Providing opportunities and money
Vidyut Kale
A friend and I were having a discussion about providing opportunities for
our children. Her son goes to school, but it is one of those 'different and
experiential schools', not regular school, and it sounds like it is like an
unschooling home right there in the school, though of course not completely.
As a result, she has many ways of looking at things I find here on this
list.
She was talking about giving her child the freedom to explore all kinds of
learning, and how she will buy him all kinds of toys and things he wants to
'experiment and play' with, without worrying if they are educational or not.
What remained with me after the conversation is how essential is this? I
don't have the kind of financial freedom she does, and it is likely that I
am not going to be able to afford many things that catch his fancy and
provide wonderful learning opportunities, though I will buy what and how
much I can.
She was speaking of a difficulty in finances herself, where he loved riding
his friend's bicycle and wanted one of his own, which she was saving for,
but each time he wanted other things, she ended up using that money. I could
relate. I earn more than her, but I also have three dependent adults in the
house, so I end up broke at the end of every month.
My instant feeling was remembering my own childhood, and how not getting
stuff didn't really destroy my creativity, but channeled it in other ways. I
have saved, I have created objects I wanted to buy on my own, I have traded
with friends, have found other things to immerse myself into that were
equally fascinating (everything is fascinating for me). On the other hand, I
was never into things so much as process (everything I wanted was always
'raw material' for my desire rather than the object of my desire), so I
can't say that her son, or my son (in the future) will be like that. I can't
KNOW that its okay.
I thought more, and more and more it seemed that there had to be something
else that I don't see.
I remembered Sandra's words on there being more than black and white,
and thought I'd bring this thing here and see how other experienced parents
managed such dilemmas.
I would like some perspectives on how you deal with desires that you cannot
fulfill with a child who doesn't really understand money or beyond 'this
moment', so those spontaneous small toys and bicycle are all equally
important in the moment he wants them? Of course, no one, however rich can
afford absolutely everything their child wants, but I was hoping to see how
do you approach this situation. Is there a line you draw in terms of budget,
or choosing which desires to fulfill, or try to help him learn what is
essentially my money problem though it impacts him...? My friend's dilemma
is something I have no answer for, but I sense the question coming up on my
horizon too. Do I fulfill 50 small desires for objects that may sometimes be
similar and will not last long, or that one desire that has been consistent
for a long time (and seems like its going to stay), but requires far more
financial resource?
Vidyut
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
our children. Her son goes to school, but it is one of those 'different and
experiential schools', not regular school, and it sounds like it is like an
unschooling home right there in the school, though of course not completely.
As a result, she has many ways of looking at things I find here on this
list.
She was talking about giving her child the freedom to explore all kinds of
learning, and how she will buy him all kinds of toys and things he wants to
'experiment and play' with, without worrying if they are educational or not.
What remained with me after the conversation is how essential is this? I
don't have the kind of financial freedom she does, and it is likely that I
am not going to be able to afford many things that catch his fancy and
provide wonderful learning opportunities, though I will buy what and how
much I can.
She was speaking of a difficulty in finances herself, where he loved riding
his friend's bicycle and wanted one of his own, which she was saving for,
but each time he wanted other things, she ended up using that money. I could
relate. I earn more than her, but I also have three dependent adults in the
house, so I end up broke at the end of every month.
My instant feeling was remembering my own childhood, and how not getting
stuff didn't really destroy my creativity, but channeled it in other ways. I
have saved, I have created objects I wanted to buy on my own, I have traded
with friends, have found other things to immerse myself into that were
equally fascinating (everything is fascinating for me). On the other hand, I
was never into things so much as process (everything I wanted was always
'raw material' for my desire rather than the object of my desire), so I
can't say that her son, or my son (in the future) will be like that. I can't
KNOW that its okay.
I thought more, and more and more it seemed that there had to be something
else that I don't see.
I remembered Sandra's words on there being more than black and white,
and thought I'd bring this thing here and see how other experienced parents
managed such dilemmas.
