my mother to try to sway them into going to school. My kids started to feel that they "should" go to school, not that they really wanted to. She made it seem like they were missing out on something that they would regret later. She created such doubt and insecurity in my kids that I finally told her to not talk to them about school at all. If she had any questions at all, she was to come directly to me. I answered her questions and gave her printed articles and links to learn more, in an attempt to alleviate her fears about their future. She still doesn't understand our "unstructured" life, but we made it clear that she has to accept it if she wants to be a part of our lives.
I think I am as far from confrontational as I can be, but when it comes to my kids, I find lots of courage to speak up. I would definitely talk to your mother about the e-mail, because these things don't just go away. If you think that your mother's attitude and/or actions are detrimental to your kids' well-being, you have every right to stop it. Whether that means talking things out with her, or it means always being with the kids when they're with their grandparents, or cutting down/out contact all together, is up to you. And what you decide to do may change over time. Now that my kids are older they are able to say, "Oh that's just how Grandma is, " and brush it off. Let your kids feelings about it all help guide your decisions, and the responses you get from talking to your mom should help give you more clarity.
Wishing you all the best as you sort this out.
Deanne
I had similar issues with my mother and step-dad a few years back. Some of the problems I saw were more of a problem for me than they were for my kids, because they didn't have all the history with my mom that I did. I had to work at keeping my reactions to my parents my own, and to let my kids have their own.
I talked with my kids at length about how they felt about their time together and let my kids be the ones deciding what was right for them. However, we did not often let them spend time alone with their grandparents when they were younger and more vunerable to their manipulative conversation tactics. It was difficult at times because the grandparents could afford to offer them lots more opportunities for travel and activities than my DH and I could. We payed our own way to be a part of trips/activities that they funded for our kids.
One mistake I think I made was letting my parents know that my children could choose to go to school if they wanted. That left the door open for my mother to try to sway them into going to school. My kids started to feel that they "should" go to school, not that they really wanted to. She made it seem like they were missing out on something that they would regret later. She created such doubt and insecurity in my kids that I finally told her to not talk to them about school at all. If she had any questions at all, she was to come directly to me. I answered her questions and gave her printed articles and links to learn more, in an attempt to alleviate her fears about their future. She still doesn't understand our "unstructured" life, but we made it clear that she has to accept it if she wants to be a part of our lives.
I think I am as far from confrontational as I can be, but when it comes to my kids, I find lots of courage to speak up. I would definitely talk to your mother about the e-mail, because these things don't just go away. If you think that your mother's attitude and/or actions are detrimental to your kids' well-being, you have every right to stop it. Whether that means talking things out with her, or it means always being with the kids when they're with their grandparents, or cutting down/out contact all together, is up to you. And what you decide to do may change over time. Now that my kids are older they are able to say, "Oh that's just how Grandma is, " and brush it off. Let your kids feelings about it all help guide your decisions, and the responses you get from talking to your mom should help give you more clarity.
Wishing you all the best as you sort this out.
Deanne
--- In [email protected], "Kelly Halldorson" <kelly@...> wrote:
>
> Sigh...
>
> I could use some help with relatives.
>
> My mother specifically.
>
> I was *accidentally* forwarded an email that was sent between her and her three sisters recently. It was really really negative about me...and my parenting. And it was clear this was a regular thing.
>
> When my kids go over to visit her they generally come home really grumpy. They say they love it though...with some exceptions. Apparently when they are there my mother continuously harasses them about going to school. Even offering our eldest to live with her so he can go to school at their high school because he could play hockey, meet girls, etc etc.
>
> They each handle it differently.
>
> My daughter (from my perspective) handling it the best. She even told Zoe (my 12 year old) that if she goes to school "she'll learn to read and write" --- Zoe has been reading since she was 4. Zoe responded, "I CAN read and write"
>
> The boys seem to be crumbling to the pressure a little. Living with my mother is probably enticing in some ways. They have a nice house, big flat screen tv, she will buy them all sorts of stuff...
>
> She friends anyone I ever talk about on facebook. And it feels like she gathering intel.
>
> I don't think it would be good to cut off contact but I'm really getting sick of this.
>
> Thoughts? Any input would help. You can ask further questions if you'd like too. I just didn't want to make this too long.
