Breathe, and let it go.
KimWW
Evening, All (or happy whatever part of the day it is when you read this)
Our family is nearing the end of our second week of unschooling. It has basically been me not giving them math worksheets and saying "Yes" more than I ever did.
Two days ago I learned that making milk shakes is painless. It was not a huge hassle to get out the blender. It was not a huge hassle cleaning up afterward. You need to add ice cream first and then the milk or things end up far too liquidy.
Yesterday I learned that two days of making milk shakes in a row was fairly painless. The girls do not mind if I say "No thank you, but you may make some for yourself." A gentle reminder to clean up afterward might be in order.
Today my brother gave me the Rosetta Stone Spanish course he no longer needed or would ever use. Cool! $400 worth of free software! I asked my oldest and youngest if they were interested in trying it. Both answered "Yes" and when done asked for more.
My middle daughter tried it, hated it, had technical difficulties, and was all around uninterested. Eventually she said she didn't want to learn Spanish. What language do you want to learn? English. Haha, really. I don't feel like learning any other language.
Old me...You will sit down and do this!
More relaxed me...Why? Is there some other language you are more interested in? We can work with whatever you choose. I promise we can work out the microphone troubles. Your sisters loved it. you might like it if you give it a chance.
Unschooling Me...OK then. It is here if you ever decide you'd like to do it.
I hate to admit it, but I started on More Relaxed Me when she and I were discussing it. (But at least it wasn't Old Me!) After a few moments I had to take a breath, realize I wasn't unschooling (I did think about you all.) and let it go.
The hardest part isn't the "$400 software!" After all, I didn't pay the $400. The hardest part is that I LOVE to study languages, ANY language. I am having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that she doesn't. Breathe, and let it go.
As weird as it sounds, starting to unschool and needing to tell myself to let things go is actually being GOOD for my blood pressure. Goodness knows, "Sit down and do this!" wasn't.
Any advice on how to get to Unschooling Me first, or will it just take practice?
Cheers!
KimWW
Our family is nearing the end of our second week of unschooling. It has basically been me not giving them math worksheets and saying "Yes" more than I ever did.
Two days ago I learned that making milk shakes is painless. It was not a huge hassle to get out the blender. It was not a huge hassle cleaning up afterward. You need to add ice cream first and then the milk or things end up far too liquidy.
Yesterday I learned that two days of making milk shakes in a row was fairly painless. The girls do not mind if I say "No thank you, but you may make some for yourself." A gentle reminder to clean up afterward might be in order.
Today my brother gave me the Rosetta Stone Spanish course he no longer needed or would ever use. Cool! $400 worth of free software! I asked my oldest and youngest if they were interested in trying it. Both answered "Yes" and when done asked for more.
My middle daughter tried it, hated it, had technical difficulties, and was all around uninterested. Eventually she said she didn't want to learn Spanish. What language do you want to learn? English. Haha, really. I don't feel like learning any other language.
Old me...You will sit down and do this!
More relaxed me...Why? Is there some other language you are more interested in? We can work with whatever you choose. I promise we can work out the microphone troubles. Your sisters loved it. you might like it if you give it a chance.
Unschooling Me...OK then. It is here if you ever decide you'd like to do it.
I hate to admit it, but I started on More Relaxed Me when she and I were discussing it. (But at least it wasn't Old Me!) After a few moments I had to take a breath, realize I wasn't unschooling (I did think about you all.) and let it go.
The hardest part isn't the "$400 software!" After all, I didn't pay the $400. The hardest part is that I LOVE to study languages, ANY language. I am having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that she doesn't. Breathe, and let it go.
As weird as it sounds, starting to unschool and needing to tell myself to let things go is actually being GOOD for my blood pressure. Goodness knows, "Sit down and do this!" wasn't.
Any advice on how to get to Unschooling Me first, or will it just take practice?
Cheers!
