Ruts vs. swirliness, and finding a balance
Sandra Dodd
I saw on Facebook that someone was looking forward to going to read
the Friday chat. ooop! I had cleared the room. I apologized, and
Glenda wrote:
-=--=-Sandra, no worries! Shan sent me page 3 and in the middle of it
somewhere Jill had summarized quite nicely what y'all had discussed.
Here's what she said:
"I still think it comes back to knowing your kids. spice things up
when they are too rutty, allow down time, when you've been going too
much. Are they happy and learning and are you there, to help with
questions, foods, suggestions, and general playing with them."
-=-I may end up bringing to Always Learning list at some point soonish
for more discussion, if I can pull my thoughts together on it.-=-
So I figured I would do it. I'll add the one quote I saved:
***Unschooling is all about how parents are seeing their kids. --Jill
Parmer***
Jill was quite "on" yesterday and that's why the quotes are Jill-quotes.
It was a good chat, but didn't seem worth preserving as a chat, and
because people had gotten a little personal about something near the
end, I didn't want to save it.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
the Friday chat. ooop! I had cleared the room. I apologized, and
Glenda wrote:
-=--=-Sandra, no worries! Shan sent me page 3 and in the middle of it
somewhere Jill had summarized quite nicely what y'all had discussed.
Here's what she said:
"I still think it comes back to knowing your kids. spice things up
when they are too rutty, allow down time, when you've been going too
much. Are they happy and learning and are you there, to help with
questions, foods, suggestions, and general playing with them."
-=-I may end up bringing to Always Learning list at some point soonish
for more discussion, if I can pull my thoughts together on it.-=-
So I figured I would do it. I'll add the one quote I saved:
***Unschooling is all about how parents are seeing their kids. --Jill
Parmer***
Jill was quite "on" yesterday and that's why the quotes are Jill-quotes.
It was a good chat, but didn't seem worth preserving as a chat, and
because people had gotten a little personal about something near the
end, I didn't want to save it.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Jill Parmer
> "I still think it comes back to knowing your kids. spice things upI'm glad Glenda wrote to you or facebook or wherever and pulled the
> when they are too rutty, allow down time, when you've been going too
> much. Are they happy and learning and are you there, to help with
> questions, foods, suggestions, and general playing with them."
above out, because I was going to go look for the context of this
short quote, "Unschooling is all about how parents are seeing their
kids." which I think it could be used as a sound bite that could come
back and bite someone's unschooling butt.
A parent of a school kid could say, 'well it's all about how I see my
kid', and I a lazy homeschooler could say that too and then go on to
say, "I'm and unschooler. woohoo", and that makes me want to run
away thinking, 'don't stand so close to me'.
Whenever I read a short quote or a sound bite, "say yes", "kids learn
all the time", "it's all about how parents are seeing their kids", I
follow that up with questions to myself and actions.
When I first heard "kids learn all the time", I thought, ok so what
are they learning? That helped me really see Addi and Luke and what
they were doing way below the surface of any given activity. How can
I enhance that? Does my kid need me to be an assistant for this with
food, supplies, driving, etc.? Would some coaching help them? Do
they need a bit more information? How are they responding to my
efforts? Do they want me to be right in there working with them or
do they need me to be nearby for requested help?
~Jill (Addi 15, Luke 11)
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sandralynndodd
The post past this intro line came from Schuyler by e-mail, and I think
she's right and that it goes with "ruts vs. swirliness."
-----------------------
Elaine Greenwood-Hyde posted a link to this blogpost :
http://www.homebakedonline.com/2010/03/importance-of-being-at-home.html
<http://www.homebakedonline.com/2010/03/importance-of-being-at-home.html\
"... in our efforts to make each moment "count", we seem to have lost
the knack of appreciating the ordinary... we do too much and savour too
little. We mistake activity for happiness, and so we stuff our
children's days with activities, and their heads with information when
we ought to be feeding their souls instead..."
The idea of mistaking activity for happiness was what leapt out at me,
in part because that was the bit that the blogposter had in bold and
green. But also because I think that might be what you were getting at
when you were asking about unschooling families who go to far down the
activity route.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
she's right and that it goes with "ruts vs. swirliness."
-----------------------
Elaine Greenwood-Hyde posted a link to this blogpost :
http://www.homebakedonline.com/2010/03/importance-of-being-at-home.html
<http://www.homebakedonline.com/2010/03/importance-of-being-at-home.html\
> which I followed. In the middle of the blog is a quote that remindedme of what you'd talked about during a chat:
"... in our efforts to make each moment "count", we seem to have lost
the knack of appreciating the ordinary... we do too much and savour too
little. We mistake activity for happiness, and so we stuff our
children's days with activities, and their heads with information when
we ought to be feeding their souls instead..."
The idea of mistaking activity for happiness was what leapt out at me,
in part because that was the bit that the blogposter had in bold and
green. But also because I think that might be what you were getting at
when you were asking about unschooling families who go to far down the
activity route.
