helping son with confidence
lalow66
my middle son (7) is cautious. Often resistent to try new things, often fearful that he will not be able to do it or that others are better. sometimes he will do things once or twice but something will happen, usually unspoken or unnoticed by me, and he wont do it anymore. i think sometimes its just a feeling he gets. if he sees an activity as something "belonging" to another family member he wont try. he limits so much of what he does and i want to help him try more things.
help him understand that it ok not to do everything well right away.
do i just accept this is him at this time and offer opportunities to do other things?
help him understand that it ok not to do everything well right away.
do i just accept this is him at this time and offer opportunities to do other things?
k
It may be him always... it may be who he is and how he interfaces with new
stuff, his personal style of getting to know things. Karl does some of this
sometimes, or a lot of the time. I've noticed that he's big on observing for
LONG periods. Once he figures he can do it perfectly he will try it and if
something seems wrong or messed up he backs up from it, either permanently?
and may lose interest altogether or for a longer period of observing others.
I thought he'd like to do aikido and as long as he's absolutely SURE no one
will even *suggest* that he try it, he was happy with the thought of going
just to see what they do. But other people don't know this about him and
even one of the other kid's parents who were there seemed intent on
convincing Karl to try it out for himself and assured him he would love it
once he got into it (?? a perfect stranger was *sure* Karl would like it).
He's very much one to want me to come with him to do just about anything new
or with people he doesn't know and so on.
~Katherine
stuff, his personal style of getting to know things. Karl does some of this
sometimes, or a lot of the time. I've noticed that he's big on observing for
LONG periods. Once he figures he can do it perfectly he will try it and if
something seems wrong or messed up he backs up from it, either permanently?
and may lose interest altogether or for a longer period of observing others.
I thought he'd like to do aikido and as long as he's absolutely SURE no one
will even *suggest* that he try it, he was happy with the thought of going
just to see what they do. But other people don't know this about him and
even one of the other kid's parents who were there seemed intent on
convincing Karl to try it out for himself and assured him he would love it
once he got into it (?? a perfect stranger was *sure* Karl would like it).
He's very much one to want me to come with him to do just about anything new
or with people he doesn't know and so on.
~Katherine
On Tue, Feb 23, 2010 at 11:40 PM, lalow66 <lalow@...> wrote:
> my middle son (7) is cautious. Often resistent to try new things, often
> fearful that he will not be able to do it or that others are better.
> sometimes he will do things once or twice but something will happen,
> usually unspoken or unnoticed by me, and he wont do it anymore. i think
> sometimes its just a feeling he gets. if he sees an activity as something
> "belonging" to another family member he wont try. he limits so much of what
> he does and i want to help him try more things.
> help him understand that it ok not to do everything well right away.
> do i just accept this is him at this time and offer opportunities to do
> other things?
>
>
>
> ------------------------------------
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
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Vidyut Kale
I do a lot of work with school kids in the outdoors, and it is common to
find children who fear that they may not have the capacity to do the
unfamiliar things, or that they will fail. Particularly when teachers come
along. It is an outdoor group setting, but I imagine the principle would
work indoors with two people too.
I begin the programme with deceptively simple activities, which 'seduce'
kids into involvement because they are great fun, and seem very easy. It is
only as they immerse themselves in the activity, that they discover that it
is not as easy as it seems, but by then, they are so 'hooked' that they have
no time to worry about if they can do it or not. Of course, I try to keep
the task achievable in the natural flow of the game.
Later, during the discussions, we talk about perceptions. how it was in the
beginning, how it unfolded, how it concluded, and how much work compared
with what they had imagined going in it turned out to be. I conveniently
'forget' to talk about success and failure unless one of the kids brings it
up. If they do, I make time to explore ways of measuring success like,
personal bench marks, consistent improvement, enjoyment, etc. In addition to
the accepted 'completion of task'.
A few games that are easy with emerging difficulties later, I throw in one
that seems tough, but turns out doable. One day of this kind of stuff, and
the kids are ready to bite into anything thrown at them.
I don't have experience spending days at home with kids, so I don't know the
exact activity you could do, but it shouldn't be rocket science - cards,
castles with sand or scrabble could work. Group discussions could be
replaced by informal conversations.
This works so well, that it has almost become a permanent feature of my
programme designs. It opens up the whole bunch of them. You could measure
change in decibels.
If you do try this, let me know about your experience, because I haven't
done this in other settings. it would help me understand too.
Vidyut
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
find children who fear that they may not have the capacity to do the
unfamiliar things, or that they will fail. Particularly when teachers come
along. It is an outdoor group setting, but I imagine the principle would
work indoors with two people too.