KimWW
Sandra Dodd
-=-Yesterday I learned that two days of making milk shakes in a row
was fairly painless. The girls do not mind if I say "No thank you, but
you may make some for yourself." A gentle reminder to clean up
afterward might be in order.-=-
Or you could offer to clean up for them, as a gift; as a "clean
canvas" offering, in case they want to make something else.
http://sandradodd.com/chores/gift
-=-My middle daughter tried it, hated it, had technical difficulties,
and was all around uninterested. Eventually she said she didn't want
to learn Spanish. What language do you want to learn? English. Haha,
really. I don't feel like learning any other language.-=-
Learning more about English isn't haha. This is a fun site:
http://etymonline.com
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
was fairly painless. The girls do not mind if I say "No thank you, but
you may make some for yourself." A gentle reminder to clean up
afterward might be in order.-=-
Or you could offer to clean up for them, as a gift; as a "clean
canvas" offering, in case they want to make something else.
http://sandradodd.com/chores/gift
-=-My middle daughter tried it, hated it, had technical difficulties,
and was all around uninterested. Eventually she said she didn't want
to learn Spanish. What language do you want to learn? English. Haha,
really. I don't feel like learning any other language.-=-
Learning more about English isn't haha. This is a fun site:
http://etymonline.com
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
KimWW
> Learning more about English isn't haha. This is a fun site:She didn't actually mean she wanted to learn more about English. What she meant was "Do not bother me about learning a foreign language."
> http://etymonline.com
If I went to her with en etymolgy site it would only turn her off just now. And it might nudge me back into pressuring her.
Thanks for the site, though. I know I could spend hours there just looking up word after word. And it is nice to have the link in case a question about a word comes up.
I am amazed at what just "comes up" in conversation. We talked about direct and indirect objects tonight over dinner, for no other reason than someone asked about it. Sweet
Slan! (good-bye in Gaelic)
KimWW
Pam Sorooshian
On 5/6/2010 5:56 PM, KimWW wrote:
For example, if you'd cajoled your daughter into studying a foreign
language, she'd be "not doing" something else. That something else would
have likely been more valuable to her since it would be something that
appealed to HER, not you.
So - remember that every time you force something, no matter how gently,
you are depriving the child of the opportunity to have some
probably-more-valuable learning experience.
-pam
>Yes. Keep thinking about it like you're doing.
> Any advice on how to get to Unschooling Me first, or will it just take
> practice?
For example, if you'd cajoled your daughter into studying a foreign
language, she'd be "not doing" something else. That something else would
have likely been more valuable to her since it would be something that
appealed to HER, not you.
So - remember that every time you force something, no matter how gently,
you are depriving the child of the opportunity to have some
probably-more-valuable learning experience.
-pam
Stephanie LaBarge
We are also in our first weeks or unschooling, and I'm trying to make gradual changes, and the area that I'm having the most difficulty "unschooling me" is having limits on things. My daughters have always had a time limit on the computer, and I want to relax those limits some, but I definitely feel like at this point that they would choose to be on the computer constantly. Yesterday was frustrating because my father called and was ill and needed me to take him to the doctor, and my 8 yo daughter gave me such a hard time about getting dressed and leaving and I had to ask her several times to log off the computer. I was frustrated because she cared more about the game she was playing than helping me make sure her Papa was ok, but I know that she's 8 and was seeing it from a different perspective and today I know that I could have handled it more gently. I want to be able to handle situations like this in a more gentle, mindful way. In the past I
would take away computer privileges for a time because she didn't listen, but especially with her I can see how that is not helpful. Sometimes I just don't know what to do! She is my quieter more easily wounded kid who holds things in, and I so much want to keep our relationship connected and not adversarial. So I think that "breathe and let it go" is the first step, but I'm afraid that relaxing the limitations might make the problem worse, at least for a while, so I'm looking for insights both on how to take steps to relax the limitations and how to approach situations where my children are not listening to me and in the past would be disciplined-- I think there is a better way?