>
> Peace,
> Kelly
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
[email protected]
Chris, I have the same angst when my kids r alone w/my in laws. In
the past they have quizzed them & tried to tell them how great school
& church r. So I limited their alone time with them a lot. I also
sent them an email telling them it was not OK and they were hurting
their relationship w/ their grandkids. I also mentioned that I felt I
was doing what was in their best interest & if they had some questions
or concerns they should direct them towards me.
Anyway, Graham recently had an afternoon with them & he had fun, none
of the 3rd degree happened. I called numerous times to c if he wanted
to leave. I hope Zoes day turns out as well.:)
Amy G
Iowap
Sent from my iPod
the past they have quizzed them & tried to tell them how great school
& church r. So I limited their alone time with them a lot. I also
sent them an email telling them it was not OK and they were hurting
their relationship w/ their grandkids. I also mentioned that I felt I
was doing what was in their best interest & if they had some questions
or concerns they should direct them towards me.
Anyway, Graham recently had an afternoon with them & he had fun, none
of the 3rd degree happened. I called numerous times to c if he wanted
to leave. I hope Zoes day turns out as well.:)
Amy G
Iowap
Sent from my iPod
keetry
> -=-Our initial reading "curriculum" was Dick and Jane (and Sally,I'm amazed that you can remember that. I have absolutely no recollection of how my schools taught reading. I wonder if maybe I already could read before I got to school. I don't remember a time when I couldn't read but that may just be because we always had books around and my parents were always reading to themselves and to us kids. I'll have to ask my parents if they remember when I started reading.
> Spot, and a cat)
>
> Same here. They always played with their wagon. And boxes. Easy
> words to read; easy things to draw.
I went to a Montessori school for kindergarten and then public school beginning in 1st grade. Does anyone know if Montessori has a particular way of teaching reading and when they start?
Alysia
keetry
==My parents will likely never be pro-unschooling.==
I was very surprised by my parents' reactions to my home/unschooling. My mother was a public high school teacher for years but hasn't been working in that profession for at least 15 years now. As a parent, though, she was not strict or rigid about chores or homework or going to school or behaving properly. My dad is a college math professor. He just retired completely this year. He was a very strict, disciplinarian parent. He made us eat all the food on our plates, only have 2 cookies for dessert at the end of the day. He'd spank us if we didn't quiet down and go to sleep at bedtime. He would get very angry if we made even the slightest mistake, like spilling a glass of milk at the dinner table.
So, I figured my mom would take to unschooling rather easily and I'd get a lot of guff from my dad. Turned out to be the complete opposite. I had to tell my mom not to bring up anything about my kids' education in front of them again because she was so nasty about it. We can't discuss it because she gets so angry with me that I'm not teaching them. My dad, on the other hand, has never questioned anything I say or do. I thought he'd give me lectures about putting the kids to bed at a reasonable time and making them eat all their green veggies but he hasn't said a word.
I think it's less about what they think about home- or unschooling and more about knowing boundaries. My dad understands that these are my kids and I can screw them up all I want, thank you very much. ;) My mom has this sort of manipulative, behind-the-back need to be the most important person so she tries to undermine me and what I do in front of my kids. Interestingly, she doesn't behave badly or question anything when my husband is around.
Alysia
I was very surprised by my parents' reactions to my home/unschooling. My mother was a public high school teacher for years but hasn't been working in that profession for at least 15 years now. As a parent, though, she was not strict or rigid about chores or homework or going to school or behaving properly. My dad is a college math professor. He just retired completely this year. He was a very strict, disciplinarian parent. He made us eat all the food on our plates, only have 2 cookies for dessert at the end of the day. He'd spank us if we didn't quiet down and go to sleep at bedtime. He would get very angry if we made even the slightest mistake, like spilling a glass of milk at the dinner table.
So, I figured my mom would take to unschooling rather easily and I'd get a lot of guff from my dad. Turned out to be the complete opposite. I had to tell my mom not to bring up anything about my kids' education in front of them again because she was so nasty about it. We can't discuss it because she gets so angry with me that I'm not teaching them. My dad, on the other hand, has never questioned anything I say or do. I thought he'd give me lectures about putting the kids to bed at a reasonable time and making them eat all their green veggies but he hasn't said a word.
I think it's less about what they think about home- or unschooling and more about knowing boundaries. My dad understands that these are my kids and I can screw them up all I want, thank you very much. ;) My mom has this sort of manipulative, behind-the-back need to be the most important person so she tries to undermine me and what I do in front of my kids. Interestingly, she doesn't behave badly or question anything when my husband is around.