I begin the programme with deceptively simple activities, which 'seduce'
kids into involvement because they are great fun, and seem very easy. It is
only as they immerse themselves in the activity, that they discover that it
is not as easy as it seems, but by then, they are so 'hooked' that they have
no time to worry about if they can do it or not. Of course, I try to keep
the task achievable in the natural flow of the game.
Later, during the discussions, we talk about perceptions. how it was in the
beginning, how it unfolded, how it concluded, and how much work compared
with what they had imagined going in it turned out to be. I conveniently
'forget' to talk about success and failure unless one of the kids brings it
up. If they do, I make time to explore ways of measuring success like,
personal bench marks, consistent improvement, enjoyment, etc. In addition to
the accepted 'completion of task'.
A few games that are easy with emerging difficulties later, I throw in one
that seems tough, but turns out doable. One day of this kind of stuff, and
the kids are ready to bite into anything thrown at them.
I don't have experience spending days at home with kids, so I don't know the
exact activity you could do, but it shouldn't be rocket science - cards,
castles with sand or scrabble could work. Group discussions could be
replaced by informal conversations.
This works so well, that it has almost become a permanent feature of my
programme designs. It opens up the whole bunch of them. You could measure
change in decibels.
If you do try this, let me know about your experience, because I haven't
done this in other settings. it would help me understand too.
Vidyut
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Vidyut Kale
i forgot. One of my favourites for this is blowing soap bubbles. Its great
fun, and possible at home. I begin with the guaranteed soap bubbles, and
then make it about how big we can make them, give them some raw materials
for tools to make bigger bubbles, etc.
It quickly gets tougher and tougher, but never stops being fun or tires them
too badly to fuzzy their self-awareness. No matter where you end, as long as
the last bubble is a success, you've ended on a 'win' note.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
fun, and possible at home. I begin with the guaranteed soap bubbles, and
then make it about how big we can make them, give them some raw materials
for tools to make bigger bubbles, etc.
It quickly gets tougher and tougher, but never stops being fun or tires them
too badly to fuzzy their self-awareness. No matter where you end, as long as
the last bubble is a success, you've ended on a 'win' note.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Glenda
---One of my favourites for this is blowing soap bubbles.---
We had a box fan set up outside one summer and my son and his cousins were playing with soap bubbles. One of the bubble wands in the set was 12" or 14" round with lots of holes in it, so that you could wave it through the air and make lots and lots of small bubbles. They loaded it up with soap and put it in front of the (turned one) box fan and, holy smoke, you would not believe how many bubbles that generated!! Not sure if I would've thought to do that myself, so I'm glad they did -- it's still one of my favorite summertime memories.
Glenda
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
We had a box fan set up outside one summer and my son and his cousins were playing with soap bubbles. One of the bubble wands in the set was 12" or 14" round with lots of holes in it, so that you could wave it through the air and make lots and lots of small bubbles. They loaded it up with soap and put it in front of the (turned one) box fan and, holy smoke, you would not believe how many bubbles that generated!! Not sure if I would've thought to do that myself, so I'm glad they did -- it's still one of my favorite summertime memories.
Glenda
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Vidyut Kale
Oops. I forgot about the machines. They are an absolute storm of bubbles.
Good fun. For the activity, I provide 'raw material' like soap solution and
flexible wire, string, other odds and ends lying around...
I know Glenda didn't mean it for the activity, just realized that is is a
difference in what may be available at home and in basic camp life. So I
thought I'd clarify the equipment I usually use.
Vidyut
Good fun. For the activity, I provide 'raw material' like soap solution and
flexible wire, string, other odds and ends lying around...
I know Glenda didn't mean it for the activity, just realized that is is a
difference in what may be available at home and in basic camp life. So I
thought I'd clarify the equipment I usually use.
Vidyut
On Thu, Feb 25, 2010 at 9:08 AM, Glenda <wtexans@...> wrote:
>
>
> ---One of my favourites for this is blowing soap bubbles.---
>
> We had a box fan set up outside one summer and my son and his cousins were
> playing with soap bubbles. One of the bubble wands in the set was 12" or 14"
> round with lots of holes in it, so that you could wave it through the air
> and make lots and lots of small bubbles. They loaded it up with soap and put
> it in front of the (turned one) box fan and, holy smoke, you would not
> believe how many bubbles that generated!! Not sure if I would've thought to
> do that myself, so I'm glad they did -- it's still one of my favorite
> summertime memories.
>
> Glenda
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
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