Stephanie in Upstate NY
Mom to Lauren (10), Sophia (8) and Hallie (5)
________________________________
From: Pam Sorooshian <pamsoroosh@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Fri, May 7, 2010 4:47:11 AM
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] Breathe, and let it go.
would take away computer privileges for a time because she didn't listen, but especially with her I can see how that is not helpful. Sometimes I just don't know what to do! She is my quieter more easily wounded kid who holds things in, and I so much want to keep our relationship connected and not adversarial. So I think that "breathe and let it go" is the first step, but I'm afraid that relaxing the limitations might make the problem worse, at least for a while, so I'm looking for insights both on how to take steps to relax the limitations and how to approach situations where my children are not listening to me and in the past would be disciplined-- I think there is a better way?
Stephanie in Upstate NY
Mom to Lauren (10), Sophia (8) and Hallie (5)
________________________________
From: Pam Sorooshian <pamsoroosh@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Fri, May 7, 2010 4:47:11 AM
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] Breathe, and let it go.
On 5/6/2010 5:56 PM, KimWW wrote:
>
> Any advice on how to get to Unschooling Me first, or will it just take
> practice?
Yes. Keep thinking about it like you're doing.
For example, if you'd cajoled your daughter into studying a foreign
language, she'd be "not doing" something else. That something else would
have likely been more valuable to her since it would be something that
appealed to HER, not you.
So - remember that every time you force something, no matter how gently,
you are depriving the child of the opportunity to have some
probably-more- valuable learning experience.
-pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-So - remember that every time you force something, no matter how
gently,
you are depriving the child of the opportunity to have some
probably-more-valuable learning experience.-=-
Marty tested and applied to go to the community college this summer.
He still hasn't registered, though, and I've been bugging him about it
(sweetly and gently as possible), and he's objecting.
Yesterday I said "Remember how you didn't want to go to the Jr. Police
Academy the night before, and then you loved it?"
"Yeah. I know..."
"I bet you'll like this too." (He's planning a math and chemistry
class, and his girlfriend would be in the chemistry class.)
But still, he does not want me bugging him.
A few years ago, Kirby had quit his job at a pizza place, after being
there a year and doing really well, but a friend of his who had long
worked at Olive Garden (and now is a bartender there, but was still a
server then) persuaded him that working for tips would be way better
for him than working Dion's wages.
Kirby went through a paid week of training at Olive Garden. On the
first shift he was supposed to have worked, he ditched out. He stayed
up late talking to a friend who had come to town unexpectedly (and
elsewhere, not at our house) and when the time came, he decided not to
go to work.
I was mortified. I was a doomsayer. I was ashamed. I thought "this
is it," the beginning of the end, he's not a good person, no one will
ever trust him again, they trained him for nothing, he took that money
to learn a job they wouldn't let him do now even if he wanted to.
Very quickly he got a job in a call center. A secret job. People who
trained with him there were getting fired for telling what they did in
public. I had mentioned it on my blog and Kirby said "take it down
right away! Take it down or they'll fire me."
That job turned into the one he has now, working for Blizzard. He was
working for a contractor providing World of Warcraft support. That
was the big secret. But when Blizzard created its own support center
in Austin, they took applications to go there. At first, Kirby had no
interest in moving. He liked living at home, he loved Albuquerque.
The first day after the announcement he was in "I've lost my cool job
mode."
The second day after talking to friends and family and co-workers, he
thought maybe he would at least talk to the recruiters. So he put his
name on the list, figuring if he didn't like the new deal he wouldn't
go.
The way it worked was the recruiters already had a list of the people
they most wanted, based on their stats (how helpful, how quick, how
pleased customers were with their knowledge). They were willing to
consider other people too. They didn't say they had that list.
So if someone applied for Austin they got an interview, if they
weren't on the list.
If they applied for Austin and they were on the list, they didn't even
interview them except to show them the contract they were offering
them and answer questions.
They paid for him to move, he has medical benefits and paid
vacations. He's respected and happy. His roommate gives him mushy
speeches periodically. They moved together from an apartment to a
house, but the roommate said if they moved and Kirby didn't want to go
with him, he would live by himself rather than have another roommate.
