co-sleeping: daughter wants, husband doesn't want
thecugals
Hi all,
I was hoping to stop posting for a while and just read, but I find I need your input again.
Nearly every night around 10:00, my 9yo daughter will come to me and tell me she's sleepy, we'll crawl into her bed together, and I'll read her a story until she falls asleep (or I do <g>). After she's asleep, I'll get up and hang out with dh or do my own thing for a while until I'm ready to go to bed. So far, so good.
At some point during the night dd would wake up and come to our (the parents') bed, and sleep with us the rest of the night. Dh was OK with that until recently. He said it was getting too crowded, he couldn't sleep comfortably, and anyway she's old enough to sleep on her own. He's not trying to teach her independence, he just wants to be more comfortable and he figures she's old enough to handle it.
When I told dd about getting too crowded in our bed, and maybe it was time for her to stay in her own bed, she was unhappy, so I told her to just come tap me awake and I would go back to her bed with her. Now dh is grumpy again because he doesn't have his wife in bed with him. He said he might as well be out of town on business if he was going to have to sleep alone.
So I was thinking I could put a mat down in our room each night, and tell dd to go there when she wakes up so that we'll still all be in the same room together (haven't suggested it yet). The problem with that idea is that just last night she told me how much she loves having a bed mate. It's not out of fear of the dark or being alone that she wants to co-sleep. It's for the togetherness (same as dh).
I could talk to dh about getting a king-size bed, but I don't think he'll want to spend a big chunk of money on something neither of us really wants so that our 9yo can continue sleeping with her parents for a few more years.
And she's not at all interested in sleeping with her older brother. The dog sleeps with ds, and the rabbit doesn't make a good sleeping companion...
So all I'm left with is choosing whom to make unhappy, and right now it's looking like it's my daughter who will have to adjust. I feel sad about that, but what else is there to do? Is there another option I haven't thought of? Is there something I could say to my husband that might soften his position? I don't really blame him for wanting what he wants. Is there some transition I could do with my daughter to make her feel better?
Beth C.
I was hoping to stop posting for a while and just read, but I find I need your input again.
Nearly every night around 10:00, my 9yo daughter will come to me and tell me she's sleepy, we'll crawl into her bed together, and I'll read her a story until she falls asleep (or I do <g>). After she's asleep, I'll get up and hang out with dh or do my own thing for a while until I'm ready to go to bed. So far, so good.
At some point during the night dd would wake up and come to our (the parents') bed, and sleep with us the rest of the night. Dh was OK with that until recently. He said it was getting too crowded, he couldn't sleep comfortably, and anyway she's old enough to sleep on her own. He's not trying to teach her independence, he just wants to be more comfortable and he figures she's old enough to handle it.
When I told dd about getting too crowded in our bed, and maybe it was time for her to stay in her own bed, she was unhappy, so I told her to just come tap me awake and I would go back to her bed with her. Now dh is grumpy again because he doesn't have his wife in bed with him. He said he might as well be out of town on business if he was going to have to sleep alone.
So I was thinking I could put a mat down in our room each night, and tell dd to go there when she wakes up so that we'll still all be in the same room together (haven't suggested it yet). The problem with that idea is that just last night she told me how much she loves having a bed mate. It's not out of fear of the dark or being alone that she wants to co-sleep. It's for the togetherness (same as dh).
I could talk to dh about getting a king-size bed, but I don't think he'll want to spend a big chunk of money on something neither of us really wants so that our 9yo can continue sleeping with her parents for a few more years.
And she's not at all interested in sleeping with her older brother. The dog sleeps with ds, and the rabbit doesn't make a good sleeping companion...
So all I'm left with is choosing whom to make unhappy, and right now it's looking like it's my daughter who will have to adjust. I feel sad about that, but what else is there to do? Is there another option I haven't thought of? Is there something I could say to my husband that might soften his position? I don't really blame him for wanting what he wants. Is there some transition I could do with my daughter to make her feel better?
Beth C.
Pam Sorooshian
On 1/22/2010 8:48 AM, thecugals wrote:
cheapest box spring/mattress set you can find. Put it right up against
your bed. Try swap meets, Big Lots, IKEA, and Costco for bargains.
