Conversation and Interruptions
kim meltzer
Hi everyone,
Lately, my husband and I have been trying to have company over, and often
it's not that fun because of the children.
I'd like them to be able to enjoy having guests over, but not completely
dominate the discussions and repeatedly get into our guest's personal
space.
Usually we have dinner with our guest, which the children don't eat---(??)
so they're done with that and ready to get onto the next thing. My husband
brought home a special craft for them to do after they were done at the
table, but only one of them chose to do it.
We put on a movie for them to watch, upstairs, and they were happy with that
for a while, but then they came back and tried to get us all to go and watch
the movie.
It would be nice to have a little adult conversation without being
constantly interrupted.
Even when we don't have guests over, it seems like often my husband and I
are only able to gulp out yes or no questions to each other in between
interruptions. We would like to discuss magazine articles, ideas, minor
problems about house etc, without feeling like we're in a word battle zone.
My children are five and three.
Any suggestions?
Kim
Baltimore
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Lately, my husband and I have been trying to have company over, and often
it's not that fun because of the children.
I'd like them to be able to enjoy having guests over, but not completely
dominate the discussions and repeatedly get into our guest's personal
space.
Usually we have dinner with our guest, which the children don't eat---(??)
so they're done with that and ready to get onto the next thing. My husband
brought home a special craft for them to do after they were done at the
table, but only one of them chose to do it.
We put on a movie for them to watch, upstairs, and they were happy with that
for a while, but then they came back and tried to get us all to go and watch
the movie.
It would be nice to have a little adult conversation without being
constantly interrupted.
Even when we don't have guests over, it seems like often my husband and I
are only able to gulp out yes or no questions to each other in between
interruptions. We would like to discuss magazine articles, ideas, minor
problems about house etc, without feeling like we're in a word battle zone.
My children are five and three.
Any suggestions?
Kim
Baltimore
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-Lately, my husband and I have been trying to have company over, and
often
it's not that fun because of the children.-=-
Maybe hire a babysitter to do fun things with the kids in another part
of the house. Then the company can see them a little bit, but you
won't need to be right with them.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
often
it's not that fun because of the children.-=-
Maybe hire a babysitter to do fun things with the kids in another part
of the house. Then the company can see them a little bit, but you
won't need to be right with them.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Robyn L. Coburn
<<<< My children are five and three.
Any suggestions?>>>>>>
Wait until they are older. Several years older.
Not only will you have the most amazing conversations with your kids if you
are open to the serendipity of it, but they will be more interested in some
of your friends.
I think they sound rather hospitable, wanting to invite all your friends to
watch a movie with them.
Dh and I get our alone time when Jayn is sleeping. It has always been that
way.
Robyn L. Coburn
www.Iggyjingles.etsy.com
www.iggyjingles.blogspot.com
www.allthingsdoll.blogspot.com
Any suggestions?>>>>>>
Wait until they are older. Several years older.
Not only will you have the most amazing conversations with your kids if you
are open to the serendipity of it, but they will be more interested in some
of your friends.
I think they sound rather hospitable, wanting to invite all your friends to
watch a movie with them.
Dh and I get our alone time when Jayn is sleeping. It has always been that
way.
Robyn L. Coburn
www.Iggyjingles.etsy.com
www.iggyjingles.blogspot.com
www.allthingsdoll.blogspot.com
claire.horsley08
--- In [email protected], "Robyn L. Coburn" <dezigna@...> wrote:
Claire
>>>>>Dh and I get our alone time when Jayn is sleeping. It has always been thatSame here. Our kids are 4 and 2, so we have very little time for discussions of any great depth. We've learned to communicate in brief snatches while the kids are around, and then we sometimes have a little bit of quiet time in the evening, but often my partner goes to bed not long after the kids - then I get my Always Learning time! If we have visitors over, my expectation is that I will still need to spend some time with the kids while my partner looks after our guests. But honestly, we don't have people over all that often, and my partner and I rarely go out. While the kids are still so young I'd rather keep things simple. Of course, I enjoy catching up with friends, but I do that during the week. I'm sure it will be easier to socialise in the evening when the kids are a bit older.
