szett

I have several times had someone say that the whole reason they want/think a child should do something is because the earlier they learn that they often have to do things they don't like the better off they will be.

I wholeheartedly disagree with this viewpoint, but do not know how to formulate a response to it. Does anyone have any thoughts or know of an article or keywords to search under that might help me better express myself?

I feel that this idea gives away our power, or keeps us from ever taking power that we could have. I find the thought very sad to believe.

Input?
~Sarah

Sandra Dodd

-=-I have several times had someone say that the whole reason they
want/think a child should do something is because the earlier they
learn that they often have to do things they don't like the better off
they will be. -=-

You can avoid expressing yourself at first, by saying "Thanks, I'll
think about that." or "Like what?" You could ask the person who's
reciting what they heard to give you an example. Sadly, a great deal
of what passes for conversation and advice is recitation of unexamined
statements.

So if you do want to discuss it, ask the speaker for examples. If you
don't want to discuss it, you could say "I'll keep that in mind."

For a discussion on this list right now today, though, to help you
figure out what to say, give us some examples of things people don't
like that they have to do.

Sandra

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szett

>You could ask the person who's reciting what they heard to give you an >example. Sadly, a great deal of what passes for conversation and >advice is recitation of unexamined statements.

> For a discussion on this list right now today, though, to help you
> figure out what to say, give us some examples of things people >don't like that they have to do.

It is true that much of what people recite and believe is unexamined ideas that they have just accepted. This is often given as the reason why kids need to do things they don't want to such as sit still in school, accept being bored, homework, dealing with mean kids, and such. They think that by learning to live with these things will get the child ready for accepting such things later in life such as boring jobs, bad bosses. . . basically submitting to whatever situation they find themselves in life.

Being around lots of military people makes it really easy for them to say that they have no control over their job or where they live. . . but they have a lot of control if they take it. They have to learn what channels to take and such, but they can have much influence. Or, usually they can leave after their commitment is up.

My dad did not want to stay in the same job he had been doing, so he changed careers. He had to stay in the one job till he got done with college, but he had control of what he did.

Yes, there are times when we have to tolerate something for a bit, but usually it does not have to be for the long haul. And tolerate is much different than submitting to. Don't like your job - honest to goodness you can find another one. Don't like where you live - you can move. Someone says something you don't agree with - you don't have to accept it. And such.

It has just amazed me how many different times I have encountered this response. By teaching kids that they need to do something because they will need to learn to live with stuff as an adult, it does not teach them how to gain control of whatever situation they find themselves. It is great for conditioning people to live with whatever others deem their lives should be.

When I have encountered this, I have let the person know that I disagree with the idea, but have not been able to well formulate why. I think that it is important to let them know that I do disagree as maybe someday they, too, might question it, and when they do they might remember that I did as well; therefore strengthening them to re-evaluate it. I would just like to learn how to express some of this view in a short response. A sentence or two most people are open to. Much more and they feel lectured to.

Does this make sense?
~Sarah

Sandra Dodd

-=-When I have encountered this, I have let the person know that I
disagree with the idea, but have not been able to well formulate why.
I think that it is important to let them know that I do disagree as
maybe someday they, too, might question it, and when they do they
might remember that I did as well; therefore strengthening them to re-
evaluate it. I would just like to learn how to express some of this
view in a short response. A sentence or two most people are open to.
Much more and they feel lectured to.-=-

Maybe questions are better than statements.

Some I've used:

Do think it would be a good idea to break his finger so if he ever
breaks his leg it won't seem so bad?
or
Do you think telling kids to do whatever adults say is part of what
leads to sexual abuse?
or
Do you want to raise your children to accept abusive situations?

Sandra

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