Mary Hickman

Hello everyone,

I am way behind on conversations. I guess spending quality kid time can do
that. I read the lastest digest and go from there. I think I have 9 other
digests left unread. Delete and get on with this life.

Hum, how to put this idea. My oldest, 7, is involved in musical theater. She
loves her teacher, she loves to sing and dance. She rarely remembers to
practice her songs. I love her practice tapes, especially this lastest show,
old monster songs mixed with a few Shrek tunes. I truly enjoy putting her
tape on and singing around the house as I prep lunch. Every day I notice I
do this. Ashley then generally finds her script, sings, rewinds sings, tells
her brother how to dance, sings. we do this for about 1 hour almost
everyday. She does not have to participate. I decided to listen. Sometimes
she will tell me she doesn't feel like listening to this tape. Maybe she is
reading or we are doing something that would be interrupted by music. She is
practicing a ton and I never tell her, go practice your songs, we pay good
money for your class and you need to learn these things. Her practice comes
naturally. I encourage it by putting the tape on. I like when learning can
flow so easily and enjoyably.

My question for the week: How do you encourage kids to try until they
succeed when they become easily frustrated. My 7 and 5 year old sometimes
dig their heels in and wail I can't do it? Sometimes it is as simple as
getting their own plate from the cupboard, or putting on pj's, other times
it is a real new challenge. They scream and often will not try again for a
while. I often set up a craft or start a craft then it ends in one or the
other having a sobbing tantrum and wrecked spirits. Not a fun interaction. I
want a more positive outcome when the I can'tisms start up.



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In a message dated 2/20/02 12:05:28 AM, mfhick@... writes:

<< How do you encourage kids to try until they
succeed when they become easily frustrated. My 7 and 5 year old sometimes
dig their heels in and wail I can't do it? >>

It might not mean "can't," but might just mean "Don't want to." Why press
kids that young? Put their pajamas on them and get them a plate.

I think it's the same principle as younger kids needing to nurse or be held
or be with mom. The more you push them away, the more they *need* it. Once
they've had all they need (which is different for each child) they walk away
happily on their own.

<< They scream and often will not try again for a
while. I often set up a craft or start a craft then it ends in one or the
other having a sobbing tantrum and wrecked spirits.>>

Sounds like they don't like crafts. How about just letting them play with
the materials however they want to, including not at all, if that's their
preference?

Sandra

homeschoolmd

--- In AlwaysLearning@y..., "Mary Hickman" <mfhick@h...> wrote:
> My question for the week: How do you encourage kids to try until
>they
> succeed when they become easily frustrated. My 7 and 5 year old
>sometimes
> dig their heels in and wail I can't do it? Sometimes it is as
simple as
> getting their own plate from the cupboard, or putting on pj's,
>other times
> it is a real new challenge. They scream and often will not try
>again for a
> while. I often set up a craft or start a craft then it ends in one
>or the
> other having a sobbing tantrum and wrecked spirits. Not a fun
>interaction. I
> want a more positive outcome when the I can'tisms start up.

T. Berry Brazelton has a good book called "The Irreducible Needs of
Children". In it he writes that parents need to enable children to
pursue meaningful inner-directed goals. They need to feel a sense of
pleasure in mastery in the areas of life that are important or will
be important to them. He goes on to say this sense of mastery does
not wait until a person is a professional athlete or a Nobel Prize-
winning scientist; it starts with the small steps involved in the
learning process itself.

When you are naturally gifted at something, starting at a higher
level will often feel natural, satisfying, and rewarding. When you
are not gifted at something, when you start something new, you have
to start out with very small steps or else there will be frustration.
If parents respect the needs of children to develop skills in their
own way, at their own pace, they build a sense of mastery and
pleasure rather than of frustration.

Possibly, your daughter expects to be as good at crafts as she is at
her performing. Either that or she feels some expectations from you
that she doesn't have for herself.

T. Berry Brazelton's book is very good and very unschool like. The
only problem is he doesn't believe in homeschooling. So if you pick
the book up at the library, skip that part. The rest is very very
good.

Pat

Marietta Shirk

My son is very easily frustrated. He's a perfectionist. When he suddenly
'can't' dress himself or even pick up his own socks (!) I take that as a
sign he needs me to back off in my expectations for awhile. If I do that
instead of pushing he will leap forward in skills when I'm not looking for
it. If your kids don't like crafts (mine detests them) try and view
something they like to do as creative work. Building a mess out of
pinecones in the backyard is really just as creative as making a cute animal
out of play clay when you think about it. http://www.kinderart.com has a
ton of age or skill appropriate suggestions.
I hope I'm not being too forward posting too much. I'm not only new, but my
kids are very young! I always have $.02 to toss in though if that's ok :)

Marietta
Matthew 4 1/2
Alexander 1


> My question for the week: How do you encourage kids to try until they
> succeed when they become easily frustrated. My 7 and 5 year old sometimes
> dig their heels in and wail I can't do it? Sometimes it is as simple as
> getting their own plate from the cupboard, or putting on pj's, other times
> it is a real new challenge. They scream and often will not try again for a
> while. I often set up a craft or start a craft then it ends in one or the
> other having a sobbing tantrum and wrecked spirits. Not a fun interaction.
I
> want a more positive outcome when the I can'tisms start up.