If I had succeeded in persuading him to go to Olive Garden and grovel
and get that job, he wouldn't have the job he has now.
It's good to practice with that kind of knowledge in small ways that
don't involve moving to Texas, but when the relationship is first and
there's some trust (even though I remember feeling that day that my
trust had been unfounded and the world would end), life is better for
all. And the relationships survive and strengthen rather than the
parent gambling the whole thing on one controlling moment.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
gently,
you are depriving the child of the opportunity to have some
probably-more-valuable learning experience.-=-
Marty tested and applied to go to the community college this summer.
He still hasn't registered, though, and I've been bugging him about it
(sweetly and gently as possible), and he's objecting.
Yesterday I said "Remember how you didn't want to go to the Jr. Police
Academy the night before, and then you loved it?"
"Yeah. I know..."
"I bet you'll like this too." (He's planning a math and chemistry
class, and his girlfriend would be in the chemistry class.)
But still, he does not want me bugging him.
A few years ago, Kirby had quit his job at a pizza place, after being
there a year and doing really well, but a friend of his who had long
worked at Olive Garden (and now is a bartender there, but was still a
server then) persuaded him that working for tips would be way better
for him than working Dion's wages.
Kirby went through a paid week of training at Olive Garden. On the
first shift he was supposed to have worked, he ditched out. He stayed
up late talking to a friend who had come to town unexpectedly (and
elsewhere, not at our house) and when the time came, he decided not to
go to work.
I was mortified. I was a doomsayer. I was ashamed. I thought "this
is it," the beginning of the end, he's not a good person, no one will
ever trust him again, they trained him for nothing, he took that money
to learn a job they wouldn't let him do now even if he wanted to.
Very quickly he got a job in a call center. A secret job. People who
trained with him there were getting fired for telling what they did in
public. I had mentioned it on my blog and Kirby said "take it down
right away! Take it down or they'll fire me."
That job turned into the one he has now, working for Blizzard. He was
working for a contractor providing World of Warcraft support. That
was the big secret. But when Blizzard created its own support center
in Austin, they took applications to go there. At first, Kirby had no
interest in moving. He liked living at home, he loved Albuquerque.
The first day after the announcement he was in "I've lost my cool job
mode."
The second day after talking to friends and family and co-workers, he
thought maybe he would at least talk to the recruiters. So he put his
name on the list, figuring if he didn't like the new deal he wouldn't
go.
The way it worked was the recruiters already had a list of the people
they most wanted, based on their stats (how helpful, how quick, how
pleased customers were with their knowledge). They were willing to
consider other people too. They didn't say they had that list.
So if someone applied for Austin they got an interview, if they
weren't on the list.
If they applied for Austin and they were on the list, they didn't even
interview them except to show them the contract they were offering
them and answer questions.
They paid for him to move, he has medical benefits and paid
vacations. He's respected and happy. His roommate gives him mushy
speeches periodically. They moved together from an apartment to a
house, but the roommate said if they moved and Kirby didn't want to go
with him, he would live by himself rather than have another roommate.
If I had succeeded in persuading him to go to Olive Garden and grovel
and get that job, he wouldn't have the job he has now.
It's good to practice with that kind of knowledge in small ways that
don't involve moving to Texas, but when the relationship is first and
there's some trust (even though I remember feeling that day that my
trust had been unfounded and the world would end), life is better for
all. And the relationships survive and strengthen rather than the
parent gambling the whole thing on one controlling moment.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Krisula Moyer
"The hardest part isn't the "$400 software!" After all, I didn't pay the $400. The hardest part is that I LOVE to study languages, ANY language. I am having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that she doesn't. Breathe, and let it go."
What Pam said ; ) ...And also, just because she seems disinterested and frustrated by this event, (using RSS on the computer) doesn't mean she will never be interested in learning a new language. It probably means she is not interested in using Rosetta Stone on the computer. There are many other ways people pick up second languages and most of them don't involve sitting for lessons at all. Maybe don't revisit it with her so soon after telling you "no thank you" but she may just fall in love with speaking a language to a new friend or hearing one on a foreign film or learning one so she can play soccer with the Spanish speaking kids down the street. Travel, film, anime, music, are all things that have contributed to my kids' interest in languages. Most occurred because of a completely unrelated interest.
