Trouble with the schooled kids of the neighbourhood
seccotine_ch
Hi, this is Helen from Geneva, Switzerland.
My kids, and especially my 9yo son, are having trouble with some of the neighbourhood's kids.
Maybe it is because he is a sweet and sensitive boy and therefore an easy pick, maybe it is because he is really tall for his age and people tend to think that he's older, I don't know, but I'm quite sure that part of it has to do with the fact that he doesn't go to school.
I live in a village and all the kids go to the same school. When we arrived here, a little more than a year ago, the kids thought that it was pretty cool that Sylvain was not going to school. This isn't the case anymore. Now, they tease him, and tell him he won't find a job, they also quizz him and tell him he's ignorant if he cannot answer (among other things).
Here in Switzerland, homeschooling is VERY rare. To give you an idea, homeschooling families who aren't enrolled in a formal curriculum with postal exchanges (how do you call that ?) have to be tested once a year - and the last time I went, we were 3 families for the whole city of Geneva. The consequence is that most people have quite a negative opinion about it. Strangely, very few people show the slightest curiosity about this choice. I'm almost never asked about how it goes, why we do it, if we like it ...
To come back to my son, this is quite difficult for him. I'm trying to help him the best I can, giving him what I hope is good advice (not to react too much, not to answer quizzes, try to stay calm and neutral, etc.)
My big question is : should I go talking to these kids and/or their parents ? If yes, how ? What should I say ?
What can I do to help my son ? Is there any way to stop this ?
Sometimes, I even think (for a minute) of putting him some time to school, so that he would no longer be marginalized. I wonder if unschooling could be harmful, when it means being rejected by the others. I don't want my kids to go to school, especially not for such a reason (and I'm already worried enough with the changes in legislation which might turn unschooling illegal).
I often think of the famous quote "But what about socialization ?". Sometimes, I wonder if, finally, the people who worry about it aren't right - in a certain sense. How can my son not be put aside ? Of course, he has activities, such as judo, for instance, and has no problem there, but this isn't enough (he longs for more contacts). And there isn't any network of unschooled kids around here.
I would be very grateful for your insights and suggestions. Many, many thanks in advance.
Helen, in Geneva (Switzerland), mom of Sylvain (9yo), Cyrielle (7 yo), Circé (4yo) and Valérian (10 mo)
My kids, and especially my 9yo son, are having trouble with some of the neighbourhood's kids.
Maybe it is because he is a sweet and sensitive boy and therefore an easy pick, maybe it is because he is really tall for his age and people tend to think that he's older, I don't know, but I'm quite sure that part of it has to do with the fact that he doesn't go to school.
I live in a village and all the kids go to the same school. When we arrived here, a little more than a year ago, the kids thought that it was pretty cool that Sylvain was not going to school. This isn't the case anymore. Now, they tease him, and tell him he won't find a job, they also quizz him and tell him he's ignorant if he cannot answer (among other things).
Here in Switzerland, homeschooling is VERY rare. To give you an idea, homeschooling families who aren't enrolled in a formal curriculum with postal exchanges (how do you call that ?) have to be tested once a year - and the last time I went, we were 3 families for the whole city of Geneva. The consequence is that most people have quite a negative opinion about it. Strangely, very few people show the slightest curiosity about this choice. I'm almost never asked about how it goes, why we do it, if we like it ...
To come back to my son, this is quite difficult for him. I'm trying to help him the best I can, giving him what I hope is good advice (not to react too much, not to answer quizzes, try to stay calm and neutral, etc.)
My big question is : should I go talking to these kids and/or their parents ? If yes, how ? What should I say ?
What can I do to help my son ? Is there any way to stop this ?
Sometimes, I even think (for a minute) of putting him some time to school, so that he would no longer be marginalized. I wonder if unschooling could be harmful, when it means being rejected by the others. I don't want my kids to go to school, especially not for such a reason (and I'm already worried enough with the changes in legislation which might turn unschooling illegal).
I often think of the famous quote "But what about socialization ?". Sometimes, I wonder if, finally, the people who worry about it aren't right - in a certain sense. How can my son not be put aside ? Of course, he has activities, such as judo, for instance, and has no problem there, but this isn't enough (he longs for more contacts). And there isn't any network of unschooled kids around here.
I would be very grateful for your insights and suggestions. Many, many thanks in advance.
Helen, in Geneva (Switzerland), mom of Sylvain (9yo), Cyrielle (7 yo), Circé (4yo) and Valérian (10 mo)
Sandra Dodd
-=- a formal curriculum with postal exchanges (how do you call that ?)
