[email protected]

In a message dated 02/21/2002 12:52:03 PM Eastern Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:


> One day Marty told me that the food tasted better when I got it for him. He
> was twelve, I think. He can and usually does get his own food, but that
> day
> he wanted me to make him something. And as there was love instead of hurt
> or
> resentment, it probably DID taste better.
>
>

I remember being in high school and having my mother look at me incredulously
when I told her that the sandwiches she made for me were better than the ones
I made for myself. I wasn't trying to just get her to do things for me --
they really did. And most of the time she would say yes.

Kathryn


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Mary Hickman

Thank you for your responses. I like to brainstorm with others potential
solutions to our current dilemnas. When I get the feeling that being home
with the kids is not working because they fight, or they scream they can't
do this and that, I'm realizing this is the difficult part of finding the
flow of learning together. Both hubby and I are frustrated with the constant
and I mean constant need for one of the kids to need us. Maybe this all
stems way back to our finding out I was expecting again. Our third was not
in our future plans. She is here and beautiful, a two year old full of life.
We also take care of Tim's dad who lives a few blocks away in a rest home.
So people are saying they will do these things for themselves when they are
ready. Tim and I seem to be ready for them to do simple tasks like putting
on pjs. I am all for doing it with them. When hubby complains he can not
help them get into bed because the way I always do it for them, then he and
I become engaged in a who is right here moment. I guess I need to also vent
the frustration of two people parenting together. Thanks again for
listening.

Someone talked about their son and sports. My son will fall apart because he
senses he is not capable. I do not see us modeling perfection. I am the
queen of not correcting or teaching. We have a coach man on the block. No
kid ever plays with him because he is always correcting and seeking
perfection, ie taeching. I play, their level. We mix things up, hit a
soccerball with the bat, free form. My kids tend to fall apart from their
own expectation of themselves.

I can see some patterns I set up for frustration, who said to be proactive.
My little guy saw his sister able to work the sticks onto the can. That was
his expectation for himself. And he did not want me to do parts. That is
when I get frustrated. My daughter saw me making hearts. I did show her the
3 that I could not do, but she wanted them to work like mine on her first
try.

For the record, I do enjoy the opportunity to be with my kids. I would not
trade my life for anything. My kids are special, unique, shining spirits in
our world. We do have a great existence. I ask behavior questions because
this is the only area that grates me. How they treat eachother and
themselves. When they get so frustrated they abandon things in a huff, I
worry for their emotional wellbeing. When they fight, I worry too.

Talk to you all soon,

Mary

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Julie Stauffer

Hi Mary,

Three of my kids are little and close in age. 2 of the little guys are
screamers. My 3yo is very easily frustrated and prone to screaming,
flopping fits. If we attempt to console him, it makes matters worse. Even
when he is injured, he will run away, not wanting anyone to hug him or check
his injuries. What helps with us is when I let him know that I want to
comfort him, that I will comfort him anytime he wants and then I simply give
him room to vent his rage.

It is really like Danny gets overcome with anger when he is frustrated or
injured so that he will "bite the hand that feeds him". I agree that it can
be frustrating for everyone concerned.

Julie