Re: Yelling/ Being Rude (was Dealing with Family and Different phil
Miss Kate
Yes, yelling seems to happen with kids at one time or another. Like Sandra said there are some that use the term "indoor voices" I'm one of those... it worked for my kids and it works with other kids as well. It's an easy concept for kids to grasp.
With my own children, I use the "walk in the other person's shoe" way as often as possible. So if they yelled inappropriately (and we were alone at home) sometimes, I would answer yelling. It gave them pause and they would think about volume before doing that again. Or I would ask, what kind of voice is that? Indoor voice or Outdoor voice? Mostly my kids were unaware that they had become loud.
Elijah has very sensitive hearing so I've been protective of him in that way and on occasion have asked other children when they're screaming in a building to stop, other times I've opted to leave the building (yes, Kate has left the building ;) just like Elvis).
A few weeks ago when at a homeschool xmas party in a community room (with businesses within ear-shot and we want to use this room again) some kids were running and yelling - the moms were deep in conversation, so I motioned to the kids, got them in a huddle and whispered, "Do we like this place?" They all whispered, "yes". "Then we need to remember we're inside, not outside." They whispered, "Oh yeah" and "we forgot."
One of the keys to my children has been presenting the same message in a variety of ways, instead of repeating the same phrase over and over - however, when you find a phrase that works, for me, Indoor voice or Outdoor voice, use it well and then then it won't be often.
Kate O'Mara
writer / book reviewer
http://whenkateblogs.blogspot.com
Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught. ~ Oscar Wilde
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With my own children, I use the "walk in the other person's shoe" way as often as possible. So if they yelled inappropriately (and we were alone at home) sometimes, I would answer yelling. It gave them pause and they would think about volume before doing that again. Or I would ask, what kind of voice is that? Indoor voice or Outdoor voice? Mostly my kids were unaware that they had become loud.
Elijah has very sensitive hearing so I've been protective of him in that way and on occasion have asked other children when they're screaming in a building to stop, other times I've opted to leave the building (yes, Kate has left the building ;) just like Elvis).
A few weeks ago when at a homeschool xmas party in a community room (with businesses within ear-shot and we want to use this room again) some kids were running and yelling - the moms were deep in conversation, so I motioned to the kids, got them in a huddle and whispered, "Do we like this place?" They all whispered, "yes". "Then we need to remember we're inside, not outside." They whispered, "Oh yeah" and "we forgot."
One of the keys to my children has been presenting the same message in a variety of ways, instead of repeating the same phrase over and over - however, when you find a phrase that works, for me, Indoor voice or Outdoor voice, use it well and then then it won't be often.
Kate O'Mara
writer / book reviewer
http://whenkateblogs.blogspot.com
Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught. ~ Oscar Wilde
_________________________________________________________________
Your E-mail and More On-the-Go. Get Windows Live Hotmail Free.
http://clk.atdmt.com/GBL/go/171222985/direct/01/
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Sandra Dodd
-=-One of the keys to my children has been presenting the same message
in a variety of ways, instead of repeating the same phrase over and
over - however, when you find a phrase that works, for me, Indoor
voice or Outdoor voice, use it well and then then it won't be often. -=-
Good points!
Explaining why and how keeps it from being "a rule" and gives them the
tools to make conscious decisions in various situations.
Sandra
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in a variety of ways, instead of repeating the same phrase over and
over - however, when you find a phrase that works, for me, Indoor
voice or Outdoor voice, use it well and then then it won't be often. -=-
Good points!
Explaining why and how keeps it from being "a rule" and gives them the
tools to make conscious decisions in various situations.
Sandra
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Sandra Dodd
I hit "send" too soon. I had pictures in my head and didn't show
them. <G>
If "inside voice" is helpful and the kids understand it, that's
great. It is better for them to understand what and why and what the
parent intends by "inside voice, because sometimes it's okay to be
loud inside (a puppet show, or singing full voice) and sometimes it's
not okay to be loud outside (a graveside service, or walking around
after 10:00 at night in a quiet neighborhood, or during an outdoor
wedding ceremony).
Sandra
them. <G>
If "inside voice" is helpful and the kids understand it, that's
great. It is better for them to understand what and why and what the
parent intends by "inside voice, because sometimes it's okay to be
loud inside (a puppet show, or singing full voice) and sometimes it's
not okay to be loud outside (a graveside service, or walking around
after 10:00 at night in a quiet neighborhood, or during an outdoor
wedding ceremony).
