When our children are questioned by other kids
carnationsgalore
My daughter, Allie (11), asked me what she can tell other children about why our family's lifestyle is different from their family's lifestyles. She just didn't know what to say when the subject came up with her friends and they discovered she didn't have the same types of rules and limits they do. It was just a 'oh how I wish' type of conversation, but she still feels bothered because she's afraid they might stop liking her. I really don't think it will be a problem because they haven't stopped talking and getting together. She told them it was just how she always lived and didn't have any answer other than that. Have your children encountered this type of conversation?
Ana Maria Bruce
My children were questioned all the time, mainly because we shopped or did things when other kids were in school. Questioned by complete strangers or new friends. Most of them had never heard of it, so they really were curious thats all. It was all part of my children's learning that they were doing something different and learning to be ok with it, mainly when they were younger. If I sensed they were uncomfortable with the questioning I would answer for them and then talk to them later about it, so they would be prepared next time. One time we were at a tea party and we sat next to a Professor that had never heard of homeschooling let alone unschooling.....my daughter was 14....and of course sat next to the Professor. She grilled my daughter, to the point of giving her spelling tests....I was not happy and was going to tell her to stop when I recognized my daughter was having fun with it. By the end of the tea party the
Professor was astounded by how well rounded my daughter was at such a young age and commended me for what I was doing. I have had other experiences as well that made me feel like I was abusing my children. The best thing I found is not to be afraid of the questions.
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Professor was astounded by how well rounded my daughter was at such a young age and commended me for what I was doing. I have had other experiences as well that made me feel like I was abusing my children. The best thing I found is not to be afraid of the questions.
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carnationsgalore
> My children were questioned all the time, mainly because we shoppedYeah, us too. I just realized I didn't specify the questions were coming from other homeschoolers. Allie has no problem answering questions about homeschooling when adults ask her about school. These new questions were asked by other homeschooled children who have certain schoolwork, bedtimes, mealtimes with no snacks between, computer use, etc. And all those questions simply came up because they were having a sleep-over and were excited about staying up all night if they wanted. One question led to another and then they started comparing their family rules, like ...oh wow, you have your own laptop? My mom makes me use the family computer in the living room. you're so lucky!... It's likely these girls have never encountered unschooling in any form before this. Their family lifestyles are traditional except they school at home and not in a public/private school.
> or did things when other kids were in school.
My 17 yr. old daughter is getting lots of questions from her friends who are graduating from high school in 3 months. They are all going right into college in the fall and are surprised that Claire isn't sure about her plans. She doesn't feel pressured to follow the path her friends are taking, though she is strongly tempted because she hates the idea of them moving hours away to live on the college campus. She is still considering possibilities.
Beth M.
lalow66
My 8 year old son has encountered alot of questions lately from friends and kids at sports activities. He is being asked what grade he is in alot. He is tall kid, taller than alot of 10 year olds and people assume he is older. He would officially be in the 2nd grade if he were in school so when he asked me his grade that is what I told him (that is he were in school he would be in the second grade. Well, then people act surprised. He asked me the other day why I held him back!!
Other kids seem interested in what he does for "school" and will ask him what he is studying or working on in math or social studies. He really doesnt know what to say and one evening this happened when a girl was over here and my husband overheard the conversation. My husband told me about it cause he was embarressed cause our son didnt know how to answer and kind of hem hawed around. It bothers him more than me, i guess cause he is a school teacher.
Other kids seem interested in what he does for "school" and will ask him what he is studying or working on in math or social studies. He really doesnt know what to say and one evening this happened when a girl was over here and my husband overheard the conversation. My husband told me about it cause he was embarressed cause our son didnt know how to answer and kind of hem hawed around. It bothers him more than me, i guess cause he is a school teacher.
Sandra Dodd
Help him with some phrases to say, then! He needs tools.