> way.
Claire
Joyce Fetteroll
On Nov 14, 2009, at 10:26 PM, kim meltzer wrote:
uninterrupted adult time with a 3 and 5 yo is setting them up to
fail. They're still too young.
The more you try to put them off, the more they're going to demand
because for them it's a need. It's sort of like giving someone half a
glass of water when their body needs a full glass. The fuss they'd
make over trying to get the other half glass they need would make it
seem like they need gallons.
That doesn't mean you can't find some solutions, but at their ages
*expecting* them to give back just because you want something -- even
if you explain how important it is -- is just going to frustrate you
both.
You might try preparing them for what will happen when you have
guests and that you'd like to have time to talk to your friends.
Rather than turning the kids into the problem, engage them in coming
up with ideas of meeting the kids' needs that fit the unique
requirements of the situation. Their solutions won't be perfect but
that's good because you can talk about what's working and not working
for both of you afterwards and tweak and come up with more ideas.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> Even when we don't have guests over, it seems like often my husbandThat's your reality right now. Your expectations of having
> and I
> are only able to gulp out yes or no questions to each other in between
> interruptions. We would like to discuss magazine articles, ideas,
> minor
> problems about house etc, without feeling like we're in a word
> battle zone.
uninterrupted adult time with a 3 and 5 yo is setting them up to
fail. They're still too young.
The more you try to put them off, the more they're going to demand
because for them it's a need. It's sort of like giving someone half a
glass of water when their body needs a full glass. The fuss they'd
make over trying to get the other half glass they need would make it
seem like they need gallons.
That doesn't mean you can't find some solutions, but at their ages
*expecting* them to give back just because you want something -- even
if you explain how important it is -- is just going to frustrate you
both.
You might try preparing them for what will happen when you have
guests and that you'd like to have time to talk to your friends.
Rather than turning the kids into the problem, engage them in coming
up with ideas of meeting the kids' needs that fit the unique
requirements of the situation. Their solutions won't be perfect but
that's good because you can talk about what's working and not working
for both of you afterwards and tweak and come up with more ideas.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Chrissy
Our boys are 1, 3, and 5 and i totally get where you are coming from. I find that the more often we see others the less "twitter pated" the boys are. All of our friends either have little ones or love little ones so that helps a bunch but if you don't already have those kinds of friends it can be difficult to find them and make friends at this stage in your lives (as i said i am there too). I find that if we give them time to socialize and talk about what is important to them without interruption they barely interrupt us. with the holidays coming up and more opportunity for these sorts of encounters you have i bet you will find that it is better for your whole family.
i don't know if that is at all helpful but sometimes at least it helps to know you aren't "the only one"
peace,
chrissy
i don't know if that is at all helpful but sometimes at least it helps to know you aren't "the only one"
peace,
chrissy
Sandra Dodd
-=- All of our friends either have little ones or love little ones so
that helps a bunch but if you don't already have those kinds of
friends it can be difficult to find them and make friends at this
stage in your lives -=-
Keith and I gradually wandered away from out many childless friends
when the kids were little, but years later were able to reconnect with
some of them.
We found friends with children, and some are still our friends too.
When our childless friends, some of whom didn't like kids so much,
would come over, I'd get one of their older friends (10, 12, 14) to
come over and I'd say "You know, Steve and Bo are kinda boring, so
we're going to get Amy to come and play with you!"
So we all had company, the kids were still where we were, we could
still play cards or whatever, and they were still having a great time.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
that helps a bunch but if you don't already have those kinds of
friends it can be difficult to find them and make friends at this
stage in your lives -=-
Keith and I gradually wandered away from out many childless friends
when the kids were little, but years later were able to reconnect with
some of them.
We found friends with children, and some are still our friends too.
When our childless friends, some of whom didn't like kids so much,
would come over, I'd get one of their older friends (10, 12, 14) to
come over and I'd say "You know, Steve and Bo are kinda boring, so
we're going to get Amy to come and play with you!"
