cheesyv2002

Did anyone start really late with both un-schooling and also with the style of parenting that goes with it?

My oldest is thirteen, poor kid, has had everythig BUT that kind of parenting, and though we are still quite close to each other - well he still hugs me a lot and we joke around together - there are (predictably) lots of issues.

It seems easier with the other children, even the 11 year old to jump into the trusting parenting, and they quickly respond, but with a teen.....it seems like he doesn't respond so fast. Fair enough too, it's been years of the other style. Remember this is the child who chose to go to school and loves it there, so all positive interactions with him will be limited to when he is home too.

Anyone start late? Any wisdom?
Vanessa

Pam Sorooshian

On 4/7/2010 4:13 AM, cheesyv2002 wrote:
> Anyone start late? Any wisdom?

Try reading Grace Llewelyn's book, Guerilla Schooling. It will help you
deal with his being in school in an unconventional way..

And THE number one thing I'd recommend is reading "The Parent-Teen
Breakthrough" by Myra Kirschenbaum.

Note - I'm not saying follow it slavishly, I'm saying read it and let
it, as academics like to say, inform your choices.

-pam


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keetry

--- In [email protected], "cheesyv2002" <vanessa@...> wrote:
>
> Did anyone start really late with both un-schooling and also with the style of parenting that goes with it?

I started late with my oldest. He was 12, almost 13, when I finally pulled him out of school. He's 19 now. We didn't go straight into unschooling. We spent probably the first year deschooling and investigating curricula. After that he went back and forth in and out of public school of his own choice (and pressure from my husband and some outside sources) before he decided to drop out at 16. I considered that the beginning of his unschooling experience. I don't know that I have any words of wisdom. The only thing I can think of is to love your teen and treat him/her just as gently and respectfully as you would a younger child who's been unschooled his/her whole life.

Alysia

Sandra Dodd

-=- After that he went back and forth in and out of public school of
his own choice (and pressure from my husband and some outside sources)
before he decided to drop out at 16. I considered that the beginning
of his unschooling experience.-=-

I wish he considered that he had decided to unschool, rather than
terming it "dropping out." If he's still school age, and you're
homeschooling, he shouldn't have needed to "drop out."

Sandra

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

keetry

--- In [email protected], Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
>
> -=- After that he went back and forth in and out of public school of
> his own choice (and pressure from my husband and some outside sources)
> before he decided to drop out at 16. I considered that the beginning
> of his unschooling experience.-=-
>
> I wish he considered that he had decided to unschool, rather than
> terming it "dropping out." If he's still school age, and you're
> homeschooling, he shouldn't have needed to "drop out."
>
> Sandra
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

I know. I'm afraid he was so damaged by school and conventional parenting by that point that he wanted to drop out of everything. Once when he was about 14 someone asked him why he didn't take pride in the things he did. His response was that school had taken all the pride out of him. The reason he waited until he 16 was because that is the legal age in our state that he could quit going to school without parents' permission, which wasn't an issue because I would've registered us as homeschoolers if he didn't want to go to school. I think he just wanted to be done with all of it at that point.

Alysia