Sandra
Shira Rocklin
** If "inside voice" is helpful and the kids understand it, that's
great. It is better for them to understand what and why and what the
parent intends by "inside voice, because sometimes it's okay to be
loud inside (a puppet show, or singing full voice) and sometimes it's
not okay to be loud outside (a graveside service, or walking around
after 10:00 at night in a quiet neighborhood, or during an outdoor
wedding ceremony). **
So, what do unschooling parents do in situations like that, if the child
won't be quiet at night in the neighborhood or during an outdoor wedding
ceremony? I haven't encountered it so much yet with my daughter, but I
can imagine that some time she might not want to quiet down. What if
she wanted to be loud, and didn't want to leave? Would you pick up a
child and just take them out of earshot or home? As you've said
before, its a bit of a difficult task sometimes to take out the
authoritarian and punitive stuff and figure out what to replace it with!
great. It is better for them to understand what and why and what the
parent intends by "inside voice, because sometimes it's okay to be
loud inside (a puppet show, or singing full voice) and sometimes it's
not okay to be loud outside (a graveside service, or walking around
after 10:00 at night in a quiet neighborhood, or during an outdoor
wedding ceremony). **
So, what do unschooling parents do in situations like that, if the child
won't be quiet at night in the neighborhood or during an outdoor wedding
ceremony? I haven't encountered it so much yet with my daughter, but I
can imagine that some time she might not want to quiet down. What if
she wanted to be loud, and didn't want to leave? Would you pick up a
child and just take them out of earshot or home? As you've said
before, its a bit of a difficult task sometimes to take out the
authoritarian and punitive stuff and figure out what to replace it with!
Sandra Dodd
-=-So, what do unschooling parents do in situations like that, if the
child
won't be quiet at night in the neighborhood or during an outdoor wedding
ceremony?-=-
Don't set them up for failure. If you're a team with your child and
your husband or your best friend or a houseguest, don't choose places
to go where they can't be comfortable or behave appropriately, because
it reflects on the whole team.
-=-I haven't encountered it so much yet with my daughter, but I
can imagine that some time she might not want to quiet down. What if
she wanted to be loud, and didn't want to leave? Would you pick up a
child and just take them out of earshot or home?-=-
I absolutely would. Especially for a wedding. There aren't re-dos on
weddings. If a kid in the wedding party (flower girl, ring bearer)
gets loud, that's a whole different deal than if an uninvolved guest-
child gets too rowdy.
Sandra
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child
won't be quiet at night in the neighborhood or during an outdoor wedding
ceremony?-=-
Don't set them up for failure. If you're a team with your child and
your husband or your best friend or a houseguest, don't choose places
to go where they can't be comfortable or behave appropriately, because
it reflects on the whole team.
-=-I haven't encountered it so much yet with my daughter, but I
can imagine that some time she might not want to quiet down. What if
she wanted to be loud, and didn't want to leave? Would you pick up a
child and just take them out of earshot or home?-=-
I absolutely would. Especially for a wedding. There aren't re-dos on
weddings. If a kid in the wedding party (flower girl, ring bearer)
gets loud, that's a whole different deal than if an uninvolved guest-
child gets too rowdy.
Sandra
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Jenny Cyphers
***So, what do unschooling parents do in situations like that, if the child
won't be quiet at night in the neighborhood or during an outdoor wedding
ceremony? I haven't encountered it so much yet with my daughter, but I
can imagine that some time she might not want to quiet down. What if
she wanted to be loud, and didn't want to leave? Would you pick up a
child and just take them out of earshot or home?***
If you can avoid those situations, that's best. If you can't and your child is being loud in a place they shouldn't, then you should remove them. If I'm in a movie theater and there is a noisy child disrupting the movie, I'd really like it if the parent takes them out, even if they are crying louder as they go. I would do that if one of my young kids were being loud in a movie theater. I used to take Margaux to movies when she was a baby and nurse her to keep her quiet. When she was a bit older and wasn't able to sit through a movie quietly, I'd take a bathroom break or a snack bar break or whatever and miss a portion of the movie so that others around us wouldn't have to miss the movie because of one noisy and disruptive child.
If it's not a punishment to leave a place, then a child will learn to leave easier as they go along, or learn to be quieter if they really want to stay somewhere. The best case scenario is to not take a child or put them in a situation in which they can't behave in the expected way without an out. If it can't be avoided go prepared with lots of quiet distractions and little snacks. I used to always carry a purse with lots of goodies in it, both food and items for just those emergencies that couldn't be avoided, as does happen occasionally.
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won't be quiet at night in the neighborhood or during an outdoor wedding
ceremony? I haven't encountered it so much yet with my daughter, but I
can imagine that some time she might not want to quiet down. What if
she wanted to be loud, and didn't want to leave? Would you pick up a
child and just take them out of earshot or home?***
If you can avoid those situations, that's best. If you can't and your child is being loud in a place they shouldn't, then you should remove them. If I'm in a movie theater and there is a noisy child disrupting the movie, I'd really like it if the parent takes them out, even if they are crying louder as they go. I would do that if one of my young kids were being loud in a movie theater. I used to take Margaux to movies when she was a baby and nurse her to keep her quiet. When she was a bit older and wasn't able to sit through a movie quietly, I'd take a bathroom break or a snack bar break or whatever and miss a portion of the movie so that others around us wouldn't have to miss the movie because of one noisy and disruptive child.
If it's not a punishment to leave a place, then a child will learn to leave easier as they go along, or learn to be quieter if they really want to stay somewhere. The best case scenario is to not take a child or put them in a situation in which they can't behave in the expected way without an out. If it can't be avoided go prepared with lots of quiet distractions and little snacks. I used to always carry a purse with lots of goodies in it, both food and items for just those emergencies that couldn't be avoided, as does happen occasionally.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]