She's back!
Joanna
She just quit college.
She is feeling so lost and unsure of who she is and what she wants or how to find either.
Carly was an unschooled child after we decided not to send her to 2nd grade, until she decided to try highschool at 9th grade.
She went back to school 2 years after her brother died. I dont know if she would have gone if he was still here.
It left a 6 year gap between her and her younger siblings and parents trying their best to cope with devastating grief.
She mostly liked high school.
The theater department, learning French, going to dances and football games were the highlights.
It was very interesting to watch and listen to this unschooled child go through this system.
She told me everything about her days and her opinions and mostly I felt she was having a positive experience.
Then slowly and subtly I started noticing a change in her. She really cared what the status quo was and started figuring out
how to do as little as possible to get the grade. Her passion for learning was slipping away and it became more about just getting by.
Senior year came and she wanted to go to college. I tried to get her to take a year and travel/work, but that's not "how it is done".
We spent a year looking for colleges and applying and she got accepted and chose one.
We couldn't pay for it all, so we got grants and loans for her. She was going to major in acting.
She wanted to experience theater at the college level. Well she experienced it. She had a pretty good freshman year, but wasn't thrilled about
going back after the summer. She didn't know what she would do here at home, so she went. She was in a production, got into the theater fraternity,
and was passing her classes. But, she was miserable. She seemed to be slipping into a depression. She hated the classes that she had to take
that were required, not her choosing. Then she even started resenting the classes she use to enjoy. After Christmas break, she was saying she
didn't think she would go back for her Junior year. She was planning on finishing this semester though. She went back and things got worse.
She didn't want to leave her room most of the time. She did meet a boy over Christmas break and that seemed to lift her spirits, but he lives here, so she
started coming home on weekends (she was 3 hrs away). It got harder and harder for her to return and she decided she really couldn't take
it anymore. She did have to stay until March 22 to fulfill her grant requirement, or pay back $5000.00, so then she felt trapped and angry.
She is home now, and has absolutely no regrets about leaving, but still feels lost. I keep telling her to take her time. She needs to deschool!
She wrote this on her Facebook page so she didn't have to explain over and over why she was leaving.
I'm leaving. I'm done. My experience here is over. I'm dropping out of college and I couldn't be happier! For all my friends who went to public, private or any type of school their whole lives, who took the SAT's, who applied for colleges, who strived for A's and academic success I understand your concern and difficulty understanding this decision. Growing up, most of us go through the system of, make good grades, get into a good college, get a good job and die after enjoying a nice retirement. My life's teachings were very different. I was unschooled for 8 years of my life. 2nd through 8th. And it was the best thing to ever happen to me. I was free to choose what I wanted to learn. My parents never expected A's because being a happy child and learning happily, on my own time, was what they saw as successful. I've always been supported in my choices. I decided to go to public high school and my parents supported it. They constantly reminded me through it all, when I would get upset over a bad test or stress out over missing school, that the most important thing was my happiness. When I didn't want to do my homework, or didn't want to go to school that day, my mom would say "then don't" and that would be that. My success was on me, on what I felt was important. And I was successful! Honor roll, school plays, good grades, clubs, I achieved what I wanted, only because I wanted it. But it was never to get into a good college. It was never to prepare me for a job. It was solely to experience something new. Just like when I was home schooled I'd learn through my experiences, on the sheer basis of learning for learning's sake. And so when I wanted to learn about college, to see what it was like. My parents supported that too. And I did it! I got into CNU! Not to become a doctor, lawyer, or even actress. I came to college to experience the "now" of it all, not to work towards my "tomorrow". Unfortunately the "now" of school is no longer an experience I enjoy. I've loved my time here and the people I've met, but I've lost myself in concern with deadlines on paper that don't matter to me, attendance in classes I didn't even want to take. My future is wide open and I'm confident in myself enough to know that I'll be successful in achieving whatever I want to do, I always have been before. College does not determine a persons ability or intelligence. Yes it does help in the career field, but if I wanted a career and knew what I wanted to do with my life then I'd stay in college and work for that. I'm young, vibrant and excited to see the world, to be inspired and I'm positive that wasting my money doing something that no longer excites me is in no way going to make me anymore eligible to be a successful career woman in the future. I am so confident in my decision to leave, because it is the first thing in a long time that I am completely 100 percent sure of. I am in no way trying to say that anyone else's choices are wrong or that going to college is bad. I'm just trying to explain why this is right for me. I'm not having a mental breakdown. I'm not quitting because it's hard. I'm not giving up. And I'm not Prego! I'm simply continuing on with my life by doing what makes me happy, and what is best for me.
