helping the one who wants to stay home
lalow66
of my 4 kids, i have one who typically chooses to stay home. he is only 7 though so i cant leave him alone. so he is often asked to come with us despite not wanting to.
when my husband is around he stays with him, or like yesterday,he didnt want to go to an activity and i asked a close friend if he could hang out at her house, which he was happy to do. i try to work with him on what would make this appealing to him as well but in the end, he is asked to go along alot more than he is comfortable with and then we get break downs etc. on some occasions he has opted to bring a game for us to play while the kids are doing their activity but he often wont really even discuss options, he just doesnt want to go.. he likes being at home.
today for example it is beautiful outside, the other kids and I would like to go to the park and play with some friends, it has been a long cold winter and we are seeing our first nice days. he doesnt want to go. i have offered to play a game with him if he wants to bring an activity for us to do, i have offered to go by sonic and pick up lunch to take there. all no's. the friend he stayed with yesterday are coming with us so that isnt an option. and so once again he feels out voted.
when my husband is around he stays with him, or like yesterday,he didnt want to go to an activity and i asked a close friend if he could hang out at her house, which he was happy to do. i try to work with him on what would make this appealing to him as well but in the end, he is asked to go along alot more than he is comfortable with and then we get break downs etc. on some occasions he has opted to bring a game for us to play while the kids are doing their activity but he often wont really even discuss options, he just doesnt want to go.. he likes being at home.
today for example it is beautiful outside, the other kids and I would like to go to the park and play with some friends, it has been a long cold winter and we are seeing our first nice days. he doesnt want to go. i have offered to play a game with him if he wants to bring an activity for us to do, i have offered to go by sonic and pick up lunch to take there. all no's. the friend he stayed with yesterday are coming with us so that isnt an option. and so once again he feels out voted.
Chris Sanders
> he likes being at home.Can you park the car close to where you'll be sitting and let him stay
> today for example it is beautiful outside, the other kids and I
> would like to go to the park and play with some friends, it has been
> a long cold winter and we are seeing our first nice days. he doesnt
> want to go. i have offered to play a game with him if he wants to
> bring an activity for us to do, i have offered to go by sonic and
> pick up lunch to take there. all no's. the friend he stayed with
> yesterday are coming with us so that isnt an option. and so once
> again he feels out voted.
in the car, reading, coloring, playing a handheld video game or
something else that he can do solitarily but away from home? My son
is introverted and my daughter is not. We used to all go to the park
gatherings together but he would often find a tree to sit under and
play his Gameboy (now it'd be a DS) or read a book. Sometimes, his
friends would persuade him to come play with them but I always
supported him hanging out by himself if that is what he needed. He
also sometimes just hung out in the car, nearby and I tried to keep
our park visit to a minimal length of time, for his sake.
Chris in IA
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Pam Sorooshian
On 3/9/2010 6:50 AM, lalow66 wrote:
and he can pack it up with things to take when you go out. Books (not
too many - they're heavy), games, a blanket/pillow, dolls, toys, art
supplies, or whatever - let him come up with ideas. Wherever you go, set
him up with his own little home-base. Put "his" blanket down (for one of
my daughters, I used to even take a little cheap tent for her). Arrange
his stuff around him. Make a big effort to get this all set up so it is
later easy to do. Before you go out, when he is feeling reluctant, it
can help with the transition if he has a routine of checking his "home
away from home" supplies.
And - get little things to add to his supplies. A rubick's cube, a lego
kit, etc. when you're out and about and happen to see something that is
small and portable and he might enjoy.
Also - hand-held game systems like a DS - are WONDERFUL for this kind of
thing. If you can afford it, a little portable DVD player can be awesome
because then you can collect movies and cartoons and stuff that he can
take with him.
-pam
>Take "home" with you as much as possible. Get an old suitcase and you
> today for example it is beautiful outside, the other kids and I would
> like to go to the park and play with some friends, it has been a long
> cold winter and we are seeing our first nice days. he doesnt want to
> go. i have offered to play a game with him if he wants to bring an
> activity for us to do, i have offered to go by sonic and pick up lunch
> to take there. all no's. the friend he stayed with yesterday are
> coming with us so that isnt an option. and so once again he feels out
> voted.
and he can pack it up with things to take when you go out. Books (not
too many - they're heavy), games, a blanket/pillow, dolls, toys, art
supplies, or whatever - let him come up with ideas. Wherever you go, set
him up with his own little home-base. Put "his" blanket down (for one of
my daughters, I used to even take a little cheap tent for her). Arrange
his stuff around him. Make a big effort to get this all set up so it is
later easy to do. Before you go out, when he is feeling reluctant, it
can help with the transition if he has a routine of checking his "home
away from home" supplies.