Krisula Moyer
The Seer, the novel
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
What Pam said ; ) ...And also, just because she seems disinterested and frustrated by this event, (using RSS on the computer) doesn't mean she will never be interested in learning a new language. It probably means she is not interested in using Rosetta Stone on the computer. There are many other ways people pick up second languages and most of them don't involve sitting for lessons at all. Maybe don't revisit it with her so soon after telling you "no thank you" but she may just fall in love with speaking a language to a new friend or hearing one on a foreign film or learning one so she can play soccer with the Spanish speaking kids down the street. Travel, film, anime, music, are all things that have contributed to my kids' interest in languages. Most occurred because of a completely unrelated interest.
Krisula Moyer
The Seer, the novel
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
lalow66
"
several times over the past year my son James, who is 8, mentioned that he would like to take gymnastics. we have limited money and he has been doing other things but recently i thought since his soccer is coming to an end soon and he has nothing really going on for the summer maybe he would like to try it so I asked if he would and he was excited. He has a friend in the class so he liked that but when we got there he started getting kind of quiet and i could see he was nervous and he said he didnt want to take the class. we had to wait a while, cause we came early for my daughters class so James had alot of time to watch and he was getting self conscious. I pulled him aside and talked to him and really what came up was that he was scared he couldnt do what the other kids could so he didnt want to try it. I talked to him about fear and everyone has to start at the some point and I know how hard it is but sometimes if the only reason we are not doing something is cause we are afraid, it is good to atleast give it a try etc.... he still resisted. I kind of sweetend the deal with a hint that i had chocolate in my purse that I would share with whoever I drove home which would only be him if we stayed for his class. My son loves chocalate almost as much as me. I told him he could come out to the sitting area whenever he wanted to and we would go home. Anyway, he loved the class and wants to go back.
is that forcing something or is that encouraging a child to do something he wants to do but is afraid to?
> So - remember that every time you force something, no matter how gently,"
> you are depriving the child of the opportunity to have some
> probably-more-valuable learning experience.
>
> -pam
several times over the past year my son James, who is 8, mentioned that he would like to take gymnastics. we have limited money and he has been doing other things but recently i thought since his soccer is coming to an end soon and he has nothing really going on for the summer maybe he would like to try it so I asked if he would and he was excited. He has a friend in the class so he liked that but when we got there he started getting kind of quiet and i could see he was nervous and he said he didnt want to take the class. we had to wait a while, cause we came early for my daughters class so James had alot of time to watch and he was getting self conscious. I pulled him aside and talked to him and really what came up was that he was scared he couldnt do what the other kids could so he didnt want to try it. I talked to him about fear and everyone has to start at the some point and I know how hard it is but sometimes if the only reason we are not doing something is cause we are afraid, it is good to atleast give it a try etc.... he still resisted. I kind of sweetend the deal with a hint that i had chocolate in my purse that I would share with whoever I drove home which would only be him if we stayed for his class. My son loves chocalate almost as much as me. I told him he could come out to the sitting area whenever he wanted to and we would go home. Anyway, he loved the class and wants to go back.
is that forcing something or is that encouraging a child to do something he wants to do but is afraid to?
Sandra Dodd
-=I told him he could come out to the sitting area whenever he wanted
to and we would go home. Anyway, he loved the class and wants to go
back.
is that forcing something or is that encouraging a child to do
something he wants to do but is afraid to?-=-
That's not forcing. That's sweet.
If he hadn't liked it, he might still have been grateful to really
know that he had tried, instead of wondering.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
to and we would go home. Anyway, he loved the class and wants to go
back.
is that forcing something or is that encouraging a child to do
something he wants to do but is afraid to?-=-
That's not forcing. That's sweet.
If he hadn't liked it, he might still have been grateful to really
know that he had tried, instead of wondering.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]