I would like some perspectives on how you deal with desires that you cannot
fulfill with a child who doesn't really understand money or beyond 'this
moment', so those spontaneous small toys and bicycle are all equally
important in the moment he wants them? Of course, no one, however rich can
afford absolutely everything their child wants, but I was hoping to see how
do you approach this situation. Is there a line you draw in terms of budget,
or choosing which desires to fulfill, or try to help him learn what is
essentially my money problem though it impacts him...? My friend's dilemma
is something I have no answer for, but I sense the question coming up on my
horizon too. Do I fulfill 50 small desires for objects that may sometimes be
similar and will not last long, or that one desire that has been consistent
for a long time (and seems like its going to stay), but requires far more
financial resource?
Vidyut
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
k
We always took a lot of time in stores when we went shopping so that Karl
could play with the toys in the store. If a toy was packaged in such a way
that he couldn't really play with it, we talked together about what it does
and how it might work (how Karl thinks it works?) and converse about it for
a bit then pointed out another toy I thought he might be interested in too
and started talking about that toy. And on and on and on. With no need to
actually buy any of these toys. Even now that he's older, Karl doesn't have
to BUY the toy to "have" it for a time. And I would usually get something
reasonably priced for what we could afford at the time after Karl had had a
lot of time to experiment with the store's variety of toys. And he was
perfectly fine with the experience and a little something to take home with
him, and sometimes he actually declined taking anything home. He's still
like that even at 6. Right now I want to get him is a bike to replace to
all the kiddie bikes he's outgrown. It's currently uppermost on my mental
list of things to get him. Also I get stuff online that I know he would
like which are more cheaply available online. I surprise him with it during
a lull in the midst of his other interests when he's going through a not so
interesting moment. :) It's good to have those things on hand.
~Katherine
could play with the toys in the store. If a toy was packaged in such a way
that he couldn't really play with it, we talked together about what it does
and how it might work (how Karl thinks it works?) and converse about it for
a bit then pointed out another toy I thought he might be interested in too
and started talking about that toy. And on and on and on. With no need to
actually buy any of these toys. Even now that he's older, Karl doesn't have
to BUY the toy to "have" it for a time. And I would usually get something
reasonably priced for what we could afford at the time after Karl had had a
lot of time to experiment with the store's variety of toys. And he was
perfectly fine with the experience and a little something to take home with
him, and sometimes he actually declined taking anything home. He's still
like that even at 6. Right now I want to get him is a bike to replace to
all the kiddie bikes he's outgrown. It's currently uppermost on my mental
list of things to get him. Also I get stuff online that I know he would
like which are more cheaply available online. I surprise him with it during
a lull in the midst of his other interests when he's going through a not so
interesting moment. :) It's good to have those things on hand.
~Katherine
On Mon, Feb 22, 2010 at 1:09 AM, Vidyut Kale <wide.aware@...> wrote:
> A friend and I were having a discussion about providing opportunities for
> our children. Her son goes to school, but it is one of those 'different and
> experiential schools', not regular school, and it sounds like it is like an
> unschooling home right there in the school, though of course not
> completely.
> As a result, she has many ways of looking at things I find here on this
> list.
>
> She was talking about giving her child the freedom to explore all kinds of
> learning, and how she will buy him all kinds of toys and things he wants to
> 'experiment and play' with, without worrying if they are educational or
> not.
>
> What remained with me after the conversation is how essential is this? I
> don't have the kind of financial freedom she does, and it is likely that I
> am not going to be able to afford many things that catch his fancy and
> provide wonderful learning opportunities, though I will buy what and how
> much I can.
>
> She was speaking of a difficulty in finances herself, where he loved riding
> his friend's bicycle and wanted one of his own, which she was saving for,
> but each time he wanted other things, she ended up using that money. I
> could
> relate. I earn more than her, but I also have three dependent adults in the
> house, so I end up broke at the end of every month.
>
> My instant feeling was remembering my own childhood, and how not getting
> stuff didn't really destroy my creativity, but channeled it in other ways.
