Unschooling As a Lifestyle
Amanda's Shoebox
I really enjoying reading the posts on this board. Unschooling has really intrigued me since I first heard about it a couple of years ago, but it's something that we haven't fully incorporated in our lives.
My husband is completely on board with unschooling as far as education goes. He's become quite successful without a formal college education (he never passed the 10th grade) and was never sold on the importance of grades and college like I was.
As a lifestyle, however, he wants everyone to fall in line, do things his way and stay away from "his stuff" (be it food, or chairs, or the "good" towels, etc). It drives me crazy. For example, lets say he's really into tofu hotdogs one week. He won't want anyone else eating the hotdogs. I'll tell him that I bought enough for everyone to have as much as they want, but he doesn't want anyone else touch what he's deemed to be his. I did figure out that he was okay with me buying the jumbo size ones for him and the smaller ones for the girls, but this is a constant struggle.
I think he's like this because he never really felt like he had enough as a child and I don't want my children growing up feeling like that.
Has anyone had difficulty explaining the benefits of unschooling as a lifestyle to their significant other and getting them on board?
My husband is completely on board with unschooling as far as education goes. He's become quite successful without a formal college education (he never passed the 10th grade) and was never sold on the importance of grades and college like I was.
As a lifestyle, however, he wants everyone to fall in line, do things his way and stay away from "his stuff" (be it food, or chairs, or the "good" towels, etc). It drives me crazy. For example, lets say he's really into tofu hotdogs one week. He won't want anyone else eating the hotdogs. I'll tell him that I bought enough for everyone to have as much as they want, but he doesn't want anyone else touch what he's deemed to be his. I did figure out that he was okay with me buying the jumbo size ones for him and the smaller ones for the girls, but this is a constant struggle.
I think he's like this because he never really felt like he had enough as a child and I don't want my children growing up feeling like that.
Has anyone had difficulty explaining the benefits of unschooling as a lifestyle to their significant other and getting them on board?
Jenny Cyphers
***I think he's like this because he never really felt like he had enough as a child and I don't want my children growing up feeling like that.***
Have you talked with him about that specifically? Maybe you could go way out of your way to make sure he always has more of everything he wants, just like you would do for your kids. Maybe one day he'll realize that he's full and happy and fulfilled. If he never gets there, you can still make his life nicer by doing those things.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Have you talked with him about that specifically? Maybe you could go way out of your way to make sure he always has more of everything he wants, just like you would do for your kids. Maybe one day he'll realize that he's full and happy and fulfilled. If he never gets there, you can still make his life nicer by doing those things.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
dana_burdick
<Has anyone had difficulty explaining the benefits of unschooling as a lifestyle
to their significant other and getting them on board?>
Don't explain anything. If explaining alone got people to follow an unschooling lifestyle, we'd have a few books about it and call it a day. Apply unschooling principles to everyone in your family, including him. Provide an environment of abundance. Make sure everyone stays away from his stuff, if that's what he needs. Make sure you have plenty of his food around. His need for calm and control is as great as any need your kids may have. By explaining the unschooling lifestyle you'd like to see from him, you are in effect invalidating his needs. Invalidating is not part of an unschooling lifestyle. So you are explaining a lifestyle that you yourself are not yet fully practicing. Until YOU adopt the unschooling lifestyle, your family will not be able to inch closer toward what you hope to see.
-Dana
to their significant other and getting them on board?>
Don't explain anything. If explaining alone got people to follow an unschooling lifestyle, we'd have a few books about it and call it a day. Apply unschooling principles to everyone in your family, including him. Provide an environment of abundance. Make sure everyone stays away from his stuff, if that's what he needs. Make sure you have plenty of his food around. His need for calm and control is as great as any need your kids may have. By explaining the unschooling lifestyle you'd like to see from him, you are in effect invalidating his needs. Invalidating is not part of an unschooling lifestyle. So you are explaining a lifestyle that you yourself are not yet fully practicing. Until YOU adopt the unschooling lifestyle, your family will not be able to inch closer toward what you hope to see.
-Dana
Sandra Dodd
-=-By explaining the unschooling lifestyle you'd like to see from him,
you are in effect invalidating his needs. Invalidating is not part of
an unschooling lifestyle. So you are explaining a lifestyle that you
yourself are not yet fully practicing. Until YOU adopt the unschooling
lifestyle, your family will not be able to inch closer toward what you
hope to see.-=-
But DO consider it inching toward it.
It's not okay for one parent to buy a yacht or an airplane if the
other parent didn't want to.
It's not okay for one parent to convert to a new religion and say "Our
family is now [whatever it is]" if the other parent didn't agree.
Going too far too fast can lead to divorce.
Divorce leads to school.
Kids with an intact family plus school is WAY (way) better than kids
with a divorce (and eventually step parents) plus school.
Unschooling is like owning a yacht in a lot of ways. Making a
gigantic purchase and commitment to future expense without the
partner's approval is not a good idea.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
you are in effect invalidating his needs. Invalidating is not part of
an unschooling lifestyle. So you are explaining a lifestyle that you
yourself are not yet fully practicing. Until YOU adopt the unschooling
lifestyle, your family will not be able to inch closer toward what you
hope to see.-=-
But DO consider it inching toward it.
It's not okay for one parent to buy a yacht or an airplane if the
other parent didn't want to.
It's not okay for one parent to convert to a new religion and say "Our
family is now [whatever it is]" if the other parent didn't agree.
Going too far too fast can lead to divorce.
Divorce leads to school.
Kids with an intact family plus school is WAY (way) better than kids
with a divorce (and eventually step parents) plus school.
Unschooling is like owning a yacht in a lot of ways. Making a
gigantic purchase and commitment to future expense without the
partner's approval is not a good idea.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Amanda's Shoebox
<Apply unschooling principles to everyone in your family, including him.>
Wow. I never thought about including him in that way. This really helped me today to talk with him when he was mad at our oldest daughter. He was very angry and convinced her problem was she needed more discipline so she could become a more disciplined person.
Instead of telling him that I thought he was wrong, like I normally would have... which probably would have in turn made him angry at me because he would see it as me justifying her behavior... I spoke to him in the way I would have one of my children if they were angry at one of their sisters. I listened to him and asked him questions about what he would like to see happen. I told him I agreed that her behavior was not good and that I too would like to see an improvement and asked him what he thought would be the most effective way for that change to happen.
It worked out very well. In the end, he decided a more positive approach with our daughter was best. But, what you all said really helped me, so much so that I would have been okay even if he hadn't agreed with me in the end.
Wow. I never thought about including him in that way. This really helped me today to talk with him when he was mad at our oldest daughter. He was very angry and convinced her problem was she needed more discipline so she could become a more disciplined person.
Instead of telling him that I thought he was wrong, like I normally would have... which probably would have in turn made him angry at me because he would see it as me justifying her behavior... I spoke to him in the way I would have one of my children if they were angry at one of their sisters. I listened to him and asked him questions about what he would like to see happen. I told him I agreed that her behavior was not good and that I too would like to see an improvement and asked him what he thought would be the most effective way for that change to happen.
It worked out very well. In the end, he decided a more positive approach with our daughter was best. But, what you all said really helped me, so much so that I would have been okay even if he hadn't agreed with me in the end.