-Carly <3
This is the person she wants to be, but has so much anxiety for the future, she is blocking her own path.
She got some good comments from her friends, but has also experienced others who just don't get it and are avoiding her.
I wish I could make it all better
for her. All I can do is encourage, listen, and love. I'm worried she may be suffering depression (my mil takes meds for depression).
Hopefully, it will just take some time. She has always been a pessamistic type of person. Loveable and hilarious, but has a dark view of things that I don't have.
Anyway, I just thought I'd share our story. Unschooling doesn't seem to have a down side when described on these list and it's probably true! But life can get in the way sometimes. Our childrens choices
may be ones we don't agree with. It wont make everything perfect. But, I am so grateful it's the path we chose. And I think Carly will find
her way, and hopefully it wont be a long journey, since she knows where it can lead.
This does leave me wondering if I should try even harder to discourage my younger 2 from going to highschool if they start expressing interest.
Maybe step up the traveling adventures when that time comes.....
She is feeling so lost and unsure of who she is and what she wants or how to find either.
Carly was an unschooled child after we decided not to send her to 2nd grade, until she decided to try highschool at 9th grade.
She went back to school 2 years after her brother died. I dont know if she would have gone if he was still here.
It left a 6 year gap between her and her younger siblings and parents trying their best to cope with devastating grief.
She mostly liked high school.
The theater department, learning French, going to dances and football games were the highlights.
It was very interesting to watch and listen to this unschooled child go through this system.
She told me everything about her days and her opinions and mostly I felt she was having a positive experience.
Then slowly and subtly I started noticing a change in her. She really cared what the status quo was and started figuring out
how to do as little as possible to get the grade. Her passion for learning was slipping away and it became more about just getting by.
Senior year came and she wanted to go to college. I tried to get her to take a year and travel/work, but that's not "how it is done".
We spent a year looking for colleges and applying and she got accepted and chose one.
We couldn't pay for it all, so we got grants and loans for her. She was going to major in acting.
She wanted to experience theater at the college level. Well she experienced it. She had a pretty good freshman year, but wasn't thrilled about
going back after the summer. She didn't know what she would do here at home, so she went. She was in a production, got into the theater fraternity,
and was passing her classes. But, she was miserable. She seemed to be slipping into a depression. She hated the classes that she had to take
that were required, not her choosing. Then she even started resenting the classes she use to enjoy. After Christmas break, she was saying she
didn't think she would go back for her Junior year. She was planning on finishing this semester though. She went back and things got worse.
She didn't want to leave her room most of the time. She did meet a boy over Christmas break and that seemed to lift her spirits, but he lives here, so she
started coming home on weekends (she was 3 hrs away). It got harder and harder for her to return and she decided she really couldn't take
it anymore. She did have to stay until March 22 to fulfill her grant requirement, or pay back $5000.00, so then she felt trapped and angry.
She is home now, and has absolutely no regrets about leaving, but still feels lost. I keep telling her to take her time. She needs to deschool!
She wrote this on her Facebook page so she didn't have to explain over and over why she was leaving.