My wonderful about-to-turn -19 year old was like this - she didn't want
to sleep off in her own bed - she would still crawl into bed with us
when she was a teenager. Now she still likes to fall asleep on the couch
in the living room with other people right there with her. She'll wake
up and go off to her room and sleep most of the night there, but she
really almost never just goes to her own room and goes to sleep there.
My husband, luckily, had no issues over co-sleeping at all. Everybody
going off and sleeping in their own isolated bedrooms is what seems
unnatural to him. He grew up in Iran - it was hot in the summer and they
all slept on the rooftop - everybody in the family. In the winter, it
was cold and they all slept in the one room that they heated. He slept
every night holding his mother's hand.
But - there is the need for everybody to be comfortable and our style of
beds isn't really made for having 3 or more people in one. So - figure
out how to make everybody comfy - it is very possible.
-pam
> I could talk to dh about getting a king-size bed, but I don't think he'll want to spend a big chunk of money on something neither of us really wants so that our 9yo can continue sleeping with her parents for a few more years.Get a twin bed - just the plain metal frame for it to sit on - and the
>
cheapest box spring/mattress set you can find. Put it right up against
your bed. Try swap meets, Big Lots, IKEA, and Costco for bargains.
My wonderful about-to-turn -19 year old was like this - she didn't want
to sleep off in her own bed - she would still crawl into bed with us
when she was a teenager. Now she still likes to fall asleep on the couch
in the living room with other people right there with her. She'll wake
up and go off to her room and sleep most of the night there, but she
really almost never just goes to her own room and goes to sleep there.
My husband, luckily, had no issues over co-sleeping at all. Everybody
going off and sleeping in their own isolated bedrooms is what seems
unnatural to him. He grew up in Iran - it was hot in the summer and they
all slept on the rooftop - everybody in the family. In the winter, it
was cold and they all slept in the one room that they heated. He slept
every night holding his mother's hand.
But - there is the need for everybody to be comfortable and our style of
beds isn't really made for having 3 or more people in one. So - figure
out how to make everybody comfy - it is very possible.
-pam
Marina DeLuca-Howard
We have a kingsize bed with a twin next to it. I often end up squashed
agains dh in the twin bed;) because our bed is full of children.
Marina
2010/1/22 thecugals <thecugals@...>
Rent our cottage: http://davehoward.ca/cottage/
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
agains dh in the twin bed;) because our bed is full of children.
Marina
2010/1/22 thecugals <thecugals@...>
>--
>
> Hi all,
>
> I was hoping to stop posting for a while and just read, but I find I need
> your input again.
>
> Nearly every night around 10:00, my 9yo daughter will come to me and tell
> me she's sleepy, we'll crawl into her bed together, and I'll read her a
> story until she falls asleep (or I do <g>). After she's asleep, I'll get up
> and hang out with dh or do my own thing for a while until I'm ready to go to
> bed. So far, so good.
>
> At some point during the night dd would wake up and come to our (the
> parents') bed, and sleep with us the rest of the night. Dh was OK with that
> until recently. He said it was getting too crowded, he couldn't sleep
> comfortably, and anyway she's old enough to sleep on her own. He's not
> trying to teach her independence, he just wants to be more comfortable and
> he figures she's old enough to handle it.
>
> When I told dd about getting too crowded in our bed, and maybe it was time
> for her to stay in her own bed, she was unhappy, so I told her to just come
> tap me awake and I would go back to her bed with her. Now dh is grumpy again
> because he doesn't have his wife in bed with him. He said he might as well
> be out of town on business if he was going to have to sleep alone.
>
> So I was thinking I could put a mat down in our room each night, and tell
> dd to go there when she wakes up so that we'll still all be in the same room
> together (haven't suggested it yet). The problem with that idea is that just
> last night she told me how much she loves having a bed mate. It's not out of
> fear of the dark or being alone that she wants to co-sleep. It's for the
> togetherness (same as dh).
>
> I could talk to dh about getting a king-size bed, but I don't think he'll
> want to spend a big chunk of money on something neither of us really wants
> so that our 9yo can continue sleeping with her parents for a few more years.
>
> And she's not at all interested in sleeping with her older brother. The dog
> sleeps with ds, and the rabbit doesn't make a good sleeping companion...