Alysia
Sandra Dodd
-=- Interestingly, she doesn't behave badly or question anything when
my husband is around.-=-
Oooh. Very interesting.
Maybe you could do a scarecrow-type-thing by having a picture of him
made up into a lapel pin or a prominent locket, or mention his name in
every other statement while you're talking to her and see if that
helps her be nice.
Maybe when he's there she's more aware that you're grown, but when
he's not she sees your whole life, much of which was you as her little
girl.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
my husband is around.-=-
Oooh. Very interesting.
Maybe you could do a scarecrow-type-thing by having a picture of him
made up into a lapel pin or a prominent locket, or mention his name in
every other statement while you're talking to her and see if that
helps her be nice.
Maybe when he's there she's more aware that you're grown, but when
he's not she sees your whole life, much of which was you as her little
girl.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Joanna
> The boys seem to be crumbling to the pressure a little. Living with my mother is probably enticing in some ways. They have a nice house, big flat screen tv, she will buy them all sorts of stuff...I think this is strange and potentially dangerous behavior--the trying to lure your children to live with her. She had her chance to raise her children, and it seems a little...perverse to be trying to take yours. I don't even quite understand how this is o.k. in anyone's mind. I think it might go beyond concerns about their education, and perhaps into a deeper realm of wishing that she had more children to raise. Maybe she should foster and help someone who truly needs it.
>
Joanna
Pam Sorooshian
On 5/17/2010 6:42 AM, Kelly Halldorson wrote:
I'm a little confused.
-pam
> Yes, they all do. I emailed them all and apologized that I had letI've been re-reading the thread. How did you let them down?
> them down. Only one called me.
I'm a little confused.
-pam
C Johnson
I have been having some similar problems with my parents. They are now only allowed supervised visits with my children until we can work out our issues. It got to the point where both of my children ages 13 and 10 were very uncomfortable and constantly being quizzed and told all the things they didn't know.
BB,
Chrissie
"All you have to decide is what to do with the time you have been given." Gandalf
BB,
Chrissie
"All you have to decide is what to do with the time you have been given." Gandalf
--- On Sun, 5/16/10, Kelly Halldorson <kelly@...> wrote:
From: Kelly Halldorson <kelly@...>
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] help with relatives...
To: [email protected]
Date: Sunday, May 16, 2010, 9:06 PM
Sigh...
I could use some help with relatives.
My mother specifically.
I was *accidentally* forwarded an email that was sent between her and her three sisters recently. It was really really negative about me...and my parenting. And it was clear this was a regular thing.
When my kids go over to visit her they generally come home really grumpy. They say they love it though...with some exceptions. Apparently when they are there my mother continuously harasses them about going to school. Even offering our eldest to live with her so he can go to school at their high school because he could play hockey, meet girls, etc etc.
They each handle it differently.
My daughter (from my perspective) handling it the best. She even told Zoe (my 12 year old) that if she goes to school "she'll learn to read and write" --- Zoe has been reading since she was 4. Zoe responded, "I CAN read and write"
The boys seem to be crumbling to the pressure a little. Living with my mother is probably enticing in some ways. They have a nice house, big flat screen tv, she will buy them all sorts of stuff...
She friends anyone I ever talk about on facebook. And it feels like she gathering intel.
I don't think it would be good to cut off contact but I'm really getting sick of this.
Thoughts? Any input would help. You can ask further questions if you'd like too. I just didn't want to make this too long.
Peace,
Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Kelly Halldorson
>I've been re-reading the thread. How did you let them down?No problem...I let them down by not living up to their expectations of me...it's very long list of expectations. It mostly has to do with being unconventional. Kids not in school, not owning a home...
The email was a little reactionary. I was very hurt at the time of receiving it and generally I have a pretty thick skin. But this was sent only three weeks after my grandfather (their father) passed away. Since it contained information about his stay in the hospital and his wishes it was an extra rub.
As I explained I am very much like a fifth daughter. My mother was 19 when she had me. Her sisters at the time were 18, 10, & 9. The youngest is actually a year closer to me than my mother. AND my grandparents cared for me while my mother worked. The younger two were absolutely like sisters.
The second grandchild was MY eldest son who was born when I was 21.
My grandfather told me *every* time he saw me with a big smile....I always forget you're a grandchild. I always think of you as another one of the girls.