So we all had company, the kids were still where we were, we could
still play cards or whatever, and they were still having a great time.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
lalow66
> Keith and I gradually wandered away from out many childless friendswe typically invite people over that have kids and that our kids play well with. that way everybody if happy. we also typically invite a few families at the same time so that if one or two parents are busy with the kids, there are still people to talk to.
> when the kids were little, but years later were able to reconnect with
> some of them.
> We found friends with children, and some are still our friends too.
>
> When our childless friends, some of whom didn't like kids so much,
> would come over, I'd get one of their older friends (10, 12, 14) to
> come over and I'd say "You know, Steve and Bo are kinda boring, so
> we're going to get Amy to come and play with you!"
>
> So we all had company, the kids were still where we were, we could
> still play cards or whatever, and they were still having a great time.
i think hiring a babysitter is a great idea too. especially if you have a fun babysitter that the kids love.
now that our youngest is 4 we have started being able to play games more while the kids are running around. but when they are much younger than that games were difficult.
[email protected]
We have a couple who my husband and I are close to. We have all been friends since jr high. They have no children and they love our kids but the kids wear on their nerves. Our children love them too but the kids feel the frustration from our childless friends if they are at our house to long. We like to go to dinner with them once in while. It is nice to catch up with them and keep our friendship and keep the peace for our children.
When my kids were the ages of your kids our friends would watch a movie in the same room with the kids and we would have our conversations while watching a kid movie. That way our kids could be close and we could still converse. While the kids are very young they have to come first. I know it can be frustrating but this age will not last forever.
Tiffani
When my kids were the ages of your kids our friends would watch a movie in the same room with the kids and we would have our conversations while watching a kid movie. That way our kids could be close and we could still converse. While the kids are very young they have to come first. I know it can be frustrating but this age will not last forever.
Tiffani
----- Original Message -----
From: "lalow66" <lalow@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Sunday, November 15, 2009 9:04:42 AM GMT -08:00 US/Canada Pacific
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] Re: Conversation and Interruptions
> Keith and I gradually wandered away from out many childless friends
> when the kids were little, but years later were able to reconnect with
> some of them.
> We found friends with children, and some are still our friends too.
>
> When our childless friends, some of whom didn't like kids so much,
> would come over, I'd get one of their older friends (10, 12, 14) to
> come over and I'd say "You know, Steve and Bo are kinda boring, so
> we're going to get Amy to come and play with you!"
>
> So we all had company, the kids were still where we were, we could
> still play cards or whatever, and they were still having a great time.
we typically invite people over that have kids and that our kids play well with. that way everybody if happy. we also typically invite a few families at the same time so that if one or two parents are busy with the kids, there are still people to talk to.
i think hiring a babysitter is a great idea too. especially if you have a fun babysitter that the kids love.
now that our youngest is 4 we have started being able to play games more while the kids are running around. but when they are much younger than that games were difficult.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Pam Sorooshian
On 11/15/2009 10:09 AM, tiffermom@... wrote:
friends were mostly parents of our kids' friends - so when we got
together, the kids ran off to play and the parents hung out and played
games or chatted or whatever...
We lost touch with some people and we barely kept in touch with others -
of those who didn't have kids or whose kids and ours didn't click well.
We might have very occasionally gotten together - maybe the kids would
be with another family for an evening or something - but it was rare.
As the kids have gotten older, we've reconnected with some of those
people, but, still, we mostly enjoy the company of other parents who
like our children, too.
-pam
> While the kids are very young they have to come first. I know it can be frustrating but this age will not last forever.We didn't really maintain friends that weren't "family" friends. Our
>
friends were mostly parents of our kids' friends - so when we got
together, the kids ran off to play and the parents hung out and played
games or chatted or whatever...
We lost touch with some people and we barely kept in touch with others -
of those who didn't have kids or whose kids and ours didn't click well.
We might have very occasionally gotten together - maybe the kids would
be with another family for an evening or something - but it was rare.
As the kids have gotten older, we've reconnected with some of those
people, but, still, we mostly enjoy the company of other parents who
like our children, too.
-pam