When my kids first went to a funeral, I coached them with some phrases
and behaviors, because I wasn't going. When they've gone to weddings,
I've coached them about what to say in receiving lines. When they
were really little and went to birthday parties I said if they
couldn't think of what to say, to say "Happy birthday" when they got
there, and "Thanks, I had a good time" or "Thanks for inviting me"
when they were leaving.
Unschoolers end up with more need for coaching. <g>
"What grade are you in?" could be "I'm eight; I would be in second
grade, but I don't go to school." Start with the age; less
discussion then. In his case, maybe "I'm as tall as a sixth grader,
but I'm only eight."
"Why aren't you in school?" could be "I could be, but I chose to be
homeschooled." Otherwise the hesitation might come off as "My
parents won't let me go to school. Save me!"
Sandra
When my kids first went to a funeral, I coached them with some phrases
and behaviors, because I wasn't going. When they've gone to weddings,
I've coached them about what to say in receiving lines. When they
were really little and went to birthday parties I said if they
couldn't think of what to say, to say "Happy birthday" when they got
there, and "Thanks, I had a good time" or "Thanks for inviting me"
when they were leaving.
Unschoolers end up with more need for coaching. <g>
"What grade are you in?" could be "I'm eight; I would be in second
grade, but I don't go to school." Start with the age; less
discussion then. In his case, maybe "I'm as tall as a sixth grader,
but I'm only eight."
"Why aren't you in school?" could be "I could be, but I chose to be
homeschooled." Otherwise the hesitation might come off as "My
parents won't let me go to school. Save me!"
Sandra
lalow66
>I brought this all up with my son after I read this. He came up with, "second grade, no questions asked". He wants it to be short and not bring up homeschooling cause he doesnt feel like going it to it.
> "What grade are you in?" could be "I'm eight; I would be in second
> grade, but I don't go to school." Start with the age; less
> discussion then. In his case, maybe "I'm as tall as a sixth grader,
> but I'm only eight."
>
> "Why aren't you in school?" could be "I could be, but I chose to be
> homeschooled." Otherwise the hesitation might come off as "My
> parents won't let me go to school. Save me!"
>
>
>
he gets shy too. The discussion brought up alot of stuff on his part, like a belief that if he were in school he would be held back cause he doesnt think he can read and do any of that other stuff (as he put it). We had a long talk about reading, school, college, pi.
Jenny Cyphers
***She doesn't feel pressured to follow the path her friends are taking, though she is strongly tempted because she hates the idea of them moving hours away to live on the college campus. She is still considering possibilities.***
Perhaps she could find a job at the same college and move to work and live there, and be able to see her friends, and if she decides to take classes she'll likely get a discount from being an employee.
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Perhaps she could find a job at the same college and move to work and live there, and be able to see her friends, and if she decides to take classes she'll likely get a discount from being an employee.
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Jenny Cyphers
***Other kids seem interested in what he does for "school" and will ask him what he is studying or working on in math or social studies. He really doesnt know what to say and one evening this happened when a girl was over here and my husband overheard the conversation.***
What I've done in those kinds of situations is to simply state, "we do school a little different than you do, so we don't have social studies yet" or "our math work doesn't look like what you do", then I leave it to the individual to interpret that as they wish. I've rarely left my kids to make their own statements, because they usually don't know how to answer that. Over the years of me answering for them, they've learned some good standard answers, that are nice and non descript, but focused on "we do things different than you". It keeps it from being confrontational, or better than, which it is, but they don't need to know that , especially if they are kids.
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What I've done in those kinds of situations is to simply state, "we do school a little different than you do, so we don't have social studies yet" or "our math work doesn't look like what you do", then I leave it to the individual to interpret that as they wish. I've rarely left my kids to make their own statements, because they usually don't know how to answer that. Over the years of me answering for them, they've learned some good standard answers, that are nice and non descript, but focused on "we do things different than you". It keeps it from being confrontational, or better than, which it is, but they don't need to know that , especially if they are kids.