> I
> have saved, I have created objects I wanted to buy on my own, I have traded
> with friends, have found other things to immerse myself into that were
> equally fascinating (everything is fascinating for me). On the other hand,
> I
> was never into things so much as process (everything I wanted was always
> 'raw material' for my desire rather than the object of my desire), so I
> can't say that her son, or my son (in the future) will be like that. I
> can't
> KNOW that its okay.
>
> I thought more, and more and more it seemed that there had to be something
> else that I don't see.
>
> I remembered Sandra's words on there being more than black and white,
> and thought I'd bring this thing here and see how other experienced parents
> managed such dilemmas.
>
> I would like some perspectives on how you deal with desires that you cannot
> fulfill with a child who doesn't really understand money or beyond 'this
> moment', so those spontaneous small toys and bicycle are all equally
> important in the moment he wants them? Of course, no one, however rich can
> afford absolutely everything their child wants, but I was hoping to see how
> do you approach this situation. Is there a line you draw in terms of
> budget,
> or choosing which desires to fulfill, or try to help him learn what is
> essentially my money problem though it impacts him...? My friend's dilemma
> is something I have no answer for, but I sense the question coming up on my
> horizon too. Do I fulfill 50 small desires for objects that may sometimes
> be
> similar and will not last long, or that one desire that has been consistent
> for a long time (and seems like its going to stay), but requires far more
> financial resource?
>
> Vidyut
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
> ------------------------------------
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-I remembered Sandra's words on there being more than black and white,
and thought I'd bring this thing here and see how other experienced
parents
managed such dilemmas.-=-
Maybe by not seeing it as a dilemma. <g>
Too strong a word for choices in the moment. You don't need to make
one giant decision about your whole life.
-=-I would like some perspectives on how you deal with desires that
you cannot
fulfill with a child who doesn't really understand money or beyond 'this
moment', so those spontaneous small toys and bicycle are all equally
important in the moment he wants them?-=-
I don't understand this question. I don't understand the "all equally
important" aspect of it.
-=-Do I fulfill 50 small desires for objects that may sometimes be
similar and will not last long, or that one desire that has been
consistent
for a long time (and seems like its going to stay), but requires far
more
financial resource?-=-
That's not a question anyone here can answer.
-=-What remained with me after the conversation is how essential is
this? I
don't have the kind of financial freedom she does, and it is likely
that I
am not going to be able to afford many things that catch his fancy and
provide wonderful learning opportunities,-=-
http://sandradodd.com/strewing
It doesn't need to cost money to catch someone's fancy.
Your child is too little for toys yet, so maybe let these ideas
percolate and make decisions when the time comes. If you worry about
a bicycle before he can walk, what you've created is worry.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
and thought I'd bring this thing here and see how other experienced
parents
managed such dilemmas.-=-
Maybe by not seeing it as a dilemma. <g>
Too strong a word for choices in the moment. You don't need to make
one giant decision about your whole life.
-=-I would like some perspectives on how you deal with desires that
you cannot
fulfill with a child who doesn't really understand money or beyond 'this
moment', so those spontaneous small toys and bicycle are all equally
important in the moment he wants them?-=-
I don't understand this question. I don't understand the "all equally
important" aspect of it.
-=-Do I fulfill 50 small desires for objects that may sometimes be
similar and will not last long, or that one desire that has been
consistent
for a long time (and seems like its going to stay), but requires far
more
financial resource?-=-
That's not a question anyone here can answer.
-=-What remained with me after the conversation is how essential is
this? I
don't have the kind of financial freedom she does, and it is likely
that I
am not going to be able to afford many things that catch his fancy and
provide wonderful learning opportunities,-=-
http://sandradodd.com/strewing
It doesn't need to cost money to catch someone's fancy.
Your child is too little for toys yet, so maybe let these ideas
percolate and make decisions when the time comes. If you worry about
a bicycle before he can walk, what you've created is worry.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]