I'm leaving. I'm done. My experience here is over. I'm dropping out of college and I couldn't be happier! For all my friends who went to public, private or any type of school their whole lives, who took the SAT's, who applied for colleges, who strived for A's and academic success I understand your concern and difficulty understanding this decision. Growing up, most of us go through the system of, make good grades, get into a good college, get a good job and die after enjoying a nice retirement. My life's teachings were very different. I was unschooled for 8 years of my life. 2nd through 8th. And it was the best thing to ever happen to me. I was free to choose what I wanted to learn. My parents never expected A's because being a happy child and learning happily, on my own time, was what they saw as successful. I've always been supported in my choices. I decided to go to public high school and my parents supported it. They constantly reminded me through it all, when I would get upset over a bad test or stress out over missing school, that the most important thing was my happiness. When I didn't want to do my homework, or didn't want to go to school that day, my mom would say "then don't" and that would be that. My success was on me, on what I felt was important. And I was successful! Honor roll, school plays, good grades, clubs, I achieved what I wanted, only because I wanted it. But it was never to get into a good college. It was never to prepare me for a job. It was solely to experience something new. Just like when I was home schooled I'd learn through my experiences, on the sheer basis of learning for learning's sake. And so when I wanted to learn about college, to see what it was like. My parents supported that too. And I did it! I got into CNU! Not to become a doctor, lawyer, or even actress. I came to college to experience the "now" of it all, not to work towards my "tomorrow". Unfortunately the "now" of school is no longer an experience I enjoy. I've loved my time here and the people I've met, but I've lost myself in concern with deadlines on paper that don't matter to me, attendance in classes I didn't even want to take. My future is wide open and I'm confident in myself enough to know that I'll be successful in achieving whatever I want to do, I always have been before. College does not determine a persons ability or intelligence. Yes it does help in the career field, but if I wanted a career and knew what I wanted to do with my life then I'd stay in college and work for that. I'm young, vibrant and excited to see the world, to be inspired and I'm positive that wasting my money doing something that no longer excites me is in no way going to make me anymore eligible to be a successful career woman in the future. I am so confident in my decision to leave, because it is the first thing in a long time that I am completely 100 percent sure of. I am in no way trying to say that anyone else's choices are wrong or that going to college is bad. I'm just trying to explain why this is right for me. I'm not having a mental breakdown. I'm not quitting because it's hard. I'm not giving up. And I'm not Prego! I'm simply continuing on with my life by doing what makes me happy, and what is best for me.
-Carly <3
This is the person she wants to be, but has so much anxiety for the future, she is blocking her own path.
She got some good comments from her friends, but has also experienced others who just don't get it and are avoiding her.
I wish I could make it all better
for her. All I can do is encourage, listen, and love. I'm worried she may be suffering depression (my mil takes meds for depression).
Hopefully, it will just take some time. She has always been a pessamistic type of person. Loveable and hilarious, but has a dark view of things that I don't have.
Anyway, I just thought I'd share our story. Unschooling doesn't seem to have a down side when described on these list and it's probably true! But life can get in the way sometimes. Our childrens choices
may be ones we don't agree with. It wont make everything perfect. But, I am so grateful it's the path we chose. And I think Carly will find
her way, and hopefully it wont be a long journey, since she knows where it can lead.
This does leave me wondering if I should try even harder to discourage my younger 2 from going to highschool if they start expressing interest.
Maybe step up the traveling adventures when that time comes.....
Pam Sorooshian
On 3/30/2010 7:44 AM, Joanna wrote:
the complete opposite, like she was previously feeling depressed and
beaten down by what she'd gotten herself into and that now she feels
she's taken control and is tremendously relieved. I realize that some of
that post is probably bravado, but, still, it really sounds strong and
clear-headed.
You know what to do - support her interests, make your family life as
interesting and sweet as possible. Give her a nice long time to
deschool. Help her decompress. Travel a bit, sing, play games, cook good
foods, watch good movies, and all that. Help her connect with her
younger siblings really a lot - enlist her help with being an
unschooling big sister to them. Go camping. Maybe go to some unschool
conferences - hanging around with the unschooling parents might be
helpful for her. I wonder if she'd be willing to speak about her
experiences in school - from the perspective of having been an
unschooler. That might be really helpful for her to sort through all her
mixed feelings and confusions. She might like reading, "How I Became an
Autodidact." I haven't read it, but Rosie has read it several times and
loves it.
I'd guess what will be hard for her for a while is not feeling like
she's "doing something." She's got quite a few years behind her of
others telling her what to do and getting "credit" for doing things. It
makes sense for her to feel adrift, without that, for a while.
Since she's into theater - maybe she can audition for some local shows?
That would give her time some structure with a product at the end, which
might help her feel better.
-pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> This does leave me wondering if I should try even harder to discourageShe doesn't sound depressed in that facebook post, though. She sounds
> my younger 2 from going to highschool if they start expressing interest.
> Maybe step up the traveling adventures when that time comes.....
the complete opposite, like she was previously feeling depressed and
beaten down by what she'd gotten herself into and that now she feels
she's taken control and is tremendously relieved. I realize that some of
that post is probably bravado, but, still, it really sounds strong and
clear-headed.