-=-
Correspondence school?
-=Sometimes, I wonder if, finally, the people who worry about it
aren't right - in a certain sense. How can my son not be put aside ?
Of course, he has activities, such as judo, for instance, and has no
problem there, but this isn't enough (he longs for more contacts). And
there isn't any network of unschooled kids around here. -=-
Some children find a friend or two in school. Some don't. School
wouldn't be a guarantee. Are there other activities besides judo
where he could be with and meet other children?
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
-=-
Correspondence school?
-=Sometimes, I wonder if, finally, the people who worry about it
aren't right - in a certain sense. How can my son not be put aside ?
Of course, he has activities, such as judo, for instance, and has no
problem there, but this isn't enough (he longs for more contacts). And
there isn't any network of unschooled kids around here. -=-
Some children find a friend or two in school. Some don't. School
wouldn't be a guarantee. Are there other activities besides judo
where he could be with and meet other children?
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Jo
*****What can I do to help my son ? Is there any way to stop this ?****
I am new to the group, but I have been unschooling for a very long time ( with out the internet until recently) and I did have similar issues with one son.
What we did to get him to know kids with similar interests when we moved to this small town was to work on his "cool" projects outside, after school hours, in clear view of others.
For a particular example, he loves building vehicles and trying to see how far each will go with different power sources. He has designed vehicles that use a mouse trap, solar panels, chemical reactions, elastic bands as power. We took several of these vehicles out to a local park and tested them, first together when we knew others would be around and then I left for few minutes to go to the car, to se if the kids would approach him, which they did.
Another time, we tested a lighter than air vehicle he was building on the front lawn in front of the house. It not only brought out kids his age but lots of adults asking questions as well.
We wanted his "friends" to have similar interests, so we asked him what he thought was the coolest thing he was working on and made sure it was in plain view of others. Kids who were interested came to see. Others tried interrupting the trial, maybe they weren't interested but I think they were just looking for attention and acting out is the only way they knew how to get involved.
Anyway, this worked for us. He now has a few good friends to hang out with.
Symphony
I am new to the group, but I have been unschooling for a very long time ( with out the internet until recently) and I did have similar issues with one son.
What we did to get him to know kids with similar interests when we moved to this small town was to work on his "cool" projects outside, after school hours, in clear view of others.
For a particular example, he loves building vehicles and trying to see how far each will go with different power sources. He has designed vehicles that use a mouse trap, solar panels, chemical reactions, elastic bands as power. We took several of these vehicles out to a local park and tested them, first together when we knew others would be around and then I left for few minutes to go to the car, to se if the kids would approach him, which they did.
Another time, we tested a lighter than air vehicle he was building on the front lawn in front of the house. It not only brought out kids his age but lots of adults asking questions as well.
We wanted his "friends" to have similar interests, so we asked him what he thought was the coolest thing he was working on and made sure it was in plain view of others. Kids who were interested came to see. Others tried interrupting the trial, maybe they weren't interested but I think they were just looking for attention and acting out is the only way they knew how to get involved.
Anyway, this worked for us. He now has a few good friends to hang out with.
Symphony
seccotine_ch
"Jo" <josymphonyjo@...> wrote:
In general, I would like to share more about what we do with the neighbours (and/or our family, but that's another subject :)). Oour unschooling is almost a taboo subject. Nobody asks us anything, and we don't want to sound like proselyts, so we don't talk much about it.
September 30 is the JIPLI (Journée Internationale pour la Liberté d'Instruction). Do you have that in the US also ? I believe that homeschooling is more common in your country. In France, this last couple of years, media have become interested and there has been a few interviews and subjects in the news. I hope it will spread. Even if the families who testify are mainly homeschoolers and not unschoolers, it's a start - in this part of the world, homeschoolers are easily suspected of being members of a sect.
I will try to find a cool project or two to do outside. For the moment, games are what kids find the coolest at our place - as Sylvain have plenty of them - but the parents don't like it ...
:sigh:
Thank you for sharing, sincerely
Helen in Geneva
>Thank you Symphony, that sounds like a very good idea to me :)
>
> *****What can I do to help my son ? Is there any way to stop this ?****
>
>
> What we did to get him to know kids with similar interests when we moved to this small town was to work on his "cool" projects outside, after school hours, in clear view of others.
In general, I would like to share more about what we do with the neighbours (and/or our family, but that's another subject :)). Oour unschooling is almost a taboo subject. Nobody asks us anything, and we don't want to sound like proselyts, so we don't talk much about it.