[email protected]

In a message dated 2/20/02 1:07:19 PM, mariettashirk@... writes:

<< I hope I'm not being too forward posting too much. I'm not only new, but
my
kids are very young! >>

As long as you're not suggesting the rest of us don't know what we're doing,
post all you want! Welcome.

Sandra

alldone992000

Mary,
This isn't exactly what you were asking for but it came to mind... it
won't solve everything, every time however, I found it helpful when
my kids were smaller to place things in the house so they were easier
for them to reach -- like cups, bowls, cereal, snack etc., put a few
of them in a lower cupboard so they don't have a hard time reaching
them themselves. I found this a relief for me and empowering for them.

Alyssa





> My question for the week: How do you encourage kids to try until
they
> succeed when they become easily frustrated. My 7 and 5 year old
sometimes
> dig their heels in and wail I can't do it? Sometimes it is as
simple as
> getting their own plate from the cupboard, or putting on pj's,
other times
> it is a real new challenge. They scream and often will not try
again for a
> while. I often set up a craft or start a craft then it ends in one
or the
> other having a sobbing tantrum and wrecked spirits. Not a fun
interaction. I
> want a more positive outcome when the I can'tisms start up.
>
>
>
> _________________________________________________________________
> Join the world's largest e-mail service with MSN Hotmail.
> http://www.hotmail.com

Sharon Rudd

:) I seem to remember the hard part being to keep some
things in places where the little ones COULDN'T get to
'em!! "Strewing" was not the problem!! My pots (better
known as the percussion section) still do the rock and
roll when things get cookin'! :)

Sharon of the Swamp

--- alldone992000 <alldone992000@...> wrote:
> Mary,
> This isn't exactly what you were asking for but it
> came to mind... it
> won't solve everything, every time however, I found
> it helpful when
> my kids were smaller to place things in the house so
> they were easier
> for them to reach -- like cups, bowls, cereal, snack
> etc., put a few
> of them in a lower cupboard so they don't have a
> hard time reaching
> them themselves. I found this a relief for me and
> empowering for them.
>
> Alyssa
>
>
>
>
>
> > My question for the week: How do you encourage
> kids to try until
> they
> > succeed when they become easily frustrated. My 7
> and 5 year old
> sometimes
> > dig their heels in and wail I can't do it?
> Sometimes it is as
> simple as
> > getting their own plate from the cupboard, or
> putting on pj's,
> other times
> > it is a real new challenge. They scream and often
> will not try
> again for a
> > while. I often set up a craft or start a craft
> then it ends in one
> or the
> > other having a sobbing tantrum and wrecked
> spirits. Not a fun
> interaction. I
> > want a more positive outcome when the I can'tisms
> start up.
> >
> >
> >
> >
>
_________________________________________________________________
> > Join the world's largest e-mail service with MSN
> Hotmail.
> > http://www.hotmail.com
>
>


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Joylyn

but if I did that, Janene wouldn't miss
hauling her stool over to the cabinet,
climbing on the counter, getting her own
bowl, pooring her own cereal, getting enough
on the floor for the dogs to share, and all
over the table, etc. The only thing she can't
do is milk but her sister can. She feels
very empowered by getting her own things from
upper cabinets, she loves to get me a glass
of ice water. But I agree, having snacks and
things where they can reach them is good for
the kids. Lexie was amazed when she heard
from one of her friends that the friend is
not allowed to eat anything or get a snack or
anything in the kitchen without permission
from mom, because "a kitchen is in a
dangerous place." You should have seen the
look on this child's face when Lexie told her
that not only does she get to eat anything
that she wants in the kitche but that she
(lexie) made french toast by herself for
herself and her sister yesterday.

Joylyn

alldone992000 wrote:

> Mary,
> This isn't exactly what you were asking for
> but it came to mind... it
> won't solve everything, every time however,
> I found it helpful when
> my kids were smaller to place things in the
> house so they were easier
> for them to reach -- like cups, bowls,
> cereal, snack etc., put a few
> of them in a lower cupboard so they don't
> have a hard time reaching
> them themselves. I found this a relief for
> me and empowering for them.
>
> Alyssa
>
>
>
>
>
> > My question for the week: How do you
> encourage kids to try until
> they
> > succeed when they become easily
> frustrated. My 7 and 5 year old
> sometimes
> > dig their heels in and wail I can't do
> it? Sometimes it is as
> simple as
> > getting their own plate from the
> cupboard, or putting on pj's,
> other times
> > it is a real new challenge. They scream
> and often will not try
> again for a
> > while. I often set up a craft or start a
> craft then it ends in one
> or the
> > other having a sobbing tantrum and
> wrecked spirits. Not a fun
> interaction. I
> > want a more positive outcome when the I
> can'tisms start up.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> _________________________________________________________________
>
> > Join the world's largest e-mail service
> with MSN Hotmail.
> > http://www.hotmail.com
>
>
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--
Joylyn
Mom to Lexie (6) and Janene (3)
For great nursing clothes and slings, go to
www.4mommyandme.com

"Wasn't it Mark Twain who said it takes a
very dull person to spell a word only one
way?"



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