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Jenny Cyphers
***The discussion brought up alot of stuff on his part, like a belief that if he were in school he would be held back cause he doesnt think he can read and do any of that other stuff (as he put it). We had a long talk about reading, school, college, pi.***
I've reminded my girls throughout the years that when young kids in school are "reading" they are usually doing reading readiness worksheets and calling that reading. I've gotten workbooks or activity books over the years, more so when Chamille was younger because my sticker supply store that I went to when teaching dance classes, also had homeschool stuff, and she'd want one here and there. So I can pull those out and show my kids the kinds of things kids in school would be doing and calling "reading" and "writing". They have things like the pictures that you have to connect with a word, or the sounds like pictures where you have to guess the word. They are all geared toward word and letter combination recognition, not real reading, as in, picking up a book to read. Unless the books have the "see spot run" sort of dialogs in them, kids who are in 2nd grade aren't "reading", schools just like to call it that so that they can claim they have
taught kids to read and that all the kids are exposed to reading and that they are experiencing reading readiness. Smoke and mirrors. That's what it is.
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I've reminded my girls throughout the years that when young kids in school are "reading" they are usually doing reading readiness worksheets and calling that reading. I've gotten workbooks or activity books over the years, more so when Chamille was younger because my sticker supply store that I went to when teaching dance classes, also had homeschool stuff, and she'd want one here and there. So I can pull those out and show my kids the kinds of things kids in school would be doing and calling "reading" and "writing". They have things like the pictures that you have to connect with a word, or the sounds like pictures where you have to guess the word. They are all geared toward word and letter combination recognition, not real reading, as in, picking up a book to read. Unless the books have the "see spot run" sort of dialogs in them, kids who are in 2nd grade aren't "reading", schools just like to call it that so that they can claim they have
taught kids to read and that all the kids are exposed to reading and that they are experiencing reading readiness. Smoke and mirrors. That's what it is.
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Pam Sorooshian
<< He asked me the other day why I held him back!!
Other kids seem interested in what he does for "school" and will ask him
what he is studying or working on in math or social studies. He really
doesnt know what to say and one evening this happened when a girl was over
here and my husband overheard the conversation. My husband told me about it
cause he was embarressed cause our son didnt know how to answer and kind of
hem hawed around. It bothers him more than me, i guess cause he is a school
teacher.>
I recommend helping kids know what to say a little more truthfully. My kids
would say, "I don't go to school so I don't have to be in one grade." "We
don't do regular school, we learn other ways." "We learn kind of differently
in our family."
Q: "Do you go to school?"
A: No. But I learn a lot.
Q: "How do you learn if you don't go to school?"
A: "I read and watch videos and do stuff on the computer and go to museums
and stuff like that."
Q: "What is your favorite subject?"
A: "I'm really into learning about ......" Fill in the blank
Q: "Do you take tests?"
A: "No."
Q: "How do you know if you're learning what you're supposed to be learning?"
A: "I learn so much all the time that I don't worry about it."
Have some fun coming up with possible questions and honest, but brief,
answers.
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Other kids seem interested in what he does for "school" and will ask him
what he is studying or working on in math or social studies. He really
doesnt know what to say and one evening this happened when a girl was over
here and my husband overheard the conversation. My husband told me about it
cause he was embarressed cause our son didnt know how to answer and kind of
hem hawed around. It bothers him more than me, i guess cause he is a school
teacher.>
I recommend helping kids know what to say a little more truthfully. My kids
would say, "I don't go to school so I don't have to be in one grade." "We
don't do regular school, we learn other ways." "We learn kind of differently
in our family."
Q: "Do you go to school?"
A: No. But I learn a lot.
Q: "How do you learn if you don't go to school?"
A: "I read and watch videos and do stuff on the computer and go to museums
and stuff like that."
Q: "What is your favorite subject?"
A: "I'm really into learning about ......" Fill in the blank
Q: "Do you take tests?"
A: "No."
Q: "How do you know if you're learning what you're supposed to be learning?"
A: "I learn so much all the time that I don't worry about it."
Have some fun coming up with possible questions and honest, but brief,
answers.
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