You know what to do - support her interests, make your family life as
interesting and sweet as possible. Give her a nice long time to
deschool. Help her decompress. Travel a bit, sing, play games, cook good
foods, watch good movies, and all that. Help her connect with her
younger siblings really a lot - enlist her help with being an
unschooling big sister to them. Go camping. Maybe go to some unschool
conferences - hanging around with the unschooling parents might be
helpful for her. I wonder if she'd be willing to speak about her
experiences in school - from the perspective of having been an
unschooler. That might be really helpful for her to sort through all her
mixed feelings and confusions. She might like reading, "How I Became an
Autodidact." I haven't read it, but Rosie has read it several times and
loves it.
I'd guess what will be hard for her for a while is not feeling like
she's "doing something." She's got quite a few years behind her of
others telling her what to do and getting "credit" for doing things. It
makes sense for her to feel adrift, without that, for a while.
Since she's into theater - maybe she can audition for some local shows?
That would give her time some structure with a product at the end, which
might help her feel better.
-pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
nutley1105
Joanna,
I don't think she sounds depressed on her Facebook, either. It sounds like she's sorting through it and working it out. It sounds like she knows what she doesn't want, which leaves the path ahead clear and not full of doubt about leaving.
And as a humorous aside, my 9 year old daughter read your daughter's FB entry and said to me, "I don't want to go to college either - it'll take too much time away from the stuff I'm REALLY interested in."
I wish I'd had both their confidence levels (not to mention the understanding, encouragement and support you mention in your post) when I left college at nineteen and spent the next several years being branded an underachiever and a quitter by my family members and friends, reminded at every turn that I didn't have that "all-important" piece of paper!
Kris
I don't think she sounds depressed on her Facebook, either. It sounds like she's sorting through it and working it out. It sounds like she knows what she doesn't want, which leaves the path ahead clear and not full of doubt about leaving.
And as a humorous aside, my 9 year old daughter read your daughter's FB entry and said to me, "I don't want to go to college either - it'll take too much time away from the stuff I'm REALLY interested in."
I wish I'd had both their confidence levels (not to mention the understanding, encouragement and support you mention in your post) when I left college at nineteen and spent the next several years being branded an underachiever and a quitter by my family members and friends, reminded at every turn that I didn't have that "all-important" piece of paper!
Kris
Sandra Dodd
-=-This does leave me wondering if I should try even harder to
discourage my younger 2 from going to highschool if they start
expressing interest.
Maybe step up the traveling adventures when that time comes.....-=-
Can you step up the traveling adventures now? Is there somewhere
Carly would like to go? Going there now, "during the semester," might
be a big healing leap.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
discourage my younger 2 from going to highschool if they start
expressing interest.
Maybe step up the traveling adventures when that time comes.....-=-
Can you step up the traveling adventures now? Is there somewhere
Carly would like to go? Going there now, "during the semester," might
be a big healing leap.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
wtexans
Joanna, I loved reading Carly's Facebook post. She figured out what wasn't working for her and made the choice to not continue doing it, and it was a big decision!
===This does leave me wondering if I should try even harder to discourage my younger 2 from going to highschool if they start expressing interest.===
I think that would be unfair to them; why shouldn't they have the same choice Carly had?
===Maybe step up the traveling adventures when that time comes===
If it's not possible for your family to do this now, are there some unschooling families you know with whom Carly could spend a little time, much as Holly Dodd has done?
Glenda
===This does leave me wondering if I should try even harder to discourage my younger 2 from going to highschool if they start expressing interest.===
I think that would be unfair to them; why shouldn't they have the same choice Carly had?
===Maybe step up the traveling adventures when that time comes===
If it's not possible for your family to do this now, are there some unschooling families you know with whom Carly could spend a little time, much as Holly Dodd has done?
Glenda
Joanna
> Joanna,She wasn't when she wrote it. She felt exhilerated and free! She said she laughed and giggled on and off the whole drive home from school. That lasted a few days then the "now what" set in. We've had a few long talks and she is already feeling better.
>
> I don't think she sounds depressed on her Facebook, either.
I think Pam was right. Too much time with being told what was expected of her. She fell into all the trappings of school even with parents who didn't buy into it and kept the door of freedom open.
I'll ask her about maybe speaking about her experiences.
Sandra, we already have a trip planned for NYC in a couple of weeks. She is very excited to see a friend of hers perform in a production at Pace Univ. We are also talking about saving up to go to Ireland. That may take a couple of years, and I'm sure we'll have a lot more smaller trips before that.
She was doing much better yesterday and this morning. I think the weather getting nicer is helping too. It sure is helping me!