Hope that sums it up without over doing it.
Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
emiLy Quick
> I went to a Montessori school for kindergarten and then public school beginning in 1st grade. Does anyone know if Montessori has a particular way of teaching reading and when they start?I also went to a Montessori school for kindergarten and then public school beginning in first grade. I know I was reading going into kindergarten.
I have forgotten most of what I know about Montessori (I studied it and seriously considered becoming certified as a teacher), but I do know they build words with letters. They have activities with "-at" cards, and then beginning letter cards that all make words with the "-at" ending. They have more advanced ones that use the same inner part of a word, with various beginning and ending letters like "igh" for example. They may "teach" writing before / alongside reading.
-emiLy
k
>>There are lots of windows to knowledge, many many portals!<<Yes. There are subtle things to pile on. Always. ;)
>When relatives talk about something interesting my kids (and I sometimes) like to ask "where did you learn that?" in interested tone of voice.<
> That is a casual way to remind people that there are many many windows.<
Two things I'm learning about this issue:
1) Make sure Karl has good suggestions of convo extenders/questions
for the grans and rels
2) In my own mind, slowing down and backing off my tendency to vilify
and think of the 20-questioners as invaders to be fought against, a
slow-down which could only be good for relationships all around and
keep my nose clean and my focus clear: equipping Karl to gradually be
able to deal with this problem, even in the event of my absence
3) (I know I know.. I said two things ---there's always more) Actually
I'm thankful for the situation with the grans because it's an
opportunity for Karl and me to figure this out more before increased
contact with pro-school people who 20-question and put on pressure too
(as noted in recent detractors such as crunchy chickens and GMA
reporters)
~Katherine
On 5/17/10, Kelly <kelly@...> wrote:
>
>> When my parents pull this kind of stuff, Karl hates it and we back way
>> way off the visiting.
>
> For the most part the kids hate it too. Wolfgang and Griffin both say they
> don't want to live with them and it annoys them.
>
> And maybe they are not really crumbling to the pressure. :) Maybe what they
> tell me they say to her is more just their way of dealing with it. It just
> feels a little like leading her on. But the more I think about it the more I
> think maybe the kids are annoyed with it but coping and I'm the one with the
> bigger issue?
>
>> There are lots of windows to knowledge, many many portals! And anyway
>
> When relatives talk about something interesting my kids (and I sometimes)
> like to ask "where did you learn that?" in interested tone of voice.
>
> That is a casual way to remind people that there are many many windows.
>
> Peace,
> Kelly
>
>
>
>
> ------------------------------------
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
keetry
> -=- Interestingly, she doesn't behave badly or question anything whenHaha! As much as my husband is gone, I think a life sized doll would work best.
> my husband is around.-=-
>
> Oooh. Very interesting.
> Maybe you could do a scarecrow-type-thing by having a picture of him
> made up into a lapel pin or a prominent locket, or mention his name in
> every other statement while you're talking to her and see if that
> helps her be nice.
> Maybe when he's there she's more aware that you're grown, but whenYeah, it's weird. I really don't know why she doesn't behave that way when my husband is around. She's also much more involved with my oldest son, who is not my husband's biological child. She seems to keep slightly more distance from our two other sons.
> he's not she sees your whole life, much of which was you as her little
> girl.
I have been told she treats boys very differently than girls. When we were growing up, my brother was told continuously in various ways that he could do no wrong and could do whatever he wanted no matter what anyone else said or did or felt. On the other hand, my sister and I were made to feel that we couldn't do anything right.
Alysia
keetry
>> On 5/17/2010 6:42 AM, Kelly Halldorson wrote:them down. Only one called me.>
> Yes, they all do. I emailed them all and apologized that I had let
> I've been re-reading the thread. How did you let them down?>>I was wondering the same thing. I don't see any reason for you to apologize. If anyone should apologize, it should be them. Apologizing could be dangerous. It could encourage them by making them think you are not confident about what you are doing so that they have a way to break you, so to speak.
Alysia
Alysia
==And maybe they are not really crumbling to the pressure. :) Maybe what
they tell me they say to her is more just their way of dealing with it.
It just feels a little like leading her on. But the more I think about
it the more I think maybe the kids are annoyed with it but coping and
I'm the one with the bigger issue?==
Maybe your kids need ways to be very clear with their grandmother about what they want. Can they just tell her point blank that they don't want to live with her, that they want to live with their parents, as it should be? If not, maybe they'd like you to tell her for them.