>
> So all I'm left with is choosing whom to make unhappy, and right now it's
> looking like it's my daughter who will have to adjust. I feel sad about
> that, but what else is there to do? Is there another option I haven't
> thought of? Is there something I could say to my husband that might soften
> his position? I don't really blame him for wanting what he wants. Is there
> some transition I could do with my daughter to make her feel better?
>
> Beth C.
>
>
>
Rent our cottage: http://davehoward.ca/cottage/
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
John and Amanda Slater
We have a kingsize bed with a twin next to it. I often end up squashed
agains dh in the twin bed;) because our bed is full of children.
*****
I find that a twin next to our bed helps, even if nobody sleeps in it. It lets you use the big bed all the way to the edges without worrying about falling off!
Amanda
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
agains dh in the twin bed;) because our bed is full of children.
*****
I find that a twin next to our bed helps, even if nobody sleeps in it. It lets you use the big bed all the way to the edges without worrying about falling off!
Amanda
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
I'm a single mom. My older two children (17 and 15) sleep in their own rooms but my youngest child (7) sleeps in my room. When we moved into our own house 4 years ago, she did have her own room but ended up coming in and sleeping with me every night. I didn't mind at all. The only issue was that I only have a twin bed as well so as she starting getting bigger, the room in the bed got smaller. Lol. I gave away her toddler bed (that had been in her room). And I bought a twin bed for her which I put into my room. She did sleep there for a while but I still found that she would climb in bed with me during the night. So, finally, I pushed our two twin beds together. It's worked perfectly. She's still right beside me but we both have room to move. I realize that my situation is different because I don't have a husband involved. I guess that I just wanted to say that I agree with the others that have responded saying that a twin bed pushed up right next to your bed might just solve your issues. Hope this helps. :)
Sherri
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sherri
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
gabihugs
My little ones (two and three yr old) have a mat they can come and sleep on next to our bed, it gets used every other night or so.. But I really like the twin bed idea. We may have to do that when the next baby comes as we are a bit squished when they choose to climb in our queen size bed instead of sleeping on the mat so I don't know even where the baby would fit.
Gabi
Gabi
--- In [email protected], "thecugals" <thecugals@...> wrote:
>
> Hi all,
>
> I was hoping to stop posting for a while and just read, but I find I need your input again.
>
> Nearly every night around 10:00, my 9yo daughter will come to me and tell me she's sleepy, we'll crawl into her bed together, and I'll read her a story until she falls asleep (or I do <g>). After she's asleep, I'll get up and hang out with dh or do my own thing for a while until I'm ready to go to bed. So far, so good.
>
> At some point during the night dd would wake up and come to our (the parents') bed, and sleep with us the rest of the night. Dh was OK with that until recently. He said it was getting too crowded, he couldn't sleep comfortably, and anyway she's old enough to sleep on her own. He's not trying to teach her independence, he just wants to be more comfortable and he figures she's old enough to handle it.
>
> When I told dd about getting too crowded in our bed, and maybe it was time for her to stay in her own bed, she was unhappy, so I told her to just come tap me awake and I would go back to her bed with her. Now dh is grumpy again because he doesn't have his wife in bed with him. He said he might as well be out of town on business if he was going to have to sleep alone.
>
> So I was thinking I could put a mat down in our room each night, and tell dd to go there when she wakes up so that we'll still all be in the same room together (haven't suggested it yet). The problem with that idea is that just last night she told me how much she loves having a bed mate. It's not out of fear of the dark or being alone that she wants to co-sleep. It's for the togetherness (same as dh).
>
> I could talk to dh about getting a king-size bed, but I don't think he'll want to spend a big chunk of money on something neither of us really wants so that our 9yo can continue sleeping with her parents for a few more years.
>
> And she's not at all interested in sleeping with her older brother. The dog sleeps with ds, and the rabbit doesn't make a good sleeping companion...
>
> So all I'm left with is choosing whom to make unhappy, and right now it's looking like it's my daughter who will have to adjust. I feel sad about that, but what else is there to do? Is there another option I haven't thought of? Is there something I could say to my husband that might soften his position? I don't really blame him for wanting what he wants. Is there some transition I could do with my daughter to make her feel better?
>
> Beth C.
>