September 30 is the JIPLI (Journée Internationale pour la Liberté d'Instruction). Do you have that in the US also ? I believe that homeschooling is more common in your country. In France, this last couple of years, media have become interested and there has been a few interviews and subjects in the news. I hope it will spread. Even if the families who testify are mainly homeschoolers and not unschoolers, it's a start - in this part of the world, homeschoolers are easily suspected of being members of a sect.
I will try to find a cool project or two to do outside. For the moment, games are what kids find the coolest at our place - as Sylvain have plenty of them - but the parents don't like it ...
:sigh:
Thank you for sharing, sincerely
Helen in Geneva
Sandra Dodd
-=September 30 is the JIPLI (Journée Internationale pour la Liberté
d'Instruction).-=-
Is there a website for it? If you think of it, remind us when it's
close to time.
There's this sort of kind of unschooler's day (this year will be the
third time): Learn Nothing Day
http://sandradodd.com/learnnothingday
It's a trap. It's a test. It's a formal proof. It's an informal goof.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
d'Instruction).-=-
Is there a website for it? If you think of it, remind us when it's
close to time.
There's this sort of kind of unschooler's day (this year will be the
third time): Learn Nothing Day
http://sandradodd.com/learnnothingday
It's a trap. It's a test. It's a formal proof. It's an informal goof.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
seccotine_ch
--- Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
It is Sept. 15, by the way, I mixed two dates (April 30 is the day for non-violence in education).
Helen, from Geneva
>Here is a link : http://jipli.free.fr/
> -=September 30 is the JIPLI (Journée Internationale pour la Liberté d'Instruction).-=-
>
> Is there a website for it? If you think of it, remind us when it's close to time.
It is Sept. 15, by the way, I mixed two dates (April 30 is the day for non-violence in education).
> There's this sort of kind of unschooler's day (this year will be the third time): Learn Nothing DayI've read about it in your book, I love it :)
> It's a trap. It's a test. It's a formal proof. It's an informal goof.
Helen, from Geneva
seccotine_ch
--- Sandra Dodd wrote:
It is just that this general atmosphere of suspicion and exclusion makes it difficult for Sylvain (and his sisters also) to have friends around here. I wouldn't enroll them in school anyway, though - but being unschooled is a difference that can lead to marginalization (which is what I would like to avoid, but is this possible ? After all, we ARE doing differently, aren't we ? I'm beginning to figure out that these kids wouldn't make very good friends anyway)
Besides judo, no, he doesn't have a lot of opportunities to meet other children. My friends' kids have very busy schedules, so we don't meet very often. And it would be nice to meet other unschooling families - there are some, but not around here.
When we go somewhere, he usually finds one or two boys to play with (if it is not during school time). Maybe I should try more to keep in touch with these people we meet only once ?
Many thanks for being there - you can't know the support you and this list is bringing me when I have doubts or feel down.
Helen, from Geneva
> -=Sometimes, I wonder if, finally, the people who worry about itYes, I know about friends in school, and I know that school is certainly not an ideal place for socialization. When people ask me the big-S question (which IS actually the first one everybody asks, this is not just a joke around unschoolers :)), really, I'm not at all troubled (I've spent quite a few years at school myself ...)
> aren't right - in a certain sense. How can my son not be put aside ?
> Of course, he has activities, such as judo, for instance, and has no problem there, but this isn't enough (he longs for more contacts). And there isn't any network of unschooled kids around here. -=-
>
> Some children find a friend or two in school. Some don't. School
> wouldn't be a guarantee. Are there other activities besides judo
> where he could be with and meet other children?
>
> Sandra
>
>
It is just that this general atmosphere of suspicion and exclusion makes it difficult for Sylvain (and his sisters also) to have friends around here. I wouldn't enroll them in school anyway, though - but being unschooled is a difference that can lead to marginalization (which is what I would like to avoid, but is this possible ? After all, we ARE doing differently, aren't we ? I'm beginning to figure out that these kids wouldn't make very good friends anyway)
Besides judo, no, he doesn't have a lot of opportunities to meet other children. My friends' kids have very busy schedules, so we don't meet very often. And it would be nice to meet other unschooling families - there are some, but not around here.
When we go somewhere, he usually finds one or two boys to play with (if it is not during school time). Maybe I should try more to keep in touch with these people we meet only once ?
Many thanks for being there - you can't know the support you and this list is bringing me when I have doubts or feel down.
Helen, from Geneva