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Kristi
I've been thinking about the idea of "Lazy Unschoolers" all weekend, and it has me feeling all jittery. I'm certain this is because I'm still new to this and my kids are still young. However, the questions that keep swirling around in my brain are, "What is a lazy Unschooler?" and "How would you know if you've become one?"
My oldest is 7 and my youngest is 4. It's been a heavy snowfall winter. My girls have not wanted to get outside much. Mostly they have played all day with their Polly Pockets and dollhouses, Hot Wheels cars, "Messy Messes" (I dig out all the "going-old" items in the pantry, throw in measuring cups, spoons, a variety of containers that pour, add a dash of food coloring or sprinkles, and they go to town.) Playing on our inside rope swing, playing gymnastics, putting on performances, watching TV or movies, playing games on the computer.
Sounds great on paper, but then I realize that they've not been asking me for help/answers/questions/etc. They've not been proclaiming boredom, or asking me to help them find something to do. I do initiate my own suggestions which are usually met with a no thanks.
But it had me wondering...the idea of laziness fills me with dread--it's as if I have a physical aversion to it. And because of that, I keep wondering would I know if I became a lazy unschooler?
Kristi Beguin
My oldest is 7 and my youngest is 4. It's been a heavy snowfall winter. My girls have not wanted to get outside much. Mostly they have played all day with their Polly Pockets and dollhouses, Hot Wheels cars, "Messy Messes" (I dig out all the "going-old" items in the pantry, throw in measuring cups, spoons, a variety of containers that pour, add a dash of food coloring or sprinkles, and they go to town.) Playing on our inside rope swing, playing gymnastics, putting on performances, watching TV or movies, playing games on the computer.
Sounds great on paper, but then I realize that they've not been asking me for help/answers/questions/etc. They've not been proclaiming boredom, or asking me to help them find something to do. I do initiate my own suggestions which are usually met with a no thanks.
But it had me wondering...the idea of laziness fills me with dread--it's as if I have a physical aversion to it. And because of that, I keep wondering would I know if I became a lazy unschooler?
Kristi Beguin
Sandra Dodd
-=-They've not been proclaiming boredom, or asking me to help them
find something to do.-=-
But that's good!
-=-But it had me wondering...the idea of laziness fills me with dread--
it's as if I have a physical aversion to it. And because of that, I
keep wondering would I know if I became a lazy unschooler?-=-
Maybe your kids would be whiney and asking about going to school, I
guess.
Sandra
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find something to do.-=-
But that's good!
-=-But it had me wondering...the idea of laziness fills me with dread--
it's as if I have a physical aversion to it. And because of that, I
keep wondering would I know if I became a lazy unschooler?-=-
Maybe your kids would be whiney and asking about going to school, I
guess.
Sandra
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Jenny Cyphers
***Sounds great on paper, but then I realize that they've not been asking me for help/answers/ questions/ etc. They've not been proclaiming boredom, or asking me to help them find something to do. I do initiate my own suggestions which are usually met with a no thanks.
But it had me wondering... the idea of laziness fills me with dread--it's as if I have a physical aversion to it. And because of that, I keep wondering would I know if I became a lazy unschooler?***
I've found that at various times over the years, the kids will feel restless, and that is generally a clue to step things up, add to life. It seems like it happens more in the 8-11 yr time frame. Before that, kids will play play play, and after that, they are completely caught up in puberty which has it's own elements of restlessness.
I like to err on the side of doing more, not less. There are plenty of times throughout a year that kids and families naturally do less and then naturally gravitate to doing more. Yet, even in the times of doing less, finding small ways in which to add interest and fun can help everyone.
My kids always let me know in large and small ways if we need to step it up or slow it down!
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But it had me wondering... the idea of laziness fills me with dread--it's as if I have a physical aversion to it. And because of that, I keep wondering would I know if I became a lazy unschooler?***
I've found that at various times over the years, the kids will feel restless, and that is generally a clue to step things up, add to life. It seems like it happens more in the 8-11 yr time frame. Before that, kids will play play play, and after that, they are completely caught up in puberty which has it's own elements of restlessness.
I like to err on the side of doing more, not less. There are plenty of times throughout a year that kids and families naturally do less and then naturally gravitate to doing more. Yet, even in the times of doing less, finding small ways in which to add interest and fun can help everyone.
My kids always let me know in large and small ways if we need to step it up or slow it down!
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Kristi
>>> I've found that at various times over the years, the kids will feel restless, and that is generally a clue to step things up, add to life. It seems like it happens more in the 8-11 yr time frame. Before that, kids will play play play, and after that, they are completely caught up in puberty which has it's own elements of restlessness.<<<That makes sense, looking for little cues. They are absolutely content to play all day, and that is great. I agree!
>>>Yet, even in the times of doing less, finding small ways in which to add interest and fun can help everyone.<<<Yes, I can see how helpful that can be. I can work on that.
Because I work and support our family, I have been having this nagging feeling that I'm doing too little, and that stirs this worry of falling into the lazy trap. Providing cues and ideas to their other caregivers will probably help too...even fun Grandmas can probably use some suggestions!