Joanna
Bun
Is it this book?
http://www.amazon.com/Day-I-Became-Autodidact/dp/0440550130
Laurie
http://www.amazon.com/Day-I-Became-Autodidact/dp/0440550130
Laurie
> She might like reading, "How I Became an Autodidact." I haven't read
> it, but Rosie has read it several times and loves it.
>
Sandra Dodd
-=We are also talking about saving up to go to Ireland. That may take
a couple of years, and I'm sure we'll have a lot more smaller trips
before that.-=-
If she's not better soon, though, it might be worth borrowing to go to
Ireland. A couple of years is too far away for getting her back to
the knowledge that she's real in the world and can learn all the time
and be whole.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
a couple of years, and I'm sure we'll have a lot more smaller trips
before that.-=-
If she's not better soon, though, it might be worth borrowing to go to
Ireland. A couple of years is too far away for getting her back to
the knowledge that she's real in the world and can learn all the time
and be whole.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Jenny Cyphers
-=We are also talking about saving up to go to Ireland. That may take
a couple of years, and I'm sure we'll have a lot more smaller trips
before that.-=-
***If she's not better soon, though, it might be worth borrowing to go to
Ireland. ***
If she's a writer, another unschooled teen shared her knowledge that in Ireland, writers don't have to pay taxes. So, if that's what she's into and doing, she could probably live and work on the cheap!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
a couple of years, and I'm sure we'll have a lot more smaller trips
before that.-=-
***If she's not better soon, though, it might be worth borrowing to go to
Ireland. ***
If she's a writer, another unschooled teen shared her knowledge that in Ireland, writers don't have to pay taxes. So, if that's what she's into and doing, she could probably live and work on the cheap!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=If she's a writer, another unschooled teen shared her knowledge that
in Ireland, writers don't have to pay taxes. So, if that's what she's
into and doing, she could probably live and work on the cheap!-=-
American writers living in Ireland don't have to pay taxes?
Americans can write there, but without a work visa I don't think they
can make any money there. Tourist visas keep the person all-American
(legally speaking).
But if she's writing about things she sees and does in Ireland, some
of her expenses could be tax deductible.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
in Ireland, writers don't have to pay taxes. So, if that's what she's
into and doing, she could probably live and work on the cheap!-=-
American writers living in Ireland don't have to pay taxes?
Americans can write there, but without a work visa I don't think they
can make any money there. Tourist visas keep the person all-American
(legally speaking).
But if she's writing about things she sees and does in Ireland, some
of her expenses could be tax deductible.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Jenny Cyphers
***American writers living in Ireland don't have to pay taxes?
Americans can write there, but without a work visa I don't think they
can make any money there. Tourist visas keep the person all-American
(legally speaking).***
I'm not sure really, but it seems anyone qualifies as long as they reside in Ireland and meet the exemption status of what Ireland considers art. Much debate over that one!
Here's an article that I found about it, which implies that people can move to Ireland and get tax exempt status, but that wasn't how the law was intended.... It was intended to keep Irish artists from leaving the country.
http://www.independent.ie/lifestyle/to-tax-----or-not-to-tax-1884798.html
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Americans can write there, but without a work visa I don't think they
can make any money there. Tourist visas keep the person all-American
(legally speaking).***
I'm not sure really, but it seems anyone qualifies as long as they reside in Ireland and meet the exemption status of what Ireland considers art. Much debate over that one!
Here's an article that I found about it, which implies that people can move to Ireland and get tax exempt status, but that wasn't how the law was intended.... It was intended to keep Irish artists from leaving the country.
http://www.independent.ie/lifestyle/to-tax-----or-not-to-tax-1884798.html
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Pam Sorooshian
Yes,, that's the book. Rosie has read it several times and really
recommends it.
-pam
recommends it.
-pam
On 3/31/2010 9:09 AM, Bun wrote:
> Is it this book?
>
> http://www.amazon.com/Day-I-Became-Autodidact/dp/0440550130
> <http://www.amazon.com/Day-I-Became-Autodidact/dp/0440550130>
>
> Laurie
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Joanna
I just ordered it from amazon.com for a penny! With shipping it was $4.
Thanks for the recommendation!
Joanna
Thanks for the recommendation!
Joanna
> Yes,, that's the book. Rosie has read it several times and really
> recommends it.
>
> -pam
>
>
> On 3/31/2010 9:09 AM, Bun wrote:
> > Is it this book?
> >
> > http://www.amazon.com/Day-I-Became-Autodidact/dp/0440550130