And - get little things to add to his supplies. A rubick's cube, a lego
kit, etc. when you're out and about and happen to see something that is
small and portable and he might enjoy.
Also - hand-held game systems like a DS - are WONDERFUL for this kind of
thing. If you can afford it, a little portable DVD player can be awesome
because then you can collect movies and cartoons and stuff that he can
take with him.
-pam
Lyla Wolfenstein
he doesn't just feel outvoted - he IS being outvoted. my son has been the same - he's less so now, but was INTENSELY home focused at age 7, and 8, and 9 (and 4 and 5 and 6). i would encourage you to not only bring home along and do all the things others recommended and you are already doing, but ALSO to do what *he* wants sometimes - not just if someone else is available. let another family take your other kids to the park some times. or keep everyone home and do somethng together there - in the yard or on the stoop if you want sun. i think it's really important that his voice and temperament are "heard" and honored and fed too. not just "if other arrangements can be made" - as an actual sacrifice on your part - since he is truly sacrificing each time he is made to go out.
warmly, lyla
warmly, lyla
----- Original Message -----
From: lalow66
To: [email protected]
Sent: Tuesday, March 09, 2010 6:50 AM
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] helping the one who wants to stay home
of my 4 kids, i have one who typically chooses to stay home. he is only 7 though so i cant leave him alone. so he is often asked to come with us despite not wanting to.
when my husband is around he stays with him, or like yesterday,he didnt want to go to an activity and i asked a close friend if he could hang out at her house, which he was happy to do. i try to work with him on what would make this appealing to him as well but in the end, he is asked to go along alot more than he is comfortable with and then we get break downs etc. on some occasions he has opted to bring a game for us to play while the kids are doing their activity but he often wont really even discuss options, he just doesnt want to go.. he likes being at home.
today for example it is beautiful outside, the other kids and I would like to go to the park and play with some friends, it has been a long cold winter and we are seeing our first nice days. he doesnt want to go. i have offered to play a game with him if he wants to bring an activity for us to do, i have offered to go by sonic and pick up lunch to take there. all no's. the friend he stayed with yesterday are coming with us so that isnt an option. and so once again he feels out voted.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Pam Sorooshian
On 3/9/2010 10:09 AM, Lyla Wolfenstein wrote:
giving that up, think of how to make staying home more appealing (just
like you're thinking of ways to make going out more appealing to your son).
If you have a yard, fix it up to be a good hang-out place for you and
your kids, but also to invite over a couple of other moms and their
kids. Your son can be at home and have the choice whether or not to play
outdoors with other kids or hang out on his own in the house.
We have a pool, so this was a good option for us - I'd invite two other
moms with 4 or 5 kids, plus my three. It was a reasonable number - so it
wasn't like a huge pool party. They'd bring their own picnic lunch and
we'd stay outdoors the whole time. It was great for Roxana, my middle
daughter, who would hang out with the other kids a bit, and spend some
time on her own in the house - her choice. I liked having two other
moms, not just one, because I could feel more free to go inside and hang
out a bit with Roxana, too.
-pam
> i think it's really important that his voice and temperament areGood point. And for you and the kids who wanted to go out, but are
> "heard" and honored and fed too. not just "if other arrangements can
> be made" - as an actual sacrifice on your part - since he is truly
> sacrificing each time he is made to go out.
giving that up, think of how to make staying home more appealing (just
like you're thinking of ways to make going out more appealing to your son).
If you have a yard, fix it up to be a good hang-out place for you and
your kids, but also to invite over a couple of other moms and their
kids. Your son can be at home and have the choice whether or not to play
outdoors with other kids or hang out on his own in the house.
We have a pool, so this was a good option for us - I'd invite two other
moms with 4 or 5 kids, plus my three. It was a reasonable number - so it
wasn't like a huge pool party. They'd bring their own picnic lunch and
we'd stay outdoors the whole time. It was great for Roxana, my middle
daughter, who would hang out with the other kids a bit, and spend some
time on her own in the house - her choice. I liked having two other
moms, not just one, because I could feel more free to go inside and hang
out a bit with Roxana, too.
-pam