I have sort of the same issue with my mother and my oldest son. From the day he was born (maybe before that) she has wanted him for herself. The only reason I can figure out is because she has that need to feel important. She needs to appear needed by someone to the outside world even if it's an unhealthy relationship behind closed doors. She latched onto my oldest son because I was young and single when I had him so she probably thought it would be easier to undermine our familial relationship. I lived with her for the last few months of my pregnancy and the first 2 years of his life for the financial and physical support, which I'm sure fueled her desire to have him for herself.
Over the years she has constantly tried to convince me to have him live with her. He's 19 years old and she's still doing it. It's his choice to live with her if he wants. He lived with her for about 9 months last year but chose to come home in spite of the fact that she gave him money all the time and let him use her car whenever he wanted and bought him anything he wanted (being single and still working at home, she has more disposable income than we do and doesn't use her car much). They've always had a very close relationship, which I'm grateful for. I was not close to any of my grandparents and I feel like I've missed out on something really special. He's old enough now to have figured out how she is on his own, though,
so it's not much of a problem anymore.
My point in all of that is that, as long as you work at keeping your relationship with your kids strong, your mother won't have as much influence as you fear.
Alysia
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
they tell me they say to her is more just their way of dealing with it.
It just feels a little like leading her on. But the more I think about
it the more I think maybe the kids are annoyed with it but coping and
I'm the one with the bigger issue?==
Maybe your kids need ways to be very clear with their grandmother about what they want. Can they just tell her point blank that they don't want to live with her, that they want to live with their parents, as it should be? If not, maybe they'd like you to tell her for them.
I have sort of the same issue with my mother and my oldest son. From the day he was born (maybe before that) she has wanted him for herself. The only reason I can figure out is because she has that need to feel important. She needs to appear needed by someone to the outside world even if it's an unhealthy relationship behind closed doors. She latched onto my oldest son because I was young and single when I had him so she probably thought it would be easier to undermine our familial relationship. I lived with her for the last few months of my pregnancy and the first 2 years of his life for the financial and physical support, which I'm sure fueled her desire to have him for herself.
Over the years she has constantly tried to convince me to have him live with her. He's 19 years old and she's still doing it. It's his choice to live with her if he wants. He lived with her for about 9 months last year but chose to come home in spite of the fact that she gave him money all the time and let him use her car whenever he wanted and bought him anything he wanted (being single and still working at home, she has more disposable income than we do and doesn't use her car much). They've always had a very close relationship, which I'm grateful for. I was not close to any of my grandparents and I feel like I've missed out on something really special. He's old enough now to have figured out how she is on his own, though,
so it's not much of a problem anymore.
My point in all of that is that, as long as you work at keeping your relationship with your kids strong, your mother won't have as much influence as you fear.
Alysia
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Chris Sanders
> Two things I'm learning about this issue:Yes, good idea. I prepped for Zoe's dinner out with her grandparents
> 1) Make sure Karl has good suggestions of convo extenders/questions
> for the grans and rels
by nonchalantly feeding them several tidbits of information about her
life that they wouldn't otherwise have known. When I replied to their
invite for her I told them about her busy plans prior to having dinner
with them (shopping for and making asian spring rolls with her 25 year
old cousin - not their grandchild; voice lessons the next day; friends
coming over and staying for dinner later that day; our trip to the
west coast next week that will include flying on an airplane which Zoe
has no memory of having done before.) These were all things they had
no clue were going on in her life and I don't think she would've
thought to share them with her grandparents.
Then, Zoe and I kind of reviewed what kinds of things she might talk
about with her grandparents. I explained to her that they love her and
are interested in learning more about her likes and interests. She
was pretty distracted while we had this mostly one-sided conversation
- so I was glad that I'd prompted the grandparents.
Turns out, they took her to a French restaurant that we'd given them a
gift certificate to for their 50th Wedding Anniversary. I learned
that they did bring up some of the topics I'd prompted them with. Zoe
had a good enough time but didn't care for the french food or the
noisy restaurant patrons. She did not report any incidents of being
quizzed or grilled but I didn't ask her right out either. It was a
nice enough time but not near as much fun as what she'd done earlier
in the day with her grown cousin.
I'm relieved that's over with.
Chris in IA
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