About having choice in life
BRIAN POLIKOWSKY
I was just reading an interview Andre Agassi gave about his new book and he talks about how not having a choice growing up affected his life.
" Interviewer: ...But to many fans, the biggest shock was hearing that you hated tennis so deeply, that this life wasn't your choice
.
AA: That's why I hated it. Tennis interfered with my relationship with my father, and it interfered with the relationship with myself. I think when somebody doesn't have a choice, they never feel connected to their life. It doesn't matter if they're good at it or not. "
Alex Polikowsky
http://polykow.blogspot.com/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingmn/
" Interviewer: ...But to many fans, the biggest shock was hearing that you hated tennis so deeply, that this life wasn't your choice
.
AA: That's why I hated it. Tennis interfered with my relationship with my father, and it interfered with the relationship with myself. I think when somebody doesn't have a choice, they never feel connected to their life. It doesn't matter if they're good at it or not. "
Alex Polikowsky
http://polykow.blogspot.com/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingmn/
Chris Sanders
I've been thinking about the importance of having choices in life, a
lot lately, so your post had great timing for me. I heard Andre
Agassi interviewed on NPR a few weeks ago and he talked a lot about
his lack of choice as a child. I think that having choices, real
choices not the placating - do you want to wear your red sweater or
your green sweater but you have to wear a sweater -- kind of choices,
is so important to one's mental health. I know that I feel most
desperate, discouraged and fearful when I feel like I don't have a
choice in what is happening to me.
When my daughter was struggling terribly with anxieties and fears
about venturing out in public, I tried to give her as much say in
whether or not she went places and when she could leave them, as I
possibly could. We usually ended up taking two vehicles to family
outings, and she knew that her dad or I would take her away (home)
immediately, no questions asked, if she became anxious or concerned.
Giving her that much control over her situation, helped her to feel
that we trusted her and her feelings and that she could trust us. Over
time we were able to persuade her to open up to us and let us know
what was bothering her, after we'd helped her get away from the source
of her fears. Then we began to understand better what she was dealing
with, and also found ways to help her relax about certain issues. As
the months and years have passed, she's much less fearful and anxious
and much more adventuresome.
I believe that giving her so much choice in her comings and goings,
even without understanding exactly what her problems were, helped her
to come back to a more healthy state of mind. Most of the books I
consulted about children's anxieties, as well as the mental health
professional I took her to see, advised that I push my daughter to
face her fears and even train her to be desensitized to them.
Instead, after floundering about a bit with her, I decided to follow
what some other unschoolers were encouraging me to do, to just listen
to her and help her to feel safe and understood. I tried not to worry
about the future -- if I thought about it too much I started to see
her as a very disabled young adult. Instead I focussed on honoring her
choices and making her feel safe now.
She functions out in public very well now and hasn't asked to go home
before the rest of us were ready, for a very long time. She's now
happy and positive about her own future rather than sad and dreading
growing up with disabling anxiety.
Having choices in life are so important!
Chris
http://www.zamunzo.blogspot.com
lot lately, so your post had great timing for me. I heard Andre
Agassi interviewed on NPR a few weeks ago and he talked a lot about
his lack of choice as a child. I think that having choices, real
choices not the placating - do you want to wear your red sweater or
your green sweater but you have to wear a sweater -- kind of choices,
is so important to one's mental health. I know that I feel most
desperate, discouraged and fearful when I feel like I don't have a
choice in what is happening to me.
When my daughter was struggling terribly with anxieties and fears
about venturing out in public, I tried to give her as much say in
whether or not she went places and when she could leave them, as I
possibly could. We usually ended up taking two vehicles to family
outings, and she knew that her dad or I would take her away (home)
immediately, no questions asked, if she became anxious or concerned.
Giving her that much control over her situation, helped her to feel
that we trusted her and her feelings and that she could trust us. Over
time we were able to persuade her to open up to us and let us know
what was bothering her, after we'd helped her get away from the source
of her fears. Then we began to understand better what she was dealing
with, and also found ways to help her relax about certain issues. As
the months and years have passed, she's much less fearful and anxious
and much more adventuresome.
I believe that giving her so much choice in her comings and goings,
even without understanding exactly what her problems were, helped her
to come back to a more healthy state of mind. Most of the books I
consulted about children's anxieties, as well as the mental health
professional I took her to see, advised that I push my daughter to
face her fears and even train her to be desensitized to them.
Instead, after floundering about a bit with her, I decided to follow
what some other unschoolers were encouraging me to do, to just listen
to her and help her to feel safe and understood. I tried not to worry
about the future -- if I thought about it too much I started to see
her as a very disabled young adult. Instead I focussed on honoring her
choices and making her feel safe now.
She functions out in public very well now and hasn't asked to go home
before the rest of us were ready, for a very long time. She's now
happy and positive about her own future rather than sad and dreading
growing up with disabling anxiety.
Having choices in life are so important!
Chris
http://www.zamunzo.blogspot.com
On Dec 25, 2009, at 5:47 PM, BRIAN POLIKOWSKY wrote:
> I was just reading an interview Andre Agassi gave about his new book
> and he talks about how not having a choice growing up affected his
> life.
>
> " Interviewer: ...But to many fans, the biggest shock was hearing
> that you hated tennis so deeply, that this life wasn't your choice
> .
> AA: That's why I hated it. Tennis interfered with my relationship
> with my father, and it interfered with the relationship with myself.
> I think when somebody doesn't have a choice, they never feel
> connected to their life. It doesn't matter if they're good at